Hobbyist Bachelors

[EagerBeaver]

regna D,

A lot of guys here do not want to pay the costs of two marriages and two divorces before finding the right woman. Would you care to share with us how much money you spent on those weddings, divorces, child support etc.? Probably not. I would say chances are just as good finding the right woman by hobbying ........ and that's the truth.............

 

[Best Lover]

Very impressive numbers!!!

hey danger,

if I get married and/or divorced again may I hire you as my personal business manager? just kidding...

 

[EagerBeaver]

Everyone here should take note that regna D's numbers are aberrational. If you go through 2 marriages and 2 divorces it's usually going to cost a lot more than that.

 

[daydreamer41]

EB, I hear what you are saying, but if you marry a woman who has ability to earn her own living, has a good job or profession, this dilema of divorce is much less costly. I just heard on radio a report that in the US there are 200,000 more women than men on college campuses. More women than men are being accepted to post graduate schools including Medicine and Law. It's a different world than the 50s, 60s and maybe the 70s. I am sure the trend is the same in Canada.

 

[EagerBeaver]

But those same women don't want to stay at home and be housewives and mothers. End result: catastrophic costs of daycare, and you play Mr. Mom. I personally am very against children being raised in daycare facilities as opposed to homes with at least one parent watching them. All of these issues lead to the skyrocketing divorce rate. I am seeing it happen all the time. It's not necessarily a good thing when your wife or GF makes as much as you do, and it's real bad when she makes more (already seen one friend get divorced because of it).

 

[daydreamer41]

Anna Nicole Smith waited until the old geaser died. Correct me if I am wrong.

 

[EagerBeaver]

I get the sense from EB that he believes women marry men in order to spend the rest of their lives draining him of his wealth, until such time as she grows weary of him and runs off with what little remains. Perhaps he has spent too much time in the company of vacuous blonds half his age.

That's not true. There are such things as prenuptual agreements and most of my attorney friends, especially the ones who have already gotten divorced, require their would-be wives to sign them.

I just have not met too many women who have given me the impression that they are interested in me as a person, as opposed to a successful professional who can provide a gravy train for them. As I see it, hobbying is more cost efficient and easier for me anyway, given the lifestyle I now lead and my refusal to go back to the traditional dating/bar scene, which I detested.

 

[hobby11]

i prefer

i d rather pay and have fun than telling BS
to some girls in clubs to have sex ...
u dont feel bad when u pay but i feel bad when i lie...
for sure its easy to get girls that way but
sometimes its tough to get rid of them...
its much easier and funier with an sp
i have also had sps as real girlfriends too
(not paying them anything...) but i found
the the sex was not that great when u start a relationship
with them cuz the fantasy was not there anymore...
bottom line i think if u got the money hobbying
is much better than dating and marriage...

 

[Doc Holliday]

I find it intensely sad, indeed, pitiful, that anyone should think that marriage/civil unions/living together has anything to do with money.

I have to agree with everything you've said here. I think some of the members who have posted in this thread have been watching too much tv: Desperate Housewives, Dallas, Dynasty, Y & R, etc....where most women in those fictional tv shows/soaps tend to be gold diggers. I also haven't met one single woman in my lifetime who has married someone for his money. On the other hand, i have probably met more than a few men who have married into wealth.

I have been in a few serious relationships (common-law) over a decade or so. Those years were among the most memorable in my lifetime. As i think of those years, i realize that i was at my happiest. Sure, there were problems at times, like in any normal relationship. But the pluses outweighed the negatives considerably. Even though i've been hobbying for just under 10 years, something has always been lacking. Sure, the sex is great and easy to obtain (for a price). However, the things Regnad mentionned that he cherishes in a relationship cannot be bought. For those who have never been in a serious relationship, well, you've been missing out on something good.....often great. Hobbying fills a need....but just one or two of them. The least important ones, in my opinion.

 

[The Woodworker]

I have followed this discussion with great interest. I am not hobbying at present, although I do plan on seeing a certain visitor in the near future. If I'm vague, it's because I would like to pretend I'm the only one she is seeing.

In the late nineties I was hobbying a fair bit. There was alot of guilt associated with the idea of using women, paying for something that should be free. But the problem was, I was looking to fill a void, hence the pain.

