How to deal with guilt and shame?

[pyjama guy]

I've enjoyed this thread and some of Brandi's comments hit home. Maybe we should meet,lol. I'm one of the nice, decent looking shy guys she refers to. I spent high school at an all boys school and it certainly affected my ability to communicate with women although I've gotten a little better over time. I've been hobbying steadily for 15 years (with 2 fairly long breaks) and it was a lifestyle choice I thoughtfully made. I have no shame or guilt, most of the sp's I see are very happy to spend time with me (acting or not,lol) and some can't understand why I don't have a girlfriend.

I've never been a player and always preferred committed relationships although I've never been married as I don't want children. I was always honest about my feelings, I've never been into games or the hunt but my last 2 serious relationships shattered my confidence in my ability to successfully maintain a committed long term relationship. I certainly miss the intimacy and other positive aspects of a relationship but I don't know if I'll ever be ready to open my heart again so for me hobbying is the next best thing and appears to be a win-win situation. The fuck friend situation just doesn't work for me, been there done that.

I often wonder----- If I didn't live in Montreal would this force me to date again? For now I don't have to concern myself with that issue and I take comfort that I am also helping some young women in providing for their current and future needs while they are helping me with my own needs. The fact that some of them have joked that they should pay me doesn't hurt. No reason to feel shame or guilt it's just 2 adults agreeing to mutually acceptable terms and conditions.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

You sound resentful of some men?

I do not see where you get that. I just stated that people in bands get laid a lot more than players and women who expect a relationship with people they meet in a club should give their heads a shake. I have no reason to be resentful of men who get laid more than me, why?

 

[jeff jones]

Not all guys need an escort to get laid.

Ouch, i am wounded. LOL

JJ

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

I don't understand why everything on this board are these grandiose general statements about things.

You still have not answered my question. The statements I have made are based on me seeing this first hand, the musicians I am talking about I have known for 40+ years I have been on the road with them and witnessed the sex capades, many well known band members ( Gene Simmons comes to mind ) comment that sex is great being in a band. As for the club players they are out there also and many many girls complain about the guy not calling back ever ( same goes for reverse but not even close for the amount ). Clubs are not the place to meet Mr or Mrs right, some may work but most know they are a meat market. Grandiose general statements?

 

[wasisname]

These guys who go to clubs to get laid are players but nothing like band members, a few friends of mine have been in bands from 16 till now and nobody gets laid more than them. A plus for them is that most of the girls they meet expect no relationship. So, if you want to get laid a lot for free play an instrument well ( or sing ) and hit the road.
As for the girls who meet in a club and expect a relationship with a good looking charming guy, What were you thinking?

I was on a forum recently and you would be surpised how many dudes piped up saying they were in bands and never had a date and have known others. Granted it is pretty damn rare but still. It isn't a sure thing.

You sound resentful of some men?

I am in my mid 40s' If it wasn't for escorts I would never have even kissed a girl, aside from one peck on the lips from a stripper about 20 years ago. Please, go on about how I and my other fellow forever alone bros shouldn't be at least a wee bit resentful.

Normals, in particular, females, and in double particular hot females really just don't get it.

Not all guys need an escort to get laid.
.

Some of us do.

I hate to break it to you but life isn't purely black and white.
I am really not in the mood to have an argument or even discussion about this. To say that that's a grandiose generalized statement.
...
In any case. I don't have time to have a petty argument about something this trivial. Have your opinion. I don't really care. I am just stating that I don't believe things are that black and white.
:wave:

So if you were looking for an Ice Hockey player you would have as much chance in the Australian Outback as rural Manitoba. Yes there is Ice Hockey in the land down under, they even play in Isreal. However the grandiose generalized statement is basically true and exceptions prove it.

Some band members couldn't get laid in a female prison with a fist full of pardons but most can and most get laid like crazy and they do it without effort. I mean who would even consider such a statement to be at all odd. Water wet, fire hot, Justin Beiber evil, band dudes get vagina thrown at them.

