dudemtl said:
I disagree. And here's why:
If we polled every hobbyist in this board and asked them: if you were offered the choice of either a) shelling out lots of money regularly for an SP or b) Having casual sex with many different women you find attractive who aren't SPs and you wouldn't have to spend a dime, which would you choose?
I think B would be the choice.
Now let me ask you this: How many of those people polled believe that they realistically HAVE that choice between A and B?
Would it surprise you if I said that in order to have regular casual sex with non-SPs and not spend a dime WITHOUT having to have a huge income, good looks or great social skills is more than possible?
If you said yes, and I would have said that about a year ago, then you probably don't have the tools that automatically trigger attraction in a woman. It can literally take minutes to do so, if you know what you're doing.
And it doesn't require you spending a dime, giving flowers, buying dinner, chocolates, etc.
It doesn't mean you're a loser, or have poor social skills. It means that it is EASIER to simply hire an SP than to learn what triggers attraction in a woman.
It took me awhile, but once you are able to do it, the thought of even paying for her coffee sounds ridiculous.
Interesting commentary, dudemtl. I know a guy in his mid-20s who has legit GQ model looks and has never lacked for female attention. After he headed off to college, high school chicks 2-3 years younger than him used to pursue him as their prom dates. He's had a steady girlfriend for a couple years running and now they're engaged. One head- game that a few girls would play with him, when he got to college, was that they'd spread rumors that he was gay if he simply wanted to be friends with a girl and hang out.
Not every guy is after casual sex with lots of women. You hinted at what techniques you employ in chatting up women and scoring with them. One mid-30s guy I knew in academia had a very keen intellect and a razor-sharp wit, with the ability to use words sparingly and effectively. "Pithy" is how TV's Bill O'Reilly calls it. This friend was a very average looking guy at best. Nevertheless he had gals 13 years his junior chasing and bedding him because they found his personality, smarts, and wit to be irresistible. I don't know your age but I'll take a stab and guess that you're in your late 20s. I've found that a lot of gals in the USA expect a ton of gentlemanly behavior from any guy that's going to pursue them romantically. Picking up the tab for coffee isn't a requirement in some social situations, but being magnanimous is a good practice in this day and age. A guy with natural charm who exudes magnanimous behavior will attract plenty of ladies.
EB brought up some interesting points about divorce and his friend's experience. Each state in the USA has its own laws regarding marital/family matters and whenever there are kids, things can get very complex. If you're going to hire a $350/hr. attorney, let's say, you're going to have to put thousands of dollars in escrow with that law firm. Once the balance of your account declines, you will have to deposit more money. Like the Morton's Salt commercials of yesteryear, "When it rains, it pours." Right off the bat, you feel like your legal costs are a blank check. If you're lucky, you might have an amicable divorce and finalize everything within 6-12 months if there are no children involved. With kids in the picture, the process can take a minimum of 12 months before your case goes to the judge. If there is marital misbehavior alleged, to include adultery or physical/emotional abuse, then some states will speed up the process. Some married guys who dabble in the hobby might think that their spouse is in the dark. But internet spyware and forensic tools can nail a hobbyist. I know a guy from the Amsterdam scene whose wife found out about his hobbying that way.
One thing I learned about the divorce process is that your cash flows can be greatly affected. It can be a horribly expensive process. Spousal support ("alimony" to some) can be in the thousands of dollars per month and it can be open-ended. What if your spouse suddenly says she can't work, and her attorney is arguing her case? Then they'll want you to pay an monthly amount that can be open-ended. Spousal support is altogether separate from child support, where most states use a worksheet/payment formula and compare her income to yours, out of the total pool. Child support will often easily run into many hundreds of dollars per month, even for one child. Sometimes the soon-to-be-ex will want you to commit in writing to pay for a percentage of future college costs for the kid, beyond high school graduation. Under the laws of most states, the father routinely isn't required to pay for child support beyond high school graduation (age 18 or so). What else? You might also have to pay for part/all of her attorney's fees, to add insult to injury. If you're living apart while you're separated, you now have 2 separate and distinct housing bills. Own a big house with a huge mortgage? You might very well have to sell it. Tax consequences? There are many. From a pure cash-flow perspective, you end up paying out far more than you ever imagined and that probably means much less take-home pay in the short run. In the meantime, some folks think you should be out there dating up a storm while you're in a "separated" marital status. So life gets very complicated in such situations. It's wise not to "hit below the belt" with your ex, even when you're very tempted to do so. There's something to be said for taking the high road, when you look back on the situation years down the line, especially if any children are involved. Divorce is very tough on women too.
Dudemtl made an interesting point about "shelling out lots of money regularly for an SP". The reality is that there are plenty of guys who take sabbaticals from the hobby and don't shell out lots of money versus the real-life alternative (girlfriend or wife). If you don't have a regular girlfriend in your life, post-divorce or not, you are in a position to build some wealth, with an application of savvy, due diligence, and a bit of good fortune. No real-life girlfriend means NOT having to pay multiple thousands of dollars per year for food, drink, entertainment, gifts, flowers, transportation, out-of-area travel (hotels, airfares perhaps, and many related expenses). How many thousands of dollars per year for a real-life girlfriend? I'd say $4000-8000/year as a ballpark estimate, which some folks may consider too high or too low. With marriage, you and your wife are both committed to the mortgage and many ongoing monthly costs, moreso than if you're a bachelor. Being a bachelor and not getting laid is pretty damn dreary. So I naturally want to have fun, get laid and meet some great ladies in the process. So that's where the hobby comes in. When the notion of remarriage pops in my head, I'm thinking "unfunded liabilities" because if marriage #2 fails, the courts in many cases don't give a rat's ass about all the post-divorce payment flows going to spouse #1. That can sometimes lead to personal bankruptcy or other forms of trauma. Some of us have heard the saying that "if it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent by the hour." While that's a rather cynical statement, there's an element of truth to it. Good divorce lawyers start at $350/hr. and up, in major USA cities. Top-notch HDHs in North America can be found for significantly less than that hourly cost. And once the rendezvous ends, she goes her own way and you go your own way. No further obligations. Generally speaking, I've found the quality and integrity of the gals in this hobby to be far better than I had imagined.
Cheers,
Jim
