I was chatting on another forum where a girl, married since 9 years was flipping out because her man wasn't back home at midnight...he never cheated but since her two last exs did, she uses this as an excuse to be a drama-queen and way upon his return...so many other ladies were telling her they wouldn't like it either...I arrived out of nowhere with a post that turned the thread in another direction...so I would like your opinion on my first comment:
Men will lie. Damn, they will even lie about lying. Do they do it to protect you from the truth? Perhaps in rare cases, but mostly it's just more convenient and less time consuming than an drama scene, tears, explanation, accusations, an argument...well, you know, the whole downward spiral of a toxic relationship.
But, it doesn't make them less caring. It may even make them better prioritisers, which leave them with more energy for the things that turn you both on about your perception of the other, what turn you on about them, like fixing stuff, resolving issues, changing your breaks and coming in greasy from working on your car. This is when they feel the most confident on themself so they feel like being better partner, better lover...So, let me ask you one question: Do we need to know everything that's in our partners lives and minds to love them?
If yes, which mainly means you consider truth to be more important than harmony.. Be it: be a nag. Be suspicious. Be jealous and be miserable. But remember one signle thing: He didn't make you that way, you decided to chose to act with this "pain in the ass" behaviors by yourself and for yourself since he never cheated on you (as far as you know). In your situation, you can only think or feel differently about something by thinking or feeling differently. Your trust doesn't change, never did within 9 years...so it never will. Your trust and jealousy don't change, You do. Then your jab will be to decide how, and if it's worth turning into a prick to feel vindicated. If it's worth destroying the intimacy with him you DO have.
That being said, even when they're telling the truth, they're just doing it because it's what you want to hear, not because they think it's important : You try to make it important to them because you think then they will understand you, share your perception, merge with you. You think if they understood you, they could not possibly betray you because you'd be too close by then, like one person. They'd be betraying a part of themselves.
BUT this is false... and falseness is worse than a lie, because it builds your reality up from a foundation that is NOT real. When the delusion is removed, your reality goes with it. Everything you thought you knew evaporates, and it is not a matter of just picking up the thread before the fabric unraveled. There is no fabric. Gone...as simple as a mirage: Facts are not truths. Transparency is not honesty.... So oyu might be thinking:
if not transparency, what IS important to men?
Back in the days when I was a sex provider, most of my married clients deal with bullshit at work and they deal with bullshit at home...all day, everyday. They were seeking just an hour's haitus from bullshit, something simple that is open and closed within parameters fixed by professionalism..they were paying for an outlet...as simple as it sounds.. for a gratification without expectation, release without obligation or guilt, without drama, without crisis, without consequences. The main transactions which will determine success and failure in the lives they have when they leave me do not overwhelm this shelter sex creates.
Now that I have explained my point of view, since you wanted our opinion; the consequences and collateral damages of a subsequent lie are waayyyy far less devastating than flawed expectations (desillusion) in the first place.
Your thoughts? (other than they don't know I am back in the scene lol)
Men will lie. Damn, they will even lie about lying. Do they do it to protect you from the truth? Perhaps in rare cases, but mostly it's just more convenient and less time consuming than an drama scene, tears, explanation, accusations, an argument...well, you know, the whole downward spiral of a toxic relationship.
But, it doesn't make them less caring. It may even make them better prioritisers, which leave them with more energy for the things that turn you both on about your perception of the other, what turn you on about them, like fixing stuff, resolving issues, changing your breaks and coming in greasy from working on your car. This is when they feel the most confident on themself so they feel like being better partner, better lover...So, let me ask you one question: Do we need to know everything that's in our partners lives and minds to love them?
If yes, which mainly means you consider truth to be more important than harmony.. Be it: be a nag. Be suspicious. Be jealous and be miserable. But remember one signle thing: He didn't make you that way, you decided to chose to act with this "pain in the ass" behaviors by yourself and for yourself since he never cheated on you (as far as you know). In your situation, you can only think or feel differently about something by thinking or feeling differently. Your trust doesn't change, never did within 9 years...so it never will. Your trust and jealousy don't change, You do. Then your jab will be to decide how, and if it's worth turning into a prick to feel vindicated. If it's worth destroying the intimacy with him you DO have.
That being said, even when they're telling the truth, they're just doing it because it's what you want to hear, not because they think it's important : You try to make it important to them because you think then they will understand you, share your perception, merge with you. You think if they understood you, they could not possibly betray you because you'd be too close by then, like one person. They'd be betraying a part of themselves.
BUT this is false... and falseness is worse than a lie, because it builds your reality up from a foundation that is NOT real. When the delusion is removed, your reality goes with it. Everything you thought you knew evaporates, and it is not a matter of just picking up the thread before the fabric unraveled. There is no fabric. Gone...as simple as a mirage: Facts are not truths. Transparency is not honesty.... So oyu might be thinking:
if not transparency, what IS important to men?
Back in the days when I was a sex provider, most of my married clients deal with bullshit at work and they deal with bullshit at home...all day, everyday. They were seeking just an hour's haitus from bullshit, something simple that is open and closed within parameters fixed by professionalism..they were paying for an outlet...as simple as it sounds.. for a gratification without expectation, release without obligation or guilt, without drama, without crisis, without consequences. The main transactions which will determine success and failure in the lives they have when they leave me do not overwhelm this shelter sex creates.
Now that I have explained my point of view, since you wanted our opinion; the consequences and collateral damages of a subsequent lie are waayyyy far less devastating than flawed expectations (desillusion) in the first place.
Your thoughts? (other than they don't know I am back in the scene lol)
I was young, no bad looking and attracted my fair share of attention. Eventually the cheating started and led to me just telling her one day that I couldn't stand her controlling behaviour and I walked. I have been in relationships and have tried my best NOT to lie to a partner but sometimes the most trivial things require a cover up. I can't deal with the , Who were you texting ? Who were you on the phone with ? Why did you stop and see your friend on the way home ? etc etc etc. I love this hobby for the ability to be totally honest with a provider. I don't hide my identity, I can have a conversation that is totally honest and without repercussions. The only thing is the love and warmth of a relationship, I miss that.
