Do you tell anyone about your hobby ?
- Thread starter Ducon
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He was probably just thinking "shit, I hope I don't run into you next time I'm there".
Only to very close and good friends yeah, they hobby too so we often like to grab a beer and share experiences
Omg, this happened to me recently. I ran into someone I know leaving an independent sp building. Maybe he was visiting someone else in the building I hope...
I actually have an excuse ready to go for this sort of thing (I do work on commission, so I could ostensibly be meeting with a client)
Or you simply give the nod of approval 
I'm sure it's taboo in every society...but my perception is its much less so amongst French Canadians. I see SPs with their faces out on IG/X promoting various restaurants/establishments and going to concerts in the city. Seems like SPs can be way more accepted and integrated into society here. This is especially the case as opposed to the U.S. where it's extremely underground.
Interesting.
Who is most likely to hold that perception, the SP or the client? The population in general?
I'm not sure if it's really much more accepted here.. I think there is a culture of sex work that is part of Montreal for some reason and it's almost known as a sex tourism city. I know personally I chose to be face out because I had nothing to lose at the time and it helped me get clients. The industry is very competitive here and I know a lot of providers who tour frequently or work elsewhere because of that. I absolutely regret being face out at this point but there's no going back.
I do tell people who are close to me and in the same social groups as me about what I do for a living and I get mixed reactions. I get sexualized by men when I tell them and they often seem to assume I am inherently promiscuous and open to hearing them talk about their sex lives or tell me they're horny or make comments about my physical appearance. It's kind of annoying. Some people ask questions but it's never the right questions and in my experience they already have a preconceived notion of what it's like to be an escort. In general people seem uneasy when I talk about it, even my close friends.
A lot of people I know in Montreal moved here many years ago because they were young and poor and the rent was cheap compared to other places.. some of them did sex work for a while as a way to survive. there are also very strong subcultures here. A lot of punks/ravers I knew did sex work on the side and weren't exactly rolling in the dough. Montreal is an artist city and a lot of people I know know someone who was a sex worker or did sex work at some point because everyone is broke or poor.
I realized very recently that a large portion of clients don't actually come from Montreal. They live in the suburbs or moved here recently for work/live between montreal and a more expensive city
or they travel from the US or from other provinces or elsewhere in Quebec to see us.
Not really. From what I often hear people assume that clients of sex workers are wealthy and established men who are married and have a family. That's really what the stereotype is. But there is this idea that men who hire escorts are cruel and disrespectful. In my experience neither of these stereotypes are true universally at all but there are clients who fit one or two of these descriptions for sure. Also most people are shocked when I tell them about the concept of "hobbyist".. even people I know who confessed they were interested in trying to see an escort or who told me they did in the past. It's a small scene of clients who identify that way.
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There are guys of all ages who hire escorts but I'd say men who self identify as hobbyists are usually between 40 and 70. To see escorts on a regular basis you have to have a lot of money or at least a pretty well paid stable job and prioritize what you call the hobby over other expenses. The majority of clients don't see that many escorts or don't see escorts often at all. Hobbyists are just easier to see and hear because they are the clients who take up the most space online.
That is an excellent observation.
I never thought that I would become a hobbyist, but about 5 years ago, I became a hobbyist.
Being single, at an age and a point in life where I have disposable income and the time, I began to see SPs regularly.
Years ago, there was never any need for me to even consider it, as I had the opportunity to meet many willing women daily.
If you had asked me back then if I ever thought I would be doing this, the answer would have been no.
One thing I want to add is something I heard an internationally known escort was saying on her Instagram. A lot of men don't hire escorts because they are desperate for sex usually, they hire escorts because they want an experience of intimacy and companionship that is built around their desires, within certain boundaries. And that is something that varies a lot from person to person. A lot of my clients are single but they don't hire me because they see themselves as incels. They just aren't ready for dating and a relationship at the moment, or they don't have time for it. Some men prefer being single and just seeing a SP once in a while to fulfill their emotional and sexual needs. I've had a lot of men tell me that seeing me helped them build their confidence and they started dating again eventually. The married men or the men in relationships usually want to try something they normally wouldn't with their partner, or they are experiencing boredom and instead of breaking up or divorcing they seek variety elsewhere in a way that feels safe and contained for them.
There isn't really an easily defined demographic of clients. My friends who are in the industry get different clients than I do, sometimes there's an overlap, but we all have a completely different client base. My clientele has also drastically changed over the years, and it keeps fluctuating depending on the time of the year, the way I'm interacting with clients online and how I brand myself, etc.
