Are You a Sex Addict or an Explorer in the Sex Industry?

[Lunaseraphim]

Another thing I want to add is addiction has nothing to do with physiological needs. Indulging in your addiction will provide dopamine and other chemicals that would be released in your brain no matter what the addiction is. Addiction has to do with unresolved trauma, depression, anxiety, unmanageable emotions etc. Some people are addicted to food, they are bulimic or binge eat. That habit doesn't come from the body's need to eat, it comes from something else, emotions associated with eating, associations, etc.

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

Another thing I want to add is addiction has nothing to do with physiological needs. Indulging in your addiction will provide dopamine and other chemicals that would be released in your brain no matter what the addiction is. Addiction has to do with unresolved trauma, depression, anxiety, unmanageable emotions etc. Some people are addicted to food, they are bulimic or binge eat. That habit doesn't come from the body's need to eat, it comes from something else, emotions associated with eating, associations, etc.

Your insight are accurate Having personally struggled with addictions to drugs, alcohol, and gambling, I can attest to the truth of your observations. It often feels as though once one has overcome older addictions, there is a relentless search for that exhilarating a new high, which then manifests as a new addiction. It truly a never ending cycle.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Your insight are accurate Having personally struggled with addictions to drugs, alcohol, and gambling, I can attest to the truth of your observations. It often feels as though once one has overcome older addictions, there is a relentless search for that exhilarating a new high, which then manifests as a new addiction. It truly a never ending cycle.

That's exactly what I'm saying.. that's when it becomes a problem and when you need to look at the source of this issue. There's nothing wrong with sex, there's nothing wrong with booking SP's. Just like it's okay to have a glass of wine once in a while, or play video games, or look at social media in moderate amounts. The problem becomes when you start hurting yourself and other people with your habit. In the case of sex addicts who see a lot of SP's AND are disrespectful, they hurt SP's by trying to damage their reputation & business (so they can access more for cheaper), they cross boundaries, they use PUA tactics to manipulate and denigrate etc. The problem is that there is a culture of disrespect, and the addiction and entitlement blinds people from seeing it. A sex addict is hurting themselves because they could be engaging in multiple healthy hobbies and emotional regulation skills but they instead compulsively watch porn, look at ads, look at review boards and spend all their money on escorts, masseuses and dancers..

And I'm saying all this with love and care because I have an addictive personality and have struggled with addiction. I've hurt myself and other people with self destructive habits and addictive behavior.. I've blacked out at birthday parties, I've missed entire shows I was invited to because I was passed out on the bathroom floor, I've been sick all night and not been able to pick myself up. Now here I am, having just a few drinks a week. It's possible to develop a healthier attitude in life I think sometimes it's easy to be afraid of your addiction being taken away from you but it's possible to indulge in things you like without exagerating. It's also possible to have other things in your mind than the one thing you're completely obsessed with.

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

That's exactly what I'm saying.. that's when it becomes a problem and when you need to look at the source of this issue. There's nothing wrong with sex, there's nothing wrong with booking SP's. Just like it's okay to have a glass of wine once in a while, or play video games, or look at social media in moderate amounts. The problem becomes when you start hurting yourself and other people with your habit. In the case of sex addicts who see a lot of SP's AND are disrespectful, they hurt SP's by trying to damage their reputation & business (so they can access more for cheaper), they cross boundaries, they use PUA tactics to manipulate and denigrate etc. The problem is that there is a culture of disrespect, and the addiction and entitlement blinds people from seeing it. A sex addict is hurting themselves because they could be engaging in multiple healthy hobbies and emotional regulation skills but they instead compulsively watch porn, look at ads, look at review boards and spend all their money on escorts, masseuses and dancers..

And I'm saying all this with love and care because I have an addictive personality and have struggled with addiction. I've hurt myself and other people with self destructive habits and addictive behavior.. I've blacked out at birthday parties, I've missed entire shows I was invited to because I was passed out on the bathroom floor, I've been sick all night and not been able to pick myself up. Now here I am, having just a few drinks a week. It's possible to develop a healthier attitude in life I think sometimes it's easy to be afraid of your addiction being taken away from you but it's possible to indulge in things you like without exagerating. It's also possible to have other things in your mind than the one thing you're completely obsessed with.

