The Pressures of Leading a Double Life

[General Gonad]

Chatting with Kelly of Asservissante, we broached many subjects, including the pressures of leading a double life. She told me that she finds it increasingly difficult to lie to friends and family. She is not the only one. Other SPs have told me that this is one of the hardest things to deal with in this line of work. The same goes for some clients but we can control this a lot better than SPs.

If this applies to you, how do you deal with the pressures of leading a double life?

GG

 

[happygolucky]

I have no soul and lying comes easy to me........ of course the copious amount of booze doesn't hurt either.

 

[Big Daddy]

For most client this should not be a issue. Since clients pay for the session they have less money after the session is over. Friends and family almost never ask why you have less money? It is only when you have money they wanna know the secret. The only time a client has some explaining to do when he has less money is, if he has a wife. I am not sure if anyone can successfully lie to a wife about money matters.

 

[Mike Mercury]

I dunno. I stopped thinking of this when I was what. Six...seven??

 

[naughtylady]

I strongly recommend to SPs to at l;east tell their closest friends...

It is extremely hard to live a double life. A real friend will stand by you even if they don't like what you are doing for a living. Obviously you don't need to tell acquaintances...

But your closest friends, they will know you are hiding something (good friends just know when you are keeping something from them...) They don't need to approve but to at least be supportive. Same way you might not like a friends boyfriend and think she could do better but you don't end the friendship over that!

For those who feel they really cannot then they need to find some moral support elsewhere. Many SPs go to Stella initially just for this reason (Monday to Friday from 11 AM to 5 PM there is always someone there to chat with either on the phone or in person).

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[Turbodick]

I am not sure if anyone can successfully lie to a wife about money matters.

I'd bet that at least half the population of married men are able to successfully lie to their wives about money. Many aren't that interested.

I just came across a book for women by women on how to detect what your no-good scumbag husband is up to, and I have to say it was right on the money. Actually not a bad book to GET ideas from!

 

[naughtylady]

I'd bet that at least half the population of married men are able to successfully lie to their wives about money. Many aren't that interested.

I just came across a book for women by women on how to detect what your no-good scumbag husband is up to, and I have to say it was right on the money. Actually not a bad book to GET ideas from!

So give us the name and author of this book...

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[z/m(Ret)]

Pressures of the double life

This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.

 

[eastender]

Interesting point ZM

This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.

Interesting point. Let's take it a little further.

From a double life it is a very short step to a multiple life - family or social life, work life, hobby life, board life ....... the list is not limited and will vary from person to person.

Question that arises is which of the specific lives intersect when two people meet? What are the results and consequences? How are things managed?

 

[z/m(Ret)]

Let's start with a truism

Interesting point. Let's take it a little further.

From a double life it is a very short step to a multiple life - family or social life, work life, hobby life, board life ....... the list is not limited and will vary from person to person.

Question that arises is which of the specific lives intersect when two people meet? What are the results and consequences? How are things managed?

EE,

Interesting yet difficult question.

I would submit the concept of simultaneous life recognition for a starter, something that can be defined as one's special attention to signs indicating that his alter ego is leading simultaneous lives. Such recognition may or not be mutual whenever two people meet, or may not be present at all.

Thinking of this somewhat esoteric (and imperfect) analogy: from recounted experiences, it is known that smoking salvia divinorium may increase a sense of living more than one life at the same time. This sense fades as the effect of the drug fades.

Now client and stripper are having a drink together. Either one or both may be attentive or not to the signs. Stripper notices a white demarcation around the client's ring finger, sign that the client is trying to hide his marital status. This detail might hit her in a specific way or it may just breeze by. Other examples come to mind.

The point is there could only be a need to manage things and there could only be consequences and results if there's a will and a special ability to recognize these signs.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.

In this case, could one suggest that, rather than leading a double life, that this type of person has no life?

 

[z/m(Ret)]

In this case, could one suggest that, rather than leading a double life, that this type of person has no life?

One may suggest though full-time hobbyists still need to report to bosses, colleagues, wives, friends, civil servants, etc.

