Anyone know a good divorce lawyer?

[erase]

I'm a married guy who has been hobbying for a number of years. I don't feel great about that, and have been trying to "get out" before I really screw up my life. I also am a father and have a great career, all of which could be jeopardized if my secret life gets out.

I now realize that, even if I were to quit the hobby for good, there's always the possibility that my past will catch up with me and that I could be faced with a messy divorce. That's not what I want, but I got myself in this situation and have to accept the policy that I'll face the consequences for my choices.

I am thinking more and more that I should have a consultation with a divorce lawyer, just to go over possible worst and best-case scenarios should the unthinkable happen. If nothing else, this might be a very sobering and effective step in getting myself out of a hobby I really have no business in.

The thing is, I have no clue how to find such a lawyer, or the cost of a one-time consultation (I'm guessing up to $500/hour). If anyone has experiences in this domain, or names to suggest, this would be helpful.

e

 

[Justforfun]

Good morning Erase,

Don't know about your relationship with your spouse but I can speak about
my own experience.

The best divorce is an amicable divorce with only ONE lawyer.
It will still cost you, especially with your kids but at least you won't
have to face the possible tens of thousands of $$$ in lawyers fees.

An acquaintance of mine had a messy divorce and her lawyers fees
ended up on the 100K marker ! Plus the settlement.

My fees on my amicable divorce with my Ex. $1500
The settlement was still painful but I saved quite a bit of grief, frustrations,
anger and $$$.

I suggest you talk to your wife about calling it quits stressing the point you
want it to be amicable. Its possible she might be open to it after the initial shock.

Better than sending her a lawyers letter to start with. Than its more than plausible
she will be quite mad and quite threatened and will go for her own lawyer. Then you'll see the costs (financial and emotional) explode, some lawyers play that game to their billing advantage.

That's my 2 cents for today

Good luck

 

[Stoo]

If anyone has experiences in this domain, or names to suggest, this would be helpful.

As a divorced guy, I concur with the previous poster that the best divorce is an amicable one, but it doesn't really sound like you want to divorce, but that you are just trying to understand what the potential downside is.

I live in Ontario, so I don't know if the law in Quebec is different. But here, it's pretty straight forward. The assets which you have acquired since you were married are split down the middle, as are the liabilities. How you choose to split them is up to you and your spouse to decide.

Ongoing support is calculated according to a formula and factors a number of things into the calculation... both incomes, expenses/needs etc. Child support, if applicable is the same sort of thing.

In my case, I acquired and grew a small business, post-marriage. We had three kids, and my ex was a stay-at-home mom. I just finished her final payment a few months ago. And as I keep repeating to myself, "It was the best $880,000 I've ever spent!"

If you have a lawyer you use for regular legal work, they can likely recommend a divorce lawyer. A few hundred bucks will likely give you what you need to know.

Good luck with your choices. I had a "great" divorce, but it's still a tough thing to go through. If you have kids, put them first... and work t keep things as "normal" as you can...

 

[wet_suit_one]

erase, do yourself a favour and get proper legal advice.

Ask around (other than here) and get some professional advice. The law is not something you want to get ad hoc advice on. Every situation is different and there is a proper way to do things. You don't come here seeking medical advice do you? Don't come here looking for legal advice either.

On that note, I know of no relevant Quebec lawyers on this matter. Sorry. Check your provincial law society web page for info.

 

[metoo4]

Is it just me or we have either a very unlucky fellow or a troll?

An STI, a divorce, and always asking for the MERB experts for advice. What's next?

 

[hungry101]

erase, do yourself a favour and get proper legal advice.

You don't come here seeking medical advice do you? Don't come here looking for legal advice either.

But Erase does come on here for medical advice including psychiatric care.

I think he is an unlucky fellow...maybe a bit depressed.

 

[Kepler]

Is it just me or we have either a very unlucky fellow or a troll?
An STI, a divorce, and always asking for the MERB experts for advice. What's next?

It's logical that an STI incident would lead to seeking advice about "what if she finds out?"


On that note:
http://www.barreau.qc.ca/public/trouver-avocat/reference/index.html


Advice: go to your lawyer with:
- a list of your assets (house, chalet, car, RRSP, private company, life insurance, ...)
- dates of purchase (pre- or post- marriage?)
- marriage contract if any, date of marriage, location of marriage ceremony (Quebec or not?), location of married life (did you live any place else before?)
- kids: ages, etc.
- a list of 3 or 4 specific questions you want answered.

