Are You a Sex Addict or an Explorer in the Sex Industry?

[Jordd]

1- I'm a very romantic person and I need to at least have developed a crush on someone to have sex with them. That hasn't changed. I feel less touch starved now and I don't get into situations of getting hurt emotionally because I get affection with certain clients and it feels emotionally safer for me. Isn't that interesting?

2- When I was dating my ex I has more enjoyment of sex with her because it was just so different from my clients. I've been in 2 other situationships with people while being a SP and I would say my enjoyment of sex with them was definitely higher, but I'm very selective and I feel like if I were to have sex with people in my personal life often I would really enjoy it less and not see the point.

3- I think to me someone can be a sex addict and still be kind and respectful but some signs of sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are :

boundary pushing, objectification, the way certain clients talk about women in reviews (for example seeing escorts who arent their type or have physical features they dont like and insulting them in reviews), hyper fixating on things they can't have from a provider, anger at providers rates and limits, certain behavior like reaching out to a sp when they know this person is getting less bookings or had cancellations in order to ask for things they're not supposed to ask for (like services they don't offer or bbfs), reaching out through various fake identities and numbers to see a sp who doesn't want to see them.. clients who seem to know about all the ads and all the providers.. an attitude of looking for who charges the lowest for the most intense service regardless of that person's living conditions etc. So that they may be able to see a large quantity of providers... time waster behavior like sending insults and dick pics and asking for deals I could go on. For some ppl it will go as far as doing non consensual stuff physically and I understand that addiction is an illness but when you treat ppl badly as a result and you won't get help you shouldn't be booking escorts..

I've had clients who admitted to being sex addicts to me and were very nice and treated me well. but I think when sex workers get dehumanized by society a lot of sex addicts can adopt dehumanizing behaviors

And I just want to repeat that a lot of clients are not sex addicts, and a lot of sex addicts don't see sp's. I hope this all makes sense

It all makes perfect sense. Not sure I agree with all of the those behaviors being signs of addiction though. I would argue however that most people on here are sex addicts or have been so at one time or another, myself included.

Definitely agree you can have a sex addiction and still be nice. The addiction has to do with your own personal demons, not how you interact with others. But, it could affect your judgement and trigger many of the red flags in your (exhaustive) list. Do you have more? I feel like you even held back! lol jk

It also makes perfect sense that you can get affection from certain clients and be in an emotionally safe place there. Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

 

[Jordd]

That's exactly what I'm saying.. that's when it becomes a problem and when you need to look at the source of this issue. There's nothing wrong with sex, there's nothing wrong with booking SP's. Just like it's okay to have a glass of wine once in a while, or play video games, or look at social media in moderate amounts. The problem becomes when you start hurting yourself and other people with your habit. In the case of sex addicts who see a lot of SP's AND are disrespectful, they hurt SP's by trying to damage their reputation & business (so they can access more for cheaper), they cross boundaries, they use PUA tactics to manipulate and denigrate etc. The problem is that there is a culture of disrespect, and the addiction and entitlement blinds people from seeing it. A sex addict is hurting themselves because they could be engaging in multiple healthy hobbies and emotional regulation skills but they instead compulsively watch porn, look at ads, look at review boards and spend all their money on escorts, masseuses and dancers..

And I'm saying all this with love and care because I have an addictive personality and have struggled with addiction. I've hurt myself and other people with self destructive habits and addictive behavior.. I've blacked out at birthday parties, I've missed entire shows I was invited to because I was passed out on the bathroom floor, I've been sick all night and not been able to pick myself up. Now here I am, having just a few drinks a week. It's possible to develop a healthier attitude in life I think sometimes it's easy to be afraid of your addiction being taken away from you but it's possible to indulge in things you like without exagerating. It's also possible to have other things in your mind than the one thing you're completely obsessed with.

Can I call you LunaseraPhD from now on?

Thank you for the lesson and for sharing your personal experiences as well.

 

[bodick7]

It all makes perfect sense. Not sure I agree with all of the those behaviors being signs of addiction though. I would argue however that most people on here are sex addicts or have been so at one time or another, myself included.

Definitely agree you can have a sex addiction and still be nice. The addiction has to do with your own personal demons, not how you interact with others. But, it could affect your judgement and trigger many of the red flags in your (exhaustive) list. Do you have more? I feel like you even held back! lol jk

It also makes perfect sense that you can get affection from certain clients and be in an emotionally safe place there. Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

I think I'm more addicted to nice girls like her than sex because overall they like to pleased and be pleased.
There is no way out I want to do the same.
Sex is a delicious meeting collateral damage from the whole process of contacting, connecting and get together to make a special event.
No crush...no repeat

 

[MCTJ]

One key point that can be counterintuitive is that sex addiction is actually not  about sex. If you're like "I love meeting new women and I love sex", chances are it's  not sex addiction. Sex addiction is about using sex to temporarily numb uncomfortable persistent feelings such as loneliness. Sex addicts will often have their rewards circuit desensitized (a hallmark of addiction), and will not feel much pleasure during sex or orgasm, always searching for their next high.

 

[MCTJ]

3- I think to me someone can be a sex addict and still be kind and respectful but some signs of sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

 

[bodick7]

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

"sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are"
I probably would rather call it obsessed. It's taking over pleasure and fun.
You have to enjoy sex and let it come from your beloved partner. Not chasing it.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

It's both. Addiction can make you act like a douchebag.
I've met people with all types of addictions, sex, video games, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth etc. A person's addiction can absolutely change their behavior and the way they perceive things.
But
like I already wrote
you can also be an addict and not be a douchebag. please read my whole comment

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

No. It's different with clients. The dynamic is not the same.. I was just talking about my personal life.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Can I call you LunaseraPhD from now on?