One question is how much time, energy, etc. can be spent on the hobby before interaction with said bosses, wives, etc. becomes a problem?

Another question comes to mind: where would the full-time hobbyist be heading should his hobby turn into a substitute for real life? I'm thinking of people who pay one credit card with another for analogy.

 

[eastender]

Client Notices...................

EE,

Interesting yet difficult question.

I would submit the concept of simultaneous life recognition for a starter, something that can be defined as one's special attention to signs indicating that his alter ego is leading simultaneous lives. Such recognition may or not be mutual whenever two people meet, or may not be present at all.

Thinking of this somewhat esoteric (and imperfect) analogy: from recounted experiences, it is known that smoking salvia divinorium may increase a sense of living more than one life at the same time. This sense fades as the effect of the drug fades.

Now client and stripper are having a drink together. Either one or both may be attentive or not to the signs. Stripper notices a white demarcation around the client's ring finger, sign that the client is trying to hide his marital status. This detail might hit her in a specific way or it may just breeze by. Other examples come to mind.

The point is there could only be a need to manage things and there could only be consequences and results if there's a will and a special ability to recognize these signs.

Client notices a ring on the strippers finger. Which assumption should he make that the ring is a decoy to avoid come-ons from patrons or the ring has meaning and that there is a relationship outside he club life.

Your analogies are too sophisticated. Simplify.

A football player during a game exposes himself to and wrecks extreme violence once the ball is put in play. Once the whistle blows there is a pause. Once a player walks of the field his life choices are limitless - family man, student, business man, ...................... Once he returns to the field the options are limited and the cycle starts again.

Basically determine if your point is linear or cyclical.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

I think I'm gonna flunk this one.

Client notices a ring on the strippers finger. Which assumption should he make that the ring is a decoy to avoid come-ons from patrons or the ring has meaning and that there is a relationship outside he club life.

Your analogies are too sophisticated. Simplify.

A football player during a game exposes himself to and wrecks extreme violence once the ball is put in play. Once the whistle blows there is a pause. Once a player walks of the field his life choices are limitless - family man, student, business man, ...................... Once he returns to the field the options are limited and the cycle starts again.

Basically determine if your point is linear or cyclical.

Socrates,

You're ahead of me. I meant only to describe the kind of multiple lives perceptiveness that sometimes comes into play whenever people meet. But, yes, let's move forward.

The football analogy is interesting. Cyclical in nature but also a good indication of how quickly and sharply one's options go from limited to endless.

Conversely, picture a football player who, between games, visualizes the next game and/or relives defining plays from the previous game, in other words he never really gets out of his bubble: on the field or not, he plays football and can't be bothered with family, business, etc. issues.

Theory: too many choices can become a source of anguish, existential despair, anxiety, etc. for some, the reason why the same people are never completely out of the football field, or out of the strip club, hotel suite, whatever...

Let's push it a bit further: that's why some people just can't cope with democracy, too much to choose from...

Help me here, I need at least a C+

 

[eastender]

One at a Time

Socrates,

You're ahead of me. I meant only to describe the kind of multiple lives perceptiveness that sometimes comes into play whenever people meet. But, yes, let's move forward.

The football analogy is interesting. Cyclical in nature but also a good indication of how quickly and sharply one's options go from limited to endless.

Conversely, picture a football player who, between games, visualizes the next game and/or relives defining plays from the previous game, in other words he never really gets out of his bubble: on the field or not, he plays football and can't be bothered with family, business, etc. issues.

Theory: too many choices can become a source of anguish, existential despair, anxiety, etc. for some, the reason why the same people are never completely out of the football field, or out of the strip club, hotel suite, whatever...

Let's push it a bit further: that's why some people just can't cope with democracy, too much to choose from...

Help me here, I need at least a C+

Whether finite or infinite each choice regardless of how many, has only two options, YES or NO. Problems arise when multiple choices are lumped together as one.

The ability to focus on EACH choice comes into play.

