Opinions Sought: Dating & the Industry

[Dplus seeker]

I'm sure this conversation has come up a million times before, but something happened tonight that made me want to open up this discussion again.

I was browsing a dating site, and came across the profile of a woman I instantly recognized from ads for her services - ironically enough it specified "not looking for intimate encounters", which of course she has on a daily basis and doesn't need to seek anyhow!

I've never contacted her about her professional services, but after seeing her profile, I see we had much in common and I was tempted to send her a mesg via the site, but a little voice in my head just wouldn't let me do it.
I don't know why, I usually have a very "live & let live"/"laissez-faire" attitude", but I was actually a little disgusted with myself for being judgemental at that moment.


My question is two-fold and directed to each gender;

Would you be comfortable entering into a relationship with someone who is working in the industry?

For those who are working in the industry, I can only imagine the time & effort needed to build the necessary trust with your SOs to keep working. Do you sometimes resent your partner for making you go that extra mile to prove yourself? What kind of strain has your vocation put on your relationships?

Look forward to some good feedback and maybe to understand a little by mentally walking a mile in some of your shoes.

Thanks,
DPS

 

[Halloween Mike]

Would i let my girlfriend be fucked by other men for money? HELL NO. I don't know how some guy can accept it, the same way if i had a GF i wouldn't get any escort... I think when a girl is your GF she is for you only, its a matter of love, so if i can accept an SP saw 2-3 guys or more before me, i could not let my GF be fucked by random guys, some being dirty old perv or such... When i pay the girl for sex, there is no ties between me and her, i pay her for skin pleasure, and thats it, its not about love or such, so i can accept the fact i am not the first guy she had sex in the day. But knowing the girl i loved have been fuck by other guys, i would feel like she had been raped in a way, even if she was ok with it.

I don't know if im speaking my mind clearly but this is a big no for me, i couldn't even accept my GF being a stripper...being touch by all kind of guys...

The only possibility i could accept maybe, would be that me and the girl would both be porn actors, and so i would see who fuck her, and what happen, and i would know all. The same way i could fuck porn actress and she would see all. For exemple i could let my GF be fuck by Keiran Lee, he look like a nice guy, and in return i could do Sarah Vandella or another hot chick. But i would not let her do the Facial Abuse guys for exemple...considering what they do to the porn actress...

 

[Miss Maria]

Hello,

I think it is an interesting topic and I would like to share my opinion.

Right now in my life, I have decided to do erotic companionship as my job. I love this job very much as it offers me everything that I could ever imagine of a job. I can work when I want, with who I want, dress sexy, be in nice hotels, make good money so I never have to worry about money problems, handle my own career, go to school, get treated like a princess, have wonderful encounters with people, share intimate moments. I am pretty sure I will be doing this at least until I finish my University.. and I intend on getting a Masters degree so I might be in this for a little while.

I am very aware that my life and the way I choose to live it might not attract men to want to date me or start a relationship with me, but it is my choice. My school, and work are my priorities right now and I would find it very unfair for someone to ask me to leave my job for him. Just like it would be unfair for a man to ask his Police Officer girlfriend to leave that job because it is dangerous. Nevertheless, I understand that because of the taboos related with sexuality and monogamy in our society, it would take a very special man to accept my work position.

There is a certain fright that would probably come with a man who is automatically okay with my work.. I would be scared he might just want a free ride. That is where you sometimes need to take chances. The important thing is to be honest to yourself and to each other. If someone feels they can accept what I do for a living but then a couple months later doesn't like it so much, we would need to talk about it.

In conclusion, I will always put myself first before anyone since it is my life that I am living, but it would be great to meet someone who is equally independant and confident in himself to be able to share a moment in time together. The thing is, I am very happy being single, but I am sure that if the right guy comes along, something really special could come out of it.

One more thing, If I had a boyfriend, I would not consider my job as cheating. my work is work and yes it happens to involve very intimate moments but it is still work. Alot of people enjoy their jobs and it isn't seen as something bad. I am someone who is extremely faithful and I would expect the same from my partner. That is where it could feel a little 'unfair' to him, but hey, he can make a job of it too if he likes..

I hope my message isn't too confusing. All comments or questions are welcomed!

Maria
XXXX

 

[Halloween Mike]

So if your girlfriend was being f**ked by some dirty old pervs that would upset you but if she was being f**ked by some DIRTY YOUNG pervs that wouldn't be nearly as upsetting to you

LOL you knew what i meaned

Maria : I do agree with you on some points, if the guy is ok with this, so be it, and i understand you may not want to leave your job for a guy. But what is mandatory is to tell him BEFORE being his GF that you do this kind of job and see if he accept it or not, and if he don't so be it....

