Involved with SP outside of "work"

[metoo4]

BDM, cold turkey hurt stronger on the spot, but it heals faster! I'd do the same thing. (Hey! I DID the same thing before!)

Sometimes, it needs to hurt in order to learn. Next time, you'll see any type of relation more clearly and see it for what it is, not for what you want it to be. As long as all is clear between the lady and you, all should be smooth!

From experience, I can tell you, next time, talk it over as it goes, with the lady and with yourself. Maybe you won't get romance but again, maybe you will! One way or the other, chances are, if things do click to a certain level, you might get a very good lady friend out of the deal!

 

[General Gonad]

It might sound stupid to you guys, but if we get 10 calls a night, 1 asshole and 9 cool guys, for some reason, the jerk will be remembered. But also, if we get a true gentlemen, someone who is going to see pass the sp, we will carry him in our heart.

I also think that counceling can help, when the situation is getting worst and worst everyday. But I think your job is done...

If you can close your eyes and proudly say that you treated her like a queen and did your best to make her feel good (not better, just good), well there is nothing else to do. You did your best.

roxanna,

I do not know you but this was an excellent post. It's funny how I can recall details of my best sessions (Peyton, Samy, Karma, Michelle, Bianca, LOL...a few more...) and my worst sessions (omit names here).

But I like the way you ended your post. As a client, you can't control an SP's feelings or what she'll think about you after you're done. You can control your actions, which includes treating her "like a queen" for the time you spend together.

On the rare occasion that I did repeat, I saw some of the dividends of being nice. I remember repeating with Luna of XXXtase and seeing her expression when she walked into the room said it all. "When I saw the room number and motel, I was hoping it was going to be you," were her exact words. Weird thing with Luna was I met her twice and both times I had erectile difficulties because I never really saw her as an SP. But I still really enjoyed the session; conversation flowed, great deep kissing and DATY was amazing too!.

There were however other times where I heard an SP was speaking badly about me. It happened recently where a client PMed me - probably in an effort to provoke me - to tell me so and so told him I "mistreated" her. I was floored! I even PMed her and asked her why she was saying these things. Her response: "...do you really think you mistreated me that night? Why do you believe this idiot?".

Anyways, SPs AND clients gossip. Gossip is endemic in this biz. Tons of bullshit going around on all sorts of people. Some of it is true, most of it is pure fabrication. You can't stop gossiping so focus on what you can control. If you think you were a perfect gentleman, then as roxanna writes above, there is nothing left to do.

GG

 

[malboro_man]

malboro_man,

Forget the priest; the last thing you need is someone to make YOU feel guilty or to judge you with his holy gospel.

GG

Obviously it's your choice but I agree with GG, I think a therapist would be a better bet than a priest for advice in this case. The priest believes sex for pleasure outside marriage is a sin! Surely you don't believe that!

I don't think I can bring myself to see a pshrink. A priest is the closest thing I can think of (he's got a vow of silence) and writing on the board has helped me some. Hearing advice and comments from "combat veterans" like yourselves is certainly better than anything I could get from a pshrink, and I appreciate them from the bottom of my heart. I am not saying I am over it but I am hanging in there.

Let me let you in on a secret. I dropped out from my PhD in clinical psych. Some studies have shown that there are no statistically significant differences between therapies and placebo. Sometimes, therapies open up old wounds/trauma and just make things worse. That was one reason I did not continue (not to mention the time it takes to get a degree, up to 15 years!).

I went to a priest because I felt guilty on some level to begin with. I cannot say that I am proud to have paid some girl money and have my way with her. I was a real holy roller when I was younger, altar boy, Bible school and all that holy stuff. But, that was a long time ago. There is still some holly rollerness buried within me.

It took me five years to fully plunge into hobbying. Some girl at the time mindf**ked me, a real tease. So, what's a lonely and horny guy got to do. I called a SP for the first time, I didn't go thro' with it. I felt sorry for the girl hearing her sob story (single mom with a kid), just talked and let her go. Pretty pathetic, huh?

For the next five years, I went for the "sure thing" in the civilian world, e.g., the woman from a foreign country who wanted to marry a citizen to get residency (she got too pushy, and I didn't marry her), the divorcee with a kid, the single mom with a kid. I had the urge to see a SP all this time but didn't fully plunge within these five years.