The old puzzle, three lefts make a right.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

Ziggy,

You theory seems similar to my theory trying to explain why many people leave catholicism for more restrictive religions. I think that the burden of choice is too much for certain. Which choice comes responsibility. Having your path decided by an external force like some religion can be can make some people feel more secure I think.

LeGuy,

Yes, that sounds reasonable. It would be interesting to test this theory within the context of hobbying and see how far it could bring us.

Example: client's performance at work is diminished because he's reading/posting on review boards and spends afternoons in MP's and hotel suites with SP's; client is too busy chatting with SP's to pay attention to wife, children, relatives and friends - the number of people and things he neglects is only limited to his personal situation, etc...

The client makes choices but fails to meet the obligations pertaining to said choices.

To use EE's dichotomy and to link this to the post that stirred the discussion, hobbying without problem would be cyclical: you're on, you're off, repeat at will. When you're off, you don't feel compelled to switch back to "on". "On" is only another choice.

On the other hand, if being "off" triggers multiple-choices anxiety and said anxiety turns the switch back "on" for you, like a defense mechanism, there's no cycle here and there's certainly a problem.

 

[eastender]

Slow down.......................

LeGuy,

Yes, that sounds reasonable. It would be interesting to test this theory within the context of hobbying and see how far it could bring us.

Example: client's performance at work is diminished because he's reading/posting on review boards and spends afternoons in MP's and hotel suites with SP's; client is too busy chatting with SP's to pay attention to wife, children, relatives and friends - the number of people and things he neglects is only limited to his personal situation, etc...

The client makes choices but fails to meet the obligations pertaining to said choices.

To use EE's dichotomy and to link this to the post that stirred the discussion, hobbying without problem would be cyclical: you're on, you're off, repeat at will. When you're off, you don't feel compelled to switch back to "on". "On" is only another choice.

On the other hand, if being "off" triggers multiple-choices anxiety and said anxiety turns the switch back "on" for you, like a defense mechanism, there's no cycle here and there's certainly a problem.

Neglects assumes that the level or amount or quality of attention is constant.
Compensatory attention may have a significant multiple to it. Setting aside the desire to affix a monetary value to attention if someone splits equally two hours between two choices they may give each more attention in the one hour than they would give one in two hours.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

Whether finite or infinite each choice regardless of how many, has only two options, YES or NO. Problems arise when multiple choices are lumped together as one.

The ability to focus on EACH choice comes into play.

The old puzzle, three lefts make a right.

So to avoid getting into abstractions, can you provide a real-life situation where multiple choices are lumped together at once?

 

[z/m(Ret)]

Neglects assumes that the level or amount or quality of attention is constant.
Compensatory attention may have a significant multiple to it. Setting aside the desire to affix a monetary value to attention if someone splits equally two hours between two choices they may give each more attention in the one hour than they would give one in two hours.

Pareto law - or call it the 80/20 principle at work: a smaller percentage of quality attention produces the largest amount of comfort. Applied to different facets of life, this sort of compensatory attention may allow one to have multiple lives with no real problem.

Takes discipline though.

My post #21 described the case where constant attention dedicated to one field of activity makes up for one's inadequacies when facing multiple choices situations. Football: designed plays, zone coverage, etc. limits the number of choices. Strip clubs: escalated marketing. Step in, pay. Sit, pay. Order a drink, pay. "May I sit with you?", pay. Head to the cabin, pay, repeat. Preset choices working in sequence. Uncomplicated life.

Off the field, off the SC, things get more complicated, beyond saying YES or NO, I would say. "Yes" but maybe I should have said "no" instead. What am I giving up when I say yes or no? Not everyone is capable of easily deciding between yes or no, they prefer someone would make the choice for them. "Chinese or Indian restaurant?" Answer: "you decide".

 

[eastender]

Example

So to avoid getting into abstractions, can you provide a real-life situation where multiple choices are lumped together at once?

In high school youngsters are confronted with class choice, school choice, career choice as if they were connected or one. If you do not choose this class __________ you may not qualify for that school __________and you may not have such ___________ a career. Fill in the appropriate blanks.
Respectively could be biology,McGill,doctor.