Providers: Reference vs ID

[Gazoo64]

I understand everybody’s point but what are you afraid of? What do you think will happen if someone sees your ID?

I think my colleagues will tell you that you can hide reference numbers, personal numbers and home addresses

I fully understand your point of view and that SPs require references or ID for safety.

@Fradi, I share your viewpoint. I’ll provide most info that the SP needs, but NOT my ID for a first time encounter. Before people call me paranoid, I am not.

I am sure that 99.99% of the time it will be ok. But what if I come across a lady that gets her phone or laptop hacked after I’ve just given my ID, and someone uses it for nefarious means. Or what if the lady (that I haven’t met yet) decides to blackmail me (again, very unlikely).

I have nothing to hide and the SPs I see regularly have told me that I am a good client.

To each their own, but discretion is important to me, so I will not reveal my ID for a first time encounter (maybe stubbornly so).

But AGAIN, I understand why ladies ask for it. But each person is free to provide ID or not.

 

[Fradi]

Check out some of the LL reviews with the threatening text messages and harassment after just one phone text.
Yeah I know I will see that you should be going with an established and reputable SP with good reviews blah blah blah.
I have done that and those are the only ladies I see and the ones I have been seeing for over 6 years and they have never asked me for a government ID.
That reputable SP can get pissed for whatever reason or turn to drugs so I don’t need someone that can link me to an activity that is illegal for me but not acted upon for her ( C-36).
Apart from that I have been burned with paying up front simply because I was kind and tried to help someone out who said she was in trouble ( and she was a well known Indy on this board with great reviews) so no, I only get sucked in once.

 

[CLOUD 500]

I do not agree with either option. My Merb handle should be more then enough especially considering how long I have been a member on this board and the amount of posts I have, I will only book escorts that advertise on this board.

References do not work for me as I got my regulars and I book every now and then an escort from this board for variety. I will not provide any government ID, I do not want her to know my real name or where I live. With Bill C-36 that is a liability (as per the law, the clients are the predators and the escorts are victims), I dunno what the escort will do with this information (Is she saving all of this on her computer and has a database of all the clients she saw?)... It can be used against me (not saying that she will just saying it can be. It is a risk). Also as the above post suggests, what if her laptop gets hacked now all my info is on the loose? I do not know her real name either and she most probably provided a text app number. Just not my cup of tea. With an agency, all this is irrelevant. A simple text message is all I need to book an escort and that is how I like it.

 

[Anong]

I do not agree with either option. My Merb handle should be more then enough especially considering how long I have been a member on this board and the amount of posts I have, I will only book escorts that advertise on this board.

References do not work for me as I got my regulars and I book every now and then an escort from this board for variety. I will not provide any government ID, I do not want her to know my real name or where I live. With Bill C-36 that is a liability (as per the law, the clients are the predators and the escorts are victims), I dunno what the escort will do with this information (Is she saving all of this on her computer and has a database of all the clients she saw?)... It can be used against me (not saying that she will just saying it can be. It is a risk). Also as the above post suggests, what if her laptop gets hacked now all my info is on the loose? I do not know her real name either and she most probably provided a text app number. Just not my cup of tea. With an agency, all this is irrelevant. A simple text message is all I need to book an escort and that is how I like it.

Whole heartily agreed with your writing. well said.

 

[Gabars]

If an indy really wanted to get you caught, wouldn't just your phone number and a record of your text messages be enough? She could just as well have LE hidden in the bathroom waiting to cuff you on arrival.

Anyway, this is getting out of hand. This thread wasn't about whether or not you want to give out your ID, it was supposed to be about whether or not SPs would mind taking it in lieu of a reference when a reference is available.

 

[Fradi]

If an indy really wanted to get you caught, wouldn't just your phone number and a record of your text messages be enough? She could just as well have LE hidden in the bathroom waiting to cuff you on arrival.

Your phone and record of text messages is not enough to get you caught if you are careful in what you text or say.
There is no law against hiring an escort for companionship or for a dinner date or a guided tour of Montreal or to play chess lol.
LE hiding in the bathroom is a stretch
I have no problem providing a reference as I have said before, both my ATF and the other lady I see often know me well and are not the jealous type and know I will not stop seeing them just because I see someone new occasionally they will even recommend some of their friends if I ask.

