My response to all your great comments
Gentlemen,
Thank you all for your contributions, I appreciate it. It is a pleasure to see that there are so many great reviewers which know how to elevate the level of the debate. I can honestly say we are touching the `core` issues for clients around hobbying in this thread.
First, let me respond to all of you who think that logging on to Merb is a huge mistake on my part because sooner or later, I`ll fall back into the abyss. For me, this is utter horseshit. Do you want to know the truth? I like Merb because I think it often produces excellent exchanges on all sorts of issues, including sexual issues. My favorite section is the Lounge where I value the input of other members, as well as the input of the SPs and MPs who contribute their thoughts (free of charge!). If I am not contributing on Merb, I am surfing the net and can land on some interesting sites but after a while, they bore me. Porn sites also bore me because they bombard you with clips that warp reality. In fact, I think porn sites do a lot more damage to your relationship than Merb because they require no reflection, turning you into an idiot with a twisted view on sex and relationships.
Gentlemen, do you know how many numbers I know off by heart? From massage parlours, to independent MPs and SPs, to agencies, etc., if I were to get weak, it would take one simple phone call to quelch my sexual thirst. And none of you would ever find out. In other words, for me, Merb has nothing to do with temptation. Temptation is within all of us so you have to find the inner strength to stick with your decision. I stated that my decision to stop hobbying is indefinite while I work out my issues but I never stated that I will stop contributing my thoughts.
>>btyger, you wrote: ``Sometimes people turn to therapy or religion to find the answers when there are none. They ask others if their behavior is a problem. They should ask themselves. As long as you`re not hurting anyone, it`s really only a problem if it`s a problem for you...or if you run out of money.``
I do not think that hobbying is a substitute for professional therapy or religion. I am a big believer in professional therapy for many people that suffer from mental illnesses like depression, anxiety disorders and other more serious conditions. And while I am not religious and agree with Karl Marx that religion is the ``opium of the masses``, I do admire people that have faith and convictions based on the good word and actually act upon their beliefs on a daily basis.
You are right to say that hobbying can be fun if nobody gets hurt but it isn`t always easy to realize you`re getting hurt until it`s too late. There is an illusion that hobbying is benign for clients and detrimental for SPs. Between, you and me, the cumulative effects of hobbying, especially intense hobbying, are far worse for clients even if they often deny it.
>>MakeIt, thank you for this honest reflection of yours: ``Like you, I have an existing relationship. Unfortunately, its being neglected as I get involved in this other life and I need to deal with this. While hobbying is fun and allows me access to beautiful ladies I would never had met otherwise, I don`t see where it can lead to without having a negative impact on the rest of my life. I find it even difficult sometimes to be a contributor on MERB when I am not honest and violate certain values in my other life.``
Neglect is the sure path to destruction. If you value your relationship, never ever neglect it. I realized that at some point I accepted the fact that my wife uses sex as a weapon, denying it to me whenever the relationship was not fulfilling her (she is not the only one, many women do this). I repeatedly tried to address this issue but I wasn`t getting anywhere. So, I told myself, go find it elsewhere. That was my mistake because I violated my fundamental values which will remain on my conscience forever. Moreover, I agree with you that hobbying can detract from your relationship, especially if there exist fundamental problems that both you and your significant other are unwilling to address. Each one of us should pause and reflect when we have reached a point where the incremental benefits of hobbying are quickly dissipating and/or detracting from our primary relationships.
>>Dear Doc Holliday, you wrote: ``So what i`m saying is that there is still a slight reason (for me) to justify hobbying, and it mostly has to do with satisfying the odd sexual need. One hour only.....rarely two hours. Never over $200 thrown away. No more 1 hour+ discussions over a bottle of wine or two. Real hobbying....chit-chat for 10 minutes or so, then time to take care of the TLC. TLC over, more chit-chat, shower, then it`s aurevoir and a-la-prochaine fois. Nothing complicated, nothing to regret about.``
I think you make a valid point. The long encounters can be very dangerous for those of us that open up on an emotional level. But if it is with the right person - and that is a big if - then I prefer these long encounters. The problem is that you get very close to a person, sometimes seeing her exclusively and you develop strong feelings for that person. You try to deny it but you end up falling hard for her.
