Involved with SP outside of "work"

[Dee]

Agree with Big Daddy...

I think the plain fact of the matter is that you are hooked and no amount of good advice here is going to help you very much.... like so many of us you may know rationally what is best but you are going to have to play it out with all of its intense pleasure and more intense pain.

 

[MG_mtl]

I give up....we have this "thing" going on and that's it.

You should believe it, not just say it...



How come this type of shit never happens to me

 

[malboro_man]

Making the hard choice

First of all, let me express my deepest gratitude to everyone's comments and advice and for your patience in hearing my story.

In the last few days, I thought of a way to end my "f**kfriend" relationship with my SP friend. Instead of focusing on the positive, I wrote down everything negative about our "f**kfriend" relationship. One of the things that really bothered me the most is that she would cancel our plans (sometimes at the very last minute) or show up late (3-4h). This happened a number of times. The worst thing is, she would not return calls or text messages because of "work". I am left hanging my the yoyo.

I know that she doesn't have a normal job, much like a "superhero", having to disappear at the last minute to fight bad guys. I swear to myself, if she cancels our plans at the last minute one more time because of "work", I will NOT see her again.

Grace a Dieu for the opportunity tonight. I waited at the restaurant at the appointed time for over 30-min. Then, a text message comes in and says she had to "work". She doesn't even have the common courtesy to call and took the impersonal text message option! She's been "working" 7 days a week for the last 5 weeks even her pussy looks to be in bad shape for a 20 y.o. I suggested that at least she take the weekend off to recuperate. I was with her last night, and I couldn't feel her pussy when I was inside her.

I even spoke to her 3-h before our rendezvous. No problem, I'll be there. Yeah, right!

OK, that's it. I thought of just using the passive-aggressive approach (the silent treatment): too busy to see you, no you may not come over. I think this is the best way. We are not really in a normal relationship. The normal approach of breakup isn't appropriate.

I think I am going to stay away from the hobby for a while. I was going to quit just when I met her. The reason I want to quit is like quitting smoking. It makes you feel good, but in the long run, it's bad for your health.

I was pretty "f**ked" up to before hobbying because of women, and now I am even more "f**ked" up because of hobbying. But, continuing to be in love with a SP will "f**ked" me up even more, so I'll have to make the hard choice and stop seeing her.

Thank you again to all of you. Peace out.

 

[malboro_man]

just as predicted, and to no surprise, this has ended badly.

you are having an epiphany; a sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something, and she served as your epiphanizer.

johnmbot: thanks for the "I told you so" (yeah, I absolutely deserved it) and a new vocabulary (how very appropriate). Sometimes, an epiphany comes only when you hit rock bottom.

 

[BackDoorMan]

Marlboro_man....you just need a cigarette...

Pheromones are very aggressive about you two. It happened to me too (being related to SP)...but not for a while (she did not quit SP work)

You have to be hurt a little to earn more wisdom. Randomly, you fucked too many girls and you turn to be statistically attracted «pheromonely» to one of them. It has nothing to do with real life (you know she is SP....you know you will not trust her....you know this situation doesnt work...nobody tells you new things here).

But you just have to let go the addiction from common good sex with other human being. You just have new experience that you need to go through.

Trust me. When you will accept the truth and tell her all truth about your feeling, she will be gone faster than your feeling.

BDM

ps: I met 2 other non-SP girls later in my life that I had sexual communion...and those situations were much more better...so thank God I let the SP go...

 

[malboro_man]

Marlboro_man....you just need a cigarette...

Pheromones are very aggressive about you two. It happened to me too (being related to SP)...but not for a while (she did not quit SP work)

You have to be hurt a little to earn more wisdom. Randomly, you fucked too many girls and you turn to be statistically attracted «pheromonely» to one of them. It has nothing to do with real life (you know she is SP....you know you will not trust her....you know this situation doesnt work...nobody tells you new things here).

Trust me. When you will accept the truth and tell her all truth about your feeling, she will be gone faster than your feeling.

BDM: your words of wisdom are much appreciated. Yeah, you gotta have some pain to get the experience and wisdom.

You're also right about telling the truth to my "f**kfriend". That's why I don't want to do it because it's better for me to apply the "Bush doctrine" (pre-emptive strike) than being dumped if I reveal that I have feelings for her. From some of the hints I've gathered, she'll no doubt laugh at me. She'll just say: "we have a good f**k, why don't we just leave it at that".

Maybe it's pheromones, I don't know. Including civilans and SPs, I've been close to a hundred girls, and no one has gotten a hold on me like that before.