 

[LC18]

Coupable de meurtre d’une travailleuse du sexe

If she had known his full name, she would have known that he was out of pr*son for m*rder. The other way around doesn’t happen as often.
Women in this industry are more at risk than their clients.

 

[Halloween Mike]

When it comes to ID i seen peoples mention at times its not different than showing it to a clerk for buying alcohol or a doorman. I disagree. The clerk and doorman will only look fast at the date of birth and if the picture match, they will likely have forget about me at the end of their shift due to the excess of customers they get and they obviously do not keep a record of it.

Sending a picture of it (or a scan if you are old school lol) is a different thing, even if you actually blur out some infos.

I heard some peoples on the US boards receiving scam messages and threatening ones (sometimes including pictures of beheaded bodies etc) after texting a number on a classify ads. Of course this is not a reputed indy with a twitter, website etc, but that still show this business has a long way to go to assure safety for both parties.

As for the murder of Marilyn, its thanksfully a VERY rare case (still 1 too much of course) but there was multiple red flags all around. The guy was litteraly blacklist from the salon she was working at. He offerred her crazy money to meet him outcall and was litteraly obsessed with her. It was a "passion murder". It was not a random joe who selected someone randomly to murder on a first meet.

In the 70s and 80s there was a lot of prostitute murders in the US especially due to the way the work was done (often being picked up on a street by a random guy taking them home very secretely) but in our current era with all the technology, i think an escort would be one of the worst target for a psycho. Everybody is connected, cameras are everywhere. With just a bit of carefullness its easy to make it safe without having to resort to full "screening".

 

[CLOUD 500]

When it comes to ID i seen peoples mention at times its not different than showing it to a clerk for buying alcohol or a doorman. I disagree. The clerk and doorman will only look fast at the date of birth and if the picture match, they will likely have forget about me at the end of their shift due to the excess of customers they get and they obviously do not keep a record of it.

Sending a picture of it (or a scan if you are old school lol) is a different thing, even if you actually blur out some infos.

I heard some peoples on the US boards receiving scam messages and threatening ones (sometimes including pictures of beheaded bodies etc) after texting a number on a classify ads. Of course this is not a reputed indy with a twitter, website etc, but that still show this business has a long way to go to assure safety for both parties.

As for the murder of Marilyn, its thanksfully a VERY rare case (still 1 too much of course) but there was multiple red flags all around. The guy was litteraly blacklist from the salon she was working at. He offerred her crazy money to meet him outcall and was litteraly obsessed with her. It was a "passion murder". It was not a random joe who selected someone randomly to murder on a first meet.

In the 70s and 80s there was a lot of prostitute murders in the US especially due to the way the work was done (often being picked up on a street by a random guy taking them home very secretely) but in our current era with all the technology, i think an escort would be one of the worst target for a psycho. Everybody is connected, cameras are everywhere. With just a bit of carefullness its easy to make it safe without having to resort to full "screening".

The thing is for the USA it is very different because the anti-prostitution law applies to both escort and client so screening a client is necessary to weed out undercover cops. An undercover cops will not provide his ID or ask for screening info.. In Canada the issue is Bill C-36, a feminist sexist law that makes the client as the criminal and escort as all victims. It gives all the power to the escort, it is a risk to provide ID as the escort has nothing to loose all the risk is on the client. You just never know how that information can be used. I would be more at ease providing screening info in the US then in Canada because of Bill C-36. I believe the politicians were sneaky in doing it this way, it was done like this by design. The game changed since Bill C-36.

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

When it comes to ID i seen peoples mention at times its not different than showing it to a clerk for buying alcohol or a doorman. I disagree. The clerk and doorman will only look fast at the date of birth and if the picture match, they will likely have forget about me at the end of their shift due to the excess of customers they get and they obviously do not keep a record of it.

Sending a picture of it (or a scan if you are old school lol) is a different thing, even if you actually blur out some infos.

I heard some peoples on the US boards receiving scam messages and threatening ones (sometimes including pictures of beheaded bodies etc) after texting a number on a classify ads. Of course this is not a reputed indy with a twitter, website etc, but that still show this business has a long way to go to assure safety for both parties.

