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Thread: Unbelievable let down.

  1. #1

    Angry Unbelievable let down.

    I'm so angry right now I'm shaking, and maybe if I write about it, I might get a bit of frustration out of my system and allow myself to revert to my normal, cool mellow self. The few (very few) people who know me personally on these boards know that I usually keep all my emotions and feelings well under wraps so this is rather out of character for me, I suppose something has got to give.

    Hey, I feel better already. Ok, no. I don't.

    It's a feeling of empty non-achievement. Like that of a huge personal failure that will eventually be inaugurated for the whole world to see.

    Let me start by a warning;this is rather personal, and it's also going to get relatively lengthy. Normally at this length, I prefer to write on my blog page but this is something I don't want my wife seeing by accident, if she sees it I want it to be on purpose.

    I married a girl I've known since we were both 13, we met in the school yard at our high-school, on the first day of high-school. She was to me, like Winnie Cooper was to Kevin Arnold. The difference was that of course, Kevin never got past first base with Winnie and well, I married my wife.

    Not immediately though, we didn't start dating until after high-school was over and done with, in fact we were both well into CEGEP when we started seeing each other romantically and at this point, SHE made the first move after shooting me down every other year in high-school.

    For the record -I did have other girlfriends before we started dating and I had a few dozen SPs after, as well as one, "torrid", more serious affair. She never found out about any of this. - back on subject.

    She was rather aggressive about how she made the first move so I thought EXCELLENT!

    What a let down that was. As I look back at over five years of dating then 15+ years of marriage, I can't help but to get a feeling of having missed the fucking boat.

    Quite literally, the boat on which people have lots and lots of different types of sex. In fact the more entertaining sex I've had has always been with SPs.

    It's not that we're NOT having sex (although lately it's been less) it's because we keep having the SAME sex, mish/reverse mish.

    In over 20 years together I've had ONE bj to completion from her and about a dozen times that she went down on me for about 20-30 seconds.

    She normally doesn't let me go down on her, in fact, I thought I wasn't doing it right until Porscha/Fiona told me a few years ago - no, no, you're doing fine.

    We're approaching 40. She wears her age very well and could pull off a mature 28 if dressed and made up properly, she's very slim and quite attractive. I've always found her attractive since that day in late summer 1983 when I first laid eyes on her and as she grew into a woman she developed great legs and ass although she has smaller breasts, they are nice and are holding up quite well, very firm.

    Unfortunately for me; She is the biggest prude I've ever met in person, she would've been quite comfortable on The Little House on The Prairie or Happy Days.

    I've received promises of lengthy blow jobs and hand jobs, since before we were married. Why don't we keep that for when we're married? -She used to repeat to me as her mantra, whenever I asked for a little excitement.

    A few weeks before the holidays I finally lost my patience with her and got in a heated argument about how I was starting to feel as though I was masturbating more than having actual sex, and how that wasn't doing anything good for my ego as a man.

    That argument was rewarded with an apology from her and about a week of steady sex, we took a few showers together, she let me go down on her and although it wasn't Disney World, it was nice, that week or so was the time I got the most head out of her at once, in 20 years.

    Then, just as I was beginning to think FINALLY!

    It stopped.

    For the record:

    I too am relatively attractive, sure, I don't have my full head of hair anymore although I like to keep them long I know I won't be able to pull that off much longer and frankly because of my physical demeanor (thin, tall) I can't very well shave my head for I'd wind up looking like a cancer patient. The rest is fine though. I keep myself toned and trimmed and groomed.

    I dress nicely too.

    With the exception of a cigar every few months at my poker games and a couple of occasional drinks, I don't abuse much substances. I've never touched any illegal drugs.

    Don't let that mislead you into thinking that I'm boring. I'm a great singer and I play electric guitar, bass and piano. In fact I've written music and performed live on the club scene mostly playing covers of British artists like Oasis, Blur, Duran Duran and Robbie Williams. -

    So now to the jist of the story, what has happened is that for many reasons, I decided last summer it was time for me to get a vasectomy, which was executed in the fall of last year, naturally my wife launched me one of her promises under the form of "I'll help you get the samples for the sperm counts" followed by an irresistible look that made me instantly warm where frankly, at the time, stitches and all, wasn't a real good time for me to feel warm.

    So the first sperm sample was delivered after I barbecued it alone (she was working that day) and I thought - fine, maybe the second one.

    Can anyone guess as how I'm about to get the SECOND sperm sample out myself? Oh she was home, took the day off - both of us, we are going to spend a romantic week-end to celebrate in a posh hotel with all the spas and amenities etc.

    Earlier, we were still in bed and I brought up the whole promise thing about assisting with the sperm sample - make it more fun.

    Yeah right, she instantly thought of 11952 errands she needed to absolutely get done and before I knew it she was out the door and I was left home alone, with the Internet (tube8 is an excellent source of free porn) and a recorded (ok downloaded) HDTV show called Katie Morgan's Sex Tips vol.2.

    I'm sitting here and I find that my heart isn't in it. I just don't feel like masturbating. I debated earlier that since she was out of the house for a few hours maybe, just maybe I should give an SP a call and have her assist me instead but decided against it.

    Seriously though, I want to go and spend a romantic week-end.

    Just not with my wife.

  2. #2


    Any kids on the scene?

  3. #3
    Stop wasting time writing blogs and sharing your problems with complete strangers on the internet and talk to your wife, see a marriage counselor and/or a sexologist. If you are serious about wanting to remain in that relationship that is.
    Last edited by JustBob; 02-06-2009 at 01:31 PM.