I could have a fuck friend who would be an SP, but not a person i would be in love with...I think its much more than being jaelous...

 

[Miss Maria]

I could have a fuck friend who would be an SP, but not a person i would be in love with...I think its much more than being jaelous...

So.. as human beings, girls who are SPs are okay to fuck but we are not okay to love? I don't think it is that simple.. I don't think you choose when and with who you fall in love. I still want to believe that you fall in love with the person, not with the sex or with what the person does for a living.

But what is mandatory is to tell him BEFORE being his GF that you do this kind of job and see if he accept it or not, and if he don't so be it....

Do you have to tell him right away? Then the guy only sees you in one way. Shouldn't you date and check if you two are compatible before even adventuring in letting him know what you do for a living.. plus it is a pretty touchy subject that I personally do not even talk about with certain friends, let alone a stranger.

Let me ask you, do you let potential girlfriends know that you have used escort services before you start dating them? Is this question even an equivalent to an Sp telling a potential BF?

Curiously,

Maria
XXXX

 

[johnmbot]

Let me ask you, do you let potential girlfriends know that you have used escort services before you start dating them? Is this question even an equivalent to an Sp telling a potential BF?

ooo, snap! bend over mikey!

'hi, i'm halloween-i-see-escorts-mikey. would you like to be my gf?'

 

[Dplus seeker]

Do you have to tell him right away? Then the guy only sees you in one way. Shouldn't you date and check if you two are compatible before even adventuring in letting him know what you do for a living.. plus it is a pretty touchy subject that I personally do not even talk about with certain friends, let alone a stranger.

It's not exactly something you'd want to bring up on a first date over drinks, although I do feel it is paramount to bring it up before you get intimate with someone.

If they really are interested in progressing things further than I'm sure they'd appreciate being in the know prior to intimacy rather than say while smoking a cigarette together ones the covers are all rumpled. I personally insist on myself & my love interest being tested before we progress to the next level. A bit of old-fashioned patience coupled with new age prudence go a long way to ensure that someone is really serious about being with you.

 

[wasisname]

I could handle it, but it isn't as if the Chicas are beating down my door. I would have to insist on the ability to see others for sex, which in my case would involve paying for it. Only fair.

Smoking on the other hand, forget about it. I'd rather date a Scientologist Nazi.

 

[Miss Maria]

I could handle it, but it isn't as if the Chicas are beating down my door. I would have to insist on the ability to see others for sex, which in my case would involve paying for it. Only fair.

Smoking on the other hand, forget about it. I'd rather date a Scientologist Nazi.

This is toooo funny! Thanks for the laugh!

 

[Halloween Mike]

So.. as human beings, girls who are SPs are okay to fuck but we are not okay to love? I don't think it is that simple.. I don't think you choose when and with who you fall in love. I still want to believe that you fall in love with the person, not with the sex or with what the person does for a living.




Do you have to tell him right away? Then the guy only sees you in one way. Shouldn't you date and check if you two are compatible before even adventuring in letting him know what you do for a living.. plus it is a pretty touchy subject that I personally do not even talk about with certain friends, let alone a stranger.

Let me ask you, do you let potential girlfriends know that you have used escort services before you start dating them? Is this question even an equivalent to an Sp telling a potential BF?

Curiously,

Maria
XXXX

As a potential boyfriend to a girl, i would like to know if she do that kind of job before getting too close to her. Imagine she dosen't tell me anything, i find out or she tell me after 3 weeks of being together. How would i feel about it? I would love her, but the fact that she do this, i could not accept it, so i would be split between broking up because of her job, but at the same time have a broken heart. Because lets say i love her too much, and im not able to break with her, then every night she would come at home at 3 am or such, i would know what she did and it would be like a stab to the heart every night.

So yeah i rather have the girl tell me straight away what she does and that she dosen't plan on quiting, so i will simply answer her its something i cannot accept and will end it there. Its similar to me saying to a potential girlfriend im a huge gamer and that every friday night is the night i game with friends on xbox live, i must be there for clan matchs(especially being the strongest player and the team captain) and i can't cancel just because she is annoy to see me game...

So to answer the first question, yes its ok to love, but make sure your partner know what you do, some will accept it, some will not.

