sex-worker and the customer

[Techman]

HonestAbe, I agree with most of what you say and you're right when you say there's nothing wrong with a woman wanting to feel financially secure. But it becomes a problem when that is all they are looking for. What the girls in the sp and sc business have to realize is there aren't many successful men who would bring a stripper or escort into their private life and introduce them to their friends and family. Most normal working stiffs wouldn't even do it. When I was with my ex, who was a dancer, many of my friends asked me how I could date someone in that line of work. It wasn't that they didn't like her or had anything against what she did for a living. For the most part they wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that any of their friends could go and see her dance naked and get her to dance for them. Not to mention that some of my friends gf's hated having her around thinking she would go after their bf's. Most "regular" people have had no or little contact with sex workers and have very poor opinions of those who work in the industry.

Can you imagine a business man introducing his former escort girlfriend to his group of friends only to find out many of them had also seen her professionally? I'm sure that those former clients, especially the married ones, would really be happy to have her around. Would the relationship succeed? I doubt it.

I have found that in general, most of us here on merb tend to be much more open minded than those outside the hobby. I think we tend to forget at times that we are a very small minority and that most people have totally different opinions of the sex business. The vast majority of people I know have rarely, if ever, set foot in a strip club. I have met all kinds of people in the clubs in the past 30 years and most of them would never think of a dancer as more than a fuck friend at best.

As far as money is concerned, the strange thing is that of all the married couples I've known in my life the ones who have lasted the longest are those who have normal jobs with the usual problems making ends meet.
Maybe the normal struggle to keep your head above water brings them closer together or something. Those friends with a lot of money have all been divorced at least once. Maybe that which drives someone to great success also drives them to continually try to find a more perfect partner.
I really don't know. All I know is that money alone will never keep a relationship together. But like anyone else, if I had a choice, I'd rather have money than be poor.

 

[Techman]

Thanks guys. You know, I think that a lot of dancers get caught up in the easy money they make and in the high spenders they meet. (Before any one jumps on me for saying it's easy money, compared to what we normal people have to do for a living it is very easy money. Many dancers make in one night what most guys work a week for.) When they're young they get used to having anything they wish and have a very difficult time living a normal life making an average wage. Many fall in love with these guys only to be tossed aside when the next hot young thing presents herself. After this happens a few times they become very bitter and untrusting of men in general. This happens more to the girls who start dancing when very young, 18 to 21 say, than to girls who have already had some experience working in the regular business world. Young girls are more likely to be blinded by the flash of the cash when they've probably never had more than $50 in their pocket to spend, and their boyfriends have had little more if not less. The ladies who started dancing later after having a regular job or two, seem to have a more realistic perspective on things. They also seem to have better judgement when it comes to men and have a bit more respect for the value of a dollar. It's sad when you meet a beautiful, smart young lady in her early twenties who has already become cynical and bitter towards men and really trusts no one.

 

[aReviewer]

Yes may mean no

My experience with asking strippers out when they don't want to is that they fakes interest and try to hook you in for more dances. "My week is busy... come back next week we'll discuss this" and the like. Beware, It's a well known trap that most likely has a name.

The rule of thumb would be: take the relationship out of the club up front.

 

[HonestAbe]

Excellent points Techman,

At times it is easy to forget that Merb is a much more "open" minded place to air these views. Purely from a personal perspective I've never had a problem dating within the adult industry. As you insightfully point out, the hard part is dealing with reaction from your family and friends if you choose to tell them at all, your right, some people just can't handle it. I've never had a problem fitting in to a crowd however since no one would ever know anything unless they had been tipped off. Great point as well about girls being jealous and scared. It may seem funny but alot of guys are the same way.

So if someone really wanted to avoid letting the cat out of the bag about their partner it would be necessary to move far away from the area where you had engaged in adult industry work, it is indeed a small world. Also a very good point about the cynicism which circulates around and throughout the adult industry. I do think, again being aware that I and most of us here are much more open minded, that much of the cynicism is self perpetuating because not much is done by anyone to try to dispel the stereotypical notions about those who work in the adult industry, such as they are untrustworthy, unintelligent, lazy, have no morals, etc...

IMHO people are pretty much the same no matter what they do, where they live, or what their net worth is. Since many sex workers come from lower class backgrounds the knock on them is that they are all poor and looking to dig for gold. While true about some, it is not true for all, and neither is it fair to label them, while ignoring others. A poor girl turned sex worker is not all that different than a girl from a well to do family who will only date her own kind, in other words, wanting to be secure is not particular to poor or rich women. Rich women want to make sure they stay rich, poor women are just trying to get there. Many a rich person has a golddigger or two in the family tree. Great posts here in this thread BTW everyone, no negativity!

