Good Talk!
Hi Gfool,
Thank you as well for the excellent discussion and civility. I agree, too many posters take things personally and react angrily. A good honest discussion is quite stimulating for the mind!
I agree wholeheartedly with your "romantic sentiment" when it comes to how you treat your S.O. I too wish for an honest person who will not lie to me in any relationship. I once told a girl in college who I cared for very much that I wanted to have sex with several (specific) other girls, I asked if she would consider a menage a trois(hope I spelled that right) so it wouldn't be cheating. She said absolutely not, even though those girls had good looking boyfriends whom she could have enjoyed.
We were 21 and 19 respectively and I had hoped she would have been into some innocent "experimentation." But she wasn't so I broke up with her because I knew I wouldn't be able to overcome the urges I felt at that time in my life. She resented me for quite some time. I thought I did right by her but I guess your damned if you do and damned if you don't. After many years had passed I recently saw an old friend of hers and talked with him about her.
Amazingly, he said she still held a grudge against me over how much I hurt her. I told him that I had loved her very much, too much to cheat on her and put myself in the position of having to lie to her and sneak around behind her back while making her look like a fool in front of the world. I told him to tell her that I was very sad about losing her for several years afterward and if we had met in a different stage of our lives I undoubtedly would have asked her to marry me.
He must have told her because she came to see me at work the next week and we caught up on old times. We showed each other pictures of our children and parted with a big hug, she even grabbed my butt! I blushed and she gave me a wink as she walked out the door. I felt very relieved afterwards, like I had received forgiveness from a jilted lover. I must have given her back her "ego" in some way by telling her the truth about how I felt back then, how I realized what I had let go, and that ultimately it hurt me too. I was glad I didn't cheat on her.
I feel like most people can't handle open minded sexuality because of the posession issues they have with their S.O.'s. Monogamy is something we have forced down our throats from the time we are kids, as is guilt, over any kind of desire that would lead you from the conformist path. We are told to forgo sexual desires and thus a sexually fulfilling life style makes a pariah out of those who seek to explore their sexuality. Does "She's a slut" or "he's a dog", sound familiar? Whats wrong with liking sex with different partners? We love pornstars, but the girl down the street is to be disrespected because she likes to cum with more than one guy? Maybe thats because the people who are saying those things are jealous that their own sex-lives are pathetic and unfulfilling.
Open minded sexuality is not for everyone, mainly because of the reasons listed above. But I also respect two peoples right to be totally monogamous with each other if that is what they feel is right for them. As you put it, it is very hard finding the right person for you. If you think you have found that person and end up in a loving monogamous relationship only to find later that you are unfulfilled sexually, what are you to do?
You could tell the truth and give up sex for the rest of your life or get a divorce, hopefully no kids are involved. You could start sleeping with other people in the neighborhood who, like you, are unfilfilled sexually. Or you could pull a Marty Brodeur and sleep with an In-law. You could engage in all kinds of high-risk activities that would hurt your S.O. tremendously not to mention get you divorced and poor in no time, or you could hobby in a faraway place under the guise of a business trip. If I could choose my own poison I would choose the one that inflicts the least amount of pain on me or any one else. If someone is going to lie to me all I ask is that they make them sweet lies so the poison doesn't offend my palate. Nature always seems to have trees falling in the woods, I hope I'm not there to hear it when it does.
