Differences Between Lovers & SPs
- Thread starter ExoticSpirit
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What is GFE?
Now is it possible to have friendships with SP's. Of course but be prepared to keep it in perspective. One of the more respected hobbiests on this board has a couple of SP friends but he never loses perspective. But that's another topic.
It doesn't mean that you have to be cynical about SP's. They're not the enemy. In one sense you are making them part of your social milieu and they are people. If during your encounter you have in your mind, "She doesn't really give a shit about me! She has all the loyalty of an alley cat!" do you really think that your attitude wont show through? You have already put a cloud over the encounter. This is not about the sexual menu for the evening but the quality of the encounter. Read the reviews on this board. In the final analysis it nearly always comes down to this. That is why, for me, it should have many of the earmarks of a relationship without actually being one. Hold it! Did I just define GFE? How about that!
This of course is the correct approach to take. And if she replies in kind then you have as good as it gets. Why on earth would you want or expect more? Beyond this is "Relationship" complete with everything from sharing with a friend and soulmate to hitting the ceiling just after she plants those liquid nitrogen dipped cold feet onto yours at night.
Now is it possible to have friendships with SP's. Of course but be prepared to keep it in perspective. One of the more respected hobbiests on this board has a couple of SP friends but he never loses perspective. But that's another topic.
It doesn't mean that you have to be cynical about SP's. They're not the enemy. In one sense you are making them part of your social milieu and they are people. If during your encounter you have in your mind, "She doesn't really give a shit about me! She has all the loyalty of an alley cat!" do you really think that your attitude wont show through? You have already put a cloud over the encounter. This is not about the sexual menu for the evening but the quality of the encounter. Read the reviews on this board. In the final analysis it nearly always comes down to this. That is why, for me, it should have many of the earmarks of a relationship without actually being one. Hold it! Did I just define GFE? How about that!
Doc Holliday said:Damn. I've lost touch with reality. *sniff*
Maybe it's not you who lost touch with reality... I think people who think everything is black or white but never many different shades of grey might have...
The agreement is known from the start, everything beyond that agreement is what it is. I think too many people tend to try to analyse the human behaviors wayyyyy beyond what it really is. For the questions in this thread.
JustJay : I paid a few times in my life, I had to live the "other side". The times I paid were very different according to my mood. I did pay for men just to be romanced (and I got rid of a few before sex because I didn't find the chemistry). I also paid a few strippers to give them a break (and it would often turn out they would be all over me...). Other times I also paid because I was mighty horny but in all honesty, was never satisfied after those meetings, they were so mechanical. The only thing that was consistent when I paid for someone was the looks. That person HAD to be HOT (for my tastes).
ExoticSpirit : Sex with a lover is different (for women anyway) because we know who we're are having sex with, that person's boundaries, limits and turn ons. I find it's much easier to be totaly relax and and lose all inhibitions with a lover because we understand his needs and his body language. With a new person, we are only guessing.
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Lilly Lombard said:Maybe it's not you who lost touch with reality... I think people who think everything is black or white but never many different shades of grey might have...
You've just made my whole weekend a bit brighter today, darling. I'm in full agreement with what you just said.
Doc Holliday said:You've just made my whole weekend a bit brighter today, darling. I'm in full agreement with what you just said.
Hey Doc!
I am Lilly's official Number One Suck Up Fan...so you have to stop trying to step into my territory...lol.
Lilly Lombard said:Maybe it's not you who lost touch with reality... I think people who think everything is black or white but never many different shades of grey might have...
Hello Lilly sweetie,
It's certain that just about every client comes with some inner hidden baggage when calling on escort where their issues collide with desires. Few seem able to just have an intimate encounter with sex and move on. But given the nature of human emotions when inner issues and desires are mixed into the fantasy of having escorts, then sorting out reality can be nearly impossible for many. Moving in and out from what is often the blissful insulated world of escort companionship back to daily life is emotionally and psychologically distorting...and often severely so. Under such conditions analysis is practically an automatic necessity to sort everything out again. Unless one can go into the hobby with perfect cold-blooded focus on sexual gratification with no other affecting issues then maybe analysis is just natural, as useless as it often is. But sweet Lilly...you sure don't make it any easier.