 

[Voyager]

Is it just me or we have either a very unlucky fellow or a troll

My thoughts exactly (and I think the latter), but then again I'm a cynic by nature.

I also prefer to let the Mods handle it...

Voyager

 

[donethis4years]

great lawyer

If you really want a great familly lawyer ( divorce) the law firm of Robinson Sheppard Shapiro has a great lawyer, just to tell you how good she is, my friend that he himself is a lawyer went up against her through his own divorce, and got wiped clean!! There are aparently lots of loop holes in this type of legal matters and she knows them all. I dont have her number, but she is the head lawyer in the familly law department at this firm, they are located at Square Victoria .

But the best way to go about it is amicably! This firm also offers mediation for both!! It s cheaper!

 

[EagerBeaver]

If you really want a great familly lawyer ( divorce) the law firm of Robinson Sheppard Shapiro has a great lawyer, just to tell you how good she is, my friend that he himself is a lawyer went up against her through his own divorce, and got wiped clean!! There are aparently lots of loop holes in this type of legal matters and she knows them all. I dont have her number, but she is the head lawyer in the familly law department at this firm, they are located at Square Victoria .But the best way to go about it is amicably! This firm also offers mediation for both!! It s cheaper!

Not sure but it looks like you are talking about this lady:

http://www.rsslex.com/general_inc/profils/profil_en.php?ID=7

 

[john_eh_mcduff]

My sympathies

My sympathies Erase. Don't torture yourself, you are doing the right thing. If you are unhappy then this could be a good change for both of you. Think positively.

Good luck
John

 

[erase]

Is it just me or we have either a very unlucky fellow or a troll?

An STI, a divorce, and always asking for the MERB experts for advice. What's next?

A victim of my own weaknesses and bad judgement, maybe.

It was the STI that really got me thinking, my "secret life" could really catch up on me. What if I caught something (but was asymptomatic) many months ago and gave it to her? What if my infection required admission to a hospital? These would be harder to hide.

I don't want a divorce, and don't think my wife is currently thinking about one. My questions for the lawyer might include how I can put my "past" behind me in a way that makes sure it never leads to or comes out in a divorce, whether I risk losing access to my kids if some real bomb does drop, and whether there are any good practices to get things in order if the unthinkable should happen. Probably the first thing a lawyer would say would be to delete all my posts on merb...

Aside from my past (and recent) problems with hobbying, there are other issues in my marriage but I'd like to work through them if possible. I really don't want it to end "because my scumbag husband was seeing escorts". However I think it could be helpful to find out just where I stand. Maybe it will be additional fuel to help me quit.

I realize that, wanting to quit, that I should not be on merb. At the moment I don't see merb as a place for medical or legal advice, but somewhere I can share insights from others in a similar position to me. This can be just as valuable as the advice.

I'm hoping it does not come to a divorce - or if it ever does it's not because of my "hobbying". Essentially there is very infrequent sex in my marriage (part of my "excuse"), so it's unlikely I could have transmitted my recent STI to my wife. However these things can lie dormant for months, and the thought still scares the hell out of me.

Thanks for the replies,

e

 

[hornypilgrim]

family law is a rule of lawyers, not of law

the best info you are going to find is to to read up the many father's rights forum online and get an idea what happens in family courts - how to avoid NOT being taken to the cleaners.

If you are not in that process already, do that immediately before you get into the process. You will need a LOT of preparations before you get into the process, and some of these things take time. A lot of time and effort and preparations now will give you a much better position for the fight later on. NO lawyers will tell you this, you will have to read forums and network to find these things out.

If you want more detailed stuff, contact me by pm. Good luck.

 

[newman1]

question for erase

I have a question for you erase?
if you are married,, why do u escort?
can u ask ur wife to do with u what an escort does?
or you are not in love with ur wife?
I find strange why do u hobby if ou have a wife,a daughter and great job?

I do the hobby coz I have no girlfriend

Best regards

 

[Ocoq]

Is it just me or we have either a very unlucky fellow or a troll?

I rarely agree with Mr. Anti-Anti-Anglophone, but this time he's spot on.

 

[erase]

I have a question for you erase?
if you are married,, why do u escort?
can u ask ur wife to do with u what an escort does?
or you are not in love with ur wife?
I find strange why do u hobby if ou have a wife,a daughter and great job?

I do the hobby coz I have no girlfriend

Best regards

Great question.

