Am I alone? Mental discomfort at the sight of scantily clad women in public.

[LC18]

Despite my basic knowledge in psychology, I also don't understand why women dress like this when they are already partnered

I dress for myself not for others. When I wear a turtleneck it’s because I want to wear one, when I wear the shortest skirt ever, that’s because I think it looks good on me not because I want to attract men.

Actually, when men approach me I run away so I’m definitely not dressing for them

It would be the same if I had a boyfriend

 

[LC18]

The way I look at it, the less they wear, the more profitable it is for SPs. Because, I always think about my favorite lady and what time can I see her. She knows who she is. Everything these days makes me think of her.

That reminds me...

Ouain mais I don’t walk on the streets in hopes to find clients (no offense to those who do). When I truly want to get men’s attention, I actually wear more clothes

 

[LC18]

I guess I'm trying to understand why I have a negative mental reaction to some form of female sexual expression in public.

Did you grow up in a very religious family or in a an environment in which bodies were a taboo?

I actually had a conversation about that with a client 2 days ago. When I was younger , I was having dinner at my friends and her parents made her sister change before she could have dinner because we could see her cleavage and they deemed it indecent

It wasn’t even that bad in my memories, she didn’t sit at the table topless but in their parents eyes it was just as bad

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

The real talk happened in the DM.

Thank you for your messages that were both empathic and emphatic.

 

[EagerBeaver]

As an old fart with impotence issues, this thread just reminds me of the "good old days" when I was able to get an instant hard on looking at so called provocatively dressed or scantily clad younger women in warmer weather. Instead of looking back at those days with discomfort, I look back at them fondly, and wish I had done more to connect with women in my younger and more virile days than I actually did.

 

[Cap'tain Fantastic]

Omg you would hate to be my neighbor I garden topless .

And where do you live? I’m asking because I am very at ease to look at pretty and sexy woman without making them inconfortable!

 

[Thor Jr]

Omg you would hate to be my neighbor I garden topless .

Im thinking of starting a garden, I do not have a green thumb as they say. I will need some help and lots of tips.
And dont worry, I will join you, and go top less. .

 

[minutemenX]

I dress for myself not for others... when I wear the shortest skirt ever, that’s because I think it looks good on me not because I want to attract men.

I see some contradiction here. What are the criteria of looking good in the case of a short skirt? It is to show your beautiful legs, which you consider an asset. If nobody desires them what is the value of this asset?

 

[LeDodo]

I see some contradiction here. What are the criteria of looking good in the case of a short skirt? It is to show your beautiful legs, which you consider an asset. If nobody desires them what is the value of this asset?

Why a contradiction? She can like the short skirt on her, full stop. You're performative or at best making an assumption that it's for her legs.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

A lot of people here don't understand fashion and that's ok!

I know how to dress to please men because it's part of my job. A lot of men actually prefer it when you don't dress "too sexy".

You can enjoy the way a short skirt looks on you because of the cut, the effect it creates with the other items of clothing, shoes and accessories etc. it's an art.

I guarantee most women dress for themselves and other women lol

 

[LC18]

I see some contradiction here. What are the criteria of looking good in the case of a short skirt? It is to show your beautiful legs, which you consider an asset. If nobody desires them what is the value of this asset?

I like myself, I like looking at myself in the mirror. I like seeing my legs and on top of that, I won’t be overheating

 

[LC18]

Why a contradiction? She can like the short skirt on her, full stop. You're performative or at best making an assumption that it's for her legs.

But I do like seeing my legs, I don’t wear pants at home

But I also don’t care about what men think, I don’t always shave my legs

 

[crinolynne]

I had very few opportunities to learn through experience until recently–and it was rather difficult learning–so I am learning through textbooks, and it's still a work in progress.

I'm curious about how you dress in public? What are the parameters which govern your choices for attire. Do you want to stand out, blend in, identify with a group, what's the story your telling? What messaging do you think others are receiving. Do you think the care? Do you think they judge? Do you think they make inferences. This is a very fruitful exercize, what did ChatGPT say, did you try it with Grok? That's always fun. Gemini is hilarious but not in a good way.

 

[jimmy1234]

Now, it seems that women are hypersexualizing themselves, and it is widely accepted as normal. Clearly there has been a cultural shift.