As for the second question, i am not saying if you used to be an escort, you need to tell the person right away, if its part of your past, then so be it. Elisha Cuthbert would ask me to be her boyfriend tomorow, would i refuse because that germ of nature Sean Avery put his dick in her before me? LOL NO, it would be part of her past and so be it. If i was starting a relationship with a girl, no way i would even think about seing escort. I see escort now because not having any sex or simply the physical touch of a women body is hard and you miss it after a while. So yeah im not exactly the ladies man on a look point, wich dosen't help, but also i am not the type to go out and all. For exemple my last girlfriend , i met her on an online game, we became close, decided to see each other first as friends, then we realise we where in love and start being together. Did i planned it? Not at all, it was the doing of nature i guess. But i won't go in club listening to music i hate, faking to have fun to find a girlfriend, so if i find somebody eventually, so be it, it will be because god wanted it. During this time, i will use escort services to fill a need in my life. But to get back to what you pointed out, all my friends, even my familly (uncles, cousins etc) know that i do that, only my grand parents(obviously because they are religious and come from the old time) and my mother(because she is a "gratte-cent" and would freak out i spend my money this way) dosen't know about it. Would i bring the subject straight away to a potential girlfriend? No because its not needed. Its like if you meet a girl, she know you slept with others before her exept if your a virgin, its your past and its just normal.

What im trying to point out at you is that your job is still having sex with people, so if the guy dosen't know, for a lot of normal guy, your cheating on him. And it can be even worse, because this business is not see by everyone like we do, for some hight class escorts or not, they are just prostitute who slept for money. My roomate laught at me when i tell him im gonna see an escort, when i get back he will be like "pis elle etait tu hot ta ptite pute" or comments like that. For him a prositute is a prostitute, and he think im badly spending my cash on that. But on his side, he spend 50$ per week on weeds, and he tell me himself he just need it, its not like he enjoy being stone anymore, its almost as normal for him as eating. So if he spend 200$ a month on that, and i spend 300$ every 2 months on escort, then its similar and reply to him this way.

So bottom line a guy need to know before doing anything. Would it be a moral question, or simply to be safe(after all BBJ have some risk) or else...

I once asked my favorite stripper of the time if her boyfriend knew about it(she talked about him to me because he was also a gamer) and she said yes, i asked her how he felt about it, she answer he accept it, and if he would have not, she would have broke up, too bad for him. So to me she was honest with him, and it seem like he accepted that, fine for him, personally i couldn't do it.

 

[Dragonatic]

I once asked my favorite stripper of the time if her boyfriend knew about it(she talked about him to me because he was also a gamer) and she said yes, i asked her how he felt about it, she answer he accept it, and if he would have not, she would have broke up, too bad for him. So to me she was honest with him, and it seem like he accepted that, fine for him, personally i couldn't do it.

If she would have to broke up juste because he can't accept the fact that she is a stripper its only because she never really loved him! One of my best stripper that I was a regular just stopped dancing few years ago after her boyfriend told her that he don't accept it and since he really love her its like a stab in his heart each time she go work so she stopped to dance cause she REALLY love him. She said to me "This is the man of my life, I don't want to make him feel this way just for my job so I'm gonna find another job and we will be happy each other. I love him so much". She is still with him today and they have a cute little girl...

 

[Miss Maria]

Hi Mike!

I enjoy your imput very much but I must say that on my side, it is a little bit different. I am also a big believer in honesty and I believe it is the building block for a solid, healthy relationship. Because of that, I usually stay away from dating. Maybe partly because I would be scared the guy would use me, or because he would try to change me which I do not want right now.

It is a little more complicated to tell people what you do when you are a SP. I have dated a couple guys in the last couple of years but nothing ever became serious so it was never something I mentioned. In my head when you are just dating, you are not necessarily exclusive, once things start becoming a little more serious and your realise you really like this person, then I think it is time to let them know about your little secrets and I haven't had to live that yet. One other thing that can be scary is that most times you meet people through school, activities or friends therefore I would be scared that if the guy has a bad reaction to my work that he would go tell everyone in my professional or educational life or tell my friends who don't know yet. That is why I usually like to have conversations about prostitution in general and see what are the peoples thoughts about it before ever mentioning what I do.

It is something that will be very challenging for me at some point because I do want this potential lover of mine to know me for me, you know, really get to know me as a person before knowing what I do. At the same time, I cannot let myself become too attached to a man because when I find the right time to tell him, he would probably not accept it and leave me. If I get a feeling this job would bother him, I would probably stop seeing him without telling him. I cannot be with someone who could not accept it.

Oh life!



Maria
XXXX

 

[Halloween Mike]

Drago : Yeah that specific stripper was actually not a girl to go in a serious relationship. I saw her for 2 years, she change boyfriend 3 or 4 times, can't remember. It was like "mon chum" and then "mon ex" 3 months after that, but she was always honest about what she was doing, so for that i think its cool on her part.