My father always told me that when a man is with a woman, he should be with that woman only. This, from a man who cheated on his mistresses. I hated him for it. I eventually married a woman who just wanted to get out of the house (living with her parents) and I just wanted to save myself from myself... to put an end to my "whoring" (no disrespect intended) ways. But it wasn't just my hobbying that had me upset, I was seeing one girl after another, sleeping with each one. I was faithful to my wife, but it only lasted a year. And it was expensive. Not because she took my money, rather the wedding expenses and everything involved.

Today, I frequent dating sites, and often sleep with the women I meet. Fantastic. But what of the void, you ask? Well... it's still there, I just deal with it better.

Eager Beaver's idea of a "buddy", a companion to hang out with and do the things that friends do, that's what I want. I came close to having that a few times, but I was too young and inexperienced. Said experience, however, has led me to realize that I cannot spend the rest of my days with just one woman. She would have to be quite special for that. Compound the situation with the fact that I absolutely love great sex.... well, you get the picture.

I tell myself I don't want to see SPs because of the money, and that's true,I can't really afford it. But the truth is, I still think it's not something one should pay for. On the other hand, I agree that it saves us alot of headache, provided, of course, that the SP can be trusted and will provide the enjoyment we deserve. Yes, I am a contradiction in terms.

So, although I am still conflicted, I keep scouring these pages, looking for a gem worthy of my money. In the meantime, let's hope our visitor does not let me down.

 

[mrstallion2003]

Regnad,

You are absolutely right that the majority of men don't fall victim to a parasitic marriage. It's just that certain men are more highly prone to attracting parasites. I can't tell you why, maybe it's because they smell of "eau de desperation" and become easy targets. Does hobbying worsen the problem? I don't know.

One thing I have heard is that women are attracted to the qualities that their fathers have. So this sometimes explains why certain SPs hook up with dead beats that beat the crap out of them. It makes me throw up that they would rather live with pieces of human garbage, than get a nice mistress set up with someone, live alone, or other alternative.

Me, I'm just playing the odds. Right now I simply look too young to make a good first impression on many women (I still get ID'ed in bars and restaurants, and when I go to buy smokes). As was said (Dudemtl, I think), you need to attract the woman during the first few moments, or else it's pointless. I am going to be a much more eligible bachelor five years from now.

 

[robertpal]

like the guy said

marriage with right women is good...otherwise it's worse than hell...or HIV...haha

 

[robertpal]

marry an oriental women

sure to be less hell than anything else...they usually don't cheat...or usually very polite....and don't divorce too easily
kinda stereotyped but there are reasons for stereotypes

 

[Rexroth]

That's why I "hobby." It keeps me sane and keeps my sexual frustration from boiling over and ruining the good things that we do have.

I couldn’t agree with you more. You could well be describing my own situation. I have been seeing SPs for the past 10 years precisely because of sexual frustration. Had I not, it is unclear whether I would still be married. On the one hand, our sex life became uninteresting, though not non-existent. We settled into a pattern of sporadic and at times rewarding sex. However, I have appetites that my wife doesn’t share. In saying this, I don’t necessarily mean that these appetites are bizarre or weird. I like to experiment and I also like variety. Interestingly enough, soon after I began to see SPs, I noticed that sex with my spouse became better. As well, the feelings of frustration that I had began to evaporate and I was, and still am, much better able to appreciate what we have together as a couple.

I have tried other alternatives, namely, affairs and dating sites. While these do provide some sort of sexual relief, they also tend to come at a price. Perhaps I have been “unlucky,” but every one of my extramarital affairs quickly became complicated because they entailed an emotional involvement, which has invariably led to demands for “more,” guilt feelings, etc. That is, they rarely remained strictly sexual affairs. Also, although there is a fair amount of hit and miss with SPs, the majority of my experiences with them in the past couple of years have been quite satisfactory. After all, they, the good ones at least, are professionals; that is, they are good to very good at what they do. And they provide exactly the outlet I am looking for.

 

[naughtylady]

From a woman's perspective: I agree a lousy marriage and ugly divorce is hell. I don't want to ever go through that again! Remember it is hard on everyone involved.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[Flyguy]

My perspective is "lease" vs "buy".

Comparative model of Car / Marriage ... lol.

