Ask us anything part 3

[Rebaynia]

My partner has been arrested multiple times for DV. Most recently she flew in a rage, stood up and spit food repeatedly on me and the baby that was in my arms at the time. Basically I hate her and stay for the kid. I haven't banged her in almost two years. I don't want to get emotionally involved with a civilian girl/woman, I see that moreso as cheating. The time I spend with an escort I don't really see it as such. My partner recently found out what I've been up to and says as long as I keep making money and keep her happy she doesn't care.

Yes I know it's toxic and untenable but it is what it is for now at least.

DV only gets worse over time, not better.

It was an easy decision to cut ties with my ex's, when realizing kids will find for themselves in their future, the type of relationship they were presented growing up.

If your partner is doing things to you without even considering the baby... is this someone who might one day start turning that DV situation on the baby? It's a responsible parent who removes a baby from this dynamic. It is harder on your own, practically and financially, but the happiness, and ease of atmosphere is worth the extra struggle. You and your baby will thrive when you see what it's like to remove the negativity out of the home.

There is no honor in forcing a family to stay together to creat a perpetual generational trauma. Your baby deserves a calm and stable, predictable atmosphere they can thrive in. Not one that will keep them cowering and stifled from growth.

I know father's who maintained primary custody of their children because mom was the one the child needed protecting from. Yes traditionally it used to be mom as a default, but if she has DV charges, and acts of violence recorded with baby involved, she would lose that default.

Same as I have a friend in the reverse, where dad was forced to leave the home, because he hit his kid the last time he went into a rage on mom, and their kid tried to protect mom. Until that point she was told it would be shared custody, so she stayed, but once violence hit the kid, dad got supervised visitation. And same happens for moms.

You don't want your baby, trapped in the crossfire as they get older. Time only escalates violence, it doesn't reduce it.

 

[Rebaynia]

How does it work?

I’ve seen some families where the mom and daughter basically have the same face. How are you able to have sex with your wife without finding it awkward?

I look nothing like either of my parents but I knew a girl, she was basically her dad with a wig.

Do you see it or does your brain blocks out the ressemble on purpose?

The partner was there before the child. You look at your child like a product of your love, not as a twisted version of your partner. The likeness grows gradually over time, they don't look like spitting images of their parents from the moment they are born.

You don't block out the resemblances, you find what parts of your kid are yourself, and it's as much a bonding to your child to see yourself, and your partner in your shared child.

Others might see they look more like 1 than the other, but often we look and recognize our own features in our kids.

You aren't/shouldn't be looking at your child as a sexual comparison to your partner. Those who do are the dangerous households.

 

[Hmmm…]

With the high level of egirls and alt girls online, why doesn’t there seem to be as many working? Is it just to be as vanilla as possible to cater to the most amount of people as possible?

 

[LeDodo]

With the high level of egirls and alt girls online, why doesn’t there seem to be as many working? Is it just to be as vanilla as possible to cater to the most amount of people as possible?

Maybe they can have income stream via their online presence only

 

[Hmmm…]

How often are clients just dumb? Like unable to hold a conversation at all? Or ideas that are just stupid? This would include technically smart people like lawyers and doctors, who don’t know anything outside their specialized knowledge. How do SP deal with these people and do you not burn out dealing with these clients?

 

[LC18]

How often are clients just dumb? Like unable to hold a conversation at all? Or ideas that are just stupid? This would include technically smart people like lawyers and doctors, who don’t know anything outside their specialized knowledge. How do SP deal with these people and do you not burn out dealing with these clients?

I don’t remember the last time it’s happened thankfully. I’m assuming it was a long time ago, I did however met a man my age that was absolutely dumb, misogynistic and transphobic all at once. This convinced me to not give men my age a chance again

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

How often are clients just dumb? Like unable to hold a conversation at all? Or ideas that are just stupid? This would include technically smart people like lawyers and doctors, who don’t know anything outside their specialized knowledge. How do SP deal with these people and do you not burn out dealing with these clients?

You should reformulate this, because you cannot be "dumb" and "technically smart" at the same time. I'm interested in the distinct sub-categories that you mix up here.

 

[LeDodo]

You should reformulate this, because you cannot be "dumb" and "technically smart" at the same time. I'm interested in the distinct sub-categories that you mix up here.

Well you can be work smart but street dumb lol

 

[Enjoying life]

Well you can be work smart but street dumb lol

Very true! Know someone who was desperate to get married did not want to be alone! She knew he was bringing in the bucks and her life would completely change! She now controls his money and his parents are rich as it is! Speaking of dumb!

 

[psykick456]

Have you ever had a client who you know from other parts of your life?

Eg. old classmate's dad, boyfriend's coworker, friend's husband, dad's friend.

 

[LC18]

Have you ever had a client who you know from other parts of your life?

Eg. old classmate's dad, boyfriend's coworker, friend's husband, dad's friend.

I had a crush on a guy and his good friend booked me

 

[sin]

You should reformulate this, because you cannot be "dumb" and "technically smart" at the same time. I'm interested in the distinct sub-categories that you mix up here.

