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Thread: The Secret Lives of Wives

  1. #1

    Unhappy The Secret Lives of Wives

    From nomarriage.com:

    The Secret Lives of Wives
    When groups of women get together, especially if they're mothers and have been married for more than six or seven years, and especially if there's alcohol involved, the conversation is usually the same. They talk about the kids and work -- how stressed they are, how busy and bone tired. They gripe about their husbands and, if they're being perfectly honest and the wine kicks in, they talk about the disappointments in their marriages. Not long ago, over lunch in Los Angeles, this conversation took a surprising turn, when Erin, who is in her early 40s and has been married for more than a decade, spilled it. She was seeing someone else. Actually, more than one person. It started with an old friend, whom she began meeting every several months for long dinners and some heavy petting. Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kiss -- well, actually, make out with -- men she met on business trips. She understands it's a "Clintonian" distinction, but she won't have sex with anyone except her husband, whom she loves. But she also loves the unexpected thrill of meeting someone new. "Do you remember?" She pauses. "I don't know how long you've been married, but do you remember the kiss that would just launch a thousand kisses?"
    Erin started seeing other men when she went back to work after her youngest child entered preschool. All of a sudden she was out there. Wearing great clothes, meeting new people, alive for the first time in years to the idea that she was interesting beyond her contributions at PTA meetings.

    Full article:

    http://www.nomarriage.com/women_cheating1.shtml

  2. #2
    A guy I knew walked in his house for lunch one day and heard noise upstairs. It was his wife screwing her brains out with a co-worker of hers! He got custody of the kids after they divorced.

    It can happen to anyone, including me. And most of us would never know it.

    GG

  3. #3
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    Many of you guys here are cheating on your wives. Would you forgive/understand if she were cheating on you?

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Elvis
    Ronnie: Having a mistress and caring for a mistress IS true cheating.

    Do you really think that spending 60 minutes with an SP or a MP after a strenuous week has anything to do with love?

    Elvis
    Elvis,

    I have to agree with you, most women do not cheat just for sex. Often, their emotions are intertwined in the affair.

    >>Ronnie, you're right in the sense that we have double standards. But I think it is far worse to have a mistress than seeing an SP from time to time. Can you really say that women cheat just for sex? Most of the times they cheat for emotional reasons. We are two different creatures. I guy can love a woman but have sex with someone else. A woman who loves her man will rarely venture off to get her pussy poked.

    GG

  5. #5
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    Don't get me wrong I am not judging in any way. I was just asking.

    Remember I am coming from a relationship where I am an escort and he has his "flings" on the side. In our relationship, if your partner does not know about it, then it is cheating.

    Elvis>>> I do not disagree with you. Is hobbying cheating? I don't know. What would your wife say?

    Do women cheat for love? Yes. Do women cheat for sex? Yes.


    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  6. #6
    ANYTHING is cheating if your partner doesn't know about it. Why should you have to hide anything?

    Me: "I just jerked to a porn today."
    Her: "oh.... kay?.. why are you telling me this?"
    Me: "I like honest relationships."
    Her (laughing) "okay,.. but next time you better watch it with me."
    Me: "If you're a good girl."
    Her: (laughing)

  7. #7

    An important distinction

    Quote Originally Posted by naughtylady
    Don't get me wrong I am not judging in any way. I was just asking.
    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    Ronnie,

    Of course our wives would consider it cheating and they would be hurt. Although you're not judging, your question has negative spin to it because you consider witholding information cheating. I am glad you have an open relationship but trust me, if I were a betting man, your partner only tells you half the truth. Even if he is completely honest, he is an insignificant minority among men (less than 0.01% if you exclude homosexuals).

    Ronnie, men and women are not the same. The majority of us married men do not cheat on our wives to fill an emotional void or to fall in love. We simpy need our sexual fix. It is false to think that most women cheat just for sex. A few might but the overwhelming majority of married women do not cheat just for sex (forget what Desperate Housewives shows us on tv). They get involved in long love affairs that end up crushing their husbands.

    To sum up, yes hobbying is cheating but it isn't nearly as bad as cheating with someone that you end up falling in love with, which is what most of these married women end up doing.

    This is an important distinction that I think you neglect to admit or allude to. And, I am not just writing this to alleviate my own guilty conscience; I truly believe that hobbying is nowhere near as detrimental to your relationship as getting involved with a mistress or lover.

    GG
    Last edited by General Gonad; 04-01-2006 at 01:01 PM.