There isn't really an easily defined demographic of clients. My friends who are in the industry get different clients than I do, sometimes there's an overlap, but we all have a completely different client base. My clientele has also drastically changed over the years, and it keeps fluctuating depending on the time of the year, the way I'm interacting with clients online and how I brand myself, etc.
I should have been more specific - I don't mean "loser" as in unsuccessful in life or career... but more from the side of social/moral ineptitude. Someone who cheats on their partner - or can't get women any other way. A man who wants fast, easy women, who cares not for meaningful relationships. Is self-obsessed, too attached to physical addictions. That sort of thing.
I'm not saying I agree with that - but it's the sense I get.
As for who sees it this way - mostly the public. Or at least that's the way they put it. But I've also had a couple SP's suggest it, though I would expect that most would have a more nuanced view, all things considered.
I'm talking about my experiences discussing sex work with civilians and what I've always heard people think. A lot of people actually believe clients should be humanized and that sex workers are offering a necessary service.. but yes there is this idea that clients have lower empathy and cheat on their wives with impunity with sex workers or use these services in an abusive and selfish way. In reality in this day and age a lot of clients are single.. and a lot of them are looking for companionship and a compassionate intimate experience rather than something more intense.
I think a lot of clients feel shame about seeing escorts so they tell themselves stories to feel better about it or to avoid important work on themselves.. which is sad because actually many of us are very emotionally intelligent and have seen a lot of shit and can help them work through certain hang ups even if we aren't therapists.
A lot of clients who like seeing escorts a lot will say "I couldn't find a girlfriend anyways because I'm too awkward" but in my opinion that is an excuse, these clients aren't more awkward of unattractive than any other men. The difference between dating civilian women and seeing escorts is that when you see an escort she is catering to your needs entirely within her boundaries of course, and it's not in her best interest to judge you.
To be honest I definitely feel embarrassed about it, especially as a relatively younger dude (early 30s). Just jaded from some bad previous relationships to the point where Id rather do this...on top of living in a smaller town with very few options.
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I don't think you should feel embarrassed about it, you seeing escorts doesn't say anything about your worth and your desirability.
I often have younger clients who are actually cool and attractive. They're just in a situation where they aren't interested in dating currently or they are going through something or need to bring their confidence up in order to start seeing civilian women again. I think people should only question themselves if they cross our boundaries or have overly high standards that push us to risk our physical or mental health.. otherwise if you are a good respectful client there's nothing wrong with booking an escort once in a while. We need good clients and we are always grateful for the men who treats us well, at least I know I feel this way
It's really only true for those clients who are using escorts as a substitute for an actual relationship with a woman. Which, quite frankly, should not be the purpose of seeing an escort.
I saw this in some of the younger clients I met at the parties, one of whom was banned from Iggy's parties on a temporary basis. He was having trouble finding a girlfriend. I got to know him a bit. Early 30s, French Canadian with solid English skills, Nice guy, not bad looking, but a bit shy with women. His problem once he started seeing escorts was "Savior Complex." His "shame", as it turned out, was in seeing women who were selling themselves or at least their bodies to him, and he couldn't quite grasp why that was necessary in many cases. He wanted to try and understand. He would interrogate escorts at the parties on why they became escorts. This would freak out the escorts. They complained. He got banned. It was a life lesson for him. He was eventually unbanned and allowed back in the parties with a promise to cut the shit.
Around a year later, he told me he found a girlfriend and ceased all activity on MERB. Hasn't posted in 8 years. I was happy for him because that's what he wanted. He had only used escorts as a substitute for what he wasn't getting in terms of a real relationship with a woman, on an emotional as well as sexual level.
Escorts are, to me, entertainers. I pay them for the "show" aspect, and to have a good time. Not as relationship substitutes.
I think it's nuanced. We aren't relationship substitutes precisely because we create an experience for the client and yes that involves different types of intimacy and companionship.. we do offer things you can get in a relationship but ultimately if a client starts seeing escorts because he wants to turn one of us into his real girlfriend he's going to be disappointed.
I see what I offer as an escort as something "in between".. I care about my clients and I want to offer a good experience, but I'm not their girlfriend. To me what I offer as an escort is a bridge to a real relationship with someone else really often. It's also yes entertainment. Really often clients book me because they want to be around an interesting and intelligent girl who they can also have sex with and do things you'd normally do on a date with.
I also disagree. A lot of client who hire escorts purely for sex tell themselves and each other stories too..
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