Thank you for the lesson and for sharing your personal experiences as well.

I'm not claiming to be a dr or an expert but I've been to therapy (individual and group) for this stuff and have read a lot about it. You asked me to list what makes me suspect a client might be a sex addict and I answered

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

I'm not claiming to be a dr or an expert but I've been to therapy (individual and group) for this stuff and have read a lot about it. You asked me to list what makes me suspect a client might be a sex addict and I answered

I would appreciate it if you could share that list with me. Having access to it would help me better understand whether I have an addiction.

 

[MCTJ]

It's both. Addiction can make you act like a douchebag.
I've met people with all types of addictions, sex, video games, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth etc. A person's addiction can absolutely change their behavior and the way they perceive things.
But
like I already wrote
you can also be an addict and not be a douchebag. please read my whole comment

I was not aware of that correlation, but I looked into and you seem to be right.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I was not aware of that correlation, but I looked into and you seem to be right.

It may not be as obvious when it comes to sex addiction because it's not a substance, but each addiction has a similar effect on the brain.

Men Talk about Sex Addiction, Recovery, and the #MeToo Movement

Introduction When the #MeToo Movement took off in October of 2017, one group of men immediately saw themselves in the stories women told. Whether personally guilty of sexual harassment or not, they…

www.donnabevanlee.com

Here's an interesting article I found.. I'm out of this thread after this comment

''
At the heart of this split is objectification: the need to depersonalize any others involved in the addiction, whether they be willing partners, participants whose consent is compromised in some way, images on a screen, or pure fantasy. Much philosophical ink has been spilled on the nature and dynamics of objectification, but what’s important in sex addiction are three features:

• the other is reduced to his/her/their physical body;
• the other becomes solely an instrument of one’s own pleasure;
• the other’s subjectivity and boundary integrity become irrelevant.

Objectifying the partner not only protects the addict against vulnerability but creates and maintains a power asymmetry that soothes the vulnerabilities of the past–at least for a while.


The problem with objectification is that, at some level, addicts realize they’re exploiting and dehumanizing other people. They push that awareness away, along with the feelings of guilt it arouses, but the awareness always rebounds, stronger than ever. Also constantly rebounding are the other unacceptable feelings: pain, sorrow, loneliness, fear, and shame. Eventually, all of these feelings become overwhelming.


Over time, avoiding feelings and objectifying others dehumanizes the addict.''

 

[Jordd]

I'm not claiming to be a dr or an expert but I've been to therapy (individual and group) for this stuff and have read a lot about it. You asked me to list what makes me suspect a client might be a sex addict and I answered

It was a compliment. I thought all of your responses were on point.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

It was a compliment. I thought all of your responses were on point.

thank you! i wasn't sure, it's hard to read people's tone on the internet

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

thank you! i wasn't sure, it's hard to read people's tone on the internet

I would love to hear your thoughts on whether some service providers may be addicted to sex?

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I would love to hear your thoughts on whether some service providers may be addicted to sex?

I would say that most of us are not addicted to sex..

I know a few providers who told me they used to have sex with a lot of men for free before they started, but they didn't always or even often enjoy these experiences. They were doing it to seek validation and confused sex with love. I'm not sure if that's the same thing as sex addiction.. In any case, that behaviour eventually stopped. For women, seeking sexual encounters can be dangerous and most people who are millenials and older were not taught about consent growing up. I think that because bad things happen to women when they seek sexual encounters, less women tend to be sex addicts.

And I don't believe women (and other people) generally become sex workers because they are sex addicts, or even because they love sex more than the average person.

 

[Nachoy]

Great thread. I value all points of view about sex addiction
Notice that men who have sex with men don’t really have to pay for it as often men who prefer sex with woman. I think it a supply -demand thing. In general. Men desire sex more compulsively then women

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Great thread. I value all points of view about sex addiction
Notice that men who have sex with men don’t really have to pay for it as often men who prefer sex with woman. I think it a supply -demand thing. In general. Men desire sex more compulsively then women

there are a lot of men who pay for sex with other men but they don't post about it on here i've had a lot of friends who were gay male escorts and the clients hire them for similar reasons as other clients hire women escorts. but hook up and cruising culture is present, so there's truth to what you're saying to an extent.

i'm just a bit tired of this narrative that men are inherently sex crazed and cannot control their impulses, because i think it's not true. i also don't like this narrative that men are entitled to sex and women nowadays are keeping it away from them on purpose for selfish and greedy reasons, because it's also untrue

 

[MajinBuu]

This thread has been incredibly insightful, and I appreciate all the input! I'm relatively new to this industry, and I’ve realized that I tend to have an addictive personality and can be impulsive at times. When I discover something I truly enjoy, I often dive in headfirst. While I’m fortunate to have the means to explore these experiences, I do have some concerns about getting carried away. Since I’ve started meeting SPs, it feels like I've crossed a threshold, and I don’t hesitate as much when the urge strikes. My libido seems to have intensified, and I’m finding it harder to balance what my mind wants versus what my body craves. Any advice on how to regain control and stay more responsible in these situations?

 

[Lunaseraphim]

This thread has been incredibly insightful, and I appreciate all the input! I'm relatively new to this industry, and I’ve realized that I tend to have an addictive personality and can be impulsive at times. When I discover something I truly enjoy, I often dive in headfirst. While I’m fortunate to have the means to explore these experiences, I do have some concerns about getting carried away. Since I’ve started meeting SPs, it feels like I've crossed a threshold, and I don’t hesitate as much when the urge strikes. My libido seems to have intensified, and I’m finding it harder to balance what my mind wants versus what my body craves. Any advice on how to regain control and stay more responsible in these situations?

I think some people crave dopamine more than others and there are many healthy ways to get it like working out, going out dancing, making art, playing video games etc