...Fears of becoming addicted!

[Splotch]

Hello fellow Merbites!

No, this post is NOT about Pokemon Go!

I am new to the "hobby", having started in the month of May, after YEARS of lurking on the boards.
After seeing my first escort, I felt wonderful: it went better than expected, I really had fun, the anxiety and guilt (ex-Catholic boy here!) of doing such an activity died down.
...The feeling of floating on a little cloud lasted maybe for a week, and then I started to get antsy, restless!
Almost like I started to smoke crack (or insert drug of choice!), and I needed another hit!
So... in a 6 week period, I've seen Sps three times.

Now, I don't know if it' s because hobbying is a wild new frontier for me and I'm a bit overwhelmed (more than probably!), but my thoughts are pretty much occupied by... so, who will be the next one?
...I'm a bit afraid of becoming addicted to this!
And it's getting pretty costly, pretty quick! (I'm not poor... but i'm not rich either: I' ll definitely have to impose myself some limits.)

So what I want to ask you guys is how did it go when you got started "in the field"?
Did you go bonkers for awhile and then it slowly got more manageable... or are you still indulging like crazy?
Anybody had real addiction problems related to this particular field of activity, and (hopefully) overcame them?
Any other relevant observations are welcome!

 

[panthere]

Damn i found myself old right now lollll...
I have to say in the beginning before party etc..it was wonderful...cool...fun...and good times...But i have to say when GG(goodgirls) Made their first party...THAT is when the fantasy...the trips...the enthousiam..everythinggg was 10x more exciting...So i guess i was reborn again loll...Now with time i choose more carefull the girlz and i dont think with only mini me loll...I think with the right part of the brain The addiction problem was not for me except for my bank account lolll..But other then that...It is and still is a amazing experience you have to live and enjoy..GOOD luck to you...and please ..dont fear...GO ALL IN

 

[EagerBeaver]

No addiction problems, and from my own observations the guys with so called addiction problems actually just didn't have the disposable income to be involved regularly and didn't do the math. The math is easy. You hobby within your budget, which if you have a good disposable income is regularly and if you don't then it's whatever you can do. I have in my many years here seen about half a dozen guys who were regulars on this board and all fit the same profile: under 35, not great disposable income or else they made inconsistent income, they didn't do the math, and they burned out. A couple of these guys also had tendencies to fall in love with one SP and didn't understand that it was unrequited. Another had a bit of a savior complex and was using MERB as a dating service and when he realized his talent to "save" was not in the same category as Jesus, he left the hobby and sought a civilian girlfriend. All young guys, all lacking in emotional maturity mainly due to youth and inexperience.

Not trying to be judgmental here, because when I was the same age I wouldn't have handled things much better but I did get wiser with my years doing this.

 

[jalimon]

I do agree with EB here. I will just had that why you see SP is also of big importance. Myself I just do not want any women in my life so I can raise my kids in perfect agreement with my ex. But I do need a sex, being only mid-forties. When I started I saw probably 7-8 girl per month for the first 2 years, even if I could afford it, at one point I was a bit afraid too to become addicted. But I tired out naturaly. Now, just like with wine, I see SP much less frequently, but I go for quality. No more massage place, cheap hotel, girl not reviewed or advertized here.

Many are like me, they see SP because they want to be single in life, which is perfectly understandable. To the contrary, many will see SP because they do not want to breakup their mariage because they simply can't deal with the no sex life of many mariage...

If you never had any other addiction like drug, alcohol, games, etc... And if you are not too young like EB mentionned, I would not worry to much for now.

Cheers,

 

[BookerL]

Any other relevant observations are welcome!

Hello Splotch


The main thing to remember ,it is adult entertainment ,phantasm and fantasies ,even if the Girl Friend Experience is real physically,emotionally it is a job for the ladies .

This link is a interesting thread http://merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?129839-How-long-should-the-%93Girl-Friend-Experience%94-last




Cheers





Booker

 

[A12B]

Hobby within your budget. Never take away precious money from your kids, you will regret it heavily after a while when wisdom kicks in. Addiction occurs when you do not balance your family life, work, hobby and professional. I never felt addicted to this hobby but there was a time when I would spend quite a bit with the hobby and less time with family and work. I knew I was not doing the right thing but got a hold of myself pretty quick. However, it is important to note that I will not be able to tell what would happen to my <addiction> to the hobby if I was single ..... . So, if you feel you are falling off the balance of life vs hobby, then find yourself something to keep you busy, ie. family, sports, dating (if no family), work, etc .... . My own couple of cents.