Kisses,
Merlot
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Short and Sweet!
Perhaps Jay with this question you were taking this discussion in a slightly different direction than your original question called for. Hence the comment concerning some of us over-analyzing the motives, emotional makeup of those involved, context, etc. of encounters in general. When you expand on it this has the potential to be a very rich topic but perhaps is best left for another thread. Let's just say, stay positive, look after your emotional health and don't lose perspective. My two cents for what its worth.
Just_Jay said:
Perhaps Jay with this question you were taking this discussion in a slightly different direction than your original question called for. Hence the comment concerning some of us over-analyzing the motives, emotional makeup of those involved, context, etc. of encounters in general. When you expand on it this has the potential to be a very rich topic but perhaps is best left for another thread. Let's just say, stay positive, look after your emotional health and don't lose perspective. My two cents for what its worth.
Like what we tell school kids - it's all acting or make believe. Us hobbyists pay to be in an act.
I figured out the difference:
It all has to do with the next day. If I am alone I was with a client.
I was going to say if I sleep at home or not but I do do overnights sometimes and sometimes I will sleep at a lovers home.
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
It all has to do with the next day. If I am alone I was with a client.
I was going to say if I sleep at home or not but I do do overnights sometimes and sometimes I will sleep at a lovers home.
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
A woman's perspective
It is interesting that a woman like Lilly, who could ensnare just about any man with a wink of her bedroom eyes and a flash of her lilly white smile, into her web of carnal delight without the need to offer compensation, would choose to live on the "other side" by paying for services rendered.
It is also interesting that she would rate many of those encounters as below average. Is it that men are not as well schooled in the act of providing intimacy? Could it be that men by their nature, move away from the providing service to their client and lose themselves in their own needs? Or could it be that the expectation from female clients is soooo high that mere mortals could not receive a passing grade?
This kind of leads me to another question. If both the client and the sp where to provide an exit questionaire at the end of each encounter about their performance and the performance of their partner, I wonder how closely the two questionaires would mirror each other? At the end of the encounter do you think that both parties would a have a similar conclusion on how the session went?
Lilly Lombard said:
It is interesting that a woman like Lilly, who could ensnare just about any man with a wink of her bedroom eyes and a flash of her lilly white smile, into her web of carnal delight without the need to offer compensation, would choose to live on the "other side" by paying for services rendered.
It is also interesting that she would rate many of those encounters as below average. Is it that men are not as well schooled in the act of providing intimacy? Could it be that men by their nature, move away from the providing service to their client and lose themselves in their own needs? Or could it be that the expectation from female clients is soooo high that mere mortals could not receive a passing grade?
This kind of leads me to another question. If both the client and the sp where to provide an exit questionaire at the end of each encounter about their performance and the performance of their partner, I wonder how closely the two questionaires would mirror each other? At the end of the encounter do you think that both parties would a have a similar conclusion on how the session went?
Daringly said:
Your point is very true, but my comments were meant to be a little deeper in reconciling the truth, not the marketing.
For example, at the end of the school term you might go to your teacher and tell them how much you enjoyed their class and how much you learned (kind of like sucking up to the teacher before they give the final grade), however I am more interested on what you would write on the anonomous teacher evaluation sheet.
Just_Jay said:
I said a FEW times (except for the strippers where I go once a year) 4 out of 5 times were while I was traveling to some boring city and 1 time was with some female escorts... I am not the bar pick up type as you never know who you are going to end up with. I usually have the problem of not being able to get rid of the guy after usually lousy drunk sex. And what if he was a psycho? I thought it was much safer to call an escort service.The male escorts I personaly know are more into the act than they are into the "preliminaries". It's good when you meet a male or a couple clientele... Sex is easy to find, I can get that without any problem, I need something else to spice it up : romance!