Partly because we have sex very infrequently. My wife is actually quite attractive, and when we do have sex it's really enjoyable. However she has some emotional issues which affect libido.

Partly because, since long before I met my wife, I have had an issue with what I now realize is sex addiction (loving sex is normal, but doing it when it gets really destructive beyond all common sense is an illness).

Because of a fairly good job, I can now afford to act out on my sexual urges pretty much whenever I want.

I do it as a distraction when I'm really stressed.

I do it to celebrate when things are going great.

I do it because I can.

I'm not saying this is right - just why I feel I am doing it.

Don't expect it to make sense. It doesn't (and apologies for the weird haiku-like delivery).

e

 

[erase]

I rarely agree with Mr. Anti-Anti-Anglophone, but this time he's spot on.

I couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried... wish I was.

e

 

[newman1]

dear Erase
I beleive , you need to see sex therapist and discuss it with ur wife ....there is no harm of that ....if ur wife has emotional problem then you should help get over them....first because she is ur wife and second , so you can more sex with her...after all you are not a priest...u need sex..

I do see escort when i feel bad or happy like u,...we are all human
However, I would like to meet somebody and have a partner in my life once i get settled and find a stable job instead of this transient fake sex ..

when I see an escort and have a great experience...I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself if whether what I am doing is right....seeing each time a different girl ..it is not something that brings happiness....there is no love...it is really degrading for human life....

I do it coz it is "necessary evil" until I get settled....but I beleive in ur case...u can fix thing with ur wife instead of thinking how to fix things once the disaster happens.....ur divorce
if you wife is attrative and nice....talk to her and tell her about ur needs ..ortherwise why is she ur wife? ur wife is ur other half and ur best friend.....she should be accomodating ..unless if she does not care.. and if she has emtional problems then u should help her...
Regarding ur addiction...just imagine ur wife bringing a male escort...would you accept it....
Hope this helps..buddy
Best

 

[erase]

dear Erase
I beleive , you need to see sex therapist and discuss it with ur wife ....there is no harm of that ....if ur wife has emotional problem then you should help get over them....first because she is ur wife and second , so you can more sex with her...after all you are not a priest...u need sex..

I do see escort when i feel bad or happy like u,...we are all human
However, I would like to meet somebody and have a partner in my life once i get settled and find a stable job instead of this transient fake sex ..

when I see an escort and have a great experience...I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself if whether what I am doing is right....seeing each time a different girl ..it is not something that brings happiness....there is no love...it is really degrading for human life....

I do it coz it is "necessary evil" until I get settled....but I beleive in ur case...u can fix thing with ur wife instead of thinking how to fix things once the disaster happens.....ur divorce
if you wife is attrative and nice....talk to her and tell her about ur needs ..ortherwise why is she ur wife? ur wife is ur other half and ur best friend.....she should be accomodating ..unless if she does not care.. and if she has emtional problems then u should help her...
Regarding ur addiction...just imagine ur wife bringing a male escort...would you accept it....
Hope this helps..buddy
Best

Hi newman1,

Thanks very much for these suggestions. Part of the problem, and this has been discussed in the really long thread I started in Health Issues, is that the infrequent sex with my wife is just an excuse - it's not really the cause. I had a tendency to this problem before I met my wife, and there are likely things I have to sort out in myself before I can really work on things in my marriage.

Your suggestion of therapy with my wife is great (we have issues that go far beyond sex) but for this to work you have to be very honest, and I just too scared that somehow my hobbying activities will get out. That's part of the problem with this activity, at least for married guys. I feel like my only choice is to try and stay out again for a long time, and once "the hobby" has settled into the past I might shed the guilt and anxiety enough to deal properly with my marriage.

My motivation to talk with a divorce lawyer is partly that maybe he or she will give me enough of a scare that it will help me stay away from the hobby in the future. Catching an STI, and spending the day waiting in an STI clinic, were very sobering experiences that I think will help keep me strong next time I am tempted. Given the level of legal risk I've brought on myself with this, talking to a lawyer is also probably not a bad idea just on practical grounds.

Regarding whether I'd accept my wife seeing a male escort, it's weird but as much as I still want my marriage to work there are times when I pray that my wife also made some "mistake" like an affair or fling earlier in our marriage so that I don't have to shoulder all the guilt. Another funny thing is that if I saw the clone of my wife as an escort, I would have booked her in a second.

Thanks again for the encouragement and support,

e

 

[The Shill Buster]

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