Why is this hobby viewed as being so shameful by most of society? (Bit of a rant)

[Gav]

I’m a young guy, only very recently got into using SPs instead of one night stands or girlfriends but something has always bother me. Why is paying for sex worker viewed as so shameful?

Like when I used to do the whole normal person pick up thing, I’d more often then not have to jump through hoops or end I’m embellishing things, pretending to be someone I’m not just to impress some random girl in efforts to hook up with her. The next day I would just feel like a sleazy douche bag for leading some girl on (I know I don’t want a relationship rn, few breakups still weighing heavy in my mind and just have too much stuff going on in my life at the moment) and I’d feel ashamed at myself for acting like a show monkey the previous night and exploiting myself just for female attention and sex. Friends with benefits are amazing in theory but in my experience almost always end in drama and I’ve actually lost a couple good female friends of mine because of them.

With a sex worker it’s so much cleaner and, to me, feels so much less sleazy and fake (ironically enough). You are paying for sex. Sex is an amazing, pleasurable thing, like riding a roller coaster, going to the movies or eating at a fancy restaurant and it’s ok to admit that it’s all you want sometimes. There’s no feelings involved, no awkwardness, no relationships needed, it’s just the activity and then you leave and it’s a mutually beneficial experience for you and the worker. To me, this is much better and more ethical then going out and being some Barney Stinson every time I want no strings attached sex. Obviously a girlfriend and serious relationship is a whole other thing but like I said it’s not what me, or many guys/girls want at a particular moment in their life.

I read a Reddit post recently where some guy was making this great ‘confession’ that he recently went to a MP and got a massage with happy ending. He was going on and on about how ashamed he felt and how disgusted he was in himself and this was the biggest mistake of his life because ‘what if my friends and family found out about this? What would they think of me?’ And then all the replies in the comments were like ‘hey man you made a big mistake but you can learn from this and never do it again. And hey at least you didn’t have sexual intercourse (ghasp) with this sp, that would have been just horrible and irredeemable’.

And I fee like this opinion is kinda unanimously held by most people in society. It’s like ingrained in us for some reason that sex with sp is terrible, unethical and only creepy perverts do it. If a politician said they thought prostitution was fine and the in fact enjoy escorts every now and then, they’d be absolutely flamed and refused any kind of public or political job for the rest of their lives. Similarly, if I tell my guy friends that last night I had a meeting with sex worker they would be like ‘wtf dude, what’s wrong with you, that’s not right’. Yet they have no problem at all acting like assholes demeaning girls all the time in ‘locker room talk’ or bragging about using girls for sex/hookups and leaving them bad and lead on.

So why is the sex industry seen as such a shameful and terrible thing and guys (or girls) who use it are viewed as these awful people just for paying for a service provided to them by willing and consenting adults? it because sex, despite how sex positive people like to act, is still very taboo in our society? (Obviously things like human trafficking and stuff like that are awful but I’m talking about normal consenting escort work from people of age).

 

[Fradi]

The point is why do you care.
You are not going to change societies viewpoint in North America any time soon.

You have one life enjoy it the way you see fit.
As long as you are not hurting anyone, who gives a crap.
Some of the kindest and warmest women I have met are escorts, not to mention they are drop dead gorgeous and go out of their way to please me.

 

[Halloween Mike]

I think there is a bunch of different factors

1) The bad side of the coin, like exploitation and dangerous pimps. Lots of peoples can't see the difference between a legit escort who does it on her own and enjoy her job and a girl "forced" into prostitution...

2) The concept of "cheating at the game". Picking up girls need work and you have to use your charm. While if you use money, well almost everybody can do that and therefore its seen like you a "looser". But this point actually has 2 side of the coins, as a guy will often be seen as "cool" for picking up girls and having sex with them, while a women doing the same is badly view. Dumb i know but it is what it is.

