As for getting what you deserve, that's the most untrue thing I've ever heard you utter. Did Stalin get what he deserved? Did Allende? What about the kid dying of leukemia? Is that what she deserves? Life is far more random than people like to admit. And, in the end, we all get the same fate, though some of us lead far better lives than others.
You say that God saved you from taking your life years ago. You saved your life, not God. We all invent Gods to protect ourselves and save us from our fears. We see SPs to escape our boredom, our sense of futility.