Living Single , How do you do it

[mtljay]

I am in my mid 40's , just got divorced after all most 20 years in a marriage and moved from Calgary to Montreal few weeks back so I can start every thing new, got zero friends, family here but a well paying job and just bought a nice condo in downtown.

I do not want to get into another relationship but living single is lonely. Thanks to MERB sex is not an issue but that companionship last one or tow hours, may be three max.

What do other single guys do to keep your self busy ? I work 80 hour weeks and do not enjoy the single life, every married friend I have in Calgary is envy of me thinking that I am having time of my life but I am not

MtlJay

 

[smuler]

I work 80 hour weeks

Trust me, this is the first thing you need to change

Best Regards

Smuler

 

[mtljay]

Trust me, this is the first thing you need to change

Best Regards

Smuler

I do that since i do not have much else to do , dont want to sit alone at home and watch TV like my ex. The problem I am finding in MTL is that their are 2 social groups, the 20 to 30 age crowd college kids and 60+ retired .....that 30 to 50 seem to be a hard to find group.

 

[Steve.]

Good morning MtlJay,
I am separeted for about 4 years now and I moved from Quebec city to the north of montreal... At first you really don't know what to do.
But you start making friends male and female, then start to go out and change your routine.
It take's time, be patient, You'll get use to it soon

Good luck

 

[cloudsurf]

The problem I am finding in MTL is that their are 2 social groups, the 20 to 30 age crowd college kids and 60+ retired .....that 30 to 50 seem to be a hard to find group.

Nothing wrong with dating a 28 year old at your age.
If you prefer a 40 year old then get a license to hunt cougars.
Better still take a 2 week vacation in an all inclusive island resort (Cuba, DR, Jamaica etc,)....that`s were all the Montreal single women hang out.

 

[mtljay]

Nothing wrong with dating a 28 year old at your age.
If you prefer a 40 year old then get a license to hunt cougars.
Better still take a 2 week vacation in an all inclusive island vacation.....that`s were all the Montreal single women hang out.

I need a vacation, was thinking about Thailand but please provide some details on which all inclusive cougars hang out

 

[dolt]

I work 80 hour weeks and do not enjoy the single life, ...

When do you even have time to ? between 12 hour workdays, sleep, eating, transit and errands, you have about all of 90 minutes left to yourself each day, no?

I can't imagine what it could be like, because I've never been alone, ever; if there wasn't a girlfriend or family, there was always at least one roommate. Never had a place all my own to myself. I actually get more quiet time at work alone at night.

My guess would be that you should find some type of group activity to participate in, to start making connections with other people.
Hanging out at a coffee shop like second cup/starbucks can be hit or miss because people these days are all honked into their personal devices, and have forgotten that face time is not just an iPhone app.
When you bring a book tho, sometimes the vibe of just having people around, even without conversation, can be good. The big library on the corner of Berri/Maisonneuve is an excellent place for the reading-in-public thing. If you're not a book worm, you could pick up a copy of the Montreal Mirror to see what's happening in town. Montreal has a pretty good offering of stuff to do and see.

Personally as an introvert I would just use the opportunity to finally be able to do *the fuck I want* unfettered, even it's just catching up on reading, movie, hobbies, being able to enjoy my own thoughts for a change...

 

[Morris Wanchuk]

I do not want to get into another relationship but living single is lonely. Thanks to MERB sex is not an issue but that companionship last one or tow hours, may be three max.

What do other single guys do to keep your self busy ?

rinse lather repeat

if you dont want to do that, simple, get into a relationship
hopefully a healthy mentally rewarding one.
easy? of course not,
thats why paying for a 1,2, 3 hr one is easy
put in as much as effort in finding a quality chick as you do at your job, and you'll find one eventually

have you tried playing tam tams?

 

[snoodle]

i am single and yes i does get lonely at times.
But i would not get into a relationship unless the girl was perfect. :smile:
id rather stay single than settle on a girl that was not sa coche lol

 

[EagerBeaver]

I am in your age bracket. I don't get lonely and I have been single my entire adult life. My one regret is not having lived in the city, whether New York City, Boston or Montreal. All 3 are great places to live for single professionals who make a good wage. A friend of mine who lives in NYC recently contrasted dating ops there vs. where I live and the ops are greater in a city.

Your main problem is working 80 hour weeks. If that does not change how will you ever be able to invest proper time in developing a relationship? You may need to take a close look at why your marriage failed and hopefully something can be learned. For the time being, escorts are a logical short term solution which will satisfy the biological need for sex. As time goes on, make the time to explore the St. Laurent club scene. I would also suggest a Cougar hunt at Thursdays. My friend was attacked there by a drunken cougar and only a quick-thinking rescue attempt by me saved him. Perhaps, in your case, you will permit the attack. Last time I was at Thursdays in March, I sat at the main bar and the air was rich with the smell of Cougars and the blood of the victims.

 

[Ruler]

Single + move to Montreal + see SPs = go broke.

Ain't gonna sugar coat this one. Dude, you lost one part of your life, now you open the door to totally fuck it up. Move out of Montreal asap.

 

[mtljay]

Some good solid advice. The only reason I work insane hours is because i dont have any thing else to do. I need to spend more time at Thursdays

I am in your age bracket. I don't get lonely and I have been single my entire adult life. My one regret is not having lived in the city, whether New York City, Boston or Montreal. All 3 are great places to live for single professionals who make a good wage. A friend of mine who lives in NYC recently contrasted dating ops there vs. where I live and the ops are greater in a city.

