The "Death" (retirement) of a Hobbyist

[lord]

Where to begin...

I'm posting this as kind of a resolution to myself. To no longer visit MPs or SPs. I have been trying to quit the hobby for some time now, and like an addiction, I've always found an excuse to go for one more visit, to try to find that gem out there, or to top my last experience.

The reality is, I will never find it. I've come to realise that this hobby can become an addiction. One that, like drinking or drugs, can be very hard to quit. Even more so in some respects because it can be considered a "harmless" addiction. Sure there are some health concerns, but by and large, the activities of a hobbyist are between two consenting adults and don't bother anyone.

After doing some research on the topic, I came accross some signs that you might be an addict...some of the more prevelant ones in my case were:

• Recurrent failure (pattern) to resist impulses to engage in specific sexual behavior
• engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended
• Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors
• Preoccupation with the behavior or preparatory activities

I have not been one to frequent MPs & SPs often, but I know it's an addiction because it's been several years now, and I'm still participating in it despite wanting to stop. The reason why I struggle with this hobby is because at it's core, I find it goes against my morals. Yet, my sexual urge has such a power over me that I always make excuses, or fool myself into thinking there is nothing wrong with this hobby. I'll tell myself, don't think, just act. And off I go.

Yet every time without fail, immediately after the so called release, I feel ashamed, disgusted, depressed, angry, pathetic, etc, and I just want to get outta there as fast as I can. I'll tell myself on the way home, "this is the last time. Why do I do this? Never again!" But then I will lapse, and to make me forget about those feelings, I go back to what makes me feel good - searching for the next hottest woman out there to visit. And lately the usual hasn't been enough for me to "get my fix", so I fear I will start searching new, more adventerous, and possibly more dangerous ways to become satisfied. It's this cycle that I've got to break.

Recently I've come to realize the power of masterbation in helping me overcome this. I've still been searching on merb and browsing the web for hotties, but I've been taking matters into my own hands so to speak. And usually a few minutes later, I'm glad I did. I saved hundreds of dollars, I've got the rest of my day/night to do something productive, and I feel a lot less ashamed than when you finish with a complete stranger, void of any feelings or intimacy.

I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.
I'm hoping that by laying it out here, it will be a reminder of the commitment to myself. I consider myself a smart person, who has made some stupid decisions in life. I must find the strength and the will power to overcome this in my life or it is destined to ruin me, financially, socially and personally.

"Whether you think you can or can't, you're right"​

 

[metoo4]

Mmm... GG Junior, is that you? LOL!!

Good luck man!

 

[General Gonad]

Recently I've come to realize the power of masterbation in helping me overcome this. I've still been searching on merb and browsing the web for hotties, but I've been taking matters into my own hands so to speak. And usually a few minutes later, I'm glad I did. I saved hundreds of dollars, I've got the rest of my day/night to do something productive, and I feel a lot less ashamed than when you finish with a complete stranger, void of any feelings or intimacy.

I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.

I'm hoping that by laying it out here, it will be a reminder of the commitment to myself. I consider myself a smart person, who has made some stupid decisions in life. I must find the strength and the will power to overcome this in my life or it is destined to ruin me, financially, socially and personally.

Masturbation is underrated. Seriously, it is. I can look at all those hot SPs on websites, jump in the shower and pull a nice one, saving all the angst and lots of money.

It's never enough. There is always someone else you want to have sex with. You keep telling yourself, that's it, but come back for more. A recent trick I did is calculate all the times I resisted going ahead with my urges and writing down how much money I saved. So far, I am up to $2,000 - in three weeks! That's money in my pocket but my pecker wants more than cash.

GG

 

[The Teacher]

I wish you the best of luck! In the back of every hobbyists mind, we worry about atleast three things....not getting a disease, if we have an addiction, and.....JESUS...I fogot the third thing! LOL I feel for ya bro, but an old saying came to my mind..."There is nothing worse than an ex-alcholic except an ex-smoker!" Some people can drink in moderation and not become a drunk and I suspect some people can hobby and not become addicted to that as well! I luckily fall into that category because I don't have an addictive personality...you do lord! I have a feeling you will replace one addiction with another as you have done in the past! Relax, and accept your fate...just joking...best of luck! I am an A-hole so ignore what I just wrote in this post...just venting!
Sean

 

[joelcairo]

Let's not be melodramatic - the opening post concerns the retirement of a hobbyist, not the death.