When you get married you "bought" your marriage. Like everything, when it is new, it's great and a lot of fun. You use it a lot at first, and show it to all of your friends. And she does the same thing with you. You are both in love. What a great thing. Then, things start to cool down a little. You don't need to use your new "thing" as much, and/or your partner doesn't want to use its "thing" as much either. Then you discover little tiny defects in your new marriage. At first, the little defects are "cute", then they become annoying. You know, the way your partner has this cute thing about eating its vegetables in alphabetical order - later it's the "damn alphabetical order eating disorder" that makes you climb up the wall. Then the sex that was so great at first is now slowly, but surely, declining in frequency. First it was everyday, then every other day, then twice a week, later; once a week, then once a week if you were really lucky. Let's not count headaches, time of the month excuses, kids, people staying over, of course the "I'm too tired, I promise we'll do it tomorrow" great saying.
Your new thing is now an old model that does not work as well as when it was new, requires lots of maintenance, warranty is over, sometimes you have a hard time figuring what's wrong with it, but, you just can't change it for a newer model. As we all know, it is a VERY costly change. And you still love the older model nonetheless. it brougth you lots of joy and lots of very nice rides. You just can't come to trashing the older model.

So what to do?

Leasing!!!! That's the ticket!

Short term lease is efficient and brings you lots of joy that your older model can't provide you anymore. The beauty of leasing is that you don't have to buy it afterward. You use it for the period of time you need and then return it to the dealership. What more can you want? You can also lease while you own. When you lease, the leased model will not brag to the older model that it is better. The leased model will not boil your bunny (re:Fatal Attraction).

While you lease, your owned older model will not depreciate as fast. As a matter of fact, leasing will increase life expectancy of the older model. You will appreciate your older model more and little things in life that were bothering you will not bother you as much anymore.

Remember the old Mastercard joke:

Motel - $45
Bottle of wine - $25
Escort - $200
Being able to send her home and never having to hear her bitch ever again - Priceless.

What do they say - it's not the destination that is important but the journey. Enjoy the ride - bought or leased - maybe a little of both. LOL.

Flyguy

 

[ck_nj]

Flyguy,

That is one of the best analogies I have ever heard!

CK

 

[EagerBeaver]

My perspective is "lease" vs "buy".

Comparative model of Car / Marriage ... lol.

When you get married you "bought" your marriage. Like everything, when it is new, it's great and a lot of fun. You use it a lot at first, and show it to all of your friends. And she does the same thing with you. You are both in love. What a great thing. Then, things start to cool down a little. You don't need to use your new "thing" as much, and/or your partner doesn't want to use its "thing" as much either. Then you discover little tiny defects in your new marriage. At first, the little defects are "cute", then they become annoying. You know, the way your partner has this cute thing about eating its vegetables in alphabetical order - later it's the "damn alphabetical order eating disorder" that makes you climb up the wall. Then the sex that was so great at first is now slowly, but surely, declining in frequency. First it was everyday, then every other day, then twice a week, later; once a week, then once a week if you were really lucky. Let's not count headaches, time of the month excuses, kids, people staying over, of course the "I'm too tired, I promise we'll do it tomorrow" great saying.
Your new thing is now an old model that does not work as well as when it was new, requires lots of maintenance, warranty is over, sometimes you have a hard time figuring what's wrong with it, but, you just can't change it for a newer model. As we all know, it is a VERY costly change. And you still love the older model nonetheless. it brougth you lots of joy and lots of very nice rides. You just can't come to trashing the older model.

So what to do?

Leasing!!!! That's the ticket!

Short term lease is efficient and brings you lots of joy that your older model can't provide you anymore. The beauty of leasing is that you don't have to buy it afterward. You use it for the period of time you need and then return it to the dealership. What more can you want? You can also lease while you own. When you lease, the leased model will not brag to the older model that it is better. The leased model will not boil your bunny (re:Fatal Attraction).

While you lease, your owned older model will not depreciate as fast. As a matter of fact, leasing will increase life expectancy of the older model. You will appreciate your older model more and little things in life that were bothering you will not bother you as much anymore.

Remember the old Mastercard joke:

Motel - $45
Bottle of wine - $25
Escort - $200
Being able to send her home and never having to hear her bitch ever again - Priceless.

What do they say - it's not the destination that is important but the journey. Enjoy the ride - bought or leased - maybe a little of both. LOL.