Once again, you’ve articulated your thoughts beautifully, and I truly appreciate your willingness to share your journey regarding past habits and addictions on this forum. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to be vulnerable about such personal experiences. I relate to your situation; I have also struggled with various bad habits, often finding myself replacing one addiction with another in a seemingly never-ending cycle.

Fortunately, after undergoing treatment and therapy, I can confidently say that I have overcome my past difficulties. It's honestly quite humiliating to look back at the times when I let my addictions take precedence over everything else, hurting not only myself but also those around me. As I've mentioned in my earlier posts, moderation is key. As long as you keep your passions in check and prioritize your financial responsibilities, you’ll be alright. However, the moment you find yourself placing your addictions above your bills and rent, it signals a serious issue. If you go so far as to deceive friends and family to fund your habit, then it becomes an addiction that requires attention.

Today, I am proud to say that I have moved past my old struggles. I find it important to emphasize that having a healthy attitude towards certain things as long as they do not interfere with my responsibilities, relationship, friendship work is perfectly fine. I genuinely commend you for your openness; there is no shame in discussing our past behaviors. By sharing your experiences, you set an inspiring example for others, showing that we can all candidly talk about our challenges without stigma.

At the end of the day, we are all part of a community that feels like family. Despite occasional disagreements, we remain connected through this platform. Thank you for being brave and for encouraging others to open up as well. Kudos to you, my friend!

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Once again, you’ve articulated your thoughts beautifully, and I truly appreciate your willingness to share your journey regarding past habits and addictions on this forum. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to be vulnerable about such personal experiences. I relate to your situation; I have also struggled with various bad habits, often finding myself replacing one addiction with another in a seemingly never-ending cycle.

Fortunately, after undergoing treatment and therapy, I can confidently say that I have overcome my past difficulties. It's honestly quite humiliating to look back at the times when I let my addictions take precedence over everything else, hurting not only myself but also those around me. As I've mentioned in my earlier posts, moderation is key. As long as you keep your passions in check and prioritize your financial responsibilities, you’ll be alright. However, the moment you find yourself placing your addictions above your bills and rent, it signals a serious issue. If you go so far as to deceive friends and family to fund your habit, then it becomes an addiction that requires attention.

Today, I am proud to say that I have moved past my old struggles. I find it important to emphasize that having a healthy attitude towards certain things as long as they do not interfere with my responsibilities, relationship, friendship work is perfectly fine. I genuinely commend you for your openness; there is no shame in discussing our past behaviors. By sharing your experiences, you set an inspiring example for others, showing that we can all candidly talk about our challenges without stigma.

At the end of the day, we are all part of a community that feels like family. Despite occasional disagreements, we remain connected through this platform. Thank you for being brave and for encouraging others to open up as well. Kudos to you, my friend!

I think it's really important that companions stick together in this industry, but more and more, I'm also realizing that it's important to be solidary with our clients as well. We want SW to be decriminalized because we want to be safe AND we don't want our clients to face repercussions. In no business does anybody want their clientele to fear them and be suspicious of them. My experience today with a client who was a virgin was eye opening for me, I was so nervous that the encounter wouldn't please him, but he had a great time and thanked me many times, I felt very special to be part of this and felt very proud of myself. It made me feel like the job I do is beyond just sex (as many other encounters I've had with clients, for other reasons), and I hope it will affect him positively in the future

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

I think it's really important that companions stick together in this industry, but more and more, I'm also realizing that it's important to be solidary with our clients as well. We want SW to be decriminalized because we want to be safe AND we don't want our clients to face repercussions. In no business does anybody want their clientele to fear them and be suspicious of them. My experience today with a client who was a virgin was eye opening for me, I was so nervous that the encounter wouldn't please him, but he had a great time and thanked me many times, I felt very special to be part of this and felt very proud of myself. It made me feel like the job I do is beyond just sex (as many other encounters I've had with clients, for other reasons), and I hope it will affect him positively in the future

I wholeheartedly agree with you and recognize that you speak from a place of experience. You've undoubtedly faced many challenges, which gives weight to your insights. I can relate to your perspective; there have been times when I’ve offered advice based on my own experiences, only to have others misinterpret my intentions and feel as though I'm opposing them, which is never my intention. We should strive to foster understanding rather than conflict, as accepting advice from one another can be tremendously beneficial.