  8. #8
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    Although you're not judging, your question has negative spin to it because you consider witholding information cheating.
    I was just stating the way it works in our relationship. In the begining there were a couple of "indiscretions" but those were worked out.


    if I were a betting man, your partner only tells you half the truth. Even if he is completely honest, he is an insignificant minority among men
    Why would he not be honest? I am happy when he has a fling with another woman! He craves and deserves variety just like I do! I have met several of his ladies over the years. Generally they have something to offer that I don't. (He is 12 years younger than I am) For example, I certainly am not interested in going to clubs, but a woman in her 20s is much more likely to want to go with him.

    I realise that I am not like most women, but then again he is not like most men. (How many guys can honestly live with having a girlfriend who is an SP?)

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by naughtylady
    I realise that I am not like most women, but then again he is not like most men. (How many guys can honestly live with having a girlfriend who is an SP?)

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    Ronnie,

    While I would befriend an SP and possibly enter a into a relationship with her if I was single and fell in love with her, I wouldn't accept it that she continue this line of work while we see each other. I am not that progressive in my thinking and I do believe that a relationship cannot blossom to its peak without being 100% committed to your primary partner.

    I am all too aware that you can experiece deviations, difficulties and moments of existential crises, but there is intrinsic value in being fully committed to your primary partner.

    I hope things keep going well for you and your significant other but I fear that you risk never experiencing a 'deeper' connection. I am not passing judgement because I have no idea on the inner workings of your relationship but I do find it strange that you're unable/unwilling to commit exclusively to each other. Maybe you both fear this type of commitment.

    GG

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by General Gonad

    I am not that progressive in my thinking and I do believe that a relationship cannot blossom to its peak without being 100% committed to your primary partner.
    GG

    Its funny that I agree with you on this but at the same time we also violate this principle. I'm sure many hobbyists agree with you while they are themselves in relationships. I wonder if men and women might consider the ideal relationship where we maintain a committed, loving relationship while at the same time having sex with others and never having to discuss it within our long-term partner. However, most people couldn't open this kind of dialog because we are brought up to believe that "cheating " is wrong.

    In an article I read on the chemistry of love, at the outset of relationships, the couple are on a chemical high that lasts for quite some time but will diminish after some time to be replaced by a different chemical that helps people to bond over the long term. I think many of us who hobby want to recapture that chemical high we experienced in the early stages of our relationships - for proof of this you just need to look at some of the reviews on MERB.

    Though most of us are well-ground and realize that we only get a very short-term high and must return to our long-term partners, it is tempting to think that we could take these encounters with escorts to another level. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is dangerous and as you've pointed out elsewhere, it can create deep if not permanent damage to our exisiting relationships.

    I don't know Ronnie, so I'm speculating, but dating a guy 12 years younger has to be a bit if a fantasy cum-true. It would be for most guys with a lady 12 years younger.
    I don't necessarily agree with everything I say - Marshall McLuhan

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by MakeIt
    Its funny that I agree with you on this but at the same time we also violate this principle. I'm sure many hobbyists agree with you while they are themselves in relationships. I wonder if men and women might consider the ideal relationship where we maintain a committed, loving relationship while at the same time having sex with others and never having to discuss it within our long-term partner. However, most people couldn't open this kind of dialog because we are brought up to believe that "cheating " is wrong..
    MakeIt,

    I am aware of the inconsistency in my post but I still think that being 100% committed to a primary relationship is the only way to develop a meaningful emotional, spiritual and physical bond with a life partner. The problem is that very few of us are able to adhere to this type of commitment.

    Again, most men cheat for different reasons than women. No matter what any woman tells me, cheating for sex with an SP is nowhere near as detrimental as starting a secret affair with a mistress. Of course, I would never use that as an excuse with my wife.

    Quote Originally Posted by MakeIt
    In an article I read on the chemistry of love, at the outset of relationships, the couple are on a chemical high that lasts for quite some time but will diminish after some time to be replaced by a different chemical that helps people to bond over the long term. I think many of us who hobby want to recapture that chemical high we experienced in the early stages of our relationships - for proof of this you just need to look at some of the reviews on MERB.
    Yes, this is part of the addictive nature of hobbying....looking for that next chemical high, analogous to a runner's high that comes from endorphines. In a long term relationship you need to move on to another more solid and long lasting 'high' based on pure love and friendship. First and foremost, your life partner needs to be your best friend. Lust quickly dissipates but love and affection can last for a long time and even strengthen as time goes by.