Your main problem is working 80 hour weeks. If that does not change how will you ever be able to invest proper time in developing a relationship? You may need to take a close look at why your marriage failed and hopefully something can be learned.
For the time being, escorts are a logical short term solution wwhich will satisfy the biological need for sex. As time goes on, make the time to explore the St. Laurent club scene. I would also suggest a Cougar hunt at Thursdays. My friend was attacked there by a drunken cougar and only a quick-thinking rescue attempt by me saved him. Perhaps, in your case, you will permit the attack. Last time I was at Thursdays in March, I sat at the main bar and the air was rich with the smell of Cougars and the blood of the victims.

 

[IamNY]

Working less hours is key. Since you work so many hours just to fill up the void, reducing the hours shouldn't be an issue. The great part about being single is that you can do what you want, when you want, all the time. Hit the gym, play some sports, pick up a hobby, etc. Start enjoying yourself.

 

[Bucky]

Single since 2000, execpt for a 2 month period 2 years ago. It has his advantages, no stress, no fights, my stuff is mine and no one can take it away. But also means often being lonely, bored and in need of love and sex. After such a long period alone, i wonder if i could ever be with someone or live with someone.

 

[obilix]

Getting out to Thursdays is fine for a couple hours, but not a network maker. I would suggest a gym, it provides lots of opportunity to meet people and helps get you out of the office at the end of the day. If your looking for a get away..... Not "all inclusives".... send me a pm if you are interested in some good DR info.

 

[CLOUD 500]

I do not want to get into another relationship but living single is lonely.

What do other single guys do to keep your self busy ? I work 80 hour weeks and do not enjoy the single life

MtlJay

I live a single life also and live by myself. It is a very lonely existence which is why I hardly stay home. I am always out. Got to join activities... me myself I go to regular clubs every week with my friends. We are usually cruising for chicks for one night stands or friends with benefits. It is lots of fun. I joined a course to do Muay Thai... that is if you like martial arts... it is lots of fun... great exercise and you make some friends.

But my personal opinion escorts are not the way to go. Other then to fulfill your biological need for sex... nothing good can come out of it... cuz you are just buying a fantasy and at the end you are still living the lonely existence and made no friends. Plus you are paying for it... being lonely and paying for it can become like a drug addiction and at the end you will go broke.

Got to find a more solid solution. The best part about living the single life is having multiple friends with benefits. It is cool to have a few girls to have sex with without the burdens of a relationship . Those women looking just to have fun are out there... you just got to find them. Age is no big deal... depending on how well you took care of yourself... I got two other friends one is 39 year old and the other 43 year old we all go cruising for young 20 year old women.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

I'm six years single, semi-retired and have been living in Montreal half time for the last three years. And I'm having the time of my life.

I'll agree with those who say you have to work less. I'll disagree with those who are advising you against seeing SPs. I once joked with an SP with whom I spend a lot of time that I see her to keep from getting into a bad relationship just for sex. She laughed and said she works for the same reason. I'd get involved again, but only for love and for that I'm not holding my breath.

Do you have interests outside of work? Find others with the same interest. Check out meetup.com. I'm a cyclist and used to ride alone. Through meetup.com I found a couple of cycling groups in Montreal and now I ride with them on a regular basis and have made a ton of friends in this fair city.

 

[Siocnarf]

Speaking as a lone wolf myself I find that being alone is never as boring as being with someone for too long.

Find something you like to do and do it. When you were a kid, what did you liked to do? When you had a wife, what did she stop you from doing? You can do all that now.

Go to the gym, and get a personnal trainer (make sure it’s a woman). It will occupy a few hours a week and will also improve your stamina.

Write a novel.
Learn to paint or do photography.
Learn to play music

Do volunteer work:
"GET INVOLVED IN YOUR COMMUNITY!
Stella is currently looking for volunteers: fundraising (priority number one!), filing, translation, copy editing, graphic design, illustration. Sex workers and close allies welcome.”

 

[MtlNewbie]

Really interesting to see you get real life information out of this board...

It sounds like either your problem is that you're contradicting yourself, or you're new and you have no friends which has nothing to do with the divorce etc, any person would have the same ordeal. By contradicting yourself, it sounds like you say you want to not be in a relationship but you're lonely because you're not in one. If that's the way you're gonna play it then obviously you set yourself up so that you simply cannot win. If you just don't have friends then it's just the hump you have to get over and it happens to anyone that moves to a new city and doesn't know anyone.

If you're working that much only because you have nothing to do, then you probably should have said that because everyone is zeroing in on that. The best advice I read on the thread is to join activities and meet some people. More the classes you're interested in rather than the gym, since most people go to the gym to work out. Classes give you a reason to talk and you already have similar interests.

My advice is to do your best to be happy, if you meet someone or tons of friends then great, but if not, then you can still be happy.

PS. I could use a high paying job. I left Calgary just as everyone was making it rich...

 

[Ten Steps]

Interesting topic, mtljay. I agree with other posters, zeroing on your work hours. I feel for you. I've been in a similar boat (work hours). Considering your situation, to do those hours, it should be strictly for $. To either catch up or get ahead. If you don't have financial problems then those extra hours should be spent elsewhere.

Better to invest those overtime hours in exploration. Hit up a street like, St. Laurent etc, check out things of interest. Suggestions of clubs, meetings, groups etc are all great ideas. It really depends on your interests and you should pursue them instead of just working to pass your time, or watch tv because you don't know what to do.

I think its more about being proactive and self-motivation. You've been conditioned for so long based on your previous life. Just take a leap out of your comfort zone. Join a cooking class, a gym, art group etc, whatever you're interested in.

I will guarantee you, if you take the initiative, instead of being at work or in front of the tv, you will find more happiness. best of luck, bro. afterall, we are all brothers from different mothers, right?