Anyone know a good divorce lawyer?

[erase]

Hi JB,

Thanks for your reply (also shillbuster).

I am hoping that I am more (a) than (b), although it could be close.

Could you tell me (by PM if you prefer - your box seems to be full) the story of how you thought you gave your wife an STI? I am living through this now and it is hellish. Probably I didn't, but I can't shake off the fear that after probably 50 or more escorts I must have given her something. This anxiety is part of what drove me to ask about the lawyer.

e

 

[ocean]

Hi , consider a few facts.

1. How old is your daughter (if you have one). A lot of men, wait unti their child is 18
to go through with it, especially if they have a daughter to avoid a boyfriend step
dad abusing them. as children of majority age (adults) can choose where they live
I THINK again talk to a lawyer.


2. Child support that will not doubt go to the children and not your EX-wfie purses
are either less or stopped after 18. BIg consideration, but mind you be a good dad
not an idiot,save money for your kids education.

3. Does your wife take good care of the kids? Does she keep your home stable?

4. If its just that she doe snto do it enough, get her to go to a psychologist,
I think it could be that she does not do it enough and you wnat it too many times.

If you need a lawyer's number I can provide you it in PM.

 

[erase]

Thanks Ocean,

Hi , consider a few facts.

1. How old is your daughter (if you have one). A lot of men, wait unti their child is 18
to go through with it, especially if they have a daughter to avoid a boyfriend step
dad abusing them. as children of majority age (adults) can choose where they live
I THINK again talk to a lawyer.

Let me repeat that I do not want a divorce (but I think maybe I should be ready). I want to get out of the hobby (I know, I know, I should not be on merb but I think the current dialog is actually constructive), I want to fix the issues in my marriage, and I want to maintain a healthy and stable environment for my kids (plural), who are nowhere near 18. By the way, I never mentioned the gender of my children - just to minimize identifiable details. I quite agree with you on this - one really scary thought is me getting tossed out as the scumbag dad, and having my kids raised by a step father. I am a devoted father (I guess everyone thinks they are) and might "justify" my past hobbying as a kind of therapy that helped me keep sane during a sometimes difficult marriage. In retrospect I don't think this was the right approach for all sorts of reasons.

2. Child support that will not doubt go to the children and not your EX-wfie purses
are either less or stopped after 18. BIg consideration, but mind you be a good dad
not an idiot,save money for your kids education.

Agree 100%. I suffer from what might be a common feeling, which is that I would happily live in a cave as long as the money goes to my kids. I suspect that many men regret being *too* selfless when later they establish a new relationship. If it came to that I would try for 50% custody, but I don't know if they go for this as it could be viewed as too unstable for the kids (suppose it's time to check out the Father's rights web sites).

3. Does your wife take good care of the kids? Does she keep your home stable?

Yes for the most part. I think we manage to keep a pretty stable home. However there are some emotional issues on her part that I think are harmful for the kids. All the more reason I suppose to consider your next point.

4. If its just that she doe snto do it enough, get her to go to a psychologist,
I think it could be that she does not do it enough and you wnat it too many times.

The lack of sex is not really the problem, although it's been a convenient excuse I suppose. I think she should see a psychologist anyhow (as should I), and I've suggested it in the past - I tried to present this delicate issue in a sensitive way (i.e. not saying "you're nuts" in an argument) but she did not receive it too well. Of course with all my secrets from past hobbying I have a mortal fear of the following exchange:

psychologist: do you trust your husband?
wife: no. I think maybe he's having sex with other women.
psychologist: why don't you talk to him about it?
me: eek! (I'm not a very good liar)

If you need a lawyer's number I can provide you it in PM.

I would appreciate this - hope I never need it, but better to be prepared. I have visions of returning home one day to see my stuff strewn all over the front lawn after she's received some STI test result or found some other damning evidence. Will probably never happen, but I can't shake the idea.

I suppose one of my questions in all this is the following: if you got into a divorce situation, would you disclose all of the details about your hobbying to your divorce lawyer? I suppose it would be in your interest to do so, as they need all the info to best protect your interests.

Thanks again,

e

 

[ocean]

Erase, A few comments on recent posts...

Let's not presume stepfathers are all abusers. Surely there are some, but they're exceptions.

Is he prepared to let HIS kids try this assumption out?

Psychotherapy is a good idea IMO: a) it can jumpstart a conversation between you and your wife without it turning into a screaming match; b) it allows you to signal your wife that you want to fix your relation; c) it can bring you to change some of your attitudes/gestures; d) even if it fails, it can buy you time (up to 2 years), so that your kids can grow up a bit more.

How to get your wife to see a psy? You need to involve yourself. Ask her to accompany you. Tell her you need help in your marriage and she is part of the solution. Once in the therapist's office, the therapist will focus equally on both spouses.

About revealing your hobby to your wife and/or a psychotherapist: don't. That would just aggravate your wife and make her righteous. Find a different fault to admit. I'm sure you can think of something If you face a direct question, look her straight in the eye and lie. And don't blink! If you don't face a direct question, then try to focus the conversation on other issues.

I agree with this buy time start treating with yourself and show your wife that you are "treating yourself " for your bad marriage and that she needs to be part of the solution of your problems (and slowly discuss hers with the psy). As well, make sure that if you have to confess to a psy do it before you bring her into your sessions to relieve yourself of guilt and help yourself tooo.

On revealing your hobby to a lawyer. Don't, unless it is material to your case. Example, if you thing you have an STI and have infected your wife, then it is material. If you're only fearing that scenario, then it isn't material. Try to distinguish fears from facts.

Your attorney has client attorney privilege, but I would use discretion in how or if I would tell him her.Ie more times you can escort means the more billable hours you can pay.

 

[erase]

Joeblow, Ocean thanks -

Of course I realize that most stepdads are probably decent. Maybe the more selfishly painful thing would be to realize that the stepdad might be a better parent than me. Anyway I love my kids and want to raise them. This is the number 1 reason I have to get out.

I really wasn't sure what the response would be regarding disclosing all to any lawyer I might be unfortunate enough to retain in the future. I would have been more inclined to think it best to tell them, so they could help avoid it becoming an issue in divorce proceedings (ugh - just the thought makes me want to puke. Oh well, I got myself here). Perhaps it is indeed best to disclose only what is undeniable.

For now, things seem to be smooth with my wife and I'd like to keep it that way. However the fact is that I *still* have symptoms from my STI. I am now in the situation of having to avoid sex with my wife for a couple of months (not too difficult, but kind of sad) and will probably still worry whenever we start again. I guess I should get retested at the one month point, and if those come back clean it's probably OK.

Thanks again - I know I've been a bit hysterical (not in the funny sense) since my STI incident. The dialog on these threads has been very supportive for the most part, but I will also have to taper back off from merb sometime soon.

I hope that sharing my experiences will prove helpful to someone else,

e

PS I realize that if my merb posts ever came to light I would be toast...