Normal dating & true love after years of hobbying

[Rebaynia]

Only thing I can contribute to this conversation is end the relationship with your wife if you deemed your relationship a loveless one. You will only hurt your wife, and loose the respect of your kids, while going on a search for true love.

If you don't feel you could be a faithful man in a relationship, but want true love, then find yourself someone who is into polygamy. Otherwise your only doomed to hurt the one you do love.

And history tends to repeats itself. What happens when this girl stops being the new toy, and becomes the relationship? Will you then turn back to SPs? Lol.. though something tells me you might struggle to keep up so won't have anything left for an SP.

Don't confuse infatuation, lust, and a good time with love. True love is the person you desire life with more than just sex, and is built over time, not just a weekend. It is knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still wanting to continue life with that person anyways.

Just because a marriage might be sexless, doesn't make it loveless. Love takes many forms over time.

 

[ekzarh]

Only thing I can contribute to this conversation is end the relationship with your wife if you deemed your relationship a loveless one. You will only hurt your wife, and loose the respect of your kids, while going on a search for true love.

If you don't feel you could be a faithful man in a relationship, but want true love, then find yourself someone who is into polygamy. Otherwise your only doomed to hurt the one you do love.

And history tends to repeats itself. What happens when this girl stops being the new toy, and becomes the relationship? Will you then turn back to SPs? Lol.. though something tells me you might struggle to keep up so won't have anything left for an SP.

Don't confuse infatuation, lust, and a good time with love. True love is the person you desire life with more than just sex, and is built over time, not just a weekend. It is knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still wanting to continue life with that person anyways.

Just because a marriage might be sexless, doesn't make it loveless. Love takes many forms over time.

It’s not technically sexless, but it’s definitely lovesless. Honestly I once reviewed the columbian Mia Milan here (former Ariana Grande) - similar experience.

And I was too hesitant to divorce on a couple opportunities as I am probably scared living alone .. (which I am not proud of).

I built a “program” of meetings with the new girl until the end of the summer and then I will step back and reevaluate.

 

[Rebaynia]

It’s not technically sexless, but it’s definitely lovesless. Honestly I once reviewed the columbian Mia Milan here (former Ariana Grande) - similar experience.

And I was too hesitant to divorce on a couple opportunities as I am probably scared living alone .. (which I am not proud of).

I built a “program” of meetings with the new girl until the end of the summer and then I will step back and reevaluate.

Well if you decided to look for true love for yourself, then it is only crule you don't allow your wife the same opportunity. If you've already decided she isn't what/who you want, then it's not fair to her you hold her back from finding the same for herself too.
Or is that part of it? She isn't allowed to move on till you have already set up your own next nest first? Or are sure you have someone to move on to while she then has to figure it out on her own while you have found someone to replace her?

 

[ekzarh]

Well if you decided to look for true love for yourself, then it is only crule you don't allow your wife the same opportunity. If you've already decided she isn't what/who you want, then it's not fair to her you hold her back from finding the same for herself too.
Or is that part of it? She isn't allowed to move on till you have already set up your own next nest first? Or are sure you have someone to move on to while she then has to figure it out on her own while you have found someone to replace her?

I agree, but it is what it is. She does seem to be quite content with the current situation and she has her toys …

 

[vanhamm]

In my case if there is marital sex it’s either for procreation or as a duty, lol

Anyways I been threw so much trying to get this relationship better in those 9 years after that cnt cheated on me that i had enough of dating, countless women i met afterward convinced me.

 

[hendrix0199]

Remember this, never let your wife or girlfriend get in the way of true love.

Why the sad face @Rebaynia?

 

[Rebaynia]

Why the sad face @Rebaynia?

Because the point of them being your gf or wife is because once you deemed them your true love. If you decide at some point they aren't, then why keep stringing them along till they are replaced. Let them be free so they can find their true love too, because obviously if they aren't your true love, your only preventing them from finding theirs then.
If it takes you 5 years to find yours, and you don't let them go, well that's 5 years they could have found someone who actually cares about them and wants them as their true love.
It is just incredibly selfish to not let them go to find their own path if you've already decided your paths aren't ment to remain on the same course.
Either equally open the marriage/relationship, or just cut ties so you are on even ground.

 

[AirBo]

Well if you decided to look for true love for yourself, then it is only crule you don't allow your wife the same opportunity. If you've already decided she isn't what/who you want, then it's not fair to her you hold her back from finding the same for herself too.

Fundamentally, I agree with you 100%. But... have you heard of "monkey branching"? As far as I know, many girls tend to do that. So I guess it goes both ways when someone can't stand being alone.

And I was too hesitant to divorce on a couple opportunities as I am probably scared living alone

Voilà...

 

[ekzarh]

Because the point of them being your gf or wife is because once you deemed them your true love. If you decide at some point they aren't, then why keep stringing them along till they are replaced. Let them be free so they can find their true love too, because obviously if they aren't your true love, your only preventing them from finding theirs then.
If it takes you 5 years to find yours, and you don't let them go, well that's 5 years they could have found someone who actually cares about them and wants them as their true love.
It is just incredibly selfish to not let them go to find their own path if you've already decided your paths aren't ment to remain on the same course.
Either equally open the marriage/relationship, or just cut ties so you are on even ground.

For one I am not looking for 5 years. We did try to reignite a fire a few years ago and it didn’t work.

I agree about being selfish, but unfortunately the current divorce laws in Canada are totally on the women’s side. If it wasn’t like that there is a much higher chance I would have been divorced now, even with the “fear” of living alone …

P.S.
I know the women here will not agree, but I know the rules in some other countries and it’s not like that.

