I saw this fascinating discussion on sexless marriages on Dateline NBC last night. Click here for the transcript and video:
This is part of the transcript that you should all read:
So what’s going wrong in these two marriages and in millions of others?
Absolutely nothing, says Dr. David Schnarch, author of 3 popular books, including “Passionate Marriage.” This clinical psychologist has counseled thousands of sexless couples, taught hundreds of sex therapists around the world and practiced what he preaches in his own 18 year marriage.
Dr. Schnarch isn’t surprised Jack and Tammy’s special dates, hormone creams or conventional therapy have failed to solve their problem. He says they never work because those fixes are based on a myth.
Dr. Schnarch: We have to stop thinking that sex is a biological function that happens automatically and if it doesn’t you are screwed up.
Dr. Schnarch says intimacy can be revived whether a couple has been sexless for 5 years or 50. But first, you must avoid a prime sex killer in marriage. That is, allowing what your spouse thinks of you to determine how you feel about yourself.
Schnarch: Your lives are so entwined and what literally happens is over the course of time, in most marriages, your partner becomes too important to show the hidden sexual side of yourself.
And so over time, spouses decide it’s too risky to be brutally honest about their desires or deepest feelings and chose to protect the status quo with years of compromise. Sex is lousy and soon come the fights about who wants sex and who doesn’t.
Schnarch: The assumption has always been the low desire partner is frigid or doesn’t like sex the reason they are the low desire partner is they know the sex they’re having isn’t worth wanting. It’s the high desire partner you really gotta wonder about because the sex is so lousy and they want two helpings of it.
>>Guess which books I will be reading? It's never too late to keep trying.