 

[500miles]

Oliver

Ha, Oliver, thanks for posting your 5 or 6 replies. They made what I thought was my immodest boast about getting checked in the Metro seem quite modest by comparison.

 

[Bob Binette]

Gold diggers

It is quite well known that some hockey players have married dancers from Chez Parée. Obviously these girls were absolute 10. So this thing is possible.

I think that even gold diggers have a hard time recognizing gold! A guy may own a fast car and appear to live a good life but maybe he is overspending. On the other hand, a guy I know, he was making about $4Million a year and always drove used cars.

Regarding the comment about millionaires generally ending up in a divorce... I know a lot of millionaires (friends or business associates) - although being a millionaire isn't what it used to be!!! - and I'd say that 90% have been happily married for quite a few year....and generally not to a model. Actually, based on what I see around me I think the divorce rate is much lower than in the population in general.

 

[chef]

Bob: Have you considered that scare about divorce settlements is what is keeping them together ?

 

[500miles]

Well, when selecting a wife, fairly attractive is good enough. Compatibility and presentability are paramount. A good measure of financial sense (no $10,000 spending sprees at the mall), some cooking skills, and a lack of nagging are definite pluses. Besides, if you live in Montreal, a hot babe is only a $40 deposit at the Chablis and a phone call away. Why would you want or need to marry a hot babe?

 

[Bob Binette]

Bob: Have you considered that scare about divorce settlements is what is keeping them together ?

You're probably right in several cases although most "appear" happy. The thing is they married a wife and mother to their kids. If they want a hot babe, they just "rent" one...no need to buy, much cheaper this way. The wife may even be aware and doesn't say anything to keep the marriage and lifestyle as in Oliver's example (except no beating involved in my example ! )

 

[Techman]

It is quite well known that some hockey players have married dancers from Chez Parée. Obviously these girls were absolute 10. So this thing is possible.

I think that even gold diggers have a hard time recognizing gold! A guy may own a fast car and appear to live a good life but maybe he is overspending. On the other hand, a guy I know, he was making about $4Million a year and always drove used cars.

Regarding the comment about millionaires generally ending up in a divorce... I know a lot of millionaires (friends or business associates) - although being a millionaire isn't what it used to be!!! - and I'd say that 90% have been happily married for quite a few year....and generally not to a model. Actually, based on what I see around me I think the divorce rate is much lower than in the population in general.

I know about hockey players and Chez P. I used to hang out there with a couple of the Habs many years ago and I'll never forget one of them who took a dancer to a hotel a week after his engagement was announced in the papers. Really classy.

When I mentioned guys with money I wasn't talking about millionaires. I was talking more about the average successful businessman. Millionaires live in another world where they have their own rules to live by. And I don't think that millionaires would look to a strip club to find a mistress.

My comment about young girls, 16-18 yrs old, not having much money was aimed at the average teenager. Not necessarily those from poor families. Some girls start dancing at 17-18 and start making more money than they could ever imagine and it becomes quite difficult to walk away from it.

As far as asking a stripper out for a date goes, if you see a girl that you like take a bit of time to get to know her before asking her out. Go by the club every now and then, don't use a regular schedule to go and see her. But take your time and see if she is interested. If you do it the first night you meet you're just looking to be taken for a ride. I'm not talking about cases when all you want is a one night stand. If you are interested in more than that, take the time to get to know her just like you would with any other lady you would meet. And if you're going to strip clubs to find a girlfriend...just shoot yourself now and save yourself a lot of grief. Sometimes you meet someone and nice things may happen, but sc's are not singles bars.

 

[HonestAbe]

Maybe for some people...

Well, when selecting a wife, fairly attractive is good enough....

....A good measure of financial sense (no $10,000 spending sprees at the mall), some cooking skills, and a lack of nagging are definite pluses....

Why would you want or need to marry a hot babe?

While "fairly" attractive might be ok if she posessed the rest of the attributes you mention, I must say I don't know many women who have financial sense when they are in a Mall and have a credit card, know how to cook well other than taking something out of a box and nuking it, and don't nag. Don't nag? If you find one of these preserve her DNA so we can clone her please! LOL!

The fact that women inherently irritate men, even if not at first, then after a certain period of time, is the primary reason IMHO why men prefer their women to be "hot." If we are going to put up with that crap then the least we should do is make it worth dealing with her!