 

[TheDon]

Now, I don't know if it' s because hobbying is a wild new frontier for me and I'm a bit overwhelmed (more than probably!), but my thoughts are pretty much occupied by... so, who will be the next one?
...I'm a bit afraid of becoming addicted to this!

It can get addicting when you occupy your mind with it all the time.

At my peak I was doing 1 SP a week and I did stop for extended periods of time ranging from couple months to a year.

I did this mainly by occupying my mind with something else.

But I'm not the type to get addicted to things and have the discipline to stop when I choose to.

 

[hungry101]

I tell the girls this and now I will say the same thing to the hobbyists: Pay yourself first.

Ask yourself where you want to be at retirement. If you are making the maximum contribution to your 401K and Roth IRA or equivalents and you are paying your bills than you can probably afford this hobby.

I have friends that go on exotic fishing, hunting, golf, and skiing trips. Others have to buy a new car every 3 years and still others have Country club memberships. These things are expensive. You may have to cut back here a little to afford the hobby.

And the most expensive thing that you can do is find a nice girl and settle down. Now this will cost you more than any of the things I mentioned above...of course unless you are a shiftless bum.

My friend had me over to see his new elk mount on the 7K$ trip he took out west. It was very impressive. If he were a hobbyist I would of showed him the photos of Jennifer in her little black dress and heels and my closeup of Chelsea's ass in her yoga pants. Those are my trophies.

 

[Splotch]

Thanks for the replies guys: good insight!
It is very much appreciated!

Now I guess I'll continue in this path, but with moderation and wiseness (as much as possible!).
I'll just make sure to prepare myself a nice little annual budget for hobbying!

 

[Passionné]

Hello fellow Merbites!

Did you go bonkers for awhile and then it slowly got more manageable... or are you still indulging like crazy?

There's a risk of this happening because clients want fantasy. Many are dissatisfied with relationships or experiences with women in their lives and when you find a beautiful woman (escort) who is good at providing that fantasy some forget she is performing. You find someone who fills your desire for intimate companionship and sexual desire while also losing perspective on what this fantasy really is. It's a paid performance made to seem real and your lustful fulfillment increases the possibility of self-deception.

Your level of income has nothing to do with it. It only takes losing perspective once to become addicted at least temporarily. The number of escorts you see doesn't matter. I had a minor experience shortly into seeing escorts, which I quickly remedied by remembering what I was doing. She and I then saw each other many more times without that kind of complication.

Enjoy as much as you like but keep in mind what you are really doing. Borrowing/paying for fantasy. Stay real about it. The ladies and the agencies will be more comfortable with you and it will avoid many possible complications.

Good luck

 

[Passionné]

And the most expensive thing that you can do is find a nice girl and settle down.

TRUE!!! But nothing invested nothing gained. I know people who are very happy with the hobby life and never wanted to settle down. Other people look back and say it was terrific fun but it's not enough. Treat seeing escorts as temporary excitement and make sure you are happy with that.

 

[Splotch]

Enjoy as much as you like but keep in mind what you are really doing. Borrowing/paying for fantasy. Stay real about it. The ladies and the agencies will be more comfortable with you and it will avoid many possible complications.

Good luck

Well said!
Fortunately I am in my 30s and I get that this is all just a busine$$ transaction. I understand that it is all make-believe (wonderful, wonderful make-believe!), and I understand that when I am out the door, it is all over.
... I think my fear of addiction has more to do with the sheer number of desirable women in this industry ("Wait a minute, I can have her?? Then I SHOULD have her!! Gotta catch 'em all!").

 

[PopeDover]

Now I guess I'll continue in this path, but with moderation and wiseness (as much as possible!)

some might take a different path

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom
-William Blake

:lol:

 

[EagerBeaver]

the guy making 20k would only allocate 1.5 - 2k to this, which doesn't buy as much sex as 7.5 - 10k does, even though they have the same desire. In fact, the guy earning less is likely younger and has more desire. I know of no way to resolve that inherent conflict and I presume that is what EB was referring to when some guys feel they give this up as a result of addiction, but in fact it was lack of available funds.