  4. #4
    Guess who's back to play! sexxxymtl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Ile Perrot
    Hello, I see it this way... We all need a place where we can state what we really feel inside in a safe environment and we can escape from what ever it is that is bothering us... But I feel this situation is a serious and has to be done through rationalization... You don't want to do anything that you would regret down the line.... If you want to save the marriage, I do agree that you should go an see a councillor who can help both of you express your feelings in a calm manner so that it's not fighting all the time but releasing that ill feelings that both of you might have.... Sex is an important component in a relationship and it all depends on if that is the only issue that you have with your wife and it's spilling into other area's of your relationship, or is there something else..... Either way... I wish you the best with this unhappy situation that you feel that you are in and hope everything works out for the best for both of you....
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  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Holliday
    She always used the same excuse i'd heard other women say in regards to other men that if i knew what i was doing in bed, that the rest would come naturally on its own. It was never her fault, always mine.
    How can you blame someone of being a bad lover if you won't even show them what you enjoy?

    Many women expect men to automatically know how to give them pleasure but it's a learning process.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Holliday
    Exactly. In my case, it was just basic sexual needs. It came to a point where she was seriously considering paying an sp to perform on me. I initially refused, tellng her this was ridiculous. She replied `s repulsed her since it made her feel degraded (she said the same thing in regards to porn....she ran away & threw up just a few minutes into watching her first (and likely last) porn film....the girl had just began to when this happened). When i finally agreed to her offer a few days later, she changed her mind & accused me of wanting to `sleep around` since, as she put it, ``someone who doesn`t want to sleep around would never have agreed to this.`` Go figure!

    I can understand not enjoying porn (I don`t like it that much myself unless it`s amateur. I want the real thing) but to get sick because of it??

    That girl had very serious issues with sex. I don`t want to play the shrink here but I would not be surprised to learn that she had been abused during her childhood.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Holliday
    I'm fairly certain she wasn't abused during her childhood. However, she came from a dysfunctional family where a parent was an alcoholic, the other was an unloving parent, and the parents got divorced when she was a child.

    My experience in regards to abused children (especially in cases where relatives are involved) is that they're more than likely apt to be sexually promiscous in the future. A lot of it has to do with self-esteem issues & other matters in regards to psychology, where for example, many women grow up linking sex with love due to abuse which happened during their childhood. But that's a totally different matter altogether.
    Personaly, I have observed it can go both ways. The person can either become absolutely disgusted by sex or, as you say, become very promiscuous.

    I find it fascinating how some people can be so uncomfortable with sexuality. Why? I think it can often be linked to a feeling of disdain towards their own body. But again, why?

    I have read once that children who receive very little affection from their parents can unconsciously believe it is because they are physically repulsing and it will later on influence their body image.

    Anyway. Sorry for being out of topic. I am someone who is naturally curious about human behaviour and this particular subject is just very interesting to me.

  8. #8
    Piratical Nerve
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    The Crow's Nest


    Hi Koenig,

    Obviously many here can empathize with your situation.....and the stories have a sad ring to them, but it still doesn't fix your unique situation.

    Have you asked her if she wants to see a marriage counselor/sexologist? If she's hesitant, then that may be part of your answer. The thing is no one knows her side of the story.

    Who knows, if she's that adverse to sex, according to what you've written, then maybe there's a deep dark secret that has yet to be brought to light. There are those specialists who may be able to help peel back the layers and let you both understand.

    I wish you both luck

    Kinky Is Using A Feather.
    Perverted Is Using The Whole Chicken

  9. #9
    Ah [edit] we have one child, she is old enough that she is not in the way of our sex life. She hasn't been in years.

    I suppose you're correct in assuming that I also have my faults in this. To be fair, sometimes, mostly after I've had a dry spell of not having sex for a few days, I'm so quick in bed that I'm sure my wife has been vaccinated slower.

    On the other hand lately, just being in the same room with her gives me the willies.

    Earlier she was upstairs preparing her luggage for this dreaded week-end and I caught a glimpse of lingerie. I caught myself looking AWAY.

    This is a seriously lovely woman I'm talking about. I should be happy to have her.

    Conversely though, in a thread about why men cheat on their wives, posted in this very lobby, there was an entry stating that it doesn't matter if she looks like a grenade blew up in her face, as long as she puts out or sucks like a Hoover he'll jump her bones...

    I have to concur. Now I'm off to Guantanamo Bay. This could go either way.

  10. #10
    I'm sorry, I missed the part about 'why I don't see SPs'.


  11. #11
    2 questions

    1-If you're into sex as much as you are why would you marry the biggest

    prude on earth in the first place?

    2-Whats reverse missionary?

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by JustBob
    Stop wasting time writing blogs and sharing your problems with complete strangers on the internet and talk to your wife, see a marriage counselor and/or a sexologist. If you are serious about wanting to remain in that relationship that is.
    Bob is blunt but I agree with him. You need to make it clear to your wife how you feel. This is obviously something that has festered for years. Maybe you need some spice in the marriage, perhaps a surrogate.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    6' under
    Quote Originally Posted by master_bates
    2-Whats reverse missionary?
    she's the cock & he's the pussy?

  14. #14
    A noted psychologist said that when intimacy is going well with a partner that SEX comprises 10 % of the overall importance in a relationship, BUT when it is not, it becomes 90 %.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by gwhiz
    A noted psychologist said that when intimacy is going well with a partner that SEX comprises 10 % of the overall importance in a relationship, BUT when it is not, it becomes 90 %.
    Great quote!

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