Memo to morons: CH does not stand for Cretins and Hooligans
by Mike Boone, The Gazette
MONTREAL – An open letter to male Montrealers, ages 15 to 25, whose idea of a good time involves wreaking havoc in the downtown core:
Dear Dimwits,
There will be a hockey game tonight at the Bell Centre. The Montreal Canadiens trail their Eastern Conference semi-final three games to two and face elimination at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
In other words - and there's a need to simplify when addressing this demographic - Game 6 could be the last of the long 2009-10 season.
There's also a chance the Cinderella Kids could rally to set up Game 7 in Pittsburgh on Wednesday night. Depending on its outcome, the conclusion of the game will send dejected or euphoric fans spilling out of the Bell Centre. Chants of "Go Habs go!" will echo for a while, then almost everyone will go home.
If you are thinking of lingering to mourn or celebrate by rocking a few cars and breaking many bottles, a word to the less-than-wise:
Don't.
This is not the latest example of Uncle Grumpy-Pants telling kids to get off his lawn. Having survived nights that began with tequila shots and ended in Hawkesbury motel rooms, with no idea of how I got there or why I was wearing women's clothes, Uncle G-P can party with the best of 'em.
But in a city where fans suffer chronic shoulder dislocation by patting themselves on the back for sophisticated appreciation of hockey, this extracurricular nonsense has become an embarrassment.
Yes, as Montrealers keep telling themselves, this is a city that puts the joy in joie de vivre. There is, however, nothing remotely festive about streets clogged with unlettered oafs who haven't learned to drink.
Yes, Montrealers love our hockey team. Passionate devotion to the Canadiens is the grand truc rassembleur that unites a diverse population.
The Canadiens have done a masterful job of parlaying their proud heritage into a marketing juggernaut. You can't walk 20 metres without seeing that familiar logo.
But the CH does not stand for Cretins and Hooligans. La ville est hockey, elle n'est pas imbécile.
The Canadiens have taken steps to deal with bad behaviour in the Bell Centre. After performances of the Star-Spangled Banner were booed by occupants of the (not-so) cheap seats during first-round games against Washington, PA announcer Michel Lacroix began beseeching fans to show some respect for the national anthem of the country where Canadiens Scott Gomez, Brian Gionta, Hal Gill and Paul Mara were born.
It worked. Fans have refrained from insulting their own Yanks.
Sadly, Lacroix's pleas for decorum can't be heard outside the building. Instead, would-be celebrants will be confronted by the police presence that has become standard operating procedure following important games:
Cops on horseback, riot squad on a side street, ready for hats-and-bats action, and a hovering helicopter, regrettably not napalm-enabled.
In addition to siphoning off personnel needed for important police work, such as breaking up life-threatening dice games in Montreal North and running construction businesses on the side, the deployment must be costing a small fortune for a cash-strapped city that has neither a chamber pot nor a recent Stanley Cup in which to relieve itself.
There is, of course, precedent for hockey-related civic unrest in Montreal. On March 17, 1955, the Richard Riot resulted in $100,000 in damages - real money in those days - to the Forum and businesses within a 15-block stretch of Ste. Catherine St. Twelve policemen and 25 civilians were injured; there were 41 arrests.
Canadiens superstar Maurice Richard had been suspended for slugging a linesman who got between him and a Boston Bruins antagonist. Canadiens' fans perceived the disciplinary action as another example of their beloved Rocket being victimized by the anglo hockey establishment, its power wielded by Clarence Campbell, a dour WASP right out of Central Casting.
Some historians see the Richard Riot as the first salvo of the Quiet Revolution. It had political, social and cultural significance totally lacking in subsequent disturbances, notably the idiotic cop car-burning frenzy of 2008.
Short of NHL commissioner Gary Bettman personally slipping itching powder into Jaroslav Halak's protective cup, there will be nothing to justify any street theatre tonight.
Memo to morons: Just go home.
You're giving anarchy a bad name.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/Memo+morons+does+stand+Cretins+Hooligans/3007335/story.html