Also night clubs are a bad place to meet a dude of quality. News flash, guys don't go to clubs to dance unless they are gay, they go to get drunk and to get their dicks wet. There are exceptions but they just prove the rule. If you are lookign for a guy to smash you, go to a club. If you are looking for a socially inept obese nerd who will worship the ground you walk on, do face to face roleplaying or board games.

Sure some people get lucky but it isn't a winning high odds strategy.

It's ironic that on a escort review board so many members go and pass judgment on OTHER members doing the same thing they are doing. Everyone has their own reasons and there shouldn't be judgment passed on anyone - old young, rich poor.

That isn't fair or accurate. If he was looking for escorts at a church instead of merb or BP than what you said would be fair. He isn't saying it is wrong for a girl to seek dick. He is saying if a girl is seeking a decent guy she shouldn't be going where they are in a small minority.
If you are seeking someone who is reasonable and smart you don't go to a nazi skinhead rally. Sure you might luck out but odds are you won't


To be honest it seems from your reaction that you have some guilt about your past history that you haven't been able to accept.

 

[jeff jones]

Want my honest opinion? This board goes through ebbs and flows and if all you have to do is look and start arguments for the sake of arguing than keep on at it. But no matter how rich or good looking, or fat and ugly - one thing that doesn't change is your attitude and reactions to people.
So if you want to get fucked without paying for it maybe you should change your attitudes. Clearly some of you exhibit some social problems to indicate that ya you might need to get paid to get some pussy.

Are you upset. there is a lot of anger in this post. Relax you need to stay calm and cool. Not everybody's opinion will match yours but chill when it doesn't. I continue to be the voice of reason around here. LOL

JJ

 

[wasisname]

Clearly some of you exhibit some social problems to indicate that ya you might need to get paid to get some pussy.

....

Get the fuck off my back about this. Seriously. If you all want to be bitter than suit yourselves but don't start picking fights for me to argue for no reason.

Pot kettle.

Also tak about a wildly inapproate reaction. Holy fuck batman that escalated quickly.

I am sorry I disagreed with you. I forgot for a moment that you have a vagina. So sorry.

Now if you want to play analysist than I'll take my turn.

You obviously made some insanely bad decisions with guys, choises that make you feel like shit. Choises that you obvious have not really accepted. So whenever someone close even remotely close to pointing it out you have a breakdown. Don't feel bad. From what I've read most [[Not all] girls who slut around end up feeling like shit about it, there is a reason hookup culture is fueled by booze, it allows girls to be able to pass themselves out like a doobie to random assholes and kills the feels they might otherwise get. I am so sorry that you didn't turn out to be one of those sex posititve girls that you thought you should be, at least then you could look back on your sexual history with pride rather than shame.

 

[jeff jones]

Pot kettle.

Also tak about a wildly inapproate reaction. Holy fuck batman that escalated quickly.

I am sorry I disagreed with you. I forgot for a moment that you have a vagina. So sorry.

Now if you want to play analysist than I'll take my turn.

You obviously made some insanely bad decisions with guys, choises that make you feel like shit. Choises that you obvious have not really accepted. So whenever someone close even remotely close to pointing it out you have a breakdown. Don't feel bad. From what I've read most [[Not all] girls who slut around end up feeling like shit about it, there is a reason hookup culture is fueled by booze, it allows girls to be able to pass themselves out like a doobie to random assholes and kills the feels they might otherwise get. I am so sorry that you didn't turn out to be one of those sex posititve girls that you thought you should be, at least then you could look back on your sexual history with pride rather than shame.

Just wait i have to go out and get some beer and popcorn.

JJ

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Clearly some of you exhibit some social problems to indicate that ya you might need to get paid to get some pussy. If you all want to be bitter than suit yourselves but don't start picking fights for me to argue for no reason.