3) The "dirty" side of it. As much as we all know here that girls are tested frequently, protect themselves etc, the general population often link escorts to having MTS/STDs and such. Obviously "club girls" are just as much if not more at risk than escorts especially if they don't get test and don't protect themselves, but for mister everybody the escort is the girl that fucked 1000s of men so therefore she is more at risk.

4) The concept of "doing it for the money" and not respecting your body. Lots of peoples think this way. She does it only for easy money, she "sell her body" for that and don't respect herself. Sexuality for some peoples is seen as such a mighty thing. Some wait til marriage, some would never cheat on their girlfriend/boyfriend and are exclusives, most of the population is like that. So the concept of sleeping with strangers, and lots of them being old/fat/ugly etc is badly seen for the general population.

Now i just want to make it totally clear that I DON'T agree with any of these points. Im just reporting what i see in society and the way of thinking of many peoples. As lots of you know i am not shy of my hobby, lots of peoples in my real life know that i do it, im not ashamed of it at all myself. But i can see the reactions often of others peoples when they learn so thats why i had lots to report on this.

 

[hungry101]

Because people think sex workers are exploited, that's why. I've even read excerpts from lead feminists and abolitionists and other socially conscious groups that say men like us pay large sums of money as a way to overcome guilt. No woman would freely chose to sell their bodies in the sex trade. They are all exploited and we are the exploiters. They only care to understand the circumstances of the women that fit their preconceived stereotypical notions of what they think the industry is: Trafficked, under-aged, substance abuse, pimped out etc. etc. They don't care to hear about the escort that I met that owns a sports car that I will never be able to afford to own or the the girls that I see that bought their own condos in their early 20's or graduated from college without debt and continue to escort to supplement their income because they get a thrill out of it, etc.

They took back page down and an escort I saw recently in Toronto told me "I loved BP. I was making $1,500/day off BackPage." When I told her I was meeting a friend for dinner at what turned out to be a nice restaurant she looked at me surprised and turned her head sideways, wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something funny and asked me why I'm going to that place? She told me I should go to this restaurant with the famous chef so and so where I could order some 100$/plate entree ala carte etc. because that is where she would go. I'm happy to say that the girls I see don't seem to be too exploited.

Things could change. There's hope. Years ago homosexuals hid in the shadows. Today the homosexual/gay lifestyle is marveled at and even celebrated. Additionally, men and women - heck, even young children - are being encouraged to change their genders. I read about cases of enlightened parents encouraging their child to change genders as young as 5 years old. The latest craze is non-binary. These are people like the man/woman on the old SNL comedy routine It's Pat who don't want to be associated with a gender. Isn't this wonderful? Look at the sports world. There were two gay boys that identified as girls that were allowed to run in the Connecticut State track finals and set a state record. The NCAA Division II 100M high Hurdles National Champ is Cici. The year prior Cici was Craig and he wasn't winning too many races. There's a world woman's cycling champ and weight lifting champ that were born men and quite frankly have a huge advantage and stick out like a sore thumb. Look at the LPGA tour. They have 4 pages of small print of performance enhancing drugs that you cannot take but guess what? If you are a shemale you can enter and win if you can make it through Q-school.

My point is that all this is acceptable behavior now a days. So maybe someday John-Q public will consider pay-for-play sex acceptable behavior? It makes a hell of a lot more sense than allowing two gay boys to race against the girls in the state track finals. Men need sex and there are some women that actually like sex as much as men do and they find it to be a great way to make money and at the same time do something useful to help men like us...men like us that often have to pay for sex. We may have been married or maybe we still are married or maybe we could never find a wife or girlfriend etc....We need some intimacy in our lives and this is the only way to fulfill our needs. Maybe someday this will be acceptable behavior?

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

It’s viewed as shameful by the hypocritical holier-than-thou sect who don’t practice what they preach.
Like the ones molesting alter boys and secretly picking up streetwalkers while lining their pockets by promising the ignorant sheep that follow them a spot in heaven.