Oh, now that I've said that I had better not forget the politically correct qualifying remark, women could make the same comparison about their wanting a man with money.

 

[hobby11]

what i know...

what i know is i ve had many (dozen) of GF who were SP
mostly hdh and they were msog with me as a client but when we started to date the msog was gone and then came the usual gf whinning ...
the sex was much better when they were my SPs so now
when i meet a Sp i really like , i dont talk them in becoming my gf anymore and i keep paying and paying and paying...

 

[volvo2006]

hi, back from new year and i was so happy to see that my post got so many rich replies....

i asked this question because i 'm very fond of the sex-worker i'm seeing reguarly now... however i'm making the mistake that H.Abe talked about, worshiping her, and i don't dare anything like becoming her boyfriend, just wishing to see her outside like a real person, like a friend, you know, finally with some cloth on...

i have barely finished the first page of the stories.... thanks Carla, for all your sharings. my impression is that, as someone here just said, sex places are just the wrong place to look for love or freindship, that most sex workers will never mix with their customers. it's next to impossible to let them tell you their real name. but apparently Carla showed me wrong. yeah, i find it very strange too that your customers would refuse to go out with you, unless they are attached already or something. i think i'd like to date a sex-worker more than "normal" girls, just so that i don't have to feel guilty asking her for sex... you know, sex-workers probably treat men's sex appetite as just no-big-deal like eating.

i also wonder if ethnicity also matters... i think a english-speaking or colored client would have a much more difficult chance with a quebecker sex-worker (even when he speaks fluent french), while a fellow quebecker customer can probably get to go out with her easily....

i actually can relate to a lot of what you say. when i see attractive sex-workers i always feel inferior, obviously it's poor little me who dig into the pocket in order to touch her, no one is going to pay me to touch me. that's why i always thought it's better being a girl, you know.

shall come back tomorrow to read the rest.

thanks everyone.

 

[Carla]

The quebeqois

i also wonder if ethnicity also matters... i think a english-speaking or colored client would have a much more difficult chance with a quebecker sex-worker (even when he speaks fluent french), while a fellow quebecker customer can probably get to go out with her easily....

Regardless of gender and occupation living in Montreal I identified 3 main categories of quebeqois.

1. The Nationalists - who won't talk to you seriously if you're not a born francophone. Obviously a girl from this category won't date an English client. One of their particular characteristics is that they don't like France.

2. Main Category - they will make effort to talk to you in English if your French is poor, but they still feel more comfortable chatting in French to their fellow quebeqois. Girls from this category are unpredictable, although there is a larger chance for them to fall in love with a francophone moroccan than with an americain.

3. Self-Denial - the most bizarre category. They try to speak English as much as possible and surround themselves with predominantly English friends. If they had a choice to date an uglier English speaking person or a fellow quebecoi they would choose the anglophone (exaggeration to illustrate the point).

Carla

 

[chef]

2. Main Category - they will make effort to talk to you in English if your French is poor, but they still feel more comfortable chatting in French to their fellow quebeqois. Girls from this category are unpredictable, although there is a larger chance for them to fall in love with a francophone moroccan than with an americain.

Carla

Hey Carla: Are you slowly becoming a Quebecoise? Note your spelling of the word "American". BTW I am kidding you here; I am not being an ass and ridiculing a spelling mistake the way someone else did to you recently.

I am an immigrant too, and my French is far from perfect, but I find Quebeckers very friendly when they realize that I speak French. My favourite dancer at Cleo's (a Quebecoise !) laughed when I told her I was "un tete carre", and told me I was not !

 

[fidaï]

hum..

1. The Nationalists - who won't talk to you seriously if you're not a born francophone. Obviously a girl from this category won't date an English client. One of their particular characteristics is that they don't like France.

Un tout léger bémol...

Je suis toujours allégirque aux mots finissants par isme: libéralisme, capitalisme, socialisme, nationalisme, puritanisme, socialisme, sexisme et xénophobisme. En effet, on finit toujours par y retrouver le mot extrêmisme...

Bref, nationaliste je le suis, mais pas à tout prix. Je le suis de par notre histoire.

Voilà quelques années (même aujourd'hui, mais moindrement) on retrouva beaucoup d'intellectuels reconnus et d'artistes québécois nationalistes jurant que par la France. Il fut un temps où pour être "in" tant intellectuellement qu'artistisquement, il fallait absolument mettre les pieds en France...Une élite intellectuelle s'est regroupée au sein du bureau de l'Antenne québécoise à Paris, et ce, non seulement afin de créer un réseau politique et économique de support à cette cause mais aussi par amour pour la langue.

