Dating a police officer is a nice example laid_back_alex. This point makes more sense with the added context.
Imagine someone expecting you to leave your job to date them though. If you start seeing a police officer & ask them to give up their job because you’re uncomfortable with it seems hypocritical. You knew what they were doing when you got together.
I think the word
hypocritical is being used to loosely here. The only scenario where it would be hypocritical is the following:
I meet an escort - we like each other and want to date - I expect that she leaves her job as an escort while I continue to see other escorts
The scenario above is hypocritical because I am engaging in the same behavior or activity for which I demand her to stop engaging in. One would obviously assume that the reason we do not want to date active escorts is because we want to be in a monogamous relationship. I don't think anyone here is suggesting of having a one sided open relationship (continuing to see escorts while asking her to stop). This is different from what you just stated because your example indicates that they already started dating. We are saying that our decision to date an escort is
conditional on her leaving her job. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's basically saying "If we are to date, we need to be in a monogamous relationship". I don't think that is an unreasonable ask. Of course, many people (men and women) end up cheating on each other, however this is a whole other topic that is not relevant to the specific point that we're discussing.
To address your point about FIRST starting to date a police officer/escort and then asking them to give up their job to hopefully save the relationship. This is still not hypocritical. It would only be hypocritical if you wish to continue to see escorts while asking her to stop escorting. As for the police officer analogy, hypocrisy doesn't apply at all in this case because the woman is not engaging in the same behavior as the police officer. Perhaps, if the woman had an even more dangerous job than her boyfriend police officer and asked him to leave his job
while she kept hers, that could be seen as hypocritical to some extent... otherwise this is not a case of hypocrisy but rather a realization that she can't deal with constant worry. I worked with the RCMP for a little while and can tell you that the seperation/divorce rates are extremely high and a big part of it is the constant worry from the spouses end. I totally get it. It sucks but I get it.
Initially, someone might have thought that they'd be okay with dating an active escort or dating a police officer because they hadn't experienced that type of life and assume that they can take it. After some time they might realize that they will not be able to continue the relationship because of certain factors, practices, values that are simply not in line with their own. This is perfectly healthy and normal. I see nothing wrong with that.
Finally, there's a difference between me demanding the escort/police officer to leave their jobs VS me telling the escort/police officer that I am personally no longer comfortable with this lifestyle and recognize that I might have to walk away because I respect you and your job, however it's taking a huge toll on my life. I thought I'd be able to live with it, but I just can’t . One can argue that it's unfair and that it sucks, but it certainly is not hypocritical.
Hope this clarifies things.