Most Embarassing moment with an SP?

[HonestAbe]

I was reading a thread about overnights with Sp's and I thought what would you do if you had to perform a bodily function very badly?! That got me thinking that maybe we could all poke some fun at ourselves and share our most embarassing moments with an Sp! Who's game?

This could be anything from breaking wind by accident, being starstruck by a beautiful Sp and falling over a chair, trying to pick her up and dropping her, answering the door and seeing a relative/friend standing in front of you, calling for an Sp and accidentally hitting the speed dial for your parents house, don't be afraid, we'll laugh with you, not at you. All right maybe we'll laugh at you a little bit!

 

[EagerBeaver]

Two Stories!

Most of the long time members will remember this story, but the newbies will not. It was the summer of 2003 - Jazz Festival. I was staying at the Sofitel on Sherbrooke. I had spent most of a long hot day walking around Old Montreal. As I walked back to the Sofitel in anticipation of a late afternoon date with Vanessa of the companions (she worked there only briefly), I noticed that I was very hungry and I decided to get ``Kojaxed`` at the Kojax in Complex Desjardins (it`s no longer there either). I ordered a souvlaki sandwich with extra tzaziki sauce and raw onions and tomatoes, the way I like it, and the way it`s supposed to be eaten. I wasn`t too concerned because I had a large bottle of listerine back in my room and figured listerine would blow away any residual breath odors from the souvlaki, because listerine is listerine, after all.

Fast forward 3 hours later, after 3 brushings of my teeth and several vigorous listerine rinsings. I am on top of my bed at the Sofitel, on top of Vanessa, kissing her neck, her cheeks, and then her lips (by the ways, she was a very attractive tall brunette but is long gone from the Montreal escort scene). As I am kissing her, I notice her lips pursing in a smile. I said to her, ``why are you smiling?`` She said to me, ``what did you have for lunch?!?!?`` I said ``uhhhhhh................I ate a souvlaki at Kojax, but I have washed away the odor with listerine!!!!!!!`` She says to me in a giggling voice, ``I don`t think so.`` I then get out of the bed, go to the bathroom, and proceed to rinse with listerine two more times. I go back to the bed, mount Vanessa, and start kissing her again. She starts laughing and says to me, ``I can still smell it. It must be the garlic in the sauce.`` Lolita would later tell me that I probably should have ate parsley and drank coffee or chewed coffee beans to get rid of that garlic or raw onion odor.

Moral of the story: listerine does not eliminate all food odors. Do not eat a Kojax souvlaki with raw onions and tzaziki sauce 2-3 hours before a date. Wait until after the date!

One other embarassing episode: this past March, an escort menstruated on my back. Here is the link to that post, ``My Bizarre Easter Weekend in Montreal``:

https://merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=8752&highlight=easter+weekend

 

[Best Lover]

EB, thx for the very private and funny personal experience.

My Rule #1 is never, never eat raw onions. Even if you are only going back to work. Onions are yucky, very yucky

However, I do understand. Italian is my favorite and I love garlic (hate onions). I think Listerine will take care of it until I have just the slightest little burp and oh my god, "I am sorry but I had the most delicious Italian lunch today", it was just so good I wish you were there with me to enjoy it with a glass of the most incredible Italian Chianti.

Oh well, I tried.

 

[Dawgone]

Several experiences

Snoring, mensturation, passing gas, toilets, etc. You name it and it has probably happened (or will happen) if you do this long enough. I think the key is being with the right person who happens to also be human and have a sense of humor.

 

[bond_james_bond]

Same here

Yup, it's all happened to me...

Farting:

I'm young enough to hold it, but I don't know how much longer that's going to last. The worst part is when the bottled up fart prevents you from performing. In other words, you spend so much energy in keeping from farting, you can't relax enough to be aroused.

Toilets:

I actually had an SP clean up after my overflowed toilet once (in Niagara Falls).

Call of Nature:

Dinner dates are the worst. It's like right after I eat, I have to take an immediate dump. This sucks, because as soon as you get back to the hotel with the SP, taking a dump is the last thing you want to do.

 

[HockeyFan4MSOG]

Forgetting the lady's name or not being able to say it during the visit.

What's your name again?

Happened in Las Vegas, and I hope I don't ever repeat this...memory lapse thing.

