How did you get started with the hobby? And have your interests changed over time?

[AlmostMidaged]

If it wasn’t a hassle, I’d join the bdsm community and pursue sensory deprivation. Seems like it’d be fun in the sense it’s like the opposite of pursuing pleasure. Perhaps the rough pain you’re able to connect to yourself in a way orgasms don’t allow.

 

[OHenry]

I just had my first hobby experience a few weeks ago, eventually I'll do my second try.

2 years without sex.

About 4 years ago my partner started having problems down there, at first it was a bit of pain during and after intercourse and that delayed our relationships to once a week, once a month, once every 4 months... And the last time before the 2 years was almost 8 months...

Her condition affected our relationship outside the bedroom... Long walks? Pain... Bicycle ride? Pain... Tight clothes? Pain... So, sex was off the table.

I never cheated... At some point she saw my frustration and out of nowhere she laid the basic rules, she said:

- I don't want to ever know/meet/cross path (with) her.
- Don't fall in love (no feelings).
- I don't want to know when it happens (I have to be the same as usual, no changes on my behavior).
- Very important, ALWAYS wear protection, if somehow I get an STD the deal is off and there will be consequences.
- The deal ends when she ask.
- No kissing (I failed this one, my first experience, the girl just took me by surprise, I didn't had the emotional energy and didn't stopped her).

That was the only time she talked about it, when she finished talking I nodded (not one word) and we continued to watch the movie.

That was a few months ago. Since then I slowly changed a bit my behavior, I started to give her longer and longer hugs after my days at the job, like seeking comfort after a long day. Why? Because I knew me, I knew that if someday I decided to try the hobby, I would feel shitty and it was my way to ask forgiveness. Man, it hurts me to write this, fuck.

As I said, my first (and only) experience was a few weeks ago.

Did I felt shitty and guilty? Absolutely.
Did it felt good? Oh yeah.
Would I do it again? For sure, eventually if the deal stands.
Do I love my partner? Yes, no doubt, never planned on leaving her and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

Well you are not a monk and need sex and release. Hypothetically if the situation was reversed would you let her have a fling?

 

[OHenry]

I got invested and heavy into paying for sex after I threw myself off a building and woke up in the hospital not dead. A few months later I wanted sex and intimacy, but had didn’t have the motivation, charm, or desire to do things the traditional way. And so began the spiral of my descent into never ending stimulus fulfillment without actual long lasting satisfaction. I don’t expect I’ll ever escape now, despite concrete and proactive efforts this year that netted a few ‘normal sexual relationships’.

I hear you. I was thinking there was not much point to be in this sick world either for a while. And it’s difficult to constantly face rejection while pursuing dating when you can just ‘cut to the chase’ and purchase the end result ( without the meal and bs). I’m in the middle where I resent having to buy it but would still like to fulfill all my fantasies.

 

[Daffy]

Well you are not a monk and need sex and release. Hypothetically if the situation was reversed would you let her have a fling?

I can honestly tell you that I would.

When she started having pain, I thought for a while that maybe she was cheating and I wasn't enough for her.

The possibility of her cheating didn't get me angry... What it would get me angry would be that she never talked to me about her needs. But! She never cheated.

The idea of a SP grew more and more as the time past, then I asked myself the very question you are asking and I realized that I would be ok. That doesn't mean that I don't love her, I just understand "the need".