The Hobby and Loneliness

[daydreamer41]

There was another thread asking about the addictiveness of the hobby. I think it is extremely addictive. I am chasing the ultimate experience with young women more than half my age.

There is another aspect with it. It is also extremely lonely. The girl comes to you; she stays for the allotted time period and then leaves.

With a girlfriend or wife, she does not leave. There is time to talk, joke or go out to have something to eat.

Now, I know that some guys are in relationships that are not what they used to be and the hobby is an outlet. And those WISH that there wives would leave afterwards. But joking aside, if you are single and you are doing this for a substitute for intimacy, then it can be lonely.

I wanted to get your feedback on the question.

 

[EagerBeaver]

I'd say that for the single and younger men, treat the hobby as batting practices and treat women in the real world as real major league games. I also understand that for married guys it's probably the best way to have a little fun with the least risk as opposed to having an affair.

Bud,

These are some of the best and wisest quotes I have ever read on this Board. May I print these out, frame them and hang them in my office?

 

[naughtylady]

Bud Fox>> Your words are indeed very wise. That said some people are more dependant on SPs than others.

daydreamer41>> in your case it may be worth while to see less SPs but for longer ammounts of time, such as an overnight. Indys can be especially accomodating for longer dates.

For many, SPs fulfill a very important basic human need. The need for physical contact. In this day and age, in our culture, men do not touch men the way straight women can touch each other. Women can hold hands, hug warmly, cry on each others shoulders... For a single man to do the same thing wether to another man or a woman, he would be thought of as queer, rude, or inappropriate in any number of ways, heck he may even be accused of sexual misconduct!

I have met too many lonely men in this business. Some have touched me very deeply with their lonliness. I remember one gent that I met who confided in me that I was the first person to really touch him in over a year! (I got all chocked up when he told me that). I know someone else who tells me that I am the only one who make him feel fully human.

Especially when I think of these clients (and others like them) it is hard to believe that some people believe that my career choice is somehow wrong, or bad, and should be made illegal...

Ronnie,
Naughylady

 

[Board Stiff]

heh ronnietta

I know someone else who tells me that I am the only one who make him feel fully human.

Is that self promotion? jk

 

[orallover]

An interesting thread... on one of the Boards a member supplied a quote that said something like...

A SP is paid to leave.....

Interesting. If I don't pay SP then she will not leave? *thanks JacknJill for a tip*

 

[EagerBeaver]

Dee,

Actually that quote originated from the notorious, talented and troubled womanizing actor Errol Flynn, who said that what you pay an SP for is for her to leave.

 

[Big Daddy]

Daydreamer41:

If you have great sex and the lady leaves in an hour, it is normal to feel lonely. However, I think that also a great thing: "Fimilarity breeds contempt". For men, I think, less they know about the woman they have sex with more enjoyble the sex is. If the SP sticks around for a long time, you will start seeing her bad points and she may not look attractive anymore.

 

[Sophia]

Maylee raises a good point! It is true that after a great meeting with someone, loneliness is also sometimes felt by the provider as well. Some Gentlemen show such wonderful personalities and contact that the few hours finish leaving some regrets and wishes of knowing that person a little bit more but with the wizdom of learning to let go of these feelings since in this circumstance we were only ment to share a few moments of paradise.

I think it's a healthy thing for hobbyists or providers to feel this. Are we not human after all?

Sophia

 

[The Woodworker]

Guilt... and pleasure...

Le Cock has a point... guilt. It has been sometime since Ihave visited any SP, although I do get an occasional massage. I will revisit the Sp issue is a minute.

I recall the first time I invited an escort to my home... I was so lonely, but the guilt I felt after my encounter was something I do not wish to revisit anytime soon. Of course, I eventually dealt with the guilt and realized that my "evil" ways were just means to an end... temporary companionship. I believe the money issue was largely to blame as well... but loneliness won out... and my fridge would go bare for a few days at a time.

As for the SP issue... I wonder if any of you remember an agency... scent of a woman it was called, I believe. The phone number was 927-1414, I think (since disconnected). The woman I dealt with PM me for more details) was very nice. She even came close to having some custom work done by me(yes, I really am a woodworker). In any case, I digress.

My point is that the hobby/losneliness/guilt issue is more complicated than it seems, and yet, it doesn't necessarily have to be.

The Woodworker

 

[The Woodworker]

Le Cock... I don't know about the animal kingdom... Penny, my faithful dog, might have some insight.... alas, she won't say. Interestingly... I am grappling with the loneliness issue right now.

Indeed, the times I speak of were rough.... life was hard and money was scarce, there was alot of turmoil. Now, however, things are good.... and temptation is high.

