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Thread: I'm unfortunately back

  1. #1

    I'm unfortunately back

    I kind of envy you guys who see SPs because you want to. For me, it was because I had to. Had my last relationship. Same old, same old. I'm not compatible with any woman. I have nothing in common with them. It's depressing for me, but I know that the heartbreak of it ending outweighs any of the joy I got from the relationship. I lack the personality that women like. Thank god my sex drive is so low, I have no desire to even see SPs now, but I'm back to that state of mind where I know I have no other option if I want to have sex. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I realize I have my health, I have two legs, etc, but damn, I was the happiest I ever have been, but it was all a lie. Never again.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by My_dingaling
    You sound young... don't panic.... take yer time and don't be looking too hard.

    Thanks. Won't be looking at all though. I've had 5 relationships, and they have all ended with me getting dump. No talk, no discussion, to opportunity to correct anything I might have done. Just dumped, she's moved on, I'm miserable. I realize that it's the women, but I'm not exactly able to be that selective as I can only date the women that don't reject me. These are the ones that said yes. I'm sure there are great women out there, but they don't want to date me. Anyways, I have nothing in common with women. I mean, I barely can even talk to them, not out of shyness, but I literally have nothing in common with them and can only talk with them if I'm drinking. Sometimes they'll like me like and then lose all interest when they see me sober. Oh well. I've had enough experience to know I don't need to experience it again. At least she saved me a divorce. She would have changed her mind, so she really did me a favor. I'm just always sick of being an "error in judgment" on their part. In short, I'm tired of being a regret or a mistake. I know I'm not perfect, but jeez, does that mean I'm forced to be alone for the rest of my life, but at this time, that sounds like a good idea. If I want loyalty, I can get a dog. (well, my building won't allow them, but you catch my drift). Sorry to whine. Just really depressed.

  3. #3
    Gamlessdork you're too hard on yourself. You've just had bad luck.

  4. #4
    Hey Gamelessdork;
    What I will tell you is from my past, and not something that happen to me, but to a friend of mine which almost ended his life, being depressed and on. It seems sometimes the expression “When it rains it pours” well that is right sometimes. But did you ever notice that people who have negative thinking always seem to bring upon themselves the same type of people? But the people that you see with a smile on their face all day seem to have a same type of people around them.
    My friend was this type of person, which he explained to others how he was not lucky about everything that happened to him in he’s life. But as a teenager we he had a narrow look at the world, and thought it happen all to him. Until he decide to follow a group to share he’s issues, and quickly found out that he was not alone, and that other people had more complicated issue than him.
    All I’m saying is sometimes we think we are the only one in the world to have this issues, but we start reading the right books and talk to the right people and find out there is a solution out there, and my best analogies of all is “Thinks always happen for a reason”
    I look at it in another way, if these girls just dumped you without a goodbye or not, all I have to say if it happen to me, I would be glad since it obvise that she is a girl I would not want in my life.

    I have a few suggestions of book reading if you’re interested,…
    Let me know – here is the first one – “You Inc”
    And my 2 Cent’s – Start thinking positive – And let’s start by changing your id from “Gamelessdork” to “Gamewinner”

    Regards
    Johnny

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by johnny_view
    Hey Gamelessdork;
    What I will tell you is from my past, and not something that happen to me, but to a friend of mine which almost ended his life, being depressed and on. It seems sometimes the expression “When it rains it pours” well that is right sometimes. But did you ever notice that people who have negative thinking always seem to bring upon themselves the same type of people? But the people that you see with a smile on their face all day seem to have a same type of people around them.
    My friend was this type of person, which he explained to others how he was not lucky about everything that happened to him in he’s life. But as a teenager we he had a narrow look at the world, and thought it happen all to him. Until he decide to follow a group to share he’s issues, and quickly found out that he was not alone, and that other people had more complicated issue than him.
    All I’m saying is sometimes we think we are the only one in the world to have this issues, but we start reading the right books and talk to the right people and find out there is a solution out there, and my best analogies of all is “Thinks always happen for a reason”
    I look at it in another way, if these girls just dumped you without a goodbye or not, all I have to say if it happen to me, I would be glad since it obvise that she is a girl I would not want in my life.