 

[YouVantOption]

Yet every time without fail, immediately after the so called release, I feel ashamed, disgusted, depressed, angry, pathetic, etc, and I just want to get outta there as fast as I can. I'll tell myself on the way home, "this is the last time. Why do I do this? Never again!" But then I will lapse, and to make me forget about those feelings, I go back to what makes me feel good - searching for the next hottest woman out there to visit. And lately the usual hasn't been enough for me to "get my fix", so I fear I will start searching new, more adventerous, and possibly more dangerous ways to become satisfied. It's this cycle that I've got to break.

If what you are doing doesn't make you fewel good, you need to look at why you keep doing it - is it some sort of self-destructive pattern/activity? Given how you feel afterwards, I'd absolutely think you need to quit. If you need help, there are sex addicition groups that advertise in the back on the Montreal Mirror that can assist.

 

[Big Daddy Cool]

I can't speak for all, but I've found that the addiction of the hobby comes from a lack of direction and hope of a better tomorrow. I'll give you an example: in January I started my french courses and gotten more involved in a homebase business. I'm even getting friendly with a special lady and we are starting what should be a great friendship. I'm sure it's a matter of time. She knows little english and I don't know her language, but we practice our french and now have each others number. But the point is that when you refocus your life in a more positive direction, you'll find that the hobby becomes less and less appealing. I've seen only 2 MPs this year with the last one being about a mounth ago. Funny thing is that my interest in SPs, MPs and SWs and even this board has drasticly decline. There's just too many more important things out there. Once you realize that, the addictiveness of the hobby will decline big time.

Good luck to you.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

I can't speak for all, but I've found that the addiction of the hobby comes from a lack of direction and hope of a better tomorrow. (...) But the point is that when you refocus your life in a more positive direction, you'll find that the hobby becomes less and less appealing. (...) There's just too many more important things out there. Once you realize that, the addictiveness of the hobby will decline big time.

There you go! A hobby, by definition, is occasional and fun. When it becomes a dragging full-time job, it's high time to back off and refocus. If this can't be achieved, I say seek professional help.

 

[WasteIslander]

I have thought abou this very subject many times. I've only been hobbying for four years now, but it is kind of funny the way it started.

After my1st visit to an MP, I felt ... dirty and disgusted with myself ... then a few months later another visit, less disturbed by it and enjoyed it more, now four years and hundreds of visits later I have no feeling and actually I have more fun now giving the MP an unexpected pearl necklace and watch their reaction.

at times I wonder why I do it. Slowly I have been extending the time between visits, trying ween myself off the hobby, but I don't think you ever can ween yourself totally off it. Someday down the road you will pass a place that you never saw before and then the urge becomes to great to take one for the team.

WI

 

[beautydigger]

I have no feeling and actually I have more fun now giving the MP an unexpected pearl necklace and watch their reaction.

WI

You need to stop right away. This type of activity is not good for those of us that respect our MP’s and SP’s. Receiving pleasure for this is borderline crazy. Don’t ruin it for the guys that can control themselves!!!

 

[mrten]

yarrrrrrrrr, you're just a quitter

 

[EagerBeaver]

I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.

"Whether you think you can or can't, you're right"​

Lose the false sense of pride and seek professional help. Right now the Board is being ruined by a small cadre of posters who are using the Boards to work out personal issues instead of doing that in the appropriate forum which is with a professional. This Board is for the exchange of information about the hobby, and should not be used as a forum for personal issues and agendas in regards to one's own personal problems.

While I feel bad about your situation, the vast majority of us don't have the same issues and we are growing sick and tired of being bombarded and inundated with cries for help. Please take those cries someplace where they can be heard and acted upon professionally, which is not here.

I also want the Mods to take note that these threads should not be tolerated. If they are tolerated eventually someone will commit suicide and the Estate will blame MERB. Mods you are hereby put on notice of the potential for such a claim.

 

[J. Peterman]

The secret is to not pig out.

Like anything else, it is wise to consume in moderation. When it become an obsession or an addiction then you need help.

 

[Mod 7]

The thread title is misleading and may cause some people to overreact.
It's not suicide lord is talking about, but hobbying retirement.

I changed the title.

M7

 

[EagerBeaver]

eb
weclome to quebec
in the grand old usa you can sue for the mere glimpse at someone the wrong way!
here in quebec the laws are so fucked up
oliver

Oliver-

Which Quebec University granted you a degree in law? If Lord is posting in the USA, and he reads MERB there and commits suicide there, then under the well established doctrine of lex loci delictus, the law of the jurisdiction in which the tort occurred will apply. If it is California in which Lord is reading and posting, and commiting suicide, all I can say is good night MERB as they got some whacked out tort laws out there.