    Quote Originally Posted by MakeIt
    I don't know Ronnie, so I'm speculating, but dating a guy 12 years younger has to be a bit if a fantasy cum-true. It would be for most guys with a lady 12 years younger.
    Not for me, I don't get particularly excited with younger women. I like mature women, regardless of their age. But my personal feeling is that women blossom between 35-45 years old. It's not downhill after that, it's just that is the time they are sexually, physically and emotionally ripe. There are many exceptions but this has been my experience. If I am with a twenty year old who cannot converse or lacks maturity and sincerety, I get turned off regardless of whether she is a babe or not.

    Now as for Ronnie, I suspect that part of the reason she has an open relationship with her mate is that she realizes he's a lot younger than her and needs to spread his seeds. She also understands man's nature and knows she cannot change it. But my preference is not to reveal my hobbying to my wife just like I do not want to know who she has slept or sleeps with in the past, present or future. I think that most of us would prefer to keep our hobby a secret from our significant other. Why hurt someone you love over sex?

    GG
    Last edited by General Gonad; 04-02-2006 at 05:27 PM.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by General Gonad
    MakeIt,

    I am aware of the inconsistency in my post but I still think that being 100% committed to a primary relationship is the only way to develop a meaningful emotional, spiritual and physical bond with a life partner. The problem is that very few of us are able to adhere to this type of commitment.

    Again, most men cheat for different reasons than women. No matter what any woman tells me, cheating for sex with an SP is nowhere near as detrimental as starting a secret affair with a mistress. Of course, I would never use that as an excuse with my wife.
    I totally agree on this point except the excuse part. Assuming your wife doesn't know its an SP (could say its a one-night stand), claiming its only about sex (which it is) will be less detrimental than saying its an ongoing affair with a mistress. From this POV, hobbying with SPs is much less complicated to clean up in case of exposure.

    Not for me, I don't get particularly excited with younger women. I like mature women, regardless of their age. But my personal feeling is that women blossom between 35-45 years old. It's not downhill after that, it's just that is the time they are sexually, physically and emotionally ripe. There are many exceptions but this has been my experience. If I am with a twenty year old who cannot converse or lacks maturity and sincerety, I get turned off regardless of whether she is a babe or not.
    Well 35 would be young for me by that standard. Quite frankly, I have only tried out 1 mature SP (~40) and while she was good sexually, she wasn't too interesting personality wise (mostly still likes to smoke ganja). There is a ~28 year old I see occasionally who really impresses me though. I do plan on trying out a few of the more mature set (30-40) since they are still younger than me. From reading the posts, Ronnie and Anik both sound tempting.

    Now as for Ronnie, I suspect that part of the reason she has an open relationship with her mate is that she realizes he's a lot younger than her and needs to spread his seeds. She also understands man's nature and knows she cannot change it. But my preference is not to reveal my hobbying to my wife just like I do not want to know who she has slept or sleeps with in the past, present or future. I think that most of us would prefer to keep our hobby a secret from our significant other. Why hurt someone you love over sex?

    GG
    I couldn't have said it better. I think this is the main reason men see SPs. They want sex with someone else - they just don't want another relationship.
    I don't necessarily agree with everything I say - Marshall McLuhan

  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by MakeIt
    I don't know Ronnie, so I'm speculating, but dating a guy 12 years younger has to be a bit if a fantasy cum-true. It would be for most guys with a lady 12 years younger.


    From reading the posts, Ronnie and Anik both sound tempting
    It was at first. I kept asking myself what could he possibly see in me. Now that I have gained some self confidence, I know why.

    Well send me an email, I would be happy to meet you.


    Originally Posted by General Gonad
    Now as for Ronnie, I suspect that part of the reason she has an open relationship with her mate is that she realizes he's a lot younger than her and needs to spread his seeds. She also understands man's nature and knows she cannot change it.
    Well said. Also I have this crazy thing about honesty; especially when there is no good reason to lie.

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  14. #14

    Talking she did it so I do it

    everybody has to live there on life,
    my wife cheated on me once and that's what started me to go someone else, I never even tought about cheating here before she did it to me and then I was surprise to see that I did not feel any guilt in front of here she did it and did not tell me and would not have told me if the guy in question would have shut up...lol
    he bragged about it and a friend of mine was working with him....so

    now I love to have sex from time to time with a new women, the simple pleasure of exploring a new body, the simlpe pleasure of making love whit a complete stranger.....that's what turns me on......but yes I did have some regular ladies that I went to see but I really love to get in action with a new girl from time to time......

    so life is short and I live it completly with a lot of fun........

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