It’s like rental rules: if you make it too difficult for the landlords to evict they will be super careful with whom they take as tenants and many good potential tenants that they could have given them the chance - they will have hard time finding good appartment /house because of maybe a financial mistake they did in the past that is reflected in their credit history.

 

[Wessex]

So I met a girl, who is smart, beautiful and amazing. We have a big enough gap of age, but I feel an amazing energy & connection.

We spent the last 3 days together (that I took as vacations from my family, as I am married). After a 3rd straight day of sex, I was so tired that I even lost my hardness in the middle of a long evening act (she came by the way).

Now I am wondering if I saw her “too much”, as I’ve never had multiple acts morning and night, multiple days in a row and now I also kind of started comparing her to the girls I saw (physically) while hobbying ..

Her BBBJ technique is not on the same level as the SPs I am used seeing (she is only in her 20s and obviously didn’t have as many partners) and I also kind of get a feel that physically I want a new girl even though emotionally I want her.

Did it happen to you guys, did you feel a bit too old and too “seasoned” in similar situations?

I think asking for a “break” in bedroom activities might be offensive and how do you deal with the urge to go and see somebody new?

What I am trying to say: did “hobbying” ruin my potential chance for true love? What kind of advices can you give?

P.S.
Feeling the need to vent out here

Sex in the hobby is telling the SP to do this and that. In a ''normal'', relationship that doesn't always work out depending on the chick. In other words being with an SP they are there to satisfy what we want. In other context there is the give and take dynamic.

 

[Rebaynia]

Fundamentally, I agree with you 100%. But... have you heard of "monkey branching"? As far as I know, many girls tend to do that. So I guess it goes both ways when someone can't stand being alone.



Voilà...

I don't agree with it going the other way either. I don't approve of women staying in a relationship while looking for the next person either.
I believe if either is not happy to stick together and work things out, then things should end and both part ways. I have spent most of my adult life, either in a relationship, or as a single parent because once the relationship was decided not to be right, I would end it prefering to be alone, than with someone who I wasn't happy to be with.
I do think holding onto a lost cause is a waist of time.
Actually it was one of the mistakes my last ex made, after a 5 year relationship. Telling me in a disagreement his next gf would be like 'xyz'. We were done 2 weeks later. I told him he could go find that next girlfriend. If he didn't think we were right for eachother, then stop waisting my time then.
I actually had it in my mind I was done with relationships all together. I found them more of a drag on my life than something that contributed to it.
Little did I know in less than a week, while I was swearing off all relationships, with plans to become selebate, someone I met and desired to be with 5 years earlier, would reach out, pick me up, build me up, from what I had been threw, and though we were only friends before that, and only reached out as a friend to see how I was doing, did I end up with my correct match.

But no I don't make a double standard that it is alright for her to reach out while in a relationship either, to find the next one. I know life is more difficult alone. But if either has decided it's not going to work out, I don't believe in holding onto a sinking ship. You will only drown if you do. And only creates toxic life expieriences for the other person.

 

[hob12]

For one I am not looking for 5 years. We did try to reignite a fire a few years ago and it didn’t work.

I agree about being selfish, but unfortunately the current divorce laws in Canada are totally on the women’s side. If it wasn’t like that there is a much higher chance I would have been divorced now, even with the “fear” of living alone …

P.S.
I know the women here will not agree, but I know the rules in some other countries and it’s not like that.

It’s like rental rules: if you make it too difficult for the landlords to evict they will be super careful with whom they take as tenants and many good potential tenants that they could have given them the chance - they will have hard time finding good appartment /house because of maybe a financial mistake they did in the past that is reflected in their credit history.

The laws are not on the "women's side".

They're there to protect the economically weaker spouse. Soon, since men are too dumb to attend college anymore, there will be a switch in who touches alimony more often than not (presuming that custody of the children is split 50-50).

 

[Paykah]

How are you handling it?

. . . By not coming to this forum for answers ! ! LOL
Sorry, but also for real. Who do you think is here? [Majority are cheating on someone yet they condescend to others when given the opportunity to gratify themselves].

I like what @Rebaynia says; Just because a marriage might be sexless, doesn't make it loveless. Love takes many forms over time.

It is so easy to tell someone to smarten up and end it. We know the right answers yet we can't act always in the right way. Whether you've found true love or infatuation, what you are getting is a drug. This oxytocin is the lovers' heroin. When you lose it (by choice or not) it is an achingly empty hole.

Selfishness is seen as such an ugly trait, and Love as so pure. If you are getting something, something that feels like you've never had before, then how are you supposed to let go of that?

As for your question: I'm still walking around that hole, neither in nor out. Can I get back to you inna couple of weeks lol?

 

[GreyPilgrim]

Maybe it’s just me, but… reading this whole thread in one sitting, you seem awfully quick to dismiss most of the advice you’ve been offered here. Are you really looking for advice or just want validation?

Almost everyone here seems to be saying the same thing: you’re playing with fire!

Several weekends away this summer, wife getting suspicious, talking baby names with the girlfriend… There’s just SO MANY things that can go wrong here! Ever heard of Murphy’s Law?

The wife… The girlfriend... Whatever you choice is, choose soon, before the shit hits the fan and that choice is no longer yours to make. That’s my advice.

 

[Allnitelong]

Maybe it’s just me, but… reading this whole thread in one sitting, you seem awfully quick to dismiss most of the advice you’ve been offered here. Are you really looking for advice or just want validation?

Almost everyone here seems to be saying the same thing: you’re playing with fire!

Several weekends away this summer, wife getting suspicious, talking baby names with the girlfriend… There’s just SO MANY things that can go wrong here! Ever heard of Murphy’s Law?

The wife… The girlfriend... Whatever you choice is, choose soon, before the shit hits the fan and that choice is no longer yours to make. That’s my advice.

I think more like trying to get attention