Some laughs for a rainy Sunday courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield


The Grim Reaper
Dec 24, 2004
With all the serious topics going on lately, I thought I would post something that would make people smile for a change. I hope I've succeeded. And's Rodney! :)


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time
an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she
won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went
over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you
put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?
' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I' m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago
last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had
anything to play with.
Apr 16, 2005
One more time!

Wasn't it also his line that he was so ugly as a kid that they had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him?:)