Dois-je les nommer ?

Moi-même, j'y ai fait mon passage obligé, comme on dit. Est-ce que j'aime la France tout particulièrement ? J'aime son histoire, son climat. Mais d'autres pays me fascinent tout autant. Par-contre, je dois admettre que je m'offrirai bien une maison au sein de la campagne française tout près d'un vignoble..


À une autre époque pas si lointaine que cela, cependant beaucoup de québécois se sentant inférieur intellectuelement devant les français. (et ce, toujours suite à un relent de l'histoire quand les jésuites affirmaient à une certaine génération que nous étions que des ingrats...comme peuple..). Simplement parce nos univrestités n'avaient pas encore ponduent d'intellectuels, libre de toute entrave politique. Jeune nation que nous étions, nous avons mûrie et n'avons plus de ce complexe d'infériorité. Aujourd'hui, on retrouve peu de ce genre, puisque nous avons pris du "poil de la bête", comme on dit, au niveau de notre discours intellectuels.

Ainsi, de par mes penchants nationalisme, je ne devrais côtoyer que des francophones...hum...s'est un peu étirer la sauce, non ?

Mon premier amour d'adolescente de longue durée (quatre ans) fut un russe. Par la suite et beaucoup plus tard, mes bégins furent polonais, maghrébin et britannique. Pour moi, le charme et le coup de foudre n'a aucune frontière de langue, bien au contraire elle parsemme cette planète allégrement. Tout comme la bêtise humaine, sois dit en passant.

La vie et ses hasars ne m'ont pas présentés des américains que je pourrais éventuellement tombée en amour. Mais qui sait ce qu'elle me résèrve ? Mais jamais je ne pourrais être amoureuse d'un homme ayant de ces idées de droites et ce, qu'il soit américain, maghrébin ou québécois francophones ou agnlophones ou marsien..Tous ces hommes ayant parcourus ma vie, pour un long ou petit moment ont tous en commun comme affinités, ce penchant pour les droits & libertés...

Amicalement,
Fidai...

 

[Techman]

-i was married to one and if she didnt hate english people beofer she surley does now-

oliver

You really have to stop dropping these little lines. I choked on a mouthful of beer when I read this one. You really should be writing one-liners for Leno or something.

 

[volvo2006]

laisser tomber ce débat ennuyant de 'nationalisme' québecois.

 

[volvo2006]

with respect to HonestAbe`s earlier post:

everytime when i heard how old sex-workers lose out to the younger ones i have to add that sometimes i do have a fetish for the older ones. i like older, mature woman, between 35 - 45, but not beyond. unfortunately those are not frequent, most older sex workers tend to be 50 or over.

so i`m saying that an older sex worker, still having shapes, can still dig a client. i for one would love to date one.

 

[HonestAbe]

Yikes!

with respect to HonestAbe`s earlier post:

everytime when i heard how old sex-workers lose out to the younger ones i have to add that sometimes i do have a fetish for the older ones. i like older, mature woman, between 35 - 45, but not beyond. unfortunately those are not frequent, most older sex workers tend to be 50 or over.

so i`m saying that an older sex worker, still having shapes, can still dig a client. i for one would love to date one.

I've seen some of those magazines for 50+ women like "Gang bang grandmas" and that is definitely a "fetish" market. I guess you would call such an SP "G-MILF" for "GrandMas' I'd Like to F***. I suppose there are a few good looking older ones out there but I wouldn't suspect too many. I think generally speaking when a hobbyist goes looking for escorts he is looking for someone 18-30, with rare exceptions, therefore it must be the exception, not the norm, that an "older" Sp would have the earning potential of a younger SP, depending to some degree on how she takes care of herself of course.

An ugly 20 year old is just that, ugly. I admit, I would rather be with a good looking 40 year old than an ugly 20 year old. As women age though it becomes extremely difficult for them to maintain the shape of their youth and other things start to show their age as well. As mentioned, skin sags, sun damage shows up, wrinkles form, cellulite accumulates in specific areas, lean muscle mass starts to become harder to maintain. The deck is stacked against you as you age. I welcome any anectdotal stories about the beautiful old lady you saw walking down the street the other day but no matter how hard you try, age catches up with everyone at some point. To me there is a marked difference between a 20 year old woman and a 40 year old woman and I dare to say there is not one you could present to me that would fool me as to the age difference. Maybe by a decade at most but not TWO decades. Just making a point not trying to denegrate older women, lord knows I've seen a few of them.