Yeah, I need a Malboro and a bottle of Jack Daniels just about now.

 

[NYClimber]

Love it or Leave it

Dude you are a booty call, Love it or Leave it. Every guy who has had a girl they were “doing” but didn’t give a rat’s ass about knows it. All your other options didn’t work out so you call “old reliable” to fill the time when you have nothing (or someone) better to do. Enjoy it for what it is but realize she is not into you for relationship material. If you can’t get over that fact then move on. I know it sounds harsh but that’s reality.

 

[BackDoorMan]

Falling in love with someone who doesnt is a deep canyon that goes deeper and deeper in time. When you decide to jump (reveal feelings), reality is the more you fall from height, the more it hurts (or kill)...

 

[General Gonad]

My advice, don't look for love here

I think I am going to stay away from the hobby for a while. I was going to quit just when I met her. The reason I want to quit is like quitting smoking. It makes you feel good, but in the long run, it's bad for your health.

I was pretty "f**ked" up to before hobbying because of women, and now I am even more "f**ked" up because of hobbying. But, continuing to be in love with a SP will "f**ked" me up even more, so I'll have to make the hard choice and stop seeing her.

malboro man,

In my short, intense stint, I did not "fall in love" with any SP but I got too close for comfort with a few. It does fuck you up, especially if you're already attached to someone and it isn't going well.

My advice is to cut it off and move on. Women are masters at reducing men to emotional dust which they then blow away. Ok, not all women are like this but when they know they have you on the emotional front, watch out! In your case, it's even more complicated because you fell for an SP. Also, the age gap is significant even though you dismiss it.

In life, you can't control what others feel about you. You can only control your actions and the choices you make. If you feel fucked up, you're answering your own questions.

Good luck,

GG

 

[Joe.t]

My advice is to cut it off and move on. Women are masters at reducing men to emotional dust which they then blow away. Ok, not all women are like this but when they know they have you on the emotional front, watch out!
GG

GG my man this is the best advice that you have ever given and i agree 100% not only with this quote but your entire post on it, it's not the first time that this has happened to somebody and it certainly won't be the last, the hard part of it is the "cut it off and move on" which emotionally is very hard to do.

 

[General Gonad]

... it's not the first time that this has happened to somebody and it certainly won't be the last, the hard part of it is the "cut it off and move on" which emotionally is very hard to do.

Of course not. Most men are dumb as nails when it comes to understanding a woman's power. They think that if they have financial control, they can control the relationship. Bullshit. Once a woman gains emotional control, she gains the leverage. Again, some women are masters at gaining emotional control. I would say that SPs are even better at playing the emotional card.

I do not want to sound like a hopeless cynic, but again, clients must acknowledge and respect the limits of the relationships they build with SPs. If they don't, then they risk being blown away.

GG

 

[malboro_man]

malboro man,

In my short, intense stint, I did not "fall in love" with any SP but I got too close for comfort with a few. It does fuck you up, especially if you're already attached to someone and it isn't going well.

GG

General Gonad: very good advice and very well put. Thanks.

You're lucky that you didn't get as close as I did. I actually wanted to pull away early on, but was too weak. I'll just be the "old reliable" (as NYClimber put it) just one more time, except that one more time doesn't end with the one more time previously. But, this time really is the last time.

Realizing I am really f**ked up, I supposed I answered my own questions as you pointed out. I still care about her as a person. I find myself still worried about her even though I know this time I'll stay away from her. I don't think she'll last long in the biz or she might end up doing drugs to keep up. Yeah, I am really f**ked up.

 

[General Gonad]

Realizing I am really f**ked up, I supposed I answered my own questions as you pointed out. I still care about her as a person. I find myself still worried about her even though I know this time I'll stay away from her. I don't think she'll last long in the biz or she might end up doing drugs to keep up. Yeah, I am really f**ked up.

malboro_man,

You sound very decent but you cannot "save" her. She has her choices to make and you have your choices to make. You can give her your advice but be careful that she does not manipulate you into an emotional abyss that will suck up all your energy. She will play on your emotions, making you feel guilty for abandoning her. Do not fall into that trap!!!

As for your own state of mind, call up a good psychologist and talk things through. Getting advice on Merb is not enough. Take care of yourself.

GG

 

[metoo4]

Psst... GG... Maybe the girl just want a fuck-friend? Maybe she have no mindplay in her plans? Maybe she want to ensure he's not getting hooked so she's treating him badly and, sadly for the girl and him, it's not working and he's getting hooked anyhow?