Lovely women like Laila, and the soon to visit Nina, have me reaching for the phone and my wallet. I figure if I'm going todo this, I should do it once, and do it right.

But the unknown awaits... an unknown that is all too familiar. The companionship will last only so long as my funds will alow... and I know... the guilt will inevitably follow.

I commend Ronnie for her overnight suggestion... it is indeed a good solution. The wallet, however, is not convinced.... and Penny, welll, she has nothing to contribute in that department either.

 

[Jim2005]

I was channel surfing tonight and a TV program was being shown on The Discovery Channel about sex addiction. Interesting program about both men and women who were obsessed with sex and their use of the internet, in some cases, fed that addiction. Some of the cases were extreme and rather sad. A psychiatrist would have sex with most of his female patients. Word got around and his colleagues confronted him and forced him to come clean with his wife.

Back to the topic of loneliness. My mindset is to stay within budget when hobbying and take occasional sabbaticals from this endeavor. One of the most challenging aspects of this pursuit, from my vantage point, is maintaining an even emotional keel along with fiscal self-discipline. There is reality and there is fantasy. I can step off the plane in Amsterdam and hours later have sex with a stunning cover-girl beauty and pick up where we left off the last time. She has the 34B-24-34 physique and is less than half my age. In proper USA society, I'm too old for some women in their 30s. The internet allows us guys the venue to pick and choose lovely ladies, provided that we can present ourselves in a gentlemanly way and follow the rules of etiquette and manners, especially when meeting the HDH gals. One technique I've used that works well is telling a lady precisely why I picked her out, whether she is an escort or, let's say, a windowgirl in Amsterdam. We guys can sometimes be the silent and sullen types if we internalize such topics as loneliness. So why not be verbose and tell her what you find unique or appealing about her. And it doesn't have to be comments about her body. It might be her sense of fashion. Or perhaps her hairstyle or makeup. It's a way of flirting in a "romance lite" style that keeps things upbeat and friendly. And the ladies seem to enjoy that approach.

The alternative to hobbying is pursuing a real-life girlfriend. It's a jungle out there and some of us, both men and women, have been unlucky in love and perhaps marriage. Dating is more akin to interviewing these days and it's not always a fun process. The #1 turnoff, I've found, is women who act very focused on money, power, status, and possessions. Connecting isn't easy and I'm not the type to rush into remarrying. Once burned, twice cautious. I'll add that I have a strong personal sense of what kind of legacy I want to leave. Being a devoted parent is on that list. The interesting thing about this "hobby" is that a guy can make plenty of female friends along the way. For all the talk of downsides to this pursuit, there are plenty of upsides. And never forget that good divorce lawyers cost far more per hour than the hourly rate for a Montreal HDH.

Cheers,
Jim

 

[naughtylady]

Maylee brought up a very good point. The lonliness after is sometimes felt both ways. There has been more than one person I have met in this business where I have said to my self afterwards if only we had met under different circumstances...

On the upside I can confidently say that I have also made some good friends in this business: Both other SPs and clients. I define a client as a friend when we sometimes get together and just hang out. Someone who I exchange personal photos with, jokes, and the like. Someone who I can vent to, or can vent to me. Money not being part of the equation. Yes they are still a client when it comes to my business. Like a lawyer who is a friend, still charges you for legal contracts, but you then spend the day golfing and then just hang out together.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[naughtylady]

I do have to believe that I am very lucky to have a special someone in my life who knows what I do and is supportive. Many of us do, though many others don't. It is not easy to find. Most men could not deal with a GF who is also an SP.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

dr strangelove>> I am wide?

 

[The Woodworker]

You are right, Ronnie, I know it would be hard for me to have a girlfriend who is an SP. I briefly dated a massage therpaist. Even though she assured me she was not. as she a put it, a "rub'n'tugger" I still had to wonder about her touching men intimately all day.

I am still searching for a worthwhile experience with an SP. But, at the loneliest moments, I realize thereis no cure for loneliness but to alter ones's state of mind.

The SPs that made me feel loved and plied me with tenderness, left me feeling loneliest. Others made me feel cheap. I would venture a guess that the most detached ones were the loneliest... perhaps I am wrong.

So, here I am... Saturday night, looking for some hidden gem.... although, I am sure she is well hidden.... a closely guarded secret....

All kidding aside... if tenderness and love could be bottled, along with a hint of intimacy and alot of uninhibited passion.... well, I imagine our cabintes would be well stocked and someone would be very, very rich. And I surmise the world's oldest profession would no longer exist...

 

[mightycumriver]

Naughtylady:

you have spoken to me in person about our relationship. I do not want to get into this discussion without revealing to many details about your life in public. IMHO I think you will be in for a big surprise when reality bites. Anyways it's your life. One has to experience these things on their own. Good luck to you..