The problem that I have with the one hour appointments is that I just do not like feeling rushed - in fact, I hate it. When I read reviews that go like this ``She came...we immediately started DFKing and then she gave me the most awsome while allowing me digits...and then pumped her hard in all sorts of positions, blah,blah,blah`` I kind of laugh and say, buddy you could have saved yourself a ton of dough by buying a nice lubricant!
On this last point, it is tax time and I realized that I spent a considerable sum on hobbying over the past year. I don`t regret it but I did get a lot wiser as I quickly realized less frequent quality encounters are much better than more frequent ones that leave you kicking yourself. Hobbying is interesting from an economic standpoint because it is not demand that creates supply - quite often it is supply that creates demand. Think about it, there is a lot of truth in that statement: Hobbying turns this conventional economic paradigm on its head.
So Doc, is there a happy medium between a nice long encounter with a special lady and a short one where you take care of your sexual needs? I don`t think so - it`s either one or the other. I think you`re also coming to a crossroad in your life or probably have already reached it.
Finally, I look forward to continuing my thoughts and contributions on Merb, if they`re still welcome. But I look more forward to trying to work on my relationship with my wife. She is my number one concern right now. I am a lucky man to have her in my life and I plan on letting her know that each and every day. There are no guarantees in relationships - we all know that - but we should always give it our best shot. If it works out, great and if it doesn`t, well life goes on.
As for hobbying, it will always be there - that I can guarantee you. Be good to these ladies and always treat them with respect and kindness. But also be good to yourself. Only you know when you have crossed a certain point; have the mental fortitude to pull back and reassess. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
All the best,
GG
Gentlemen,
Thank you all for your contributions, I appreciate it. It is a pleasure to see that there are so many great reviewers which know how to elevate the level of the debate. I can honestly say we are touching the `core` issues for clients around hobbying in this thread.
First, let me respond to all of you who think that logging on to Merb is a huge mistake on my part because sooner or later, I`ll fall back into the abyss. For me, this is utter horseshit. Do you want to know the truth? I like Merb because I think it often produces excellent exchanges on all sorts of issues, including sexual issues. My favorite section is the Lounge where I value the input of other members, as well as the input of the SPs and MPs who contribute their thoughts (free of charge!). If I am not contributing on Merb, I am surfing the net and can land on some interesting sites but after a while, they bore me. Porn sites also bore me because they bombard you with clips that warp reality. In fact, I think porn sites do a lot more damage to your relationship than Merb because they require no reflection, turning you into an idiot with a twisted view on sex and relationships.
Gentlemen, do you know how many numbers I know off by heart? From massage parlours, to independent MPs and SPs, to agencies, etc., if I were to get weak, it would take one simple phone call to quelch my sexual thirst. And none of you would ever find out. In other words, for me, Merb has nothing to do with temptation. Temptation is within all of us so you have to find the inner strength to stick with your decision. I stated that my decision to stop hobbying is indefinite while I work out my issues but I never stated that I will stop contributing my thoughts.
>>btyger, you wrote: ``Sometimes people turn to therapy or religion to find the answers when there are none. They ask others if their behavior is a problem. They should ask themselves. As long as you`re not hurting anyone, it`s really only a problem if it`s a problem for you...or if you run out of money.``
I do not think that hobbying is a substitute for professional therapy or religion. I am a big believer in professional therapy for many people that suffer from mental illnesses like depression, anxiety disorders and other more serious conditions. And while I am not religious and agree with Karl Marx that religion is the ``opium of the masses``, I do admire people that have faith and convictions based on the good word and actually act upon their beliefs on a daily basis.