This is an interesting observation. I know what you mean, although my take on it is a bit different. I think that "back in the day" women were *already* "hypersexualizing themselves", while being "hypersexualized" by men, and by the advertising industry, and so on... There is this notion in the social sciences of things being "socially constructed". To *some* extent, the way we feel about *everything* (how we perceive others, how we perceive ourselves) is socially constructed. For example: if you respect hard-working people and look down on lazy ones, it *probably* has something to do with the fact that you live in a society which venerates hard work. On the other hand, not *everything* is socially constructed: if I get excited by a pair of perky breasts, it's not *just* because society has taught me that perky breasts are attractive. It's also because my body associates perky breasts with a (theoretical) opportunity to pass along my genes by mating with a young/healthy partner.

But back to your original question. Although I can't relate to the specific discomfort you feel, clearly you are not alone. If you were, societies in which women are required to be veiled in public, would not exist. Although I can't relate, I am also curious about where this discomfort comes from. (I think that the people responding to your sincere post by knee-jerk denigrating you are missing an opportunity to learn/think/understand...) In order to dig into this: consider the range of situations in which the discomfort appears. On one extreme, let's say you are on a beach surrounded by gorgeous young women in bikinis. Based on your post, it's understandable that such an extreme situation might trigger your discomfort. But what would the opposite end of that range look like? What's the "minimum viable trigger" for your discomfort? For example, if you are at a service counter talking to an average-looking female middle-aged receptionist with visible cleavage: is that enough? No? What about an attractive 20-year-old receptionist with visible cleavage? And so on. Once you identify the (or a) Minimum Viable Trigger, maybe you can dig deeper about how that trigger makes you feel and why.

(This is an amateur suggestion based solely on how I approach problems in general.)

 

[Julia Sky]

I see some contradiction here. What are the criteria of looking good in the case of a short skirt? It is to show your beautiful legs, which you consider an asset. If nobody desires them what is the value of this asset?

Do you not look at yourself in the mirror sometimes and love yourself or your outfit? Like not ever, at all? Do men really not find self worth in anything but getting laid and being attractive to other people? If nobody desires you, what's your value as a person? If you're the only person liking your legs does it still count? Why does someone's value rely on other people's desire in your mind?

 

[minutemenX]

Do you not look at yourself in the mirror sometikes and love yourself or your outfit? Like not ever, at all? Do men really not find self worth in anything but getting laid and being attractive to other people? If nobody desires you, what's your value as a person? If you're the only person liking your legs does it still count? Why does someone's value rely on other people's desire in your mind?

Yes, you look at yourself but consciously or unconsciously imagine how other people will see you (men and women). This is the point of reference for you. Without this reference “good looking” has no meaning as it is a social consntruct

 

[CenterofNH]

Not discomfort per se but rather there is the conflict between not wanting to seem a letch by ogling and realizing that the lady chose to dress provocatively and should therefore expect said ogling.

 

[Julia Sky]

Yes, you look at yourself but consciously or unconsciously imagine how other people will see you (men and women). This is the point of reference for you. Without this reference “good looking” has no meaning as it is a social consntruct

I almost ALWAYS assume the majority of people will find me ugly actually, or vulgar depending on outfit lol. But I don't really care and still wear what I want because I don't dress for other people to like my outfit. I dress to feel good in my outfit. If I did everything I do for the male gaze I certainly wouldn't walk around town with a dozen piercings, an ACAB tattoo on my arm, and the smell of weed on my clothes! Lol

 

[LeDodo]

Yes, you look at yourself but consciously or unconsciously imagine how other people will see you (men and women). This is the point of reference for you. Without this reference “good looking” has no meaning as it is a social consntruct

A lot of people here don't understand fashion and that's ok!

To Luna's point, some people will just wear for the aesthetic or fashion. But I think we are talking about the fashion word as in an identity, not the mainstream "fashion".

When I wear clothes I will think of the combination (unfortunately for men it's super limited ) or when I buy clothes too.

The clothes I wear or buy I think about myself, really not what people like and because I find it's how I'll look good in it.

 

[TheBlob]

Omg you would hate to be my neighbor I garden topless .

What's your address?

/joke