 

[CLOUD 500]

Two reasons. First is due to the Bible. The bible and the Roman Catholic church has had a strong hold on society for hundreds of years. There is a section in it just about prostitutes. The whole society is about having a family and raising children. The bible talks about sex only for marriage and that prostitutes destroy marriages. Sex out of marriage is a big sin. It is immoral. The core society is based on that and it still is. North American society are big prudes. They have a very immature view of sexuality and still see it as some kind of taboo. The other reason and is the newer one is feminism. We are living in a time of the rise of feminism and the metoo era.. Feminists have infantiled sex workers and made the clients as the predators. They cannot conceive that a woman would choose to work as a sex worker they either say she is mentally dysfunctional or is being pimped. Feminists want to dominate men and they feel that a man paying for sex is dominating women and exploiting them. Society will take a very long time to change. Europe is far more mature about sex but even the feminist movement is spreading over there.

 

[hungry101]

...one thing I maybe didn't emphasis enough is that the most ardent abolitionists in the USA are the militant feminists on the left. You know - these are the man-hating, hair-clipped, wire-glasses wearing, ugly women that were left home on prom and homecoming. These are the women that walk past a construction crew and they just keep on working. Well the chickens are coming home to roost. Now they are going to take their man-hating vengeance out on any outlet for pleasure that men have. Why? Because they're not having sex no one else should. The hobby has always been in the sights of these left-wing (most often atheists) feminists.

 

[2fast2slow]

i was about to start a thread a few weeks ago about "who are the crazy ones? us who participate freely in buying/selling sex? or the rest of society that view this with total disgusts?" I was going to start that thread because i could not understand the huge dichotomy surrounding this business. Especially when you consider all the older, relatively affluent men (and women for that matter), who have no sex lives whatsoever, or occasionnal sex with their old, fat and ugly partners...I often hang around a bunch of older guys like me (around 50), and i know for a fact they have ZERO sex in their lives, and if they knew about mine, would either be jealous or disgusted. The fact that the majority do not partake in this hobby, sometimes makes me question: AM I THE ONE THAT IS CRAZY? OR THEM? Needless to say, my conclusion is it is them Most people are sheep, and will go along with what society tells them, and even participate in the promotion of what society tells them is right or wrong, withouth anny kinnd of critical thinking.

i aggree with most of what was said above. Religion is the main root of this societal norm. The other one i would say is parenting. A lot of people are just not comfortable talking about sex. When those people become parents, they transmit some kind of discomfort about the subject to their kids. And the cycle continues.

But i beleive this will change with time. The hypersexualization of our society also continues. Porn has become a lot more acceptable. And to me, pornn and sex work have similar societal stygmas attached to them. I say it will take another 20 - 50 years minimmum before sex work becomes acceptable.

What is needed are more sex workers comming out into the public domain and shouting out loud "I AM NOT BEING EXPLOITED! I LIKE WHAT I DO!''

I think the whole Stormy Daniels / Donald Trump saga was good for moving the dial in the right direction for the porn issue. A large part of 'merica got to see that she is a smart and normal person (with a daughter) who CHOOSES to do this work on her own volition (and makes good money too). She is not being exploited.

 

[hungry101]

Especially when you consider all the older, relatively affluent men (and women for that matter), who have no sex lives whatsoever, or occasionnal sex with their old, fat and ugly partners...I often hang around a bunch of older guys like me (around 50), and i know for a fact they have ZERO sex in their lives, and if they knew about mine, would either be jealous or disgusted. The fact that the majority do not partake in this hobby, sometimes makes me question: AM I THE ONE THAT IS CRAZY? OR THEM?

Great statement. Sometimes I wonder how many of my colleagues or clients do this?

In Brazil I told a colleague of mine that I do this. It actually slipped out when I said Whiskeria and Termas and he figured out who and what I am. He wanted to know how I knew those words. I made up some bullshit excuse and he kept saying something like Quem conhece você não acredita voce which means something like One who knows you doesn't believe you. I found that most guys seem to see GDPs. I've picked up GDPs with my friends dad and he was going to be a priest at one time. They are all devout Catholic. I have bowed my head in prayer as the group I was with led a prayer and an hour later we were all at the strip club and at the restaurants where the freelancers hang out. I guess they haven't been enlightened by the left yet?