That is exactly what I meant. There have been probably at least a dozen "addiction" threads started on MERB and over the course of many years going to industry parties I had the opportunity to meet some guys who had been posting on these threads and question them about their so-called "addiction." What they were calling "addiction" on MERB was really a lack of funds or a lack of ability to do the math to determine that there was a lack of funds until things spun out of control on them.

There is an even easier way to manage this than doing a budget or doing math as you have. You create an account and deposit into it all the money you can afford to spend on escorts etc. You can budget it or eyeball it. And then when the account gets low and can't be funded further you have to stop.

The guys I referenced in my prior post were younger guys who didn't do any of this and then things went sideways on them. They are never going to post on MERB that they don't have funds to play or that they are math challenged or didn't learn from their parents how to construct a budget or that they lack self restraint.

Guys like Charlie Sheen or Michael Douglas or David Duchovny may have had a sex addiction but it was never treated until they were caught cheating and some Divorce Judge or Probation Officer or Marriage Counselor or Family Court Therapist thought they would be better human beings and rehabilitate themselves by getting treatment. There is nothing to treat. They are men like the rest of us. It's just a bunch of psychobabble bullshit designed to redirect the substantial incomes of these men into the pockets of the US Healthcare system because someone thinks they will be better guys. In fact they will not be better husbands or fathers but their shrinks sure as shit will be richer.

None of that means squat to the category of hobbyists I posted about. They lack the financial ammo of the above 3 hobbyists who treated for sex addiction. The same shrinks who treated Duchovny and Douglas would look at these guys I mentioned and say, "you need a bankruptcy lawyer, not me."

It's a pseudo illness at best.

 

[smuler]

How much of that amount is directly spent on escorts would depend on how much enjoyment you get from them, and what corresponding costs such as airfare and hotels you incur

This is so true..like you, I travel to enjoy life, and always try to fit in a session wherever I go..that along with some excellent food/ excellent smoke/ world class microbrews

The session in a way is my " reward " after a long day of hiking or biking, or some new cultural activity

I do travel domestically, but only hobby when in the San Diego area, and the trolley is going south :tea:

I'm not stupid enough to get pinched in a place where it's illegal :nono:

Best Regards
Smuler

 

[diablo69]

Great thread Sploch! I'm glad I stumbled upon this as i'm interested in this topic. People made some great points/perspectives thus far....I'm glad to read so many interesting views on the subject.

In a nutshell...I feelit's much like a Pandora's box type of scenario .....as wiki tell us.... "to open Pandora's box" means to perform an action that may seem small or innocent (ok perhaps not innocent), but that turns out to have severely detrimental and far-reaching negative consequences... (to each their own view of this)

From my experience...once you enter this world...you can never go back (or rarely ever do ). The intense rush/excitement from literally having thousands of gorgeous woman at your finger tips (with no strings attached) is a sensation that is very hard to drop (at least for me).

Like others have mentioned - it really depends on what you value in life and and what you truly care about - lots of people will blow hundreds of thousands of dollars on fancy cars, vacations, entertainment, houses, cottages, boats, sports, etc, etc., .. but hey, if that's what they want ...they do it....period. I once read, the average hobbyist in a lifetime will spend anywhere between $50,000 to $500,000 (possibly more if you real high roller with a very strong libido Do the math over 20, 30 or 40 years and see what it comes out to...and if that's what your willing (or not so willing) to spend your money on.. so be it....nobody can really judge this but yourself.

Personally, I have found it very difficult to stop (I'm just shy of 40) and have been dabbling with this , on and off, for over 20 years....there are time I regret this hobby....other times its just what I needed....I'm sure there are a few who stopped cold turkey and never went back ( though I find that hard to believe but certainly possible)...maybe their life goals/circumstanced change and it wasn't what they wanted to spend their money on (or they simply ran out Either way it's a lifestyle choice and yes, its quite addictive....

Sorry..got to get back to work.....Hope this gives you some different perspective......will continue to read this post later for further enrichment.