    I have a few suggestions of book reading if you’re interested,…
    Let me know – here is the first one – “You Inc”
    And my 2 Cent’s – Start thinking positive – And let’s start by changing your id from “Gamelessdork” to “Gamewinner”

    Regards
    Johnny
    I really appreciate the kind words. I'm not sure if I can think that way. I would never want this girl back, as she would make me miserable, flaking out on me. But I thought I FINALLY had found a woman that liked me for me. It was my longest relationship ever. In fact 5-6x longer than any one I had in the past. But like all others, I bored them. Until I can change my personality, to be more outgoing, more entertainign, I will fail with EVERY woman. God I don't want to be here. I don't want to pay for sex and further lower my self esteem (no offense to you guys here). It's just not by choice. I have no other option. I cannot get along with women. And I finally thought I had it. I thought if she has been with me for this long, she really probably fines me okay. It wasn't that way. Sure, I probably could in theory get more mentally balanced women, but honestly, I cannot make someone date me. I can only date a woman who agrees to date me. Maybe the good ones don't want me at all. I'm no prize for sure. I just know that I cannot get along with women. I have no female friends, I've only had a few relationships, and all have been very short, with me getting dumped. I don't want to be here. And of course it has to be when it's getting colder, the days are shorter, and I'm so alone now. I'm going to shut myself in. I cannot be around people. I get jealous when I see couples out, though I know know that he likely has to put up with lots of bad things. Just knowing I don't have a chance really sucks. They have never liked me, and unless I can change my personality, they never will. It's not easy to live with that.

    This always happens to me. I almost refused to begin dating her because I knew it would end up this way. Maybe it was self fufilling, but I tried to be the best boyfriend I could be. Even up to the end she said she loved me, she liked me for who I am, etc. Blam, I get dumped, and she's cold as hell. I'll likely never hear from her again, she's moved on, probably is as happy as a clam, and I'm miserable, and she doesn't care, despite saying she would never do anything to hurt me. Maybe if I had done something wrong. If I were abusive, if I cheated, something. I didn't do anything wrong except be myself, and that always gets me rejected or dumped. I don't like being me. I was the happiest I ever was even when things were rough, when she flaked out, I worried if she was thinking of ending things, but it would work out, and things seemed fine. She was dishonest with me up to the very end. I deserve better, I know that, but I really don't think I'm ever going to get another chance. I'm not exactly a teenager or even in my twenties.

    I don't want to be here. But thank God almighty for my low sex drive. This is going to be a really lonely winter. I cannot be around people.

  6. #6
    Well you have the answer and know what it is --->

    "unless I can change my personality, they never will."

    It's up to you now, to make it happen, It's not easy to get out of our confort zone, that's what makes the difference between followers or leaders.

    But hey if you decide to lock yourself in for the winter, get yourseld an X-Box and buy Halo 3 and go kill a couple of Alains, will make you feel better, if you decide to go on line let me know we could team up.

    Wish you all the best
    Johnny
    Last edited by johnny_view; 11-06-2007 at 05:34 PM.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by johnny_view
    Well you have the answer and know what it is --->

    "unless I can change my personality, they never will."

    It's up to you now, to make it happen, here is another Analogie I like alot "Help yourself and God will help you"

    It's not easy to get out of our confort zone, that's what makes the difference between followers or leaders.

    But hey if you decide to lock yourself in for the winter, get yourseld an X-Box and buy Halo 3 and go kill a couple of Alains, will make you feel better, if you decide to go on line let me know we could team up.

    Wish you all the best
    Johnny
    Thanks, but can one change their personality? It really sucks that I cannot be myself and get and keep a woman. I've had to be self suffiecient my entire life, I'm used to it. But I would rather have avoided the relationship so as to not have the heartbreak. It just makes me stupid having even tried.

  8. #8
    Just another fool
    Join Date
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    Not the right venue to talk about this

    Hey gameless, I feel for you but I'm more worried that this is not the right place for you to get help. We've all been down in the dumpster and we've all believed we'll be alone forever at some point. The reality of it is that most of us just go through hard times and come out of them better and stronger. I'm not preaching just suggesting that you might want to go talk to somebody who actually knows what they're talking about. Also, s/he might give you happy pills

    No shame in getting help. Bettering ones self is a sign of true wisdom

    Good luck buddy and don't be so hard on yourself
    Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
    Plato

  9. #9

    Why not???