Flyguy

Flyguy,

Absolutely great post! I will stay with the short term leases, thank you. The only thing not contemplated by your analogy is the tremendous maintenance costs that go along with buying that new car. That is what many of the more naive posters for whom economic realities have not yet set in need to hear. Some of the posts in this thread dangerously mislead the younger bachelors. The truth is, most of the hobbyist bachelors that read this thread are age 40 plus, are making $75,000 annually and up, in some cases a lot more, own their own condos and/or homes and in some cases summer homes and cottages, and that being the case, MOMMY AND DADDY AIN'T PAYING FOR THE WEDDING, THE RING, OR THE HONEYMOON, MUCH LESS THE DIVORCE, ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.

Did anyone see that P. Diddy, a/k/a Sean Combs, was ordered by a New York Court today to pay $21,000 PER MONTH in child support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What child needs $21,000 a month to live on???????

Keep it simple fellas. Bachelorhood is good. Leasing is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Montreal Moose]

That is a great comparison between cars.

I myself prefer the newer(younger) sportier modles with low mileage as opposed to an old jalopy with high miles. I also like the asian imports..they seem to look newer longer.

MM

 

[Jim2005]

Flyguy,

Absolutely great post! I will stay with the short term leases, thank you. The only thing not contemplated by your analogy is the tremendous maintenance costs that go along with buying that new car. That is what many of the more naive posters for whom economic realities have not yet set in need to hear. Some of the posts in this thread dangerously mislead the younger bachelors. The truth is, most of the hobbyist bachelors that read this thread are age 40 plus, are making $75,000 annually and up, in some cases a lot more, own their own condos and/or homes and in some cases summer homes and cottages, and that being the case, MOMMY AND DADDY AIN'T PAYING FOR THE WEDDING, THE RING, OR THE HONEYMOON, MUCH LESS THE DIVORCE, ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.

Did anyone see that P. Diddy, a/k/a Sean Combs, was ordered by a New York Court today to pay $21,000 PER MONTH in child support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What child needs $21,000 a month to live on???????

Keep it simple fellas. Bachelorhood is good. Leasing is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sean Combs' $21,000/month child support payment came straight from the New York Child Support Worksheet, I'd gather. Her attorney probably sought out every monthly income stream controlled by Mr. Combs and then compared it to the mother's monthly income. I bet that P.Diddy controls 99.9% of the pool! Take that overwhelming percentage attributable to Combs, which is critical, and go through all the steps in the table. If Combs were making $5000/month or so, he'd probably be paying closer to $1,000 month in child support, depending on whether the mother was utilizing day care if she held a job. Do a Google search and you'll find plenty of examples of this worksheet. Here's a URL:

http://www.divorcenet.com/divorcenet_2/states/new_york/ny_child_support_worksheet

It's great to be altruistic and upbeat about love and marriage. Just hope that you can both weather the inevitable storms and communicate well. And yes, there's a helluva lot more to marriage than sex. Not every divorce entails expensive lawyers, I should add. But when there are substantial assets or income streams involved, not to mention children, don't necessarily count on mediation or a friendly meeting of the minds with your soon-to-be-ex. I consulted several divorce lawyers before settling on the one I liked and had a good rapport with. One of the lawyers I did not choose wanted me to include the value of the respective wedding rings in the inventory of marital property. That moment was when it hit me that divorce could be a cold, cruel process. My advice to anyone reading this message string is to consult with a divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction and learn the key aspects of the law inside out before you marry. And get intense pre-marital counseling. It will be money very well spent.

The stark reality in some cases is that divorce will be a path straight to personal bankruptcy or for some folks a nervous breakdown. As EB noted about his friend with the fast-greying hair, the stress and misery can overwhelm some people in such situations, be it male or female. I have a friend with substantial assets who is going through a tough divorce and I'm trying to give him some ideas about how he and his wife might be able to cooperate and compromise on certain fronts, thereby saving themselves substantial legal costs in the process. I also have some female friends, in real-life, who have been down the divorce path. So I can understand some of their perspectives also. I've encouraged these ladies to save money and build a nest egg through a 401K, IRA, or various investments. So few people have a financial plan these days. So that's my sermonette for the day.

Cheers,
Jim