In the US the attitude is completely different. I told my ex-boss I do this and helped him get started. He has retired from work but constantly asks about coming along with me on hobby trips. We did Thailand, FKKS and he went along to Spain on the tail end of a FKK trip. But I wouldn't dare to tell anyone else and these people are not religious like my Brasileiro counterparts and they very progressive minded...so don't say it is just religion.

But i beleive this will change with time. The hypersexualization of our society also continues. Porn has become a lot more acceptable. And to me, pornn and sex work have similar societal stygmas attached to them. I say it will take another 20 - 50 years minimmum before sex work becomes acceptable.

But It seems to be going the other way. There is the Nordic model that all liberals are raving about. There is C-36 and SESTA and FOSTA and the demise of CL and BP and no access to TER in the USA. Let's face it: Males having any sexual gratification with the opposite sex is under attack. At any time you could be held up by two competing gay parades. Where I work during Pride week that's all we heard about. Fellow employees were highlighted for nothing more than their sexual preference. I had to sheepishly hide in my office and I was ashamed to admit that I had never had a rodent up my ass. But men having heterosexual sex is under attack. You better have signed affidavit notarized if you ever are going to get laid on campus. At the local high school a few years back the principal was confiscating boys cell phones and suspending them because girls were sexting them with pics of their sex organs. He was threatening the HS seniors of calling the police because they had child pornography on their phones. It was frustrating for me to read about it in the local paper or talk about it with my son's friends because I wanted to shake the PC principal and say maybe the boys wouldn't have the naked photos of their young co-ed classmates if the girls would just stop photographing their parts and sending it to them. Did it ever occur to any of them?

 

[Fradi]

I guess it all depends on the people you know and the friends you have.
Not all are so swift to pass judgement.
I play golf with a bunch of my buddies who are ex work colleagues that I have known for over 20 years.

These guys were always feeling sorry for me since my wife passed away and were trying to set me up with their wives girlfriends and women from work, that is until I got fed up with it and showed them a picture of my ATF.
They are now all envious I don’t blame them I know their wives, they all pale in comparison.

I couldn’t care less what people think, I was monogamous for the time I was married she was the woman of my dreams , but that was my choice people should be free to do what ever makes them happy.

 

[hungry101]

Fradi - Like Robert Kraft, there are a lot of people that would say the poor SOB lost his wife. What about the even poorer SOB that didn't lose his wife? You know, the guy with the wife who lost her sex drive 15 years ago or how about the overbearing, overweight one that didn't lose her sex drive? The poor bastards need this too.

 

[Fradi]

Hungry,

I guess it is their choice to make.
I find that French Canadians in general are much more liberal thinking in these matters, they actually come close to Europeans.
Perhaps the media hasn’t had such a big effect on them and most today have realized how the Catholic Church ruled over their lives for so many years and now want nothing to do with their values.

For me I think I have been spoiled for what is left of my life, I couldn’t imagine not seeing my ATF, how could any woman in my age bracket play in her league, when very few women in Montreal can.

 

[hungry101]

Like I said, my friends in Brazil that I have visited Termas and Clinicas with are practicing Catholics. I fear the left more than I do organized religion especially in the USA where we have seen the emergence of the Beta Male. It may be different in Canada but the man-hating feminist are the most vocal here and the most feared by our left-leaning institutions which cow to them.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

I do not discuss this with my coworkers, I do not discuss this with my family ( even the Quebec outlaws ) and I carefully chose which friends I mention this to. The Quebecers I talk to about it say I am crazy to pay for it as there are too many willing females for free..... until I show them a link to the XO or Euphoria site pictures.... then they say the money may be worth it.

