I have absolutely no escape

[Penelope]

I don't think I come off as pitiful me

Well, if you come off in life anything like the way you're coming off in this thread, well yes, you're in the victim game: your handle, you attitude towards women (it's their fault), as well as the negative way you recieve advice put you in the let's-pick-at-my-scabs category.

They seem to be very unforgiving about faults you have, but you're an asshole if you won't date a girl because of her faults. I know , double standards, non negotiatble either....

In that field, women have more choice. a woman who absolutely wants sex can have some anytime as long as she's willing to lower her standards a bit. Doesn't work the other way around. It's an unbalanced market. there is a higher demand for sex from men than from women, women can be pickier. can you blame them for that? Unfair? perhaps, but whoever said life was fair? You guys have power elsewhere, I don't need to give you examples of what men can do to women... Hey, you stick your jade sword in a woman's sheath, you're almost guaranteed to come as long as you plumbing still works properly. Doesn't work the other way around...

Anyways, the guys are right. get your act together if you want to get women. You say women should like you for what you are, well, what you are or rather the way you are presenting it doesn't seem to have served you well so far. Maybe you should change the packaging.
Can't dance? do language classes. there you are encouraged to talk with other class members as it serves pedagogical purposes.
Working on communication skills without alcohol is also good. get rid of those little wheels, you're old enough. internet dating for practice is also a very good idea. (thumbs up to I don't remember who had this one, sounds like a really good use of the service)

And stop looking at your "can't"s and focus on your "can"s if you want us to believe you're not playing the pittyme game...

Good luck, really. My uncle had his first serious relationship ever at 40 after 20 years of not dating. everything is possible.

Cheers,

Penny

 

[Esco!]

It's an unbalanced market. there is a higher demand for sex from men than from women, women can be pickier. can you blame them for that? Unfair? perhaps, but whoever said life was fair? You guys have power elsewhere

True, what I love about being a man is we can date 20 year olds when we are 60+, but that doesnt really work the other way around.

.

 

[chef]

Go to a chat room with Filipino women... you will quickly have a number contact you and very often these women are anxious in the extreme to meet a western male, are not unattractive and are of excellent character.

Let's see what you can find wrong with this suggestion.

What if he does not like Philippinas ?

There was an interesting feature on TV several years ago about men from all over the world going to the Philippines in planeloads, looking for wives.

 

[BigPickle]

Doesn't it piss you off that you cannot be you and get a woman? I have to become someone I am not to be able to impress a woman. That's not right. What the hell is wrong with this world?

I'm not certain what anyone else really thinks of this but for sure I see a few things.

• You are feeling bad
• You are feeling bad because you are lonely
• You want a long term girlfriend who likes you
• You want to like a girl who might be a long term girlfriend
• You want to be attracted to a girl who might be a long term girlfriend
• You do not want to change who you are to get all the above

So long as you feel like you have fulfilled those points, you will have no reason to feel bad.

Your problem is not what you want. It's what you are not willing to do to get what you want. Everything on the list is perfectly normal for any human to want, and achievable. What is not working for you is the last item.

You can argue about it all you want. You can whine. Have a tantrum. Dream. Wish really hard. Be idealistic. If you are not getting what you want based on the package of who you are, then you need to fix that. It is logical. If you are not willing to fix that then you are the one holding you back.

Women have to become someone else if they aren't getting what they want just as much as men do. If you don't believe that then you are fooling yourself or watching too much bullshit on TV.

To be honest I am fully certain there are plenty of women around you who would be more than willing to give you what you want and their only deficiency is you are not attracted to them. In order for you to be attracted to them, they must fit your criteria which might involve being thin, healthy, workout, dress hot, wear makeup just right. This requires the women to be someone they are not naturally because it takes them work and effort. If that is what you want then you can't expect those very same women to accept you and want you if you are not willing to change.

For men the change is not about looking good or working out. I believe those are great things and don't hurt to have. You are blessed to have this already. What matters more is to be willing to be who you don't want to be or act the way you don't want to act. I am sorry but if you can look at the situation realistically and refuse to work within the system then you are being your own worst enemy. You can either lower your standards of looks or do what it takes to get what you want.

We are like amoebas in a dish. Chemicals. Biology. We are math. Do you argue 2 plus 2 equals 4? Do you fight this? That is what you are doing.

If you think you are trying your best then you need to consider that your attitude needs some adjustment. Maybe nobody likes to be with someone who doesn't like who they are? Find some appreciation in yourself and let it show. Don't be afraid to be assertive. Be a chauvanist pig if you must if that's what it takes to get what you want.