    You are asking if you can change? The answer is YES. But maybe you cannot do it alone in your appartment. Go and ask for some help. There is nos shame on that. There are many professional ready to help you. You should be your firts lover. If you love you it will be eaiser for the others ot love you. Invest in yourself. Human beings can change...if they really wants to.
    There are also wonderful books on selfesteem and you should run to the library to get one. You don't beleive in those books? Go and read it without prejudices. The least the books will give you is some few tips on how to improve yourself.
    That's my two cents but I really think that your case is not desesperate!!!

    Luap
    Last edited by Luap; 11-06-2007 at 06:07 PM.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by dirtierasigetolder
    Hey gameless, I feel for you but I'm more worried that this is not the right place for you to get help. We've all been down in the dumpster and we've all believed we'll be alone forever at some point. The reality of it is that most of us just go through hard times and come out of them better and stronger. I'm not preaching just suggesting that you might want to go talk to somebody who actually knows what they're talking about. Also, s/he might give you happy pills

    No shame in getting help. Bettering ones self is a sign of true wisdom

    Good luck buddy and don't be so hard on yourself

    antidepressants cannot make me charming. It would only be drugging myself into thinking I'm happy. Hasn't worked in the past. I'm reading some books about correcting my thought process which i'm trying to use, though I find it hard to believe it when it says I will be involved with someone again. I hadn't been involved with a anyone for over 2 years, and it was very brief. and this was really my first real relationship, and still ended like all the others. I don't really think I have much to not be depressed about other than i've got my health, my limbs, I'm not starving etc... But just missing out on the things that people take for granted. Not to judge, but some of the married guys on here who see SPs, if I were in a relationship and we were both happy and pleased each other, I would never even contemplate wanting anyone else, SP or affair. I'm very simple to please. But I never get what I want. i always lose it.

  11. #11

    try something else

    gamelessdork,

    I sincerely believe that you are too hard on yourself. You must realize that you have the potential to transform yourself into a chick magnet. Now, how does one go about doing that. There is no reciepe. You have to go by trial and error, that's for sure.

    That being said, how to do this pragmatically. I have a few questions for you:

    1. Aside the women part of your life, are you happy with your current situation? How about friends, family, work, hobbies?

    2. Aside the women part, do you feel that you are getting the most out of life? Really? Is there anything that you would like to change?

    Gamelessdork, reality is that to find a soulmate, you need to have interests of your home. Playing videogames alone does not cut it. Your interests need to involve other people. This can be sports, crafts, social events (bowling, dances, gathering, etc), spending time with friends, etc... You need to find something that will definitively get your attention so that you may really enjoy. Once that is done, you will be surrounded with people that have the same interests as you. That's the trick, finding somebody that shares your interests. Reality is that picking some chick in a bar, chances are that she will not have much in common with you.

    You state that women are not interested in you. Have you done anything lately to make yourself interesting? Really? If you want to meet a soulmate, you should put on paper the characteristics that you are looking for. Be realistic though. If you put that you want a hot blond that is as good in bed as Jenna Jamieson &cooks like Betty Crocker, might not work out. Fix realistic goals.

    With your prototype women, find ways to find her. Perhaps that you wish to change lifestyle, move into another country. Why not live in Mexico on the beach if you are looking for a cool and relaxed person. Alternatively, there are indeed agencies that help people find their match. Really, what do you have to loose? There are reputable matching agencies, not the ones on the internet, but professionnals that will help guide you on how to self improve and also find a person that is compatible with you.

    You might simply be a special case and you simply need help to find your match, that's all. Here is a story for you, that is real. I have a friend that had a similar profile as you. Not good with women, relationships lasted as long as an old Styx album. Nothing worked. He went back to school and obtained a 2nd bachelors at the university. Met many many people, made new friends and finally graduated at 29 with a girlfriend who he married and had a kid with.

    If HE can do it, you can to. Just refocus your priorities, change yourself, make yourself interesting and also, there is no need to feel bad because you had professionnal help to find a soulmate. Reality is, I am successful at what I do. I have an excellent job, family, etc. I had help along the way. There is no shame to get help.

    If I were you, I would try to get over your loss ASAP, then refocus, make goals and get help. We all need help at some point. Some people may just need more help than others and do you know what, it is OK.

    Take care, good luck my friend.

    Lone Rider
    Bringing value to the merb community since 2003...