 

[curly]

I'm not a huge fan of you referring to being rejected by girls as a teenager as trauma

It's not about you see it, and whether you agree or not. It's about how I lived it.

You have no idea.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

It's not about you see it, and whether you agree it not. It's about how I lived it.

You have no idea.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel invalidated. I think it's hard for me to accept this as trauma because of things that I have been through and that other people I know have been through in their childhoods and later on.
But I also understand what it's like to have been bullied and rejected as a teenager, and you're right, that can be pretty traumatic.

 

[curly]

But I also understand what it's like to have been bullied and rejected as a teenager, and you're right, that can be pretty traumatic.

Indeed. Some people kill themselves because they can't live anymore with that pain of being bullied.

That being said, I'm way beyond that in life. What does not kill you makes you stronger. But I still have that pain. And seeing my own daughter going through this herself was quite painful. Because it brought back memories, but also because I knew how much she was suffering.

 

[Jordd]

1- I'm a very romantic person and I need to at least have developed a crush on someone to have sex with them. That hasn't changed. I feel less touch starved now and I don't get into situations of getting hurt emotionally because I get affection with certain clients and it feels emotionally safer for me. Isn't that interesting?

2- When I was dating my ex I has more enjoyment of sex with her because it was just so different from my clients. I've been in 2 other situationships with people while being a SP and I would say my enjoyment of sex with them was definitely higher, but I'm very selective and I feel like if I were to have sex with people in my personal life often I would really enjoy it less and not see the point.

3- I think to me someone can be a sex addict and still be kind and respectful but some signs of sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are :

boundary pushing, objectification, the way certain clients talk about women in reviews (for example seeing escorts who arent their type or have physical features they dont like and insulting them in reviews), hyper fixating on things they can't have from a provider, anger at providers rates and limits, certain behavior like reaching out to a sp when they know this person is getting less bookings or had cancellations in order to ask for things they're not supposed to ask for (like services they don't offer or bbfs), reaching out through various fake identities and numbers to see a sp who doesn't want to see them.. clients who seem to know about all the ads and all the providers.. an attitude of looking for who charges the lowest for the most intense service regardless of that person's living conditions etc. So that they may be able to see a large quantity of providers... time waster behavior like sending insults and dick pics and asking for deals I could go on. For some ppl it will go as far as doing non consensual stuff physically and I understand that addiction is an illness but when you treat ppl badly as a result and you won't get help you shouldn't be booking escorts..

I've had clients who admitted to being sex addicts to me and were very nice and treated me well. but I think when sex workers get dehumanized by society a lot of sex addicts can adopt dehumanizing behaviors

And I just want to repeat that a lot of clients are not sex addicts, and a lot of sex addicts don't see sp's. I hope this all makes sense

It all makes perfect sense. Not sure I agree with all of the those behaviors being signs of addiction though. I would argue however that most people on here are sex addicts or have been so at one time or another, myself included.

Definitely agree you can have a sex addiction and still be nice. The addiction has to do with your own personal demons, not how you interact with others. But, it could affect your judgement and trigger many of the red flags in your (exhaustive) list. Do you have more? I feel like you even held back! lol jk

It also makes perfect sense that you can get affection from certain clients and be in an emotionally safe place there. Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

 

[Jordd]

That's exactly what I'm saying.. that's when it becomes a problem and when you need to look at the source of this issue. There's nothing wrong with sex, there's nothing wrong with booking SP's. Just like it's okay to have a glass of wine once in a while, or play video games, or look at social media in moderate amounts. The problem becomes when you start hurting yourself and other people with your habit. In the case of sex addicts who see a lot of SP's AND are disrespectful, they hurt SP's by trying to damage their reputation & business (so they can access more for cheaper), they cross boundaries, they use PUA tactics to manipulate and denigrate etc. The problem is that there is a culture of disrespect, and the addiction and entitlement blinds people from seeing it. A sex addict is hurting themselves because they could be engaging in multiple healthy hobbies and emotional regulation skills but they instead compulsively watch porn, look at ads, look at review boards and spend all their money on escorts, masseuses and dancers..