Wow, leave to get some groceries and all implodes. You should think about how you evaluate people, just because we have different views ( many will agree with us as in band members can get laid more than most and clubs are meat markets ) you figure we have social problems or our attitudes are not correct so we have to pay to get laid.
None of us have freaked out as much as you just did so take a good look in the mirror when you make statements like that. You claimed that I was resentful towards some men, right.

 

[lgna69xxx]

Even in their mid 50's and looking nothing at all like they did in the 80's, the boys in Motley Crue (and several other bands in R&R) are still getting 20 year old hotties after any show they so choose.... Rock and Roll and getting laid will ALWAYS go hand in hand, now the guy playing the chello, flute or the harmonica might not have the same "success" after a "sold out" gig :lol:

 

[Siocnarf]

You'd be surprised. I hear no one can DATY like an harmonica player.

 

[MaxxxEdge]

Even in their mid 50's and looking nothing at all like they did in the 80's, the boys in Motley Crue (and several other bands in R&R) are still getting 20 year old hotties after any show they so choose.... Rock and Roll and getting laid will ALWAYS go hand in hand, now the guy playing the chello, flute or the harmonica might not have the same "success" after a "sold out" gig :lol:

Tommy and Nikki are local to me... I can count on one hand how many times I've seen them WITHOUT some younger hottie with them...

 

[MaxxxEdge]

You'd be surprised. I hear no one can DATY like an harmonica player.

I would hope so... because that harmonica sure as hell isn't giving them any game... :lol:

 

[Siocnarf]

Come on, harmonica is a hallmark of any great metal band.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCjspyo-_aI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5F7uhCIBco

 

[MaxxxEdge]

Yes, but we both know that it isn't the harmonica that is giving them game...

 

[marc7]

If you feel guilt or shame take a good bath and scrub it off ! It's a bit to late if you have jumped in the pool . We're were your brains ?? I assume everything I do so I don't have to look back and my sleep at night is as deep as a bear snoring deep down a cave . If any young men or old one wants to hobby who am I to judge them . What happens between two adults behind doors is between them. I don't live my life by judging the people around me but by opening my arms and listen to their history . If you have shame on any of this I suggest that you find another less shameful hobby like feeding pigeons . We are all grown ups !

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

now the guy playing the cello, might not have the same "success" after a "sold out" gig :lol:

Have you seen the 2 cellos? Guessing they have an overabundance of ladies lined up.

https://ca.video.search.yahoo.com/v...igr=12v031fgp&sigt=11og5ffan&ct=p&age=0&&tt=b


Speaking of metal bands, I have tickets for Judas Priest / Steel Panther in November

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Can't delete anything that I was quoted. What's been kept as quotes leaves an impression that is not the full picture - only the portions that certain members wanted to attack me about and cause arguments - so take it the way you want.

They are called rebuttals not arguments, you should have left your posts to prove your point instead of hiding them. :wave:

 

[marc7]

Have you seen the 2 cellos? Guessing they have an overabundance of ladies lined up.

https://ca.video.search.yahoo.com/v...igr=12v031fgp&sigt=11og5ffan&ct=p&age=0&&tt=b


Speaking of metal bands, I have tickets for Judas Priest / Steel Panther in November

And violin can play Ozzie !!!
http://youtu.be/wh5ZdKFcSrA

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Then you and wasisname just kept attacking me for absolutely NO reason. You guys should re read your comments to me and you should feel ashamed and guilty to attack me for no reason other than me trying to defend people's decisions.

Really... I posted that people in bands get laid more that most and clubs are a meat market and your reply was that I was resentful towards some men ( See post 27 ). I gave my opinion of which probably 90% here would agree with and you start running your mouth. I guess people here can not disagree with you or you tell them to fuck off and quit bugging you. You should realise what you wrote and feel like a . I am not bitter or jaded as you put it ( again with your attacks ), I enjoy the hobby, use escorts due to my not being in 1 place more than a few months, love women and have respect for all ( most ).
A sorry would be nice. It would help me sleep tonight.
PS: I just read the post #25 you referred to.... WTF, you agreed with me that they are players. Not I really want a sorry.