Best to all!


p.s I like that 10% percent rule...i think it makes good sense...

 

[EagerBeaver]

One of the other things mentioned in one of the other addiction threads- by Doc Holliday, I believe- is that chronic hobbying causes a certain social retardation as to dating skills with regular civilian ladies, and therefore the younger hobbyist who aspires to marriage or a family effectively retards his progress towards achieving those goals. I do believe there is some truth to this and I saw some younger guys get out when they realized this was also happening to them and that they could not use an escort agency as a dating service.

I keep my own dating and social skills sharp by using Seeking Arrangement. Even though some would argue that there are a lot of quasi-escorts on SA (and I will not quibble with that), those are not the girls I seek. Last Saturday night I went out with a very inexperienced 19 year old who was amazingly hot and had a 4 hour dinner date. No sex happened and it was discussed and agreed beforehand that it's a meet and greet date and we see where things go from there. I had to use every social skill in my playbook because the girl, although beautiful, was very obviously nervous, plus I have a serious looking mug that needs to be overcome when out with women generally. I got a second date with her Friday and she texted me to tell me she had a wonderful time.

Anyway if you get addicted or in heavy you have to still do stuff to keep the social skills sharp. My two buddies who were characters in my thread called "Euphoria Mini Party", Co-conspirator and Mr. Blue Balls, are social animals like Alex Ovechkin is a hockey animal. These two see escorts and massage girls in Montreal and NYC, both are on Seeking Arrangement, and both see civilian women on the side and all of that is in addition to committed relationships. These guys are younger than me and have an unbelievable energy for women that I have never observed in any male friends or hobbyist colleagues, and their energy helps to stoke me and also inspire me. Despite their energy levels neither of them are quite as experienced as I am and they readily soak up and learn from the mistakes they make in their wild enthusiasm. Hopefully they will be able to make it up to Montreal again soon.

 

[Russ_Meyer]

I've enjoyed reading many of the comments in this thread. I'm new to the board with this handle, but I've been at it for about 20 years and have come and gone on the boads. These threads, although there have been many, are important, especially for those who don't have the level of disposable income and other attributes that get you into the network of subtle rewards bestowed to high paying or exceptionally appealing clients.

Here are the things I find important in what's been said so far:

1) Don't spend the miilk money: indeed, Americans and English Canadians have these cool ways of rationalizing their spending. They don't always work, but they work more often than we hedonistic latin-language speaking people would like to admit. I like the 7,5/10% of annual income thing. Based on that model, I'm under my authorized spending ! However, the whole concept of milk money is hard to pin down. I sometimes wonder what kind of house or car or vacations I could have if I stopped hobbying. These 3 things are not luxuries insofar as they have to be bought at some point, in some form or the other.

2) Don't get too attached, remember what the game is about, what's really happening: this is super important. I am one of those guys who has gotten to thinking he had a special connection with a few SP's through the years. The sex is so good from your vantage point that she just has to feel something emotional for you. And she does: she really likes you as a client, the same way the girl at Tim Hortons who makes small talk with you does, especially if you're a tipper. Obviously, once in a while, you read about how some lucky guy started dating his favorite SP and stuff - something which makes me REALLY jealous, I have to admit - but in my experience it's always a mistake to see an SP many times in a short time span with the hope that she'll change your client status into a free friends-with-benefits arrangement. Things change all the time; the girls meet new people in and out of the industry. You can be a favorite client and get YMMV goodies, and then the magic just stops, for some unknown reason to you, she starts giving you sub-par treatment, etc. I know some SP's are super loyal and give VIP treatment to their regulars for years, but there is a limit 98% of clients will never be allowed to overcome. I have discussed this openly with the women who have given me special treatment over the years (I'm not rich, but can be a nice guy at times), and once they realized I wanted the truth and wouldn't hold it againts them, they told me it's important to avoid getting too close to clients.

3) Get your mind busy on other things: super important. In my younger years, I could spend 4-5 hours on all the ad sites, + green and blue boards + escort porn site searches. This distorts judgment and creates the delusion I discuss in #2. Don't feel guilty about the hobby, but get a life in order to create proper contrast.