Look like the General knows it all again and is generalizing... A good councellor expose all possibilities and don't direct other's toughts in accordance to his beliefs.

What you say [bold]might[/bold] be true but, for the fun of it, let's see another option... Might be true or false but, since we're not in the girl's head, we'll never know.

To me, the girl want a fuck-friend, like sex with him but doesn't want anything else but, like so many guys, he's falling for the unavailable.

Been there... Did that... Maybe every guy's been there at least once? Sometimes, our worst ennemy is ourself when we see things that aren't there and we unknowingly substitute our dreams with reality. It's ok to apply our dreams into forging a reality but substitution should't be an option.

Live and learn, or make the same mistake over and over...

 

[malboro_man]

malboro_man,

You sound very decent but you cannot "save" her. She has her choices to make and you have your choices to make. ......She will play on your emotions, making you feel guilty for abandoning her. Do not fall into that trap!!!

Thanks for your kind words and advice, General Gonad.

She left a voicemail today apologizing for her disappearing act last night and will make it up to me. Ask me where I've heard that line before, so I've decided not to respond.

You're also right about the "saving her" part. There is nothing I can do if she chooses this SP path. I have an old (female) friend in Mtl who put herself through business school in HEC at UM by working at a normal job as a medical assistant. She came from a small town and had basically nothing when she came to Mtl.

As for your own state of mind, call up a good psychologist and talk things through. Getting advice on Merb is not enough. Take care of yourself.

GG

I took your advice this afternoon (sort of). I went to the confessional box (an ancient form of a psychotherapy). I feel like talking to someone live who won't spill his beans. A father is a good choice. I am not comfortable talking about this to strangers (that's why I'm here). At the confessional box, the priest can't see me. The father made me feel kind of guilty, exploiting these young girls, robbing away their innocence, damaging their soul, spirit and body. Yeah, I can see how this biz f**ks up both the SP and the hobbyist. Last year, I had an SP (not too long in the field but already jaded, a very popular one whose name I will not mention) who complained about how she "hated this bullshit in the biz" and wanted to leave soon. Naturally, the session did not end well and she soon left the biz true to her word. The priest also wants me to volunteer my time helping abused women as part of penance, e.g., rape call center, abused women center.

I feel a weebit better, having the board as an outlet but not sure about going to the confessional box made things better.

 

[malboro_man]

Psst... GG... Maybe the girl just want a fuck-friend? Maybe she have no mindplay in her plans? Maybe she want to ensure he's not getting hooked so she's treating him badly and, sadly for the girl and him, it's not working and he's getting hooked anyhow?

Meetoo4: you know what, I was thinking the exact same thing last night. Yeah, it's entirely possible. But, I'll never know 'cause I've decided to cut off all contact with her. Either way I shouldn't have gotten hooked. I knew I was in trouble in the semi-hooked stage when I was not into other SPs despite their attractiveness and service. Yeah, I am hooked but I have to quit cold turkey. It's the best way to quit an addiction.

 

[coonan]

I got a couple pennies making noise in my pocket and they are saying;
1) Having dated/lived with strippers in the past I'm sorta qualifed to say "yup they will fuk you up"
2) In any relationship when it's over ... It's over don't dwell on it will just make a mess of you and trying to fix it will just prolong the unenvitable....

Sometimes life sucks but what you do when it does is a true measure of who you are, what you are and what you can become....

Coonan
Tired, Old, Sore & Cranky but basically happy

 

[General Gonad]

The priest also wants me to volunteer my time helping abused women as part of penance, e.g., rape call center, abused women center.

I feel a weebit better, having the board as an outlet but not sure about going to the confessional box made things better.

malboro_man,

Forget the priest; the last thing you need is someone to make YOU feel guilty or to judge you with his holy gospel. The point of a psychologist is that you can discuss your problems with a neutral, third party professional who will not judge you but help you figure out things on your own. Do some research, ask around and find someone that will help you sort things out, not judge you and tell you to volunteer with rape victims (a worthy cause but the priest is not really helping you figure things out).

GG

 

[BackDoorMan]

Thanks coming to the confessionnal. God forgive you.

Your punishment: 50 Holy Mary and no sex for the next 24h.

 

[vodka236]

aaahhhhh

Guys, this is really beautiful. It's like Band of Brothers. Leave no man behind.

Looks like i'm not the only one who will die in hell

Good luck malboro_man. I'm gonna send you some tips I have through
PM real soon. So look your PM.

vodka236