Objectifying men...

[General Gonad]

Alright, you ladies have to put up with all of us objectifying you on these public boards on a daily basis. We put up threads of "10s" and give explicit details on your vital parts.

Well, it's time for you ladies to unleash your fury on us! This thread will be dedicated to objectifying men. Please be explicit and don't hold back. Feel free to paste links of pictures to make your points. And by all means, add some humor to your posts, we can take it.

GG

 

[Diablo35]

You nuts?!?!

General,
What are you thinking man! There is no way I can take it!
Good thing Jen @ Devilish isn't so good in English, hey none of you dicks translate this for her!

In all seriousness, good idea. We may learn something about what the ladies like, don't like, love, and hate! Fire away ladies, the other guys can take it.

 

[General Gonad]

Good thing Jen @ Devilish isn't so good in English, hey none of you dicks translate this for her!

Diablo35,

Relax, Jen told me all about your little problem. Stop taking those cold showers before the encounter!

In all seriousness, good idea. We may learn something about what the ladies like, don't like, love, and hate! Fire away ladies, the other guys can take it.

Yes, if we can dish it, then we better be able to take it...GULP!

GG

 

[chef]

Diablo35,

Relax, Jen told me all about your little problem. Stop taking those cold showers before the encounter!
............................

GG

"Shrinkage" ????

 

[General Gonad]

Costanza

"Shrinkage" ????

I am afraid so. Who can forget poor George Costanza, utterly humiliated by Jerry Seinfeld's girlfriend...what a classic episode exploiting men's biggest fears:

George: See, look at this. Rachel, my T-shirt shrunk. It used to be much bigger, and now it shrunk. You see, that's what water does. It shrinks things.

Elaine: Really? Tell us more, Mr. Science. (Rachel whispers in Jane's ear, which prompts Jane to laugh)

George: What're you doing? What're you, telling secrets? What're you laughing at?

Jane: It's nothing, George.

George: You know, it's very impolite to tell secrets. Are you talking about me?


Jane: What is it with you?


Jerry: (To George) Easy big fella.

 

[chef]

Re: Costanza

I don't remember the dialogue to that extent, but one line I do remember is when Elaine says "It shrinks???", and George is mortified that women don't know that. I think it was the same episode where Elaine says "I don't know how you guys walk around with that thing between your legs".

Okay, let's stop hijacking this thread.

 

[General Gonad]

Like a frightened turtle...

I don't remember the dialogue to that extent, but one line I do remember is when Elaine says "It shrinks???", and George is mortified that women don't know that. I think it was the same episode where Elaine says "I don't know how you guys walk around with that thing between your legs".

Chefplus, here is the passage from seindfeldscripts.com ('The Hamptons') starting off where Rachel, Jerry's girlfriend walks in on George as he is completely exposed after swimming in cold water:

Rachel: (She screams) Oh my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby's room. I'm really sorry. (She exits)



George: I was in the pool! I was in the pool!



[Jerry and George talking in Jerry's room.]



George: Did she do it on purpose?



Jerry: It was my fault, I told her the wrong door.



George: I was supposed to see her. She wasn't supposed to see me.



Jerry: So what?



George: Well ordinarily I wouldn't mind. But...



Jerry: But...



George: Well I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold...



Jerry: Oh... You mean... shrinkage.



George: Yes. Significant shrinkage!



Jerry: So you feel you were short changed.



George: Yes! I mean, if she thinks that's me she's under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.



Jerry: Well, so what's the difference?



George: What if she discusses it with Jane?



Jerry: Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.



George: How do you know?



Jerry: Women aren't like us.



George: They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?



Jerry: No, I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides, I think women know about shrinkage.



George: How do women know about shrinkage? (They see Elaine walking down the hall) Elaine! Get! (She enters) Do women know about shrinkage?



Elaine: What do you mean, like laundry?



George: No.



Jerry: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...



Elaine: It shrinks?



Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!



Elaine: Why does it shrink?



George: It just does.



Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.


>>Now ladies, feel free to discuss everything BUT shrinkage in your attempts to objectify us men!

GG

 

[Penelope]

Hey guys,
I don't see any girls pitching in this discussion... Isn,t it supposed to be our release? Like women don't know about shrinkage. I've known about it since I was 12, I learned it in sex ed. Then empirically verified it with bfs.
So back to the topic of this thread, I am not sure what you are expecting to read here... You describe our bodies and our favors, but you also identify us, which I am sure you wouldn't want us to do... So what will you learn? that we like good looking/charming men better than ugly/stupid men? duh. That clean is better than otherwise?
OK, I'll try to make it original (bare in mind that I'm an mp)
I love fat bellies. they're fun to massage, move around, play with. it's like kneeding bread. Big people are more of a workout to massage though, gets me all slipperysweatty.
Hairless skin is soft, easy to massage. Hairy requires more oil but is still soft. A shaved chest pisses me off. If you're going to get rid of your body hair, wax it! I hate massaging porcupines...
For what I do, dick size doesn't really matter. The looks of it do though. A good looking member (which doesn't have to be big) is always a nice turn on.
I'd write more but I'm out of time.
cheers,
Penny

 

[sybaritic]

Thanks Pen

OK, I'll try to make it original (bare in mind that I'm an mp)
I love fat bellies. they're fun to massage, move around, play with. it's like kneeding bread. ...
cheers,
Penny

You've given all of us old beer-belly guys something to day-dream about.

Your contribution is sincerely appreciated.

 

[chef]

................... A good looking member (which doesn't have to be big) is always a nice turn on. ................

Welcome aboard Penny. Please elaborate on the the statement I quoted - what do YOU consider good-looking ?

