Is your feeling on her ability to cope with her job important?

[gugu]

Lets define coping, with Wikipedia, as the ability to constantly change cognitive and behavioural efforts to manage specific external and/or internal demands that are appraised as taxing. Of course, by extension, the less we appraise something as taxing, the easier we can cope with it.

Let’s talk specifically about coping with sex work, not about coping with life in general. The two are somewhat linked but someone coping well with life in general may be incapable to cope with sex work as someone stressed out by life in general may be able to cope with sex work.

Lets accept that it is impossible to assess objectively a sex worker’s ability to cope with her job because 1 we cannot know for sure her feeling about her relation to us as a client; 2 we can’t see her ability to cope with other clients; 3 we can’t see her ability to cope with others in her work environment (other sex workers, agency owners, bookers, drivers. etc); and 4 we can’t see her ability to cope with the social pressure over sex work. However we may have a gut feeling about it.

 

[TheDon]

From my experience the girls that see SPing as having a good time and letting themselves go to have a good time tend to be a good experience.

The girls that are just doing it for easy money tend not to let themselves go to have a good time and are just going through the motions.

 

[blkone]

I never go the full mile with an SP that looks, or acts as if she wants to get out of the business.

I met one poor soul that literally started crying as soon as she assumed the position. They were not contrived crocodile tears, these were external symbols of a broken person; of course I could not go through with it seeing as how I am not a monster. I did not pay, obviously, and she didn't even say a word about it.

So, yes, an SP's "ability to cope" is crucial for my pleasure.

And some Women are simply not cut out for sex work.

 

[Net Profit Margin]

I am curious as to what would make it that one's "feeling" constitutes an assessment of any kind on her ability to cope with her job.

 

[Siocnarf]

Sometimes I get the distinct feeling that they are uncomfortable in that job and that's a turn off. I like very friendly GFE that seem to be totally comfortable. Of course I never know for sure what they really think. Being able to cope with the job does not necessarily mean they always enjoy it all the time. It's like any job.

 

[gugu]

Net Profit Margin, it does not constitute an assessment as is well clarified in the last paragraph of the seminal post. But we are human and, as such, we communicate at an emotional level, building up all sorts of representation of the others, sometimes accurate and sometimes totally wrong. When going for a hair cut, I may find the girl depressed (she may or may be in reality), but if she does her job fine, it will not affect my appreciation. It does when I see a sex worker.

 

[Net Profit Margin]

My sincere apologies for bumping this thread but why? Why gugu is it important to you? Self-justification? Guilt feelings? You need to feel better about yourself? What?

 

[gugu]

Net Profit Margin, what is your answer to the question? Crucial, somewhat important or irrelevant?

 

[Net Profit Margin]

It's irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. Now, if I may ask again, what's your answer? Why is it important to you?

 

[Siocnarf]

And why is it not important to you? Sex is supposed to be fun and its no fun being with someone who gives you a bad feeling or does not seem to be happy.

 

[gugu]

NPM, it's crucial for me.

Self-justification? I don't see the relation.

Guilt feelings? Yep. I'd get a strong one if I had the feeling she can't cope.

Feel better about myself? I have no need for that, but it could be a good answer for some.

A quick note: I am not being judgmental in this thread. I do not pretend any answer is better then the other. As a matter of fact, I believe that most sex workers would say: "Hey! Buddy, please don't try to get into my bubble. Don't get intrusive. You pay to get fun. Concentrate on that. I try to deliver as best as I can. The rest is none of your business."

 

[Net Profit Margin]

"obviously"

François,

First of all, I asked first.

Two. Why do you say obviously? Did the question imply "obviously"? If her inability to cope with the job is obvious, as you, say, then why speak of "feelings"? I don't know about you but when something is obvious, I tend to see it not to feel it.

 

[Net Profit Margin]

"Hey! Buddy, please don't try to get into my bubble. Don't get intrusive. You pay to get fun. Concentrate on that. I try to deliver as best as I can. The rest is none of your business."

Precisely. Seeing sexworkers is straightforward. You pay for companionship. The day I feel guilty about something that is none of my business is the day I quit hobbying.

 

[gugu]

Fair enough, NPM. But then... Is the distinction between the "obvious" and the "feelings" relevant in any way? For example, let's say you know as a fact that the lady is pimped and that the pimp, not necessarily physically violent, is exploitative, taking 80% of her revenues. You have no problem booking her, as far as she provides a good service, because the rest is none of your business?

 

[Net Profit Margin]

That's right, I have no problem booking her. It's up to her, not to me, to work a better deal with her pimp or move her business elsewhere.

 

[Siocnarf]

Yes you asked first NPM, but without taking the time of explaining your own point of view.

About obvious vs gut feeling, I think its worse when I have a bad feeling compared to when there's an obvious problem.

In my case it has nothing to do with guilt, but if the girls does'nt look happy (whatever the reason) I won't have a very good time and I won't see her again. That's one reason why I usually prefer indies.

 

[gugu]

W are getting off topic a bit here, but I guess there is a limit somewhere. You still have no problem, as far as she offers a satisfactory service, if you know for a fact that she is beaten by her pimp or that she is somehow constraint in her capacity to move her business somewhere else?

 

[Net Profit Margin]

Are you serious? Tell me you're not serious.

 

[Siocnarf]

My gut feeling is that he is serious. You obviously prefer not to answer. :lol:

I also corrected my previous post to make them compliant with the exact phrasing of the question. I apologise to all our readers; my writer has been fired and this will not happen again.

 

[gugu]

Of course i am serious. Both examples I submitted to you are the result of a criminal behavior (not your behavior, but the pimp's behavior). If someone subscribes to the moral and judicial social response on this issue, I think you can't blame him to try to be aware.