Tired of the "sure thing", I plunged fully into hobbying a few years ago and my holy rollerness is something of the past. Initially, it felt fun and eased the pain somewhat. Then, 2007 rolled by. I am pushing 40 and got really tired of hobbying and felt I should go back dating in the civilian world. I don't want to pay a girl anymore (I guess we all pay in the end like that SW on the movie St. Elmo's Fire says). I gave myself the end of March to stop hobbying (broke my resolution a number of times including last week). Ironically, it was in March when I met my SP friend. I didn't hobby much after seeing her "outside of work" at the end of March.

Like all new things, it was always fun and passionate in the beginning. Then, I began to develop feelings for her shortly before her work schedule was getting busier about 5-6 weeks ago. Like I mentioned before, there were a number of times when she would not show up for our dates and not return calls or text message, leaving me to wonder where she was. The incident on Friday was the last straw. Actually, I have to give her credit, at least she didn't leave me hanging by the yoyo on Friday. She only cancelled our rendezvous at the last minute not leave me hanging for a couple of hours wondering if she had an accident.

Maybe I need to follow through on my resolution, trying to date women back in the civilian world. It's a warzone out there, and certainly alot harder than when I was younger. But, the whole hobby scene is not as exciting to me any more.

Wow, this is better than seeing a pshrink!

 

[malboro_man]

And of course, you must KNOW directly or indirectly many of the therapists in Montreal.

Carl Rogers, yeah, I remember him, person-centered therapy. He was one my favorite. Sometimes a bartender makes a better therapist than someone with a PhD after their title. One other reason I quit clinical psych. was that the profs were just as f**ked up as the mental patients that they needed therapy too!

No, I didn't enroll in the clinical psych. program in Mtl, although I looked into it. So, I wouldn't know any therapists in Mtl.

 

[malboro_man]

ICrazy hour shifts etc etc but it's true it is disrespectful not to call to say she won't be able to come and be late. ........ Maybe she's afraid to get some sermon if she calls to cancel so she doesn't. If your ok with she being an SP I don't see why you can't be with her. As long as she doesn't have a drinking or drug problem then I would suggest to stay way. I belive all women including SP's deserved to be loved.

I did consider the possibility that she's afraid to call me because alot of the times we agreed to meet just hours before and then she does the Houdini act. Maybe her agency is pressuring her to take calls at the last minute when she's supposedly off, I don't know. Or, maybe it's one of her regulars calling for her, I don't know.

I understand her disappearing act because summer is busier. The worst incident was the one in the previous weekend when she agreed to come over days before. On the day, she left a message saying that she'll come over in 2-h and cook a nice meal for me. She sounded so happy and specifically indicated that she's taking the day off for me. Two hours later, no show. Waited for one more hour, I called and text messaged a few times. Ok, here we go again. When I managed to get a hold of her on Monday, she mumbled about some incoherent story that a three-year-old would not understand or buy. I actually had no idea what she said, but I didn't press further. She could have said my dog ate my homework (what does that have to do with not showing up?). I had my suspicion anyways. She made it up to me later in the week, but I was getting tired of this.

Well, at least on Friday, she told me the truth (she had to take an outcall at the last minute). Probably running out of stories. I still haven't called her back and don't intend to. The funny thing was, she said she was going to cut back on the hours Friday morning, and then she "works" even more. This is hilarious.

I agree SPs need some loving too. When we are together, we click in every way. However, I am having a hard time with the Houdini act, and I am beginning to get jealous. It's just tearing me up inside. I am afraid if I get involved any further, I'll be in an even bigger world of hurt.

 

[cggv]

get out of this romance

Malboro_man, You don't know me, I actually never post. Some readers might recognize me. I am browsing this board because I was told something just posted concerns me, and then I stumbled on your post. I hesitated a long time before writing this post, but your issue hit my sweet spot and I could not resist. (I also was very surprised to see my handle was still active!) Enough bla bla, let me be direct: get out of this romance. If you don't want to hear it then skip my post. If you are wise, read on.

A few years ago I got involved with an SP. I fell in love. She quit SPing. I sincerely believe she loved me. We have been living together for a year. Nice right? Not quite, she torn me inside out, I won't give details.

You wrote:

I agree SPs need some loving too. When we are together, we click in every way. However, I am having a hard time with the Houdini act, and I am beginning to get jealous. It's just tearing me up inside. I am afraid if I get involved any further, I'll be in an even bigger world of hurt.

I have been deep in the hole, took me years to recover, but I will never be the same. Hope you don't go down the same way.

