First time sex (virgin)

[minutemenX]

Hi, I’m a 32-year-old man who’s still a virgin, not out of circumstance but by choice—I’ve always wanted to save myself for someone special. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling worn out by waiting, and I’m ready to take a step forward. I’m looking for kind, practical advice and recommendations for someone who can gently guide me through this new chapter, helping me build confidence and learn the ropes with patience and understanding. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

No boy, you are not a virgin. For sure (99.9%) you have been masturbating while watching porn. So, you have been already spending yourself on a pornographic fantasy.

 

[milkman 1333]

No boy, you are not a virgin. For sure (99.9%) you have been masturbating while watching porn. So, you have been already spending yourself on a pornographic fantasy.

True.

 

[milkman 1333]

I was in the same situation as you (at age 26) and I was thinking the same. To make a long story short: downwards spiral from there from which I never emerged.

Escorts are not "bad" and play a role in society by fulfilling unmet needs, but having sex with an escort for your "first time", in my own experience, is a very bad idea. The risk of developing a sex addiction, while hard to quantify, is real. If it happens, good luck rewiring your brain. Extremely hard.

**Do not attempt**
**Seek help of a psychologist instead**

Thanks you for your kind advice. I will keep this in mind.

 

[MCTJ]

I disagree with the sentiment in those comments. Its such a cool thing to take your own sexuality into your own hands. Fuck this societal pressure that your first time should be ''special'' and with the ''one''. Its stressful and sometimes its good to just take the band-aid off and be more confident in your next relationships. I understand how someone could be embarrassed to date at 30 without having sex and put this pressure on someone you date. For a sex worker, its NOT a big deal and it would be our pleasure to help you learn how to please a woman and discover your body without any performance pressure. After that you dont have to expect the girl you date to teach you that. I don't know if I am clear on my view but for me it makes sense to hire someone for that. Hell, I ''lost'' my own virginity with a DILDO because I didnt want to put this pressure on myself to find the ''good one'' to be vulnerable with during my first time. At some point, we need to stop with this judeo-christianity shit about sex.

I understand where you are coming from, and many ethical escorts would certainly agree with you, but since this is an important topic, I would like to elaborate on it and to provide a different perspective.

I am sure that some men who have decided to have their first sexual encounter with an escort have used this experience as a “confidence-booster” and eventually went on to date conventionally and then found a girlfriend or even a wife. Great. However, my personal experience and my basic understanding of how the brain works suggests that there are considerable risks with this strategy. The risk, especially for a virgin young man who is probably socially isolated, is to become addicted to seeing escorts: sex addiction. In a nutshell, this will make it extremely hard for them to form authentic intimate relationships with women in the future. Much like with online porn, escort (agency) websites provide an array of sexually enticing pictures of women who are only one or two text messages away. This path of easy reward, compared with conventional dating, runs to risk of becoming irresistible for someone who has never experienced the latter. If the person happens to have limited financials means, the consequences of this sex addiction on their lives, as with all addictions, could be devastating (not to mention effects on mental health, lost relationships, etc.)

As I said in a previous post above, this is not intended to disparage escorts in general. My understanding is that some people use escort services in controlled way in between relationships, as a complement to traditional dating, as companionship after having lost their wives (hello @Fradi ) and of course sometimes with or without the permission of their wives... When it comes to having one's first sexual experience with an escort, considering the important risks mentioned above, I do not recommend it.

 

[talkinghead]

For some reason, I've found myself thinking about this thread. The responses all seem sincere and the advice comes from experience. It's very interesting to me that so many men are skeptical of the OP's notion of seeing an escort. I actually agree with both Rosie and @MCTJ, as different as their takes are. If the OP wants to "take his sexuality into his own hands" (a suggestive phrase), then he should have at it. Have some fun! Seeing an SP could be good for the body and the mind. I sure have enjoyed it. What gives me pause, though, is that the OP is making a connection between the world of escorts and the world of romantic love. He's saying that his frustrations with one may lead him to the other. For me, I *never* see any connection between my pleasures in the hobby and my personal/romantic relationships. So: if the OP can disentangle the two and just have some fun with an SP, I'm all for it. But if he's thinking of seeing an SP because he's discouraged about his love life, then it's possible that he's on thin ice.