 

[Lusty Pig]

About 10 years ago I used to hook up with this duo that used to advertise in the jdm, and they told me that once they had a client who had some toilet paper stuck between his ass cheeks. They didn't tell him.

 

[HonestAbe]

Come on theres got to be some more sidesplitters!

Thanks to those of you who have had the courage to share your stories with us. I guess I should post mine since I started this. Here goes...

I once saw an SP who paid great attention to detail from an e-mail I had sent her telling her some things that turned me on. She showed up and gave me a dream date wearing and doing a bunch of things that had my eyes bulging out of my head and mini-me at full attention. I really appreciated the effort she had made to please me and wanted to tell her so I sat at my PC upon returning home and wrote her a note thanking her for the lingerie, toys, role playing(she deserved an oscar) etc...and I sent it off to her.

The next day I got an e-mail from my MOTHER saying she was happy I was having such a good time with my new girlfriend but I should really double check on whose name I clicked on in my e-mail address book before clicking Send.

 

[Cosmo]

Foreign object

At a salon on St-Mathieu,I had a reverse massage with someone I won't name or even describe,out of respect.I started to rub her neck,shoulders, working my way down till her ass.Believe it or not,there was a small remain of toilet paper in her butt crack!Yuuuuk!!!What a turn off!I didn't know what to do of it.Should I tell her?Too embarassing,I thought.Should I try and remove it?I couldn't,there were too many mirrors,she would have seen me or even feel my hand reaching for "it".I went directly for the legs and resumed the back massage as quickly as possible.Asked her to flip,and then resumed the session.Needless to say,the mood was broken.I went back on the table and could't cum.

 

[Gambling Fool]

Good thread

I'd have to say so far, HonestAbe is the most funny to me. I guess I'll share too.

I was in an MP with a nice young thin blond, probably around 24. She was just over 5 feet tall. She asked me if I thought I could lift her up. And being the male that I am, "of course" I said. She bent her arms at the elbows and braced them against her side and wanted me to lift her. So I bend down a bit, place my palms under her elbows and prepare to lift and show her who's the man ... and this is the time where I lost my balance and fell on my ass just as I was trying to lift her ! Tough to get back on track after that.

Gambling Fool

 

[Techman]

Ok, my turn...Not too long ago I went to see one of the boards favorite Asian mp's for a massage. Everything was going well, I flipped over and was really enjoying myself and start to pull her on top for some DATY but she starts going "no,no,no...", so I let her go and she loses her balance and drags us both to the floor, without releasing her grip! Then she points out the fact that, in my eagerness, I hadn't given her time to completely remove her panties which were tangled around her ankles. Oops. It broke the mood but we both got a good laugh out of it.

 

[EagerBeaver]

Techman,

I have had a few recent experiences where an SP gyrated right off the bed during DATY, partly due to me not paying enough attention to our placement on the bed............on both occasions I was able to grab the SP at the last moment and haul her back into the bed. It can be funny when this happens, but if she hit her head on the floor or jammed her shoulder it would not be too funny.........

 

[Techman]

EB,
It's one thing when it happens in a bed. Totally something else on a massage table covered with sanitizing paper. You just slide right off and even if I grabbed the edge that would have just made everything tip over. But not to worry, I was able to land with her on top so I took the force of the landing.
Plus I learned my lesson...make sure the panties are off before pulling a ladies leg over your head

 

[HonestAbe]

Ouchhh!

I figured there would be at least a couple of stories about people falling down, hope it was only your pride that was bruised!

This doesn't count obviously but I had a near miss one night a few years back when I called an agency an asked for a certain girl. I spoke with the guy who was doing their bookings that night and he said the girl was available for the time I requested and he just needed to know the hotel and room number with a call back number. I told him the hotel and he immediately said "Oh I'm sorry I can not send her there." I inquired why and he told me "Her brother works the front desk and I believe he is on tonight." I made other arrangements and everything was fine but I felt really awkward walking past the front desk and seeing the guy thinking, "I almost nailed your sister last night." I wonder if he ever found out what that checkout would have been like? "So, how was my SISTER?" as he jumps over the counter and attacks me with a stapler.

 

[HockeyFan4MSOG]

I made other arrangements and everything was fine but I felt really awkward walking past the front desk and seeing the guy thinking, "I almost nailed your sister last night." I wonder if he ever found out what that checkout would have been like? "So, how was my SISTER?" as he jumps over the counter and attacks me with a stapler.

