Why am I attracted to escorts... anybody ever asked himself the same question...

[feelinglost]

Hi.

There's something I don't understand and it's somehow poisoning my life, well to some extent.

In a simple description:

Im engaged to one of the most sexy and gorgeous woman I ever seen. I love her, I really do. We've been together few years now. Still I find myself facing the desire and urge of going to see an escort once in a while. ( It happened 2-3 times in the last year).

I feel bad because Im somehow betraying someone who doesnt deserve it - even thought she knows nothing about it...

Of course, for me there's a difference in the type of sex going on with an escort... I have a very stressful job and big responsabilities... I believe it's my method of easing the stress.

But I have a hard time dealing it with my mind... As an example: Tonite Im out on a business trip... I decided to walk-in an incall agency where I am. Really No girl did attract me so I decided to turn back... I couldn't stop feeling guilty... but deep inside I was tempted and know I would have done it if the girl was attractive to me...

I would like to understand if the way I feel is normal or if someone ever felt the same. Do you believe it's possible to love someone and have the need to have sex with escorts once in while. Dont you just feel as bad as me at times too?

What doesnt help is a few years back then - I had a disastrous experience with a escort... the condom broke ( see older post... ) now I have someone in my life and Im so scared this happens again. Btw I didnt catch anything after the incident but imagine how much I stressed waiting for the results...

So.... Im trying to resist and not do it... by fear of condom breaking again or by fear of hurting emotionnaly the one I love.... and on the other hand I want to ...

complicated I know, anyways let me know if you feel the same or felt the same once...

thanks

 

[shijak]

You know, if you're having trouble dealing with your emotions, writing about it on this board is NOT going to help you. You need to consult with a professional Psychologist if you don't want these feelings to worsen...

 

[daydreamer41]

shijak, I agree with you that someone having questions of why he does something should ask a professional. However, feelinglost is asking if anyone has felt the same way. I don't see any harm in the question.

I agree 100 percent that turning to SP's when you really don't want to is a reaction to stress. I have done that in my past when I did not really want to. You should a psychologist who specializes in behavior. Their approach is to train you to select other responses to your stress. Good luck.

 

[joebarren]

i don't know if i can say i understand. i'm married, but i enjoy seeing escorts from time to time because the idea of trying someone else from time to time feels great. i won't leave my wife because i love her, but the rush and excitment i get from cheating makes me happy. now if i think about how you feel in comparison to me, it's an extreme opposite. what i could suggest, is that you try to find the exact source of your urges. it could be sexual frustration because you're not getting enough or you ain't getting it the way you really want it. try having a fantasy night and get your girl to dress up like someone else, it might help. maybe you want her to act naughtier than she actually does. talk to your wife and see what happens. good luck

 

[Dauphin]

All this guilt that oozes from ``visiting`` companions is prefaced on the notion of a failure at being faithfull whereas faithfullness is a mental construct often not clearly negotiated and resolved between loving partners. My «faithfullness» was all about not engaging in any «I love you» shit with any other woman not my beloved. Sex had nothing to do with it and didn`t come under any limitative rules, and it was clearly again something understood on both parts. SO...

 

[aboude]

has anyone tried this escort service?

http://hotmontreal.escort-site.com/contact.phtml


hello has anyone tried this independent escort lady? i feel the pics are fake?

http://hotmontreal.escort-site.com/contact.phtml

 

[jellydo]

Feelinglost - if you are engaged and likely to be married soon you could just be pannicking, feeling trapped, and having fears of committment.
I have noticed these same feelings in myself - the more my girlfriend (at the time) spent time with me too much or was a bit smothering (not her intent) I began to have wandering feelings and fantasies - I enjoyed the closeness but the thought of sex with only one woman scared the hell out of me and made me think astray. when she was cool and gave me my space - the wandering thoughts went away. In short I have experienced similar feelings to yours which I chalked up to fear of committment - once you identify the root cause of things they are much easier to deal with. Of course I am not with her anymore and free to see SPs whenever I choose. (sorry if this last bit wasn't helpful).

 

[ManApart]

I hear where you're coming from lost. I've been with certain women I cared about in the past, but after a period of time started feeling kind of empty that they are the only woman I can be with sexually. It made me sad. No matter who you are with, it does get kind of old after a while. I've rarely cheated on women I was with. I just broke up with them, if being with other women became more important than being faithful. I don't want the guilt of feeling I'm betraying someone and, at least right now, feel I cannot be with just one woman sexually. Because of these two factors, I have no choice but to remain single (there are both good and bad to that). Of course I am not engaged to a woman I love like you are, so do not have the same dilemma. I really don't know what I would do if I were you, but would certainly feel the same way. As some have mentioned, the only thing I could do was to talk to a professional and see if they could help me resolve the issue.

 

[gambler]

I sure is a fun hobby hard to give up. Tell your future wife about it.... If you live through that maybe you should marry. Hyperthetically of course.

 

[456nick]

Don't tell her!

"Gambler" is an appropriate user name - you are gambling on ruining your life if you tell your fiancee, wife or significant other. Don't tell her, for God's sake. There are very few men that can tell anyone -- let alone their wife -- without opening a hornet's nest.