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
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    Location
    Montreal
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    Lucky bastard

    Quote Originally Posted by gamelessdork
    Had my last relationship
    Consider yourself fortunate that you had the luck of recieving the affection of a woman in the first place. It may have ended but the initial attraction was there and will most likely reappear again.

    Some of us have never had this opportunity
    Making hot sweet love to all your beautiful women

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by DoingittoDeath
    Hey man,

    I've been where you are now. I'd read books (and now, of course, with the internet, there's no shortage of articles and web sites, etc, offering advice). Friends and family tried to help and I could listen and logically, what I was hearing and reading made sense, it was logical, but it wasn't sinking in.

    What changed? It's clichéd but true, bud - it had to come from within. Focus on what you do have going for you and don't worry about being in a relationship. Focus on friendships, go on vacation, do stuff for yourself - be selfish. Eventually, you'll feel better about yourself. Maybe then you'll be in the right frame of mind to meet someone - maybe you will or maybe not? The important thing is that you'll realise that it isn't the end of the world. And by then, you'll enjoy seeing escorts again.

    Thing is I don't want to see escorts. I never did. It made me feel like a loser because I knew it was the only way I could have sex during the long long gaps I had between my very brief relationships. I've not had the longest relationship of my life, with someone who talked about marriage, about living together. Someone that wasn't concerned about money, my job title, etc. But like every other woman I know, she's impossible to please in other areas. Doesn't know what she wants. She probably would have dumped me sooner, as she had second thoughts several other times. But I had figured if she had appeared to have gotten over that, I was in the clear. But she called me yesterday, she very rarely calls, I call her, and I knew it was bad news. So of course only bad possibilities came up as i had missed her call and was going to return it. But I tried to think positively like she wasn't going to be home when I normally call, or that she was sad or something. Nope, my worst fear, the called to dump me. We saw each other the day before and she didn't mention anything about it, though I could tell she was a little more distant than normal. My hunch with women has always been right. That's why my instinct now is "why bother?" because I pretty much know how it's going to turn out. I can tell the kind of woman I will never get a second date from, I can tell that I will surely be dumped, but not sure how long it will take. I am never given a "hey, I have this problem with you, fix it! or else!". It's always, you're dumped, bye.

    I am going on vacation soon, but I want to cancel it. I don't want to hang out with my friends because they will ask how my gf is, and will have to say she dumped me. I will of course lie and say "we broke up" and say I actually had some say in it, but the reality I was dumped, and not given a chance to make things work. She would rather be alone than be with me, and I'm not abusive, I treated her well, I treated her with respect...

    I'm kind of glad she wasn't honest with why she dumped me. i'd be even more upset it if was that I wasn't aggressive enough, that I didn't roughly have sex with her, etc... I'm just sick of this stuff. I'm sick of games, I'm sick of dishonesty. And I'm sick of how someone can go from saying "i love you" to being cold and cruel almost instantly and not feeling the slightest bit bad about it.

    I don't want to become a woman hater, but I've had nothing but bad experiences. My friends have had worse experiences, but they could at least get awoman to be with them for longer than 6 months. I know that had we gone out for 2 years and she dumped me, it would be far worse, and these guys run that risk too, but I'm sick of being treated so badly by people I am kind to.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Gotsome
    Consider yourself fortunate that you had the luck of recieving the affection of a woman in the first place. It may have ended but the initial attraction was there and will most likely reappear again.

    Some of us have never had this opportunity

    I think you're actually lucky. I would rather never have known heartbreak. Heartbreak is worse than lonliness. Being lied to, being dumped, etc is worse than being ignored. I feel for you, I have gone years and years and years without a date at points in my life, but I was happier then.

    At least you live in Montreal. I fyou cannot get women to date you, at least you don't have to break the law to be able to have sex. I would have to spend $600 to fly to Montreal, get a hotel, etc. I think the luckiest people on earth are the ones who have never had their heartbroken, and that would only be people who have never dated. The only people that can properly date are people with lots of game, because they can date multiple women and any particular rejection isn't that painful because they have other options. If you have very very few options, but have the ability to date, you run a very dangerous risk of having your heart torn out by someone who loves you one second, and then becomes incredibly cold. 1 week ago I heard "i love you", yesterday I heard "we aren't working out. It's best if we no longer communicate"

  15. #15
    this thread has 17 posts for some guy who got dumped hey pal it happens to all of us get over it it will happen again at some point.

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