My dear JJ, if you think of offering your services to women, that's what you have to sell : Romance, passion, seduction. They will be all over you!
Chris Rock said : "Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here... gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit! !"
Daringly said:
If the person I met was a jerk, (unless he provoques me) he won't hear from it, but he won't see me ever again either!
There are some SP who despise all their clients and there are some who like all their clients and then, you have everyone in the middle, the ones who trully enjoy some or most of it and do not care for the others. Bottom line is, when the clients become an irritant, the girl should get out of the biz.
You might not see it, but it's possible to enjoy people for different reasons. When an SP meets a gentleman, she doesn't "rate" him on the same basis you do. For most it's not about penis size or sexual performances, physical appearance, etc. It's mostly about respect and then his attitude. We can also add quality of the time, connection etc.
We are all human... we do not all feel or live things the same way.
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Lilly Lombard said::You might not see it, but it's possible to enjoy people for different reasons. When an SP meets a gentleman, she doesn't "rate" him on the same basis you do. For most it's not about penis size or sexual performances, physical appearance, etc. It's mostly about respect and then his attitude. We can also add quality of the time, connection etc.
.
I almost think that there are 2 categories of sp's. One group that offers primarily one hour service and there is alot to pack in during that hour besides getting to know about the person (although respect and attitude will probably be evident within the first 5 minutes). And a second group who primarily book multihour visits where there is sufficient time to develop a little rapor with your client besides the time allocated to the sexual side. This situation would be greatly enhanced with repeat clients.
Somehow I don't think repect and attitude would rank and the top 2 measurements on the guys hierarchy....*L That I think is a primary difference on whether you are the payor or the payee.
Just_Jay said:
Again, the 1h/multihours depends on both sides... For some it's easier to have sex with less intimacy and closeness and for some, it's better to have sex with someone they can actually share more with.
Actually the "payor" measures and rates respect and attitude when he gets a bad experience, just read the threads of the guys who got ripped off, the girls who came in dirty or high or totaly not interested in the session, the girls who stole from the room etc...
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Not a simple answer!
And of course many SP's will talk about clients. So will car salesmen, bankers, real estate agents, hot dog vendors. bus drivers and, just to put the shoe on the other foot, teachers about their students. That is why these comments are made in hushed tones at the water cooler, or in a tete-a-tete between girl friends. Express these ideas loudly in the office and see how long you last. Many talk about those who they have interacted with on a daily basis and made their day a less than stellar one. Hell, even husbands and wives vent about each other to close friends. All of this is why we impose a certain unwritten discipline with the words, “Be Positive!”
So will you get a variety of answers on your questionnaire? You bet. But those answers may have more to do with revelations about the author than revelations about the subject person. So it might be enough to say, there's no simple answer.
Of course they wont. Each brings his or her own persona complete with baggage to every encounter in life. And yes, SP's have their own baggage. Every opinion in this thread will be coloured by the life experiences of the originator. We are basically self-centered creatures concerned about our own needs and desires. Just ask yourself what this business has the potential to do to an SP over time. Or to clients over time. Call it burnout. Call it becoming jaded. Whatever. That is why perhaps the last person you should be looking to as a measure of your skills at lovemaking is an SP. Can you trust the answer? But on the other side of the coin, no one is ever going to convince me that all SP's are created equal and that all comments behind a client's back are laced with vitriole. Is it significant? Only to those who confuse the difference between the expectations of an Sp with those of a potential girlfriend looking for “Mr. Right” not “Mr. Right Now.” An easy trap to fall into for some.