Does a marathon runner whine that he must train for months? No he just does it.

 

[Esco!]

Be a chauvanist pig if you must if that's what it takes to get what you want.

Hell yeah, it works for me

 

[Fat Happy Buddha]

Snark, some of us are just programmed differently. Save the Tony Robbins speach. I've tried medication, psychologists, light therapy, etc. It's a combination of chemicals in the brain and experiences in early childhood that made me this way. If it were as simple as 'thinking' yourself different, then I'd do it. People are the way they are. Just because a minority of us are different, doesn't mean we can think ourselves "normal'."

And Big Pickle, call me stubborn, but while your points are very accurate, the question I have is if someone says, hey be yourself, then why should I or GD or anyone have to change himself to suit others? Fuck 'em, I'd rather be bitter and alone than change and be a phony just to get what I want from a person who wouldn't accept me if they knew the real me. At least I know who I am, which is more than alot of people can say.


PS-Techman, yeah, but the pie's getting smaller all the time.

As I said earlier, I really liked The Snark's comment, because it suggested how important it is to become comfortable and happy with oneself, regardless or not whether there are women in the picture.

btyger, I agree with you that authenticity is important. I don't think most of those who made comments here are suggesting that gamelessdork change himself to suit others. What he needs to do is to change himself in a way that he will feel better about himself. You can be pretty sure that if he is walking around with a sincere sense of confidence, he will find a woman sooner or later.

 

[Fat Happy Buddha]

FHB:
Your post above is exactly the point. There's a differance between changing yourself to suit others and just being more comfortable and confedant in who you are. The irony is when you try to be what people want you to be, you fail in all accounts. But, when you project an image that you are who you are and others better accept me and it's to bad if they don't like what they see, others tend to be attracted to that as they develope a feeling that they need to follow you rather than the other way around. People like leaders not followers.

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

[Rango]

Gamelessdork

At Woodstock,

I think it was Joan Biaz that sang " Don't you want Somebody to Love".

We all do. I agree with the merbites that say if your current strategy isn't working try something else. If you are depressed, see your doctor. The prescriptions are cheap, they stop the negative thoughts from whirling around in your head; especially at night.

The board members are trying to be of great help to you. You are not alone and IT IS YOUR LIFE TO LIVE!

Rango

 

[anon_vlad]

I don't agree that it is good strategy to be yourself with women.

What if you spend most of your day being confrontational? e.g. football player, stock trader

What if you spend your day solving problems? Most women seem to want a supportive listener when they explain their problems and seem to take it as an insult to their intelligence if one proposes solutions as one would to a man complaining about a problem.

It is much more important to pay attention to body language and mood with women than men. In general, you have to be more observant with women. My GF told me that she thought I showed a lack of concern for her because I didn't remember which perfume was her favorite.

 

[gamelessdork]

I really thank you for all of your replies and suggestion. I will try to take them to heart, but it's difficult to become someone who I am not. Maybe it's possible, I will keep that possibility open. I went to the bar tonight, met this irish dude who works at a local bar, and he took a liking to me, so maybe his gf will introduce me to peeps. He seemed like he really wanted to hang out with me again, so my personality cannot be all that horrible, though with girls I think it's a different story.

 

[BigPickle]

I really thank you for all of your replies and suggestion. I will try to take them to heart, but it's difficult to become someone who I am not. Maybe it's possible, I will keep that possibility open. I went to the bar tonight, met this irish dude who works at a local bar, and he took a liking to me, so maybe his gf will introduce me to peeps. He seemed like he really wanted to hang out with me again, so my personality cannot be all that horrible, though with girls I think it's a different story.

The Little Engine That Could.

Read it.

Live it.

Beeeeaaahhhhh!!

 

[gamelessdork]

The Little Engine That Could.

Read it.

Live it.

Beeeeaaahhhhh!!

If it tells you anything, that was one of the ONLY books I had as a child and this is how I turned out. TOo bad it was only about a train going up a hill and not about picking up babes. hahah. They need to write the 21st century version of it.

 

[Joe.t]

I'd much rather be in my situation than be stuck in a sexless marriage or a bad relationship. If you decide to stick at home and hide instead of at least trying to go out and meet someone, then it's your own fault. You don't have to go down to some trendy bar where all the pretentious people hang out. Most neighborhoods have local bars where you can drop in now and then. You'd be surprised how easy it is to meet people once you give it a chance. Don't go out looking for something, just go. get friendly with the waitress, barman or barmaid. In a month or so you'll be a regular and have found some new friends which could lead anywhere. Give it a shot.