 

[EagerBeaver]

Roland,

If you have not been paying attention to the Board lately it is not my duty to refresh your recollection with all that you missed. I posed a hypothetical situation based on those discussions. You do understand that it was a hypothetical, correct? If you want to learn more about the law and what could possibly happen, go to your local law library and research it. Lex loci delictus. MERB is not paying me to be a visiting Professor of Law, even though I did get the highest grade in my torts class, so I suggest that you hit the books.

 

[EagerBeaver]

the lex loci delictus rule--the place of the wrong--determines which state's tort law should be applied.

Professor NonMeritus Dee (causus Pro Bonner)

Yes, and if a shotgun blast blows Lord's head off in California as he reads MERB on his desktop, I will give you one guess as to where the wrong occurred and which State's tort law will apply.

NB Roland: hypothetical, hypothetical, hypothetical. They do not test you on reality in law school, and in that respect it's a lot like MERB.

BTW Dee, a more precise definition of lex loci delicti, or "place of the wrong", is the state where the last event necessary to make an actor liable for an alleged tort takes place. Source: Black's Law Dictionary, Abrdiged 5th edition.

 

[John_Cage]

Let's not be melodramatic - the opening post concerns the retirement of a hobbyist, not the death.

Without Drama... Life is Death.

 

[metoo4]

Not talking about Lord here, just in general.

EB: Your latin thing is good within the fronteers of a country, unless specific arrangements are taken, like for pedophiles. I don't even think it's valid in Canada at all, for civil cases! If the guy is in California when he commit suicide, after reading a Canadian board, unless the board's servers are in USA, there's no legal ground to shut the board from the Canadian criminal point of view because no crime were commited in Canada. Even if the guy commit suicide while in Montreal and he happen to be in the same room as one of the board's server, while logged and reading the board, there's nothing that can be done with the Canadian criminal code against the board because the board can't be considered accessory, unless somebody suggest the guy should do it. Even then, the poster who suggested the act would be stuck holding the bag alone and the board would not get much as it's impossible to catch all bad stuff immediately while keeping same format on the board. Again, Canada is not the US and, even if US would like to expand their laws all over the world, that's not how this work.

Could there be civil suits? Absolutely! Both from the US or Canada, no matter where the person commited suicide or where he lived. But then, they'd need to be filed in Canada and follow Canadian rules. Same if I buy stuff on TV from somebody in USA and never get it or get crap, if I want to sue, I have to sue the guy where he does business, not in Quebec. If you want to figuratively punch somebody's nose, you must go to his place, not tel him to come see you at your place. With any civil lawsuit in Canada, proving wrong doing by the board's owner or administrator would be pretty difficult, even near impossible: just the many posts stating there's no professional help here would make any accusation slide-off easily.

Think about it, the board where the guy from the Dawson's college was posting is still up. What's there is far more disturbing than GG and Lord's posts. If that board is still here, why worry about something as benign as MERB being sued and closed?

 

[John_Cage]

a man walks into a mental institute and doing a tour remarks
there is something wrong with the clock on the wall over there
to which the touring residant shrink said\
if it was alright
it would not be here!!
oliver

lol. Apparently, humor is necessary in life as well.

Back to topic:
If you are addicted to something til the point that it hurts you... Quit.

Well, I am not doing any SPs now and I think the reason that I managed to not sink into this swirling mass of sexual bliss is because... I am too freaking busy. School, work, friends... If you just take your mind off it for a split second (off those exciting strangers), eventually it will be 2 seconds, then 3... then before you know it, you won't be attracted to the notion of random, strange women anymore (as much as before).

In the case of MERB causing the death of a merbite in the US (lol, like that will happen), I am sure it will be Canadian Laws that's applied. Since the actus reus (the negligence in controling the forum, which led to the merbite's death) are all commited in Canada.

Edit: I mean, a criminal case "could" be possible IF it can be proven that the Board is necessary in his death (meaning, without visiting these boards, he wouldn't have died) and also the Board contributed to his death (providing support of any sorts even suggestions). Surely, no one will be charged First Degree Murder here, but if they can prove Negligence, it's very possible to pin something on the Board. Negligence in this case mean that they didn't stop people from suggesting or doing emotional damage to a person of somewhat diminished mental capability (due to stress or diseases of the mind).