ROFL That is a good one!

 

[Lupin]

Mauvais moments

SP Une dame m’accompagne. Age très mature, forte taille. Après s’être amusé un long moment la dame décide de me faire un . Je prend la position appropriée, la dame se place à mes coté, et là, enlève ses 2 dentiers et les place directement à côté de moi dans le lit. Junior est décédé de mort subite. J’étais rouge de gêne et la dame semblait trouver ça correct.

MP, J’étais dans un immeuble à étage du centre ville, genre 10 ième étage. Belle femme séduisante. J’étais couché sur la table depuis 15 min, l’alarme à feu se déclanche. Comme c’est fréquent on laisse faire. Après 5 autres minutes la curiosité amène à regarder ce qui se passe. Je me lève, m’entoure d’une serviette, ouvre la porte et **%%&&** le feu était sur l’étage. Encore là Junior meurt au feu… pas besoin de dire que nous nous sommes habillés assez vite pour paraître ai livre des records Gué Ness

MP. La dame recevait à la cachette de son mari. À la partie XXX du massage, on entend en arrière de la maison quelqu’un monter les escaliers. Merde le mari arrive. Junior fait une autre crise de cœur. Saute dans les culotte et sortie en panique par la porte avant. Je n’ai jamais recontacté la dame, j’étais gêné de savoir ce qui lui est arrivé.

 

[Doc Holliday]

While spending intimate moments with an espy that i had seen previously, i had proceeded to a very enjoyable DATY and noticed that the young lady was very into it. Suddenly, she screamed: "Maudit! Enleve-toi! Vite!" I pulled away, wondering what was going on. She rubbed herself furiously and suddenly, liquid came squirting out, winding up on parts of my chin. "You're a squirter?", i asked. "Qu-est-ce que ca veut dire ca?", she asked. "Tu peux ejaculer", i told her. "Oui, mais c'arrive pas souvent, je m'excuse de t'avoir pris en surprise", she replied. This was the second time that i had seen this in person, but the first time that it had caught me by total surprise (literally!). I've seen the young lady several times since and it has only happened once more, but only during the main event. Since then, whenever i DATY, i tell myself: "Beware.....or wear a mask!"

 

[Sunmen]

this is what happen to me ...

about 5 years ago,i was receving a young ldy from a famous agency from back then.

Everything was fine great service...everything you wanted.However when i started to digit her,i started to feel something inside.I was like what the hell is that.I am 100% sure that is was a condon .J ai ete tellment eceurer que sa ma pris un gros 10 minutes a m'en remettre.But i was young/horny and continued the session.Since that day i never daty...never know what you will find .


Sunmen out

 

[Touch]

Disconcerting

Those were some pretty funny incidents. These fall more in the realm of disconcerting than outright funny.

I was in Halifax this spring and for the first time tried calling an independent escort from one of the local papers. When in a new city one never knows exactly what the drill will be like. So my chosen escort arrives. There is the initial chitchat and a glass of wine. When it is time to move on, she partially undresses herself, but makes no move to undress me. I start to take a few clothes off and ask her participate in undressing me. She flatly refuses saying: “A girl can never be too careful; you might be a cop or something, even though I don’t really think so.” She wouldn’t lift a finger until I had completely undressed myself. (Then she insisted on me wearing two condoms, one on top of the other, the top one a disgusting brown color that she said was chocolate.)

She was the only SP who ever thought I was a cop. But it happened twice in Montreal stripclubs a several years ago before the Supreme Court ruling making contact dancing legal, once in Le Club Downtown and more spectacularly in the now defunct Alfie’s on Decaire. I walked in, the manager brought me a beer, then the music stopped, dancing on stage stopped, dancing at all the tables stopped, none of the dancers moved from their bench. It was like a neutron bomb hit the place. Silence and no one moving for more than fifteen minutes when I began to suspect that they thought I was an undercover cop. So a few minutes later I left without finishing my beer. As I walked passed the bench where the dancers sat on my way to the exit, they all gave me a collective dirty look and mumbled a few choice phrases of French after me.

Touch

 

[metoo4]

Watch out guys! I heard there's an undercover cop on MERB... Name start by T...

Good one Touch! Talk about a party pooper! Must have been a weird feeling...

...Sir, are you a cop? (in a childish little girl's voice)