Good advice Techman, i have used this approach whenever i visit Montreal and i have met some very nice people which include(barman/barmaid/owner of the bar/regular customers of the bar).

 

[Techman]

I really thank you for all of your replies and suggestion. I will try to take them to heart, but it's difficult to become someone who I am not. Maybe it's possible, I will keep that possibility open. I went to the bar tonight, met this irish dude who works at a local bar, and he took a liking to me, so maybe his gf will introduce me to peeps. He seemed like he really wanted to hang out with me again, so my personality cannot be all that horrible, though with girls I think it's a different story.

Just hope that the guy isn't interested in you himself

Just kidding. It's a good start. You don't really have to become someone you're not, just let the person you are come out. Try to start out thinking that maybe you'll meet someone interesting, instead of knowing that you won't. A little positive attitude can go a long way.

 

[gamelessdork]

Just hope that the guy isn't interested in you himself

Just kidding. It's a good start. You don't really have to become someone you're not, just let the person you are come out. Try to start out thinking that maybe you'll meet someone interesting, instead of knowing that you won't. A little positive attitude can go a long way.

Here's an example of my bad attitude. I live next to this bar that attracts a trendy crowd. Basically it's a bunch of incredibly pretentious girls showing off, and the guys who want to attract those kind of girls. Very unfriendly. People just stand around and basically show off while talking with the group they came in with. Very overpriced, but always very crowded because it is "Trendy" I always know which women are headed to that bar from how they are overdressed and how much noice their shoes make, and when they walk by I just laugh at the totally shallow conversations and their fake friendships... Am I bad for thinking this when I'm probably right about 90% of the people that go there? I'm sure htere are some decent peeps at that place, but it's really notorious for the pretentiousness level.

 

[Techman]

You aren't wrong and that's exactly the kind of place you should avoid. That's not bad attitude, that's common sense. If you aren't gay you don't go to gay bars. If you aren't a self centered show off ass, you don't go to bars that attract that kind of person.

 

[gamelessdork]

You aren't wrong and that's exactly the kind of place you should avoid. That's not bad attitude, that's common sense. If you aren't gay you don't go to gay bars. If you aren't a self centered show off ass, you don't go to bars that attract that kind of person.

Oh, I've been told I have a bad attitude because I think like that. Those are the kind of places here, either dive bars where people don't go to show off, but to get drunk and have fun, or pretentious places, where guys strategically place their car keys so you can see them and that they're BMW keys.

 

[gamelessdork]

what it's like in my town

I found this on my local craigslist, there are comments like this pretty much on a daily basis, so this is typical, it's as if I wrote it, as it totally describes me:

"That they are only looking for a man who will never measure up! I make a 6 figure income, not bad looking but will never measure up for some reason. I guess I am just not the Bill Clinton that they are looking for. I do believe that the women here will tell you what they will do but seldom will Fuck ya all!
"

 

[gamelessdork]

My mind is far from being made up, but from the beginning a small voice has been questioning the sincerity of gamelessdork .....

He seems to have far more energy to share his hopelessness then most hopeless people....

In a way it would be good if he was having us on... then he wouldn't have the problems he is describing....

On the other hand, if he is having us on, it is sad... lots of decent people, who have gone out of their way to help, are being mocked....

Any thoughts on this?

Why would you think this? It's hard to believe that someone on an escort review board has problems getting women? Other posters have said they felt the same exact way I am (though apparently they've had better (and worse) luck than I have)....

 

[Big Daddy]

Here is my advice. It is somewhat unusual, but it works and you really need to work hard.

To get noticed by a woman, you have to be extremely comfortable being alone. Go to bar or a restaurant and eat or drink alone. Do not appear nervous and just be comfortable being yourself. Don't read a newspaper or talk on a cell phone. Just enjoy your meal or a drink and watch people around you. I can gurantee that a lot of women will notice you.

Go to the same bar/restaurant again and repeat the same thing. Since you are actually observing women, you will see that some women are more curious about you. This is when you make a move. Don't make a strong move, just a causal move and adjust the process as needed.

In a society where people don't like to be seen alone, it is people who are actually alone and are comfortable with being alone get noticed and generate curosity of women. For a woman, there is nothing more sexy than a single confident guy. To be confident you have to learn to be happy with your life and be comfortable being alone.