 

[Gee]

nice topic, if you don't mind I'll let my over analytic mind go for a spin here

The thing about this topic is there are way too many things that could be added in the cake mix.

Loneliness? Guilt? Addiction? sure, how about self-image and self-worth too.

Then you have fear, exhilaration, pride and well, you get the point.

I'll elaborate... I'm an extremely shy person, an introvert and a daydreamer. I'm a bit on the chubby side as well (working on that, 60lbs lost so far but thats besides the point). There are women who say I'm cute and they would date me but they happen to inconveniently live a billion miles away or be currently taken/engaged/married.

compound that with a lot of stuff I'd rather not talk about and what you get is the image of myself that I have, which is a very low one.

I've been in the hobby for about 5 or 6 years now, though it doesn't show in my number of post. I've been through canbest, biggdoggie and here. But I don't participate often, I might make a call once or twice a year, max.

That is mainly because every time I do, I run through the whole whole gamut of emotions described above.
--

I'm feeling especially lonely one night, I sit in front of my desktop and sift through my links. hey! merb, I haven t been there in a long while lets have a look.

I look at the posts, check the agency links, see a couple of potentially interesting ladies. Hmm maybe I should give this one a call, I pick up the phone, I have butterflies in my stomach because I'm about to do something that is "considered" bad *exhilaration*.

She clicked with this guy, what if she doesn't click with me. what if she caught something in between then and now, this girl wouldn't even look at me under normal circumstances, I put the phone down. I'm not only afraid, I'm also doubting myself. *self-worth*

This is ridiculous, I'm young, I'm a nice guy, a teddy bear some even said, why do I have to pay for a bit of companionship, especially when I don't want a bit of it I want a lot of it. *self-image* and *loneliness*

I spend the next hour or two reading the board, looking at her pictures and reviews as well as dialing and erasing the number on my cell, nervous as hell.

I finally decide, screw it, I'm not getting any attention as it is might as well pay for a little bit.*self-image* I make the call.

Either;

she isn't available but we have someone else *dissapointment*
or
sure, she's free in X amount of time. *exhilaration*

Book the appointment, she arrives and introduces herself... She's beautiful and amazing, I'm going to be spending some time with a woman like this. *exhilaration and pride*, Your paying for it, she's just using you as a paycheck *self-worth*

chit-chat *nervous and slightly uncomfortable*

Things progress to the intimacy portion of the show, will she enjoy it even a little? does she find me repulsive? *performance anxiety*/*self-worth*

The sessions ends, usually all too soon, the woman takes her money, gives me a courtesy hug and peck on the cheek and walks out.

I actually spent time with her *pride*/*happiness*
I did something "bad" *exhilaration*
I actually paid a woman to spend time with me *self-worth*
I did something "bad" *guilt*
I wish she could have stayed longer *loneliness*

--


Geez that was longer than I expected

the same can probably be seen from the woman's perspective I'm sure, and I'm just describing myself here but I'm sure there are a lot of hobbyist who go through some, part, or a slightly different version of what I've described.


Then again you have those who are all pride, they will write the reviews here, and you feel like your reading a letter to an adult publication or a xxx novel/movie script.

and of course lets not forget those who treat the hobby as being similar to buying a slab of meat at the butcher.


Anyway, thats all for this weeks edition of I over analyse things way too much, tune in next time for my expose on why grass never grows when you're watching it.


Edited for typo intolerants (it's like lactose intolerance only more annoying. )

 

[Board Stiff]

Wow

I have never seen the word exhilaration misspelled so many times. That's remarkable...Are you from Bordeaux?

 

[naughtylady]

Gee>> very insightful. Most people are not that well intouch with their emotions to be able to identify them like that...

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[The Woodworker]

Board Stiff, Gee had the courage to lay out his feelings for all of us to read. I think his "exhiliration" can be overlooked. His message is full of typos, but so what? It usually annoys the hell out of me too, I mean, there is such a thing as spell-check.... for those of us who kant spel very good.

Still, not everyone is blessed with writing skills, and many are not so erudite. But I think the spirit of this thread could be lost if we focus on such things. Bordeaux has nothing to do with it, and, as much as I enjoy your posts, I think it's rather judgmental. What do you know of his past? How are poor vocabulary and spelling tantamount to being a convict? Typos and poor spelling are rampant on this board. Stress levels would rise if we took them all to heart.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with poking a little fun every now and then. I mean, Ronnie was labeled as wide, when it was intended that she is wise. But when a guy speaks of low self-esteem, well... why stomp him further to the ground?

Just my opinion, of course.

 

[Gambling Fool]

Gee

Hey Gee,

Thanks for the post. And I do see myself in some of your descriptions.

Gambling Fool
_____________________________
Lonely fool out