And of course many SP's will talk about clients. So will car salesmen, bankers, real estate agents, hot dog vendors. bus drivers and, just to put the shoe on the other foot, teachers about their students. That is why these comments are made in hushed tones at the water cooler, or in a tete-a-tete between girl friends. Express these ideas loudly in the office and see how long you last. Many talk about those who they have interacted with on a daily basis and made their day a less than stellar one. Hell, even husbands and wives vent about each other to close friends. All of this is why we impose a certain unwritten discipline with the words, “Be Positive!”
So will you get a variety of answers on your questionnaire? You bet. But those answers may have more to do with revelations about the author than revelations about the subject person. So it might be enough to say, there's no simple answer.
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Although I have always treated SPs with respect and most will even say that they were pleasantly surprised with the conversations we have within the sessions I've had, I must say that if I was rated or evaluated as a customer, I wouldn't really care about what the results were. I'm the paying customer for f**k's sake. It's just like going to the dentist or to the barber. I don't care how they rate me. I'm the one who is paying. And since I always treat
SPs with respect, I'm not worried about any possible negative feedback.
SPs with respect, I'm not worried about any possible negative feedback.
Regular Guy said:
Great post, I agree..
About not using an SP to gauge lovemaking skills brings me to a question. I'm not going to go into why I hobby or give a long story, but if I personally sucked during a session, I'd like the SP to tell me. There's ways of letting the other person know without being mean about it. Then from there, I'd like for them to tell (or show me) how to do it a little better. Anyone else feel this way??
To answer the original posters question. Difference between lovers and an SP...It depends on the SP. Commitment is obviously the biggest. Lovers generally care about you as a person, and vice versa, where an SP is more or less mechanical and don't care about your life past the hour. Now...Some SP's are good at what they do, and are very open, sensual and caring people...so it can be more like a lover experience...however...something usually is missing. I try not to analyse things too much, or mump sp's into categories. I think people tend to go a little crazy if they overthink stuff like this. I just try to treat any SP's I see well, and enjoy my time. I get treated very well as a result.
Daringly said:
No we will more than likely not tell you to your face because most of us are smart enough to know what the possible out come could be and, marketing is the last thing hitting my mind.
And why if we did not have a good time with you would we want to see you again anyways??? Unless the girl is desperate, but I don't even see guys that I don't like when I need cash... just ain't worth it...
But if a client has been rude to me or for some reason I did not like him, if he chose to call me again, "sorry, I am booked, I do not know the next time I am available, it may be a while" then they see an ad the next day and if they are not too..... they get the idea.
But most times, a client does know because the girl is just not going to be into it and the guy is going to figure it was the girl and not call her again. Some times there is acting involved, but I would think that you can tell if a girl just ain't grooving on your tune. If she likes you and finds you to be respectful, then, more than likely you will get a good service.
This stuff does not have to be complicated....
It is just like a real date, you know that she is just not that into you... same diff.
Coaching may not be on the menu
I think this may be a fine line for an SP to tread. Sp's may be able to subtly coach but must always be able to size up who they are coaching. If you are a slobbery kisser and not sure how to express sensuality, you may also be emotionally vulnerable and may take her coaching as a validation of you personally. And that is just pure trouble. Or if you have jerk tendencies you may take it as entitlement and get rough. Again, trouble. If you want coaching be damn sure not to telegraph any of this. But no guarantees.
Regular Guy said:I think this may be a fine line for an SP to tread. Sp's may be able to subtly coach but must always be able to size up who they are coaching. If you are a slobbery kisser and not sure how to express sensuality, you may also be emotionally vulnerable and may take her coaching as a validation of you personally. And that is just pure trouble. Or if you have jerk tendencies you may take it as entitlement and get rough. Again, trouble. If you want coaching be damn sure not to telegraph any of this. But no guarantees.
You understand some things so much, I am very surprised.
It would be great if, everything the payor expects during a session would be disclosed before the meeting occurs so the sp doesn't have to "guess" and doesn't walk on egg shells when trying to do something or tell something to the client.
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