Question for SPs: How do you see potential relationship with clients

[Chuckles]

I guess I'm a bit bothered with the label of "disposable" friends. To me, that implies that one knows at some point that the friend will be ditched whenever the common bond is broken (here, when there is no more SP-client relations). For 7 or 8 years, I worked with a friend at his shop several days a week. During that time we spent a good chunk of time together outside of work (eating, movies, shooting pool, Halo, etc.). Granted, I was a little more willing to "give" than he was, but that's personalities for you. His shop closed for good almost two years ago, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've had contact since then.

Does that mean I was a "disposable" friend? Not in my mind: I believe we just drifted apart, because he was focused on other things (such as finding a new job, LOL); I don't believe for a second that our friendship was based on him needing someone who worked dirt cheap, and we do still meet up once in a great while. Things happen. Likewise here.

 

[CoolAmadeus]

I answered your question honestly. In retrospect I never made real friends with clients in this business. At another time I thought I made real friends, but seeing as the frienships didn't last, I guess they weren't real friendship. You of all people, having met me and spoken to me extensively, off the clock, should know that I'm not someone who views people as disposable. I've never been known for being a faker either. Maybe this is because I didn't respond to your PM? Maybe I didn't respond because it's a little too late to be friends now and I'm protecting myself.

Oh My God! In retrospect, I should have shut up!!! Talk about putting my foot in my mouth!

My "fake" friend comment was NOT DIRECTED AT YOU, nor to anyone who posted in this thread (or replied to this thread to me by PM), and I'm very sorry you understood it this way. About my "disposable" comment, I guess you and I (and others I'm sure) have had stories with people considered as "friends" but for different reasons we realized were not real. I was "disposed of" at some point, you seem to have been as well, and it happened to many others. An other term could be "being used". Some would say that only "delusional" people let this happen to them... Since this subject has already been discussed ad nauseam in previous threads, I wont get into this again now.

Also, based on your other comments I'm afraid there is a huge malentendu between you and I, and I hope we can clarify it, but that will be by PM.

My dear, it wouldn't be a "poll" if we could figure out who voted what. ;-)

I was just putting a bit of humor in this thread, and also trying to stimulate discussion. It seems I achieved that goal, but not exactly the way I wanted.

No, please don't shut up, as you are striking a chord, Wolfgang.

If I'm striking a chord, what about YOU go ahead and share? How will you enhance the salad taste, with vinegar or honey?

CA

 

[CoolAmadeus]

While I may have brought up an interesting subject, its scope goes far beyond what I originally intended. What are we talking about here anyway? Relationships with SPs, mainly friendships in the last part of this thread. But we somewhat extended the discussion to friendship in general, delusion of friendship, not only with clients/SPs, but between human beings in general.

What is a friendship anyway? the Hyperdictionary defines is as "the state of being friends". Simplistic at first sight, but then lets see what is a friend, from the same source:

1. [n] a member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox (the Friends have never called themselves Quakers)
2. [n] a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family"
3. [n] an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in fight"; "they were friends of the workers"
4. [n] a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university"
5. [n] a person who backs a politician or a team etc.; "all their supporters came out for the game"; "they are friends of the library"

It introduces the notion of trust, affection, regard, and then also assistance and even simple acquaintance.

Unfortunately most of this info is detrimental to maintaining the "fantasy" that this whole "hobby" is based on.

When us men go meet an SP, do we expect some kind of friendship to go on? Well... I never expected it but I'd be lying not to say I was always hoping for something to develop. I don't think I was any different than most men here. But what kind of friendship was I hoping for? Was I delusional enough to believe a real friendship did exist with the SPs I met only a few times, and on the clock only? NO. But do I believe a real friendship could still happen, after a while? Yes, and it did happen. With most of them? OH NO! But it still happened. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of SPs I befriend, with whom the friendship still exist, is real, giving and receiving, based on trust, affection, regard.

Everything is relative, and I don't think this thread is detrimental to the "fantasy" this hobby is based on. We are all human. We are all in this biz for a reason (or multiple), each being our own and very different reasons. As human beings we can meet someone and click at a personal level. We just have to be realistic: Not all "friendships" are real. Some are fake (and hurt when we realize what they were all about), some are there in appearance only to boost business, others are genuine but just fade away when the common ground they are based on is gone (Sp or client retirement for example). Life.

Now there is something else to think about, and I had a discussion about this very topic with a friend (a guy), just a few days ago.... Once you befriend with an SP, can you continue to see her as an SP? Personally, I say no. Do you believe in a regular/normal friendship (which means social time with her, UNPAID), but still pay her to have sex? My personal view again, NO WAY! Continuing on this thought, would you continue to see this person, on a regular basis, with no sex involved? And I think this is a real test: In my mind if you don't, then she was not a real friend.

I consider myself blessed to have those friends, SP and/or otherwise related to the biz, some being still active and some not. They are not "fantasy" but very real.

Bottom line: There is a fantasy part, but also a real part. It's up to everyone of us (both genders) to draw the line where we see fit, nothing is etched in stone.

CA

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

We are all human....I consider myself blessed to have a few SP friends.

You know, CA, I'd have prefered to see you write "friends who are SPs" rather than "SP friends." There seems to be a sense here, primarily among a few self-appointed experts, that once a young woman becomes an SP, she ceases to be anything else. I've quite wearied of reading "SPs this" and "SPs that" as though all of the women working in this industry have the same intellect, same emotional makeup, same values, same habits, and are no longer individuals.

One self-appointed expert once told me "You know, all the girls hate all the customers. All the girls think all the clients are disgusting."

I've been fortunate enough to get to know a few women beyond the client-provider relationship and consider myself richer for it. (No, I've never been intimate with an SP after the fact.) The one thing the few SPs that I've come to know all have in common is that they are all very smart, curious, and strong of wit.

While certainly we are drawn to these young women to satisfy our physical urges and for temporary companionship, it is certainly possible to find there a meaningful human connection just as it is possible in any other chance meeting, the protestations of the self-appointed experts notwithstanding.

 

[CoolAmadeus]

You know, CA, I'd have prefered to see you write "friends who are SPs" rather than "SP friends."

Typo on my part, I started with "SP friends", then corrected myself and meant to write "I consider myself blessed to have a few friends, SP and/or otherwise related to the biz...", and when I changed the text I overlooked the removal of "SP" before "firends". Will fix that now.

the protestations of the self-appointed experts notwithstanding.

I hope to never be considered one of those, since I'm far from an expert, just someone who had very nice life experiences with wonderful human beings (emphasis on "human beings", not SPs!).

CA