Maria : I understand your fear of people close to you knowing what you do, but i think its a risk of the business, especially since you display your picture on your website, any guy from your school could recognize you and if he want to be a jerk, tell everybody. I am not in your position so i don't know how touchy it can't be to tell or don't tell your friends/familly. Personally my friends and familly understand why i see escorts, my cousin once tell me if he would be in my situation he could maybe do it, but he is way more good looking then me, and his work make him see a lot of girls, add to that that he is not shy at all with girls, he have way more luck then me. I like to joke to him that in the familly he got the body, and i got the brain

 

[AllOverHer]

You don't choose who you fall for. One has to make sur eit os not lust !

 

[hormone]

So.. as human beings, girls who are SPs are okay to fuck but we are not okay to love? I don't think it is that simple.. I don't think you choose when and with who you fall in love. I still want to believe that you fall in love with the person, not with the sex or with what the person does for a living.

I agree you fall in love with the person... of course, there is an initial attraction, a minimum physical magnetism. Sex often can confuse that though... THis is where it becomes difficult. But strangely enough, of the SPs I have met professionally, the ones I would consider dating are also among the ones I've had the best sex with. This is probably because I got along very well with them, we really clicked (or I think so...) and it probably made the sex even better!

Let me ask you, do you let potential girlfriends know that you have used escort services before you start dating them? Is this question even an equivalent to an Sp telling a potential BF?

You are right again here. What is the difference? The SP has met many more men through the job than the guy? Nope, the principle is the same!
It would mean that it is worse for a woman to sell her sexual favors than for a man to buy them?? What a chauvinistic idea!

It is a little more complicated to tell people what you do when you are a SP.

I don't necessarily agree with you on this one. Have you ever tried telling a girl you saw SPs "before" ? She wants to know when was the last one, if you got tested AND treated for every possible STD and still then may not want to touch you with a 10 foot pole! (OK, maybe not all girls are like this, but ... many!). Oddly, I think it would be easier for an SP to accept that her BF was seeing sex workers before-- and vice versa.

In my head when you are just dating, you are not necessarily exclusive, once things start becoming a little more serious and your realise you really like this person, then I think it is time to let them know about your little secrets

One more thing, If I had a boyfriend, I would not consider my job as cheating. my work is work and yes it happens to involve very intimate moments but it is still work. Alot of people enjoy their jobs and it isn't seen as something bad. I am someone who is extremely faithful and I would expect the same from my partner. That is where it could feel a little 'unfair' to him, but hey, he can make a job of it too if he likes..

When things become serious, you DO become exclusive --as long as this is your mindframe!!-- so I am not sure a BF who also believes in exclusivity would accept you continuing to work as an SP. And if there is no difference between SP and client in telling, why should there be a difference in the continued use/ providing of services? As long as your boyfriend just sees the SP to fuck without any feelings for the girls, is there a problem? You have a job, he has a hobby!!

Jealousy is a very strange animal...

 

[Miss Maria]

You are right again here. What is the difference? The SP has met many more men through the job than the guy? Nope, the principle is the same!
It would mean that it is worse for a woman to sell her sexual favors than for a man to buy them?? What a chauvinistic idea!

I am happy someone sees it the way I do..

I don't necessarily agree with you on this one. Have you ever tried telling a girl you saw SPs "before" ? She wants to know when was the last one, if you got tested AND treated for every possible STD and still then may not want to touch you with a 10 foot pole! (OK, maybe not all girls are like this, but ... many!). Oddly, I think it would be easier for an SP to accept that her BF was seeing sex workers before-- and vice versa.

I was too quick to speak only of myself, you are very right, I think it can be seen badly on both sides.

When things become serious, you DO become exclusive --as long as this is your mindframe!!-- so I am not sure a BF who also believes in exclusivity would accept you continuing to work as an SP. And if there is no difference between SP and client in telling, why should there be a difference in the continued use/ providing of services? As long as your boyfriend just sees the SP to fuck without any feelings for the girls, is there a problem? You have a job, he has a hobby!!

Jealousy is a very strange animal...

You see, maybe it is jealousy and me wanting both ends of the stick at the same time but I do see a difference between the job and the hobby. I do this job out of liking yes, but I would do any job out of liking. That is just the kind of person I am. I do not see it as cheating if I am doing it for my work. I do see it as cheating if he goes to see an escort. But if he would want to work and be a male escort as his job, I would be okay with it. I don't know how to explain it, but I find it is different and I could not be able to accept that my BF sees escorts just because I see clients. Funny thing it is.



Maria
XXXX