 

[Penelope]

membre viril en toute virilité

what is a good looking cock...
hard to say. it's very subjective. there's something in the attitude, how it's worn, how it stands. I like a little curve to it, sometimes a prominent head is nice. But it depends alot. I really can't say. Show me pics, I'll tell you which ones I like.
P

 

[General Gonad]

what is a good looking cock...
Show me pics, I'll tell you which ones I like.
P

Penelope,

I'll go one step further!

GG

 

[The Wizard of Oz]

Yark!!

I remember when I was 17, a guy was DFK me and it was so deep ...
I thougth he was trying to have a taste of my lunch!!!
Yark!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Just-ass-weet]

I haven't met a 10 yet!

Let's see, let me see if I can pick the ideal man apart like a cow - carefully butchering him into the perfect little cuts of meat!

I like dark hair, preferrably a little longer than it should be, slightly unruly, a little curly. Dark eyes, brown or maybe dark blue, long lashes and a sweet smile with full lips and nice clean teeth. He should look handsome adult with boyish charm. Evoking memories of childhood crushes.

My ideal guy would be a little chubby, I am not into skinny guys, nor musclemen types, I prefer a little fat with my meat *lol! His chest would have just a little hair, right along the solar plexes, and his belly button would be an inny. Small little love handles would be cute too, though not having any wouldn't take away from this.

Penis - now this is really important to me, I don't know, there is nothing like a sexy dick. When I see it, I want my mouth to water! For me, that means circumcised, I just like that smooth look. This little guy shouldn't be overly veiny, a few well placed veins is just perfect, but not too many. I like a good 6 or 7" with a nice girth, but not too big, not too fat either. It should be very responsive, "always on" or easy to recharge! When it comes to hair, I prefer not shaved, trimmed is just perfect. A nice little left side curve is nice too, and a nice prominent head is good as well!

No chicken legs please! Especially if they are really hairy! I like strongs legs, since I am a walk-a-holic, I like a guy who isn't so skin and bones legs that walking 2 blocks has him limping!

However, the most important part is a sense of humor - no one is sexy to me until he makes me laugh! He should understand personal space and not be clingy, but still be attentive. Spontaneous, but not only spontaneous, I like to plan things, but sometimes plans fall through, and I cannot stand when people freak out just because something changed!

He must be single, like short, fat, older, redheads, with kids, who used to work as an escort up until the day after she met him! lol! If you know this guy - I will pay him to have dinner with me! lol!

xoxox
Anik

 

[chef]

.............................
No chicken legs please! .................

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!

 

[General Gonad]

He must be single, like short, fat, older, redheads, with kids, who used to work as an escort up until the day after she met him! lol! If you know this guy - I will pay him to have dinner with me! lol!

xoxox
Anik

Umm, I have met you and you and while you're voluptuous and curvy for a petite woman, you are not fat. Besides, you've got a amazing personality so Mr. Lucky, whoever he will be, is going to be one happy man!

GG

 

[Chuckles]

...
I like dark hair, preferrably a little longer than it should be, slightly unruly, a little curly. Dark eyes, brown or maybe dark blue, long lashes and a sweet smile with full lips and nice clean teeth. He should look handsome adult with boyish charm. Evoking memories of childhood crushes.

My ideal guy would be a little chubby, I am not into skinny guys, nor musclemen types, I prefer a little fat with my meat *lol! His chest would have just a little hair, right along the solar plexes, and his belly button would be an inny. Small little love handles would be cute too, though not having any wouldn't take away from this.

Penis - now this is really important to me, I don't know, there is nothing like a sexy dick. When I see it, I want my mouth to water! For me, that means circumcised, I just like that smooth look. This little guy shouldn't be overly veiny, a few well placed veins is just perfect, but not too many. I like a good 6 or 7" with a nice girth, but not too big, not too fat either. It should be very responsive, "always on" or easy to recharge! When it comes to hair, I prefer not shaved, trimmed is just perfect. A nice little left side curve is nice too, and a nice prominent head is good as well!

No chicken legs please! Especially if they are really hairy! I like strongs legs, since I am a walk-a-holic, I like a guy who isn't so skin and bones legs that walking 2 blocks has him limping!

However, the most important part is a sense of humor - no one is sexy to me until he makes me laugh! He should understand personal space and not be clingy, but still be attentive. Spontaneous, but not only spontaneous, I like to plan things, but sometimes plans fall through, and I cannot stand when people freak out just because something changed!
...
xoxox
Anik

Hmmm.. I expect that would mostly disqualify me... no humor whatsoever, especially...

So when's dinner? LOL

 

[naughtylady]

Don't be so hard on yourself Chuckles! I think you fit her description perfectly! However don't tell Anik! I would miss you Unless she would consider ...

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[General Gonad]

Hmmm.. I expect that would mostly disqualify me... no humor whatsoever, especially...

So when's dinner? LOL

Chuckles,

If you're single and nice, I highly recommend you meet Anik. She is very intelligent and sweet and my sense is that she is a great lover (never got to that point since we never hooked up for a romp ). She also has something that most women lack - she is careful with money and takes great pride in hunting for value. But be warned: Anik is an independent spirit so if you're the 'clingy' type, it'll never work.

GG

 

[Chuckles]

Don't be so hard on yourself Chuckles! I think you fit her description perfectly! However don't tell Anik! I would miss you Unless she would consider ...

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

But.... but... my hair has no curl at all!! *sob*

Well, okay, I won't tell Anik, deah. I will be Mr. Hush. But, pray tell, what is it that you would hope she would consider? Not that she'll hear, of course.