Could happen with anyone? What is the link with SPs?
For having known a few personally, I think most have issues, and those who don't will not get involved with a customer. For instance, my girl would hurt those she loved and those who loved her.
Beware.

 

[alfonso]

Nice story, but all stories come to The End sooner or later. Sooner is probably better.

It's time to join dating sites and start banging legit chicks. Hopefully you'll click with someone sensible the same way you did with her. It's high time to start thinking about a wife and kids, not emotionally disconnected prostitutes. If you're stuck on prostitutes, go the the Philippines, fuck your brains out, find a good one (if there is such a thing), marry her and bring her back, make babies, make a family. There you go.

 

[General Gonad]

It's high time to start thinking about a wife and kids, not emotionally disconnected prostitutes. If you're stuck on prostitutes, go the the Philippines, fuck your brains out, find a good one (if there is such a thing), marry her and bring her back, make babies, make a family. There you go.

The 'best' hobbyists are able to keep their emotions out of the equation. I never was really good at that. I was also naive and gullible. It's simple: this is a business; it's not personal, just business. If you want something more, look elsewhere because more often than not, you're asking for the impossible.

One of the things that help me quit is to acknowledge the limits of hobbying. Apart from the money I was wasting, I was also wasting my energy on people who couldn't care less about me. Only your loved ones care about you and will be with you through thick and thing. Never lose sight of that.

GG

 

[Big Daddy]

However, I am having a hard time with the Houdini act, and I am beginning to get jealous. It's just tearing me up inside.

There is a lesson to be learnt here. There is no such thing as free sex. You will either pay for it financially or emotionally. For you, Malboro Man, I think it is already too late. In fact, when a man realizes that he is loosing his cool, it is already too late. For Malboro Man, he lost his cool when he started this thread. With all the wisdom on this thread, the best thing MM can hope for now is soft landing. Interestingly, for the SP involved here it will only be just another casualty among others.

 

[General Gonad]

I would suggest that a lot of casual sex (or seeing escorts) might be a good thing for a man to do at some point because he no longer will be curious about it in the same way. My friends who have gotten married who I don't think are really in love are, IMHO, accidents waiting to happen. Especially if they have never lived out the fantasies that I have already.

The majority of married men do not become hobbyists. They might be sexually frustrated but they will not pay for sex. Why? Lots of reasons but when you have to pay a mortgage, the kids' school and keep your wife happy, it leaves you little money to explore other pursuits.

You're a newbie. We once discussed the pros of cons of just seeing SPs when you're single in an other thread. In my opinion, a single man who has only experienced sex for money all his life is doing himself a great disservice by hobbying continuously, especially if he wants to eventually get married and settle down. You cannot learn about the dynamics of a real relationship unless you've experienced one and gone through the good times and the bad times.

Ask anyone who has hobbied long enough or hard enough how their views on hobbying change over time. At one point you'll lose interest or you'll adopt a different mindset. It's only normal; you will not be as excited to see #100 as you were with the first few.

When you do decide to settle down, you'd be wise to find a lady that shares your interests and loves you for who you are. I'll guarantee you one thing, when you fall in love with the right person, nothing in Hobbyland can come close to that experience.

GG

 

[hobby11]

i agree with gg

after #100 your drive to hobby goes down and down and down til the next
hottie pops up...

 

[General Gonad]

This is just a way to slip a lot of casual sex into a very short period of time. There is no way that going to bars I could hope to pick up and sleep with 4 hot women in 2 months, I just don't have that ability. I might add that I really think women can sense your indifference to them which comes of having been with a sexy woman the night before, this makes them curious, intrigued and even frustrated...they want you more. I don't think this is going to reduce my chances with normal women so long as I avoid HSV-2.

SeeCupRider,

I rarely repeated and I saw many different SPs in a short but intense stint that lasted a year and a half. If you're curious to try it, go ahead but watch out for several things. First, keep your emotions out of the equation (easier said than done). Second, and more importantly, be honest with yourself and if you feel you're addicted, take a long break. Force yourself to do this no matter how hard it may be.

As for STDs, you should always remain vigilant. Use your common sense and avoid ladies that you will not be comfortable with. There is a way to screen ladies through reviews but this is more of an art than a science.

GG

 

[malboro_man]

Just a point of view here...