 

[Fradi]

^^^^

Like you I don’t discuss it with people, only a few very close friends, I am retired so work is not an issue.
They did not say I was crazy especially after they saw the picture, basically their jaw dropped and they have never mentioned hooking me up with someone again. So it achieved my goal.
Yes there are many I could have for free, but the ones that are free, would more than likely have to pay me and even then it wouldn’t work.

 

[Thor Jr]

I am not sure where the shame is, i have never hidden the fact that i hobby in this field and as for work, well my coworkers live thru my stories. Monday mornings are once upon a time kind of days. They envy me cause i dont have any ties to these women and they have to go home to their wives every day. What i dont do is hobby while i am in a relationship, this is why i have gaps in-between my reviews. I consider it cheating and unfair to the one you are with. This is my opinion for myself, i do not judge anyone else, i just wont even think of being in a relationship if i intend to see any escort. And if i am not asked about this hobby, i dont volunteer the info but i wont hide it or deny it either if asked. If i deem a person not worthy to know then i wont tell them, after-all, it is my life and business, so i dont have to tell everybody. And if someone wants to judge me for my lifestyle, fuck em. Jealousy can be ugly sometimes. I have nothing but respect for the ladies in the business and i am not ashamed to call some of them my friends. For most parts, they are doing it to put food on the table and fund their education.

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

I started mongering a couple years ago, about five years after my wife left me. Including the last few years we were together and before I got into the game, I went about nine years without sex or any intimate contact, which seems unconscionable. It was the most miserable time of my life. How I survived, I have no idea, because there were many days I wondered whether life was worth it.
This newfound lifestyle has given me a reason to live and look forward to the weeks, months and years ahead, knowing I can enjoy the company of a lovely lady whenever I desire. It will always be one of life’s greatest pleasures.
I do this because I have no desire to go through the dating games and hassles at my age (54) and no way in hell I’m entering into another relationship.
My friends and family have no idea I do this and it’s none of their fucking business. I’m content to do this the rest of my life because it makes me happy and I’m not hurting anyone or deceiving anybody. And that’s what life is about.
Anyone who looks down on this lifestyle or tries to eliminate it can go fuck themselves and the horse they rode in on and eat shit and die.
There’s pussy out there waiting to be eaten, and I’m the man for the job.

 

[donbusch]

Many societal norms are rubbish.

My conscience is clear, I never haggle over money and treat the escorts with dignity & respect. It makes me happy when the escorts leave my hotel room with smiles on their faces even if it is because they think I’m a ‘soft touch’. Everyone benefits & no one is hurt.

We’re a lot better than the bums who try to score civilians with lies or target married women because they’re less likely to cause trouble. Hobbyists/Mongers/Punters help support the dreams of these fine young ladies. Because of us, they can go for their dream vacations, finance their educations or even invest in real estate. Our escort donations shld be tax-deductible.

 

[ShyMan]

Sex is so therapeutic in so many ways that to outlaw or criminalize the "commercial" selling and buying of sex is immoral, IMHO. Those of us who are in the Hobby, whether as a provider or a receiver, should never be ashamed of this perfectly rational "activity". To be sure, minors must never be exploited sexually by adults. (We all know minors have sexual relations among themselves.) I don't boast about seeing sex workers, nor do I tell my colleagues, friends or family -- it's must life.

Everyone "pays" for sex in one form or another. Seeing escorts happens to involve the exchange of monies for their human services. Agree, there is no place like Montreal and the surrounding towns where receiving true GFE is the norm, and not the exception.

Some female escorts are probably wealthier than most of their clients and likely frequent fine dining establishments that most of us cannot afford, unless we win the mega lottery jackpots. :lol:

The bible talks about sex only for marriage and that prostitutes destroy marriages.

What I never understood is why Catholic priests must give up sex and marriage in order to serve God. If God really wanted this and all men became priests, wouldn't human kind go extinct -- what, so, we can all go to Heaven. :noidea:


I imagine that some women also buy the services of female escorts, likely for the same reasons men do.

 

[2fast2slow]

Termas and Clinicas

can you explain what that is exactely?