Best lies you've been told by an SP

[joeblow]

I just had great fun reading this excerpt from one of Vladimir's posts and thought it was worth a "best of..."

Here is the quote:

You could probably hear things like: "Ah! Your penis feels so good inside me (lie)" or "doggy please (true)" or "I love my boyfriend but I it is so exiting to be with you (lie)" or "I only swallow for you (lie)" or "I think its like we know each other for years (lie)" or "you can eat but please don't bite (true)" or "ok but let me first put some vaseline down there (true)", “I have plans for the future (lie)”….

To which I will add:

"I'm starting a business in (fill in the blank) and I'm going on a business trip to (fill in the blank) to meet some prospective business partners."

"I'm sorry I'm late but I was held up at the office"

"You look way fitter than most clients I see"

 

[Man911]

1-You are the best.
2-I raise money for my grand-mother, she sick.
3-I'm new in the biz. (she must begin somewhere, but they all said that)
4-I could in love with you.

 

[willyapd]

1) Your cock is huge!
2) Size doesn’t matter.
3) I had a orgasm

 

[Vladimir]

The zenith has got to be a dancer in New Jersey a while back who said to a county prosecutor:

"I would never lie. I met the Pope once when he came to the club!"

I was sitting way back in the court room waiting for my client's trial to begin. Of course me sitting so close to the door, I immediately jumped out of the room to just laugh my ass off.

 

[naughtylady]

What about lies told to SP's?

"Trust me my checks are good."

"I have never been with an escort before."

"I will call you tomorrow" (I cannot count the number of times I have been stood up!)

"We don't need a condom, because....." (to this one I answer, when you find an SP who agrees to go without a condom, turn around and run!)

"My name is_____, now tell me your real name, you know mine."

"This is the first time I couldn't get it up, never happened before."

 

[donbusch]

Originally posted by naughtylady
What about lies told to SP's?

"Trust me my checks are good."

"I have never been with an escort before."

"I will call you tomorrow" (I cannot count the number of times I have been stood up!)

"We don't need a condom, because....." (to this one I answer, when you find an SP who agrees to go without a condom, turn around and run!)

"My name is_____, now tell me your real name, you know mine."

"This is the first time I couldn't get it up, never happened before."

Hrrrmmpp, party pooper and just when things were getting fun, go start your own thread

I'm guessing from your post that you no longer take checks, what about Canadian Tire money? I know of a good source

 

[naughtylady]

Yes, I still will accept Canadian Tire Money; 50 cents on the dollar.

Wasn't trying to be a party pooper...just joining in on some fun, don't tell me you never lied to an SP! Those were just a few that came to mind quickly. The getting stood up though, that annoys me, since if you don't call to cancel I sometimes end up refusing someone else.

Ronnie

 

[Vladimir]

I have never been with an escort before.

Guilty as charged!

I usually use that when I detect that the girl has that "protective mother figure" attitude, or when I find out that the girl is also a nurse or a school teacher.

 

[naughtylady]

I will forgive you Vlad.

Ronnie

 

[donbusch]

Nope, I have never lied to an escort, ever. All the escorts whom I have met, know that I'm an astronaut who does mountain climbing to relax and whenever I can't get it up, they understand that it's the fault of those damn aliens

 

[joeblow]

Originally posted by naughtylady
Wasn't trying to be a party pooper...just joining in on some fun, don't tell me you never lied to an SP! Those were just a few that came to mind quickly. Ronnie

You are very welcome Ronnie. I should have named this thread "Best lies being told in the biz/hobby" Any other SPs out there are welcome to come in and ridicule hobbyists too!

 

[naughtylady]

How could I have forgotten the most famost lie of all!?!?

"I promise I wont cum in your mouth!"

Ronnie

 

[Doc Holliday]

Lies told by espys:

-i have never done with anyone else but you
-i`ve never kissed a client until now
-i don`t even like money....i do this because i like it
-i`m only in this biz for a year, at the most
-i have never had one single negative experience with a client

Lies told to espys by other clients:

-i`m rich....i just won a lottery
-i`ll pay you the rest the next time we see one another...promise!
-i must have drank too much wine, since this is the first time this happens to me
-i have never used Viagra, nor will i....i don`t need it!
-i never masturbate....this is so beneath me

Lies i might have told an espy:

-i might have performance problems because i just flew into town less than an hour ago
-you`re the first girl i`ve ever bought a gift for
-i sincerely promise i will call for you again
-i don`t care if you kiss or not
-i find cbj as good as
-you`re the best i`ve ever been with....the best!
-i only see espys once or twice a year, max!

 

[Vladimir]

StripperLover... I can't stand my female colleauges. Most of them pee standing up!

 

[vmlinuz]

"Oh my god! I'm coming! I'm coming......!!!!!"

 

[joeblow]

Originally posted by vmlinuz
"Oh my god! I'm coming! I'm coming......!!!!!"

A stand-up comic in Quebec recently remarked:

"Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake emotion"

For the locals, I think it was Les Mecs Comiques.

 

[Legolas]

Re: Re: Best lies you've been told by an SP

Originally posted by joeblow
A stand-up comic in Quebec recently remarked:

"Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake emotion"

For the locals, I think it was Les Mecs Comiques.

JB, I've heard this joke as:

"Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships"

 

[naughtylady]

NYME> believe it or not some of us are truly independant and do not have a pimp.

Zaphyr> But you ARE " the MOST beautiful, intelligent, caring... woman I've never seen " and so am I!!!

Naughtylady,
Ronnie

 

[joeblow]

Originally posted by cid
Whatever, it's bs but it's pleasant bs. It's all good in the end.

Good point. Reading everyone's favourite stories I'm starting to think some lies are an essential feature of successfull SP/john relationships...err transactions. Especially those lies that serve to compliment the other or to give him/her the feeling that the liar is having a great time. Those lies, even if they are perceived as such, have the happy effect of egging both the SP and the john on to the next level of enthusiasm, making for a better experience. If hobbying is purchasing fantasy, then lies build the decor that make the fantasy attractive.

JB

 

[naughtylady]

joeblow>>

very well put.

Ronnie