For MM, well, he's been on the escort scene for a while so he may have reached that point so he should perhaps ditch the escorts or be really clear that he can only use them for sex while he looks for something that could really work well for him in the long run.

SeeCupRider: maybe you should be the one getting that PhD in clinical psych! Very good perception.

Yeah, I'm to the point where I am about to stop hobbying (for an indefinite period of time). You guessed right that I've been around, but not as much as some of the "combat veterans" who've seen several hundred SPs or more.

Like one poster mentioned, after the 100th SP, the excitement is not that much anymore. It's also very hard to stop too because you always seek that one more encounter to find the next hottest thing (something like the Skinner machine, I am sure you know what I am talking about).

Maybe I am glad that I met my SP friend because indirectly she made me stop hobbying (at least for an indefinite period of time). Incidentally, I sent her an email asking to see her for dinner some time this week just now. Don't get me wrong. I am not going back to her. This is going to be our "last supper", telling her that I won't be able to see her anymore.

I am going to tell her that I am tired of being the "old reliable" and won't be her f**kfriend any more. I am mentally prepared and I won't even go for the last goodbye f**k. This is better than ignoring her and give her the silent treatment.

P.S., regarding our PM, I have to disagree . The civilian dating scene is a warzone (at least for people ~40 like me even though I look much younger).

 

[vodka236]

All these posts are very constructive. A lot of good valuable insight is given to malboro_man. This is priceless.

For me, couple years ago I also went to the psych and follow group therapy. Looking back, it didn't help me much. We're so unique. Sorry, I'm fuckup-beyond-repair.

Guys, what scared me the most is somebody going through depression... no one help him out... no one was around to support him... Develops anger towered woman and life... some may even have self-destructive behaviour... toward himself and others (family, friends, SPs...) Until it’s too late. At this phase, I don’t think it concern you malboro_man. You seem quite ok from the post. I'm just scared for the silent one that go unnoticed, especially those that refuse to admit or just want to be left alone. I'm just lucky I had family member when needed the most. Or, I will not be posting this shit right now.

========
TRUE STORY I HAVE WITNESSED

There was one insensitive psychiatrist woman that told a patient if you want to kill yourself go ahead... He drowned himself the next morning.
The f*cking patient cried for help and the doc just shut him down. I was looking through the balcony and reporters were everywhere. I believe she still works there as we speak. I think such a cold person should not simply work in this field. Depression is still a stigma. Just to prove, you don't need a PhD or any expertise to help other... just listen to what they have to say, just like the good SP do. But, family is WAY BETTER they will ALWAYS be there for you... even long after you die. You will still be in their memories and heart.
=========

That's why when I read thread like this evolves. It makes me feel good inside. Unselfish people helping people without even knowing them. Even the rare poster came here to advise us. That's pure altruism. So beautiful! OMG, I think I need a Kleenex.

Most deny it even exists or doesn’t even know they have it (depression that is). Back then, I knew no one in Montreal (grew up in Abitibi). I’ve lost almost my friends. Missed the nature and going to the woods which I took for granted as a child. I was a lonely poor fuckup guy but if I knew outcall SPs existed I would have called them for a quickie on my hospital bed while being interned. Yes, I’m the fuckup guys. LOL! I'm not saying to replace doc with sp either. We are man that what we’re suppose to do. To survive and to replicate. Sex is good but you cannot rely on it to build a durable relationship. Again, I'm saying from my own perspective of a ?? year-old fuckup guy.

For them, you’re just another guy. Just be there for her if you think it helps her. Like many said, you no longer need to see SP. You want a long-term relationship go for the real gems. It’s clear to me that she doesn't want you to get too attached to her. She’s trying to make you realize that on your own. She doesn’t want to break your heart. I know it sound ridiculous but doing that is much easier than telling it out straight. SHE ALREADY KNOWS THAT YOU LOVE HER! Woman can sense that guys they are f*cking smart when it comes to relationship. The more you insist the more you will lose her interest.

The more you love someone... the more you will get hurt.

I WILL NOT TELL A WOMAN I LOVE HER!!!! NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER.

Unless, you want her to lose attraction for you. If you don't believe me, go ahead, try it for yourself. (Seriously don't!)

Sorry girls... but never listen to their advice. They watch too much soap opera, drama shit, get too emotional and stuff. I don't care if they find me sexist it is my male opinion. They can slap me if they want too but make sure it land on my nice cute butt.

Like the others said, the normal mature women are just waiting for you guys. Make a commitment to yourself and find them if that is what you want.