Unfortunately, this hobby is in our DNA. Follow the advice of "onceinawhile", and stop feeling guilty. Never cheat your future wife of any love or sex; but if you need to play once in a while, do so without guilt.

 

[muffinbuffer]

456nick, another perspective is not to marry someone who doesn't want you to enjoy life to its fullest in whatever ways make you happiest.

My wife spent the weekend going over agency and indy websites and giving me her valuable opinions for an upcoming trip ("Do her, she looks fun." "She is ungainly and ungraceful - you don't want to deal with that during a blowjob!" "That is NOT a 20 year-old" and the usual range of comments about ugly shoes, chipped nail varnish, and laddered stockings) and helping me get all my stuff together to pack. I now have a half-dozen girls on my TDL that weren't even on my radar before. She knows my perversions well so her advice is nearly always spot-on.

Guilt is poisonous, but so is lying. I recommend against both. If you feel as if you're sneaking around but can't be honest about what you're doing, you need to stop doing it.

 

[456nick]

muffinbuffer,

You are a lucky guy to have such an open relationship; most wives are not like that at all. As well, our society (other than perhaps the wonderful people of Montreal) are not prepared to discuss the hobby openly. Out of curiousity, if the tables were turned -- if your wife asked you to vet Male SP's for her -- would you respond in the same positive way as she does to you?

456nick

 

[muffinbuffer]

Out of curiousity, if the tables were turned -- if your wife asked you to vet Male SP's for her -- would you respond in the same positive way as she does to you?

I've offered. She says she's only interested in women and me.

 

[man77777]

I totally separate feeling and sex. And I think it's giving too much importance to sex, to say feeling and sex are linked.

So I love my girlfriend but I will never stop my sex-hobby with SP or other girls.

For girls, sex and feeling are linked. But we are men and are different. I think it's the feminization of the society that makes men feeling guilty if they cheat. But the desire to have sex with lot of girl is an instinctive and normal reaction for us. No matter what the feminist society try to make us think..

 

[evillethings]

because it's like eating out, you get to enjoyment without the clean-up and headache before n after.

lots of women can separate the 2 (sex and love), otherwise there'd be no escorts. no!?

 

[Latinofreak]

Don't ever tell her you're doing what you're doing, because you will be a big disappointment to her that will most likely have a negative impact in her life whether she decides to stay or leave you.

Temptation is always there, you can't avoid it, whether you decide to go with it is a different story. I personally don't think that you can show no signs of infidelity, unless you are a very cynical person or a pretty good actor. What shouldn't be done I think is to engage in a relationship where you let the other person think that you're being faithful but you aren't, that`s cheating. In that case have the guts to state what you really want and if she doesn't want the same, then leave her, act like a man.

 

[QuebecoiseFemmesCochonnes]

Let her think she is that special and do you what your heart desires and I thought the single life was not so good. The excitement is so much more powerful and intense when your dealing with open bad girls so i know its addictive.

 

[feelinglost]

Thank you all

Thanks for your replies.

Your point of views helped me understand why I feel like that. I decided to accept who I am and my desires, althought its the opposite of the "perfect" husband image I have in mind... Yes lots of shame there... Of course I will never tell her anything. Im also gonna see a therapist, just to be able to discuss this with someone neutral... thanks everyone.

 

[Halloween Mike]

Well on my side im not proud to say it, but im not an attractive person, i am shy to death when it comes to try to get a girl, i hate what most young girls like these days(rap, thecno, night clubs and all of these) being a metal head. And i don't have a very lucrative job either(i save for months to see an sp)

My last GF was when i was 16, im 26, i watched a lot of porn from 16 to now, around 21-22 i started going to strippers, satisfied me for a while, but when you get to 24 and you never had sex, you want it. First time i tried an SP was when KIM got to sherbrooke in my late 23, it was my first time, was soooo shy, nervous also(i tought i could get busted for that....lol) but in the end i opted for a BBJTCOF. Thats what we had talk about on emails and i was satisfy with that, a porno fantasy getting realized, WOW lol. That was in march if i remember right, being convinced of the SP standard of mtl(since she came from there) i decided to try again and book one for my 24 birthday since i was going to see friends anyway. That was the start for me.

What i forgot to write is that i had a brief, very brief "try" with an sp in sherbrooke around the same time i got to strippers, i was disapointed to death and thats why it was strippers only for a while. I tought every encounter would be like that and that was not fun anyway. A girl doing the star on the bed... no thanks. I refuse to call this my first time... i barely "fucked" the girl for 2 min... it was bad, really bad. So my first time was Kelly in montreal, right after Kim(since Kim was a BBJ only)

But to get back on topic, like i said, maybe if i would try really hard i could get a girl, but she would not be a super atractive one, and i guess now im just used to get super hot pornstar look-a-like girls... i know at some point i will need to stop that. If i can lost weight again... maybe i will get a good looking girl. Anyway if i would had a girlriend, i would not see escorts...

 

[simonpaul]

i am attrack for sp because i work to hard and i don t want waste time .