Monogamy, polyamory, infidelity and the rest of us!

[curly]

There's an interesting conversation going on in another thread that start to not be related to the thread, so I propose continuing it here.

Are we polyamory by design and we become monogamous because of the social pressure? Aren't we all polyamory except that those who have the courage to state it have more guts than the others? Are men more monogamous, or women? Now, polyamory defines itself as loving many people at the same time, not loving one more and sleeping with the other which is infidelity. So is there any such thing as true polyamory or aren't we rather not promiscuous? And finally, do you think the social pressure for monogamy will still hold 100 years from now since we see it eroding as we speak?

 

[EagerBeaver]

Are we polyamory by design and we become monogamous because of the social pressure? Aren't we all polyamory except that those who have the courage to state it have more guts than the others?

Yes and yes. Or bingo and bingo.

 

[EagerBeaver]

Most relationships involve children and things might get just a bit confusing for young children in a poly environment, don't you think. So when you discuss removing societal pressures, that gets complicated to the extent those pressures are in place to create a stable environment. I am not sure the kids trying to analyze who is fucking who amongst the adults would be produce a particularly healthy childhood.

But most monogamous relationships end in divorce and things get confusing anyway. A "step-parent" invariably comes into the picture and they try to assume some role in the kid's life and if the biological parent is still in the picture, things can get super-fucked up. I have seen it many times. I find it borderline comical that the "best interest of the child" test is used in child custody cases, when we all know the best interest of the child is the parents not getting divorced in the first place. It's a system filled with hypocrisy because there are batteries of psychologists and psychiatrists waiting in the wings to make tons of money when there is a divorce, well paid parents and young kids. It's a whole racket. And the kids all end up super fucked up and super confused, and the divorcing spouses don't usually care because they are more preoccupied with "sticking it" to their soon to be ex than the best interests of the child, which is not having batteries of tests by shrinks and testifying in Court and being compelled to side with one parent or the other, especially when they are both assholes. All of that is more confusing than anything else IMHO.

 

[Behaved]

I'm kinda with Heinlein on that one. Monogamy's fine, but I like the idea of a communal polyamory a la Stranger in a Strange Land or The Moon is a Harsh Mistress where every one is sleeping with whoever they please within that group and same-gender relations are super friendly.