Take care brothers and I hope this post was useful (and hope that God read merb and forgive me also... ) F*ck, I need to get back to work.

vodka236

 

[maximus]

This hits close to home I am really injoying this thread.

 

[alfonso]

I don't know man...I am in my mid-thirties and am getting more looks on the street than ever. I wouldn't call it a war-zone, you just have to find something that you love to do (an actual hobby! ) and a way to meet people who share that passion. If your real desire is to meet someone then pick an activity that girls like (Yoga, hiking, dancing, cooking, languages).

I gotta agree. Late thirties here. And yep, still lots of looks...now more than ever, it seems. Hell, I was flirting with a 17 year old a few days ago, and she was reciprocating! We can't do much about our thinning and greying hair, but there's no excuse not to keep trim and in shape, stylish, and well-groomed.

I don't think the age thing is a such big deal. The prostitute thing, now that is the big deal. If she gives it up, then yes, I see a slim chance of success; if not, you're risking your emotional and physical health. Are you sure she wouldn't go bareback for $500? For $1000? For $2000? There might be the odd psychopath out there, infected with AIDS, who gets a kick out of transmitting the virus, and who has a healthy bank account that needs to be spent before he dies. His penis is his chainsaw/gun/knife/whatever.

I've had great success with online personals. Just make sure to post a pic if you want to be taken seriously. Being the alcoholic I am, I didn't last long in the bar scene before I was a slobbering idiot. Hey, we all have our weaknesses. Women and booze....god I love them! I'm succeeding somewhat at monogamy, but booze, ah booze, she still has her way with me!

It can be hard to stick with one woman, epspecially if her body goes to hell after kids. If you're lucky, you'll find a woman who bounces back after 1, 2, or 3 kids. Yes, they do exist! Damn, it sucks to be a man, being so damn superficial, but fuck, I love a great body! Last weekend I met a little 50 something petite thing and while her face showed her age, her little fucking body was incredible! She definately worked out! Fuck!

Dump the SP. Forget her. Lots more fishes in da sea.

http://www.plentyoffish.com/

 

[alfonso]

I just wanted to add: yes, I can relate to your situation, and no, I do not wish to elaborate.

Do not communicate with her again. If you cannot hire the services of a prostitute without the possibility of becoming emotionally attached, liquidate yourself from this hobby.

If you end up slicing off an ear and giving it to her, literally or metaphorically,
then I'm sorry, you deserve your fate. Van Gogh may have been a genius (don't really see it myself), but fuck, he was a pathetic loser.

 

[General Gonad]

Do not communicate with her again. If you cannot hire the services of a prostitute without the possibility of becoming emotionally attached, liquidate yourself from this hobby.

Good advice. Again, forget the priest and go see a psychotherapist that specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to work). Learn how to use simple techniques to deal with your issues.

GG

 

[malboro_man]

The Last Goodbye

vodka236: don't worry about me. Yeah, I am ok, not psycho, suicidal or anything of that nature. I know how to take care of myself. Thanks alot for sharing your stories, pretty tragic with the suicide.

Thanks for all those who PMed and offered their advice/comments/suggestions, esp. SeeCupRider, Gen. Gonad, and many others too numerous to mention.

I am pretty broken up inside but I'll survive. I owe it all to you to help me through this difficult situation.

Today, I finally met my SP friend. We didn't have dinner as I wanted but did meet for a cup of coffee in the afternoon (thank God for flextime at work). I had to confess to her that our little arrangement is tearing me apart. I admitted that I had a mixture of lust, romantic feelings, and infatuation for. In a nutshell, I said "Having you do the Houdini act on me and the thought of you doing what you do with me with who knows who is unbearable to me. So, I've decided that I can't see you anymore because it hurts too much. "

She was shocked and hurt at first. She admitted that her feelings for me are similar, but she's happy with the status quo.

To make a long story short, I left before she could see me tear up and cry. She was getting teary eyed too.

It hurts but I'll survive. Now the hard part is staying away from hobbying. I'll continue to post (as appropriate) as part of the therapy (I prefer this than CBT for the moment, SeeCupRider and Gen. Gonad).

 

[BackDoorMan]

Now, you stop falling. It is time to climb back the canyon and see other landscape that are nice, but less perillous...Good luck Marlboro_man....your horse is waiting for you!

And light up your cigarette...that is tougher man...