And I'm saying all this with love and care because I have an addictive personality and have struggled with addiction. I've hurt myself and other people with self destructive habits and addictive behavior.. I've blacked out at birthday parties, I've missed entire shows I was invited to because I was passed out on the bathroom floor, I've been sick all night and not been able to pick myself up. Now here I am, having just a few drinks a week. It's possible to develop a healthier attitude in life I think sometimes it's easy to be afraid of your addiction being taken away from you but it's possible to indulge in things you like without exagerating. It's also possible to have other things in your mind than the one thing you're completely obsessed with.

Can I call you LunaseraPhD from now on?

Thank you for the lesson and for sharing your personal experiences as well.

 

[bodick7]

It all makes perfect sense. Not sure I agree with all of the those behaviors being signs of addiction though. I would argue however that most people on here are sex addicts or have been so at one time or another, myself included.

Definitely agree you can have a sex addiction and still be nice. The addiction has to do with your own personal demons, not how you interact with others. But, it could affect your judgement and trigger many of the red flags in your (exhaustive) list. Do you have more? I feel like you even held back! lol jk

It also makes perfect sense that you can get affection from certain clients and be in an emotionally safe place there. Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

I think I'm more addicted to nice girls like her than sex because overall they like to pleased and be pleased.
There is no way out I want to do the same.
Sex is a delicious meeting collateral damage from the whole process of contacting, connecting and get together to make a special event.
No crush...no repeat

 

[MCTJ]

One key point that can be counterintuitive is that sex addiction is actually not  about sex. If you're like "I love meeting new women and I love sex", chances are it's  not sex addiction. Sex addiction is about using sex to temporarily numb uncomfortable persistent feelings such as loneliness. Sex addicts will often have their rewards circuit desensitized (a hallmark of addiction), and will not feel much pleasure during sex or orgasm, always searching for their next high.

 

[MCTJ]

3- I think to me someone can be a sex addict and still be kind and respectful but some signs of sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

 

[bodick7]

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

"sex addiction that is being expressed in a malignant way are"
I probably would rather call it obsessed. It's taking over pleasure and fun.
You have to enjoy sex and let it come from your beloved partner. Not chasing it.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

With all due respect, I don't think the list of behaviors you cited in your post are related to sex addiction, but rather to being a douchebag

It's both. Addiction can make you act like a douchebag.
I've met people with all types of addictions, sex, video games, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth etc. A person's addiction can absolutely change their behavior and the way they perceive things.
But
like I already wrote
you can also be an addict and not be a douchebag. please read my whole comment

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Are you saying you need to have a small crush even for sex with clients?

No. It's different with clients. The dynamic is not the same.. I was just talking about my personal life.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Can I call you LunaseraPhD from now on?

Thank you for the lesson and for sharing your personal experiences as well.

I'm not claiming to be a dr or an expert but I've been to therapy (individual and group) for this stuff and have read a lot about it. You asked me to list what makes me suspect a client might be a sex addict and I answered

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

I'm not claiming to be a dr or an expert but I've been to therapy (individual and group) for this stuff and have read a lot about it. You asked me to list what makes me suspect a client might be a sex addict and I answered

I would appreciate it if you could share that list with me. Having access to it would help me better understand whether I have an addiction.

 

[MCTJ]

It's both. Addiction can make you act like a douchebag.
I've met people with all types of addictions, sex, video games, alcohol, heroin, crack, meth etc. A person's addiction can absolutely change their behavior and the way they perceive things.
But
like I already wrote
you can also be an addict and not be a douchebag. please read my whole comment

I was not aware of that correlation, but I looked into and you seem to be right.