4) Develop a relationship with 2-3 steady SP's. They can be agencies or stable providers. These are the places and women that you know will provide good service without fleecing you. It's important to be able to fall back onto these providers when you start feeling really shitty about the hobby after a good fleecing. Obviously, almost nobody sticks to their regulars all the time. I don't think it's smart to feel guilty about trying that hot girl on 123 or intime, etc. Just know, as many have pointed out, that it's mostly a crap shoot. I've gotten where I can say I have only been screwed 1-2 times by the buget SP's in the last 3 years, but I know it can still happen. That's why I make sure to keep seing those amazing women who are straight shooters, even though their service might vary at times; they're just normal people with various issues that affect their work, like all of us.

Well, that's enough already, I know. Please, guys, keep the insight coming.
RM

 

[jalimon]

I've enjoyed reading many of the comments in this thread. I'm new to the board with this handle, but I've been at it for about 20 years and have come and gone on the boads. These threads, although there have been many, are important, especially for those who don't have the level of disposable income and other attributes that get you into the network of subtle rewards bestowed to high paying or exceptionally appealing clients.

Here are the things I find important in what's been said so far:

1) Don't spend the miilk money: indeed, Americans and English Canadians have these cool ways of rationalizing their spending. They don't always work, but they work more often than we hedonistic latin-language speaking people would like to admit. I like the 7,5/10% of annual income thing. Based on that model, I'm under my authorized spending ! However, the whole concept of milk money is hard to pin down. I sometimes wonder what kind of house or car or vacations I could have if I stopped hobbying. These 3 things are not luxuries insofar as they have to be bought at some point, in some form or the other.

2) Don't get too attached, remember what the game is about, what's really happening: this is super important. I am one of those guys who has gotten to thinking he had a special connection with a few SP's through the years. The sex is so good from your vantage point that she just has to feel something emotional for you. And she does: she really likes you as a client, the same way the girl at Tim Hortons who makes small talk with you does, especially if you're a tipper. Obviously, once in a while, you read about how some lucky guy started dating his favorite SP and stuff - something which makes me REALLY jealous, I have to admit - but in my experience it's always a mistake to see an SP many times in a short time span with the hope that she'll change your client status into a free friends-with-benefits arrangement. Things change all the time; the girls meet new people in and out of the industry. You can be a favorite client and get YMMV goodies, and then the magic just stops, for some unknown reason to you, she starts giving you sub-par treatment, etc. I know some SP's are super loyal and give VIP treatment to their regulars for years, but there is a limit 98% of clients will never be allowed to overcome. I have discussed this openly with the women who have given me special treatment over the years (I'm not rich, but can be a nice guy at times), and once they realized I wanted the truth and wouldn't hold it againts them, they told me it's important to avoid getting too close to clients.

3) Get your mind busy on other things: super important. In my younger years, I could spend 4-5 hours on all the ad sites, + green and blue boards + escort porn site searches. This distorts judgment and creates the delusion I discuss in #2. Don't feel guilty about the hobby, but get a life in order to create proper contrast.

4) Develop a relationship with 2-3 steady SP's. They can be agencies or stable providers. These are the places and women that you know will provide good service without fleecing you. It's important to be able to fall back onto these providers when you start feeling really shitty about the hobby after a good fleecing. Obviously, almost nobody sticks to their regulars all the time. I don't think it's smart to feel guilty about trying that hot girl on 123 or intime, etc. Just know, as many have pointed out, that it's mostly a crap shoot. I've gotten where I can say I have only been screwed 1-2 times by the buget SP's in the last 3 years, but I know it can still happen. That's why I make sure to keep seing those amazing women who are straight shooters, even though their service might vary at times; they're just normal people with various issues that affect their work, like all of us.

Well, that's enough already, I know. Please, guys, keep the insight coming.
RM

Your post should be a must read when you register to this board

 

[hungry101]

3) Get your mind busy on other things: super important. In my younger years, I could spend 4-5 hours on all the ad sites, + green and blue boards + escort porn site searches. This distorts judgment and creates the delusion I discuss in #2. Don't feel guilty about the hobby, but get a life in order to create proper contrast.

This part is critical. I would be willing to spend another $2-3K on the hobby if I could just spend less time on hobby web sites. They can be huge time wasters. My addiction to these web sites is the most wasteful and unproductive thing that I do.