You are right to say that hobbying can be fun if nobody gets hurt but it isn`t always easy to realize you`re getting hurt until it`s too late. There is an illusion that hobbying is benign for clients and detrimental for SPs. Between, you and me, the cumulative effects of hobbying, especially intense hobbying, are far worse for clients even if they often deny it.
>>MakeIt, thank you for this honest reflection of yours: ``Like you, I have an existing relationship. Unfortunately, its being neglected as I get involved in this other life and I need to deal with this. While hobbying is fun and allows me access to beautiful ladies I would never had met otherwise, I don`t see where it can lead to without having a negative impact on the rest of my life. I find it even difficult sometimes to be a contributor on MERB when I am not honest and violate certain values in my other life.``
Neglect is the sure path to destruction. If you value your relationship, never ever neglect it. I realized that at some point I accepted the fact that my wife uses sex as a weapon, denying it to me whenever the relationship was not fulfilling her (she is not the only one, many women do this). I repeatedly tried to address this issue but I wasn`t getting anywhere. So, I told myself, go find it elsewhere. That was my mistake because I violated my fundamental values which will remain on my conscience forever. Moreover, I agree with you that hobbying can detract from your relationship, especially if there exist fundamental problems that both you and your significant other are unwilling to address. Each one of us should pause and reflect when we have reached a point where the incremental benefits of hobbying are quickly dissipating and/or detracting from our primary relationships.
>>Dear Doc Holliday, you wrote: ``So what i`m saying is that there is still a slight reason (for me) to justify hobbying, and it mostly has to do with satisfying the odd sexual need. One hour only.....rarely two hours. Never over $200 thrown away. No more 1 hour+ discussions over a bottle of wine or two. Real hobbying....chit-chat for 10 minutes or so, then time to take care of the TLC. TLC over, more chit-chat, shower, then it`s aurevoir and a-la-prochaine fois. Nothing complicated, nothing to regret about.``
I think you make a valid point. The long encounters can be very dangerous for those of us that open up on an emotional level. But if it is with the right person - and that is a big if - then I prefer these long encounters. The problem is that you get very close to a person, sometimes seeing her exclusively and you develop strong feelings for that person. You try to deny it but you end up falling hard for her.
The problem that I have with the one hour appointments is that I just do not like feeling rushed - in fact, I hate it. When I read reviews that go like this ``She came...we immediately started DFKing and then she gave me the most awsome while allowing me digits...and then pumped her hard in all sorts of positions, blah,blah,blah`` I kind of laugh and say, buddy you could have saved yourself a ton of dough by buying a nice lubricant!
On this last point, it is tax time and I realized that I spent a considerable sum on hobbying over the past year. I don`t regret it but I did get a lot wiser as I quickly realized less frequent quality encounters are much better than more frequent ones that leave you kicking yourself. Hobbying is interesting from an economic standpoint because it is not demand that creates supply - quite often it is supply that creates demand. Think about it, there is a lot of truth in that statement: Hobbying turns this conventional economic paradigm on its head.
So Doc, is there a happy medium between a nice long encounter with a special lady and a short one where you take care of your sexual needs? I don`t think so - it`s either one or the other. I think you`re also coming to a crossroad in your life or probably have already reached it.
Finally, I look forward to continuing my thoughts and contributions on Merb, if they`re still welcome. But I look more forward to trying to work on my relationship with my wife. She is my number one concern right now. I am a lucky man to have her in my life and I plan on letting her know that each and every day. There are no guarantees in relationships - we all know that - but we should always give it our best shot. If it works out, great and if it doesn`t, well life goes on.
As for hobbying, it will always be there - that I can guarantee you. Be good to these ladies and always treat them with respect and kindness. But also be good to yourself. Only you know when you have crossed a certain point; have the mental fortitude to pull back and reassess. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
All the best,
GG
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