People on the spectrum (like Aspergers) can be incredibly smart, but sound dumb because they lack social skills and have difficulties with small talk. Gifted people as well, very high IQ, but have difficulty explaining their chain of thought (and appear dumb). Also, some with ADHD because their mind is always drifting from one thing to the next and cannot focus.

 

[Julia Sky]

People on the spectrum (like Aspergers) can be incredibly smart, but sound dumb because they lack social skills and have difficulties with small talk. Gifted people as well, very high IQ, but have difficulty explaining their chain of thought (and appear dumb). Also, some with ADHD because their mind is always drifting from one thing to the next and cannot focus.

Just FYI aspergers is an outdated, inaccurate and problematic Dx. It was removed from the DSM in like 2013

 

[Lunaseraphim]

SPs how much work do you put in both before and after a session that is essentially invisible? Like, hair, nails and makeup but also client/potential client communications and admin and incall tasks, parking/transport etc etc.
Personally, when I start to think about it, and what my hourly rate actually is, it makes me not want to think about it anymore.

So much. There's work that's always being done, like answering messages, posting on social media, posting my ads, all the time.. trying to stay healthy, taking care of my skin and hair, nails and lashes. doing general self care things to be my best self around clients.

Before a booking : going to my incall by metro, creating an atmosphere, making the space smell good and feel inviting, create lighting, shower, shave, lotion, makeup, doing my hair, cleaning the incall, doing dishes, doing laundry, shopping for things I have at my incall for clients (san pellegrinos, sparkling water & chocolates) and other supplies that are missing like candles, detergent, various cleaning products, wet wipes, condoms etc

 

[Lunaseraphim]

People on the spectrum (like Aspergers) can be incredibly smart, but sound dumb because they lack social skills and have difficulties with small talk. Gifted people as well, very high IQ, but have difficulty explaining their chain of thought (and appear dumb). Also, some with ADHD because their mind is always drifting from one thing to the next and cannot focus.

A lot of people I know have ADHD or are on the spectrum and are actually the best conversationalists. They know how to talk about a lot of different things and have varied interests and life experiences. I usually enjoy meeting people like this. There are people who have no social skills yes but I don't know if it's a huge percentage of clients. I think everyone's different and some people are awkward in certain respects but fun to be around in others.

What I think creates the most communication problems is either having very different opinions, or someone who has very little to no friends and very little experience with civilian women. I know people who have conditions like autism or ADHD who have a LOT of friends and are very curious about others, and they are way less ''dumb sounding'' and awkward than some people who are just not interested in taking care of themselves and developing real connections with people and have no such diagnosis

 

[sin]

Just FYI aspergers is an outdated, inaccurate and problematic Dx. It was removed from the DSM in like 2013

The term asperger was problematic because Dr Asperger was a nazi. This was "fixed" in the DSM by regrouping them with people with level 1 autism. This was an error (in my opinion), as it put people with different symptoms and difficulties in the same group. It will probably be revised in the next version of the DSM.

People I know prefer to be called aspergers (or aspergirl if a woman, like my daughter) than people with level 1 autism.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

The term asperger was problematic because Dr Asperger was a nazi. This was "fixed" in the DSM by regrouping them with people with level 1 autism. This was an error (in my opinion), as it put people with different symptoms and difficulties in the same group. It will probably be revised in the next version of the DSM.

People I know prefer to be called aspergers (or aspergirl if a woman, like my daughter) than people with level 1 autism.

Idk! Most people I know do not like this term, it has negative connotations for some reason, and autism is not a spectrum that you can explain by saying ''this person is more autistic than that person'' exactly. It's not linear like that. A lot of people can hide that they're autistic very well in social contexts, but they burn out really easily. Some are socially awkward but super high energy and can handle a lot of sensory input that would be too overwhelming for another autistic person. I think it's a negative stereotype that autistic people have nothing to talk about and are off putting in social situations, and that they ''are dumb about certain things''

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Have you ever had a client who you know from other parts of your life?

Eg. old classmate's dad, boyfriend's coworker, friend's husband, dad's friend.

No, but I've been contacted by people who knew me from social media years before I became a SP.. it was really awkward. Most of us don't want to have encounters like these. At least I don't. Once I am pretty sure I saw a guy who used to be an acquaintance of my brother's at a massage parlor, and I was so uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure he remembered who I was too, and just acted annoying about it. I also saw someone who was known by a friend of mine in a certain artistic industry.

 

[LeDodo]

A lot of people I know have ADHD or are on the spectrum and are actually the best conversationalists. They know how to talk about a lot of different things and have varied interests and life experiences. I usually enjoy meeting people like this. There are people who have no social skills yes but I don't know if it's a huge percentage of clients. I think everyone's different and some people are awkward in certain respects but fun to be around in others.

What I think creates the most communication problems is either having very different opinions, or someone who has very little to no friends and very little experience with civilian women. I know people who have conditions like autism or ADHD who have a LOT of friends and are very curious about others, and they are way less ''dumb sounding'' and awkward than some people who are just not interested in taking care of themselves and developing real connections with people and have no such diagnosis

I weirdly recognize myself in most part of this description ... Lol

 

[Julia Sky]

The term asperger was problematic because Dr Asperger was a nazi.

Amongst other reasons