As for the murder of Marilyn, its thanksfully a VERY rare case (still 1 too much of course) but there was multiple red flags all around. The guy was litteraly blacklist from the salon she was working at. He offerred her crazy money to meet him outcall and was litteraly obsessed with her. It was a "passion murder". It was not a random joe who selected someone randomly to murder on a first meet.

In the 70s and 80s there was a lot of prostitute murders in the US especially due to the way the work was done (often being picked up on a street by a random guy taking them home very secretely) but in our current era with all the technology, i think an escort would be one of the worst target for a psycho. Everybody is connected, cameras are everywhere. With just a bit of carefullness its easy to make it safe without having to resort to full "screening".

Maybe there is a thread where we should discuss further about this but here is my opinion:
Who knows if they are other people doing the same thing but no one actually reported it because the girls were maybe without a family or friends checking on them etc. That man was a well known regular client and he even asked the girl to come meet him at a restaurant before going to the room just to reassure her ( most clients ask to meet in a public place instead of screening). You say that he was banned from the salon. But did the salon told everyone why they blacklisted him? I worked in a salon where they will blacklist a client for only you but will let him see other girls. In this case the girl was aware of the blacklist ; she was even trying to not see him again. But she didn’t find him so dangerous to be scared for her life. Sometimes we tend to accept a few things without realizing that they are not okay and we cooperate with some people just because we think they are not bad people. Red flags can be orange for some people. I personally needed at multiple times tell myself to not meet a regular again because he was a little too pushy in bed and trying to cross boundaries but no physically aggressive on the point I needed to be scared of my life. I didn’t wanted to loose one of the first clients I had when I started in the industry and I tolerated his behaviour until one day I was so angry that I couldn’t finish the meeting. I then stopped seeing him. He still text me to book and proposing me to tip and everything even though I told him I wasn’t interested to meet him but I try really hard not to fell for it because it is ALWAYS like that with him. I ended up blocking him. So I’m lucky I wasn’t in front of a mentally unstable man that was mad enough to stab me or beat me up or I was smart enough to refuse all his new inquiries. In your opinion we escorts should not meet a regular as soon as we sense a weird vibe even if he is not directly threatening our lives? Unfortunately we are human beings and we tends to give second chances to people. She was maybe thinking it’s just a one time thing to get some money to pay my bills and after I will be more strict. Unfortunately it was her last moment. Even a good client can turn bad and we can’t prevent it. You say it yourself “it was a passionate crime” “it’s not a random Joe” so you know it’s important to be safe when we have to meet someone. If you don’t want to provide ID with blurred information okay but I need at least your real name and maybe some information to identify you. Don’t use the excuse “sp use fake numbers and fake names so I can do the same”. It can’t be the same and you know that. Wanting to be completely anonymous is just as dangerous for me and you ( more for me because I know nothing about the person coming to me). The risk are not zero but I think the minimum you can do is to make us a certain way to feel safe meeting you. Unfortunately I realized that only merb handles to screen people is not totally good for the safety part ( it’s still just a fake virtual persona and some of the members are not so good clients even though they been members for a few years now. Not every one can become well known members ).
Disclaimer: I use “you” to refer to clients in general.

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

Providers that ask for a reference or an ID, does it matter which?

I haven't seen anyone except my favorite SP in the past year or more. I'm sure she'd give me a recommendation I couldn't even live up to, but I'd rather not. I feel like asking her for a reference to see someone else might break the magic.

Indies, do you care? Would you find out if you're both indycompanion girls?

For this I will suggest as LC18 said to ask your sp via text or email if she is okay to be the reference if somebody reach out. If she is okay with that you can thank her with a small gift for the reference ( it’s not require but just for sympathy ). Most of us know that our clients are someone else client even if he says we are the only one he sees. At the end of the day as long as you are respectful and you don’t use the same SP for different references over and over it should be okay. I will suggest max 2 or also try to see her once in a while if you don’t want her to tell you one day she is no longer interested to be your reference or to see you again. Even though we know it’s business we are humans and we exchange energy so for sure it will feel weird if you ask for references and then stop seeing her. But you know we are not attached so you can like a bee. Just be mindful and respectful.
Or ask the other SP if she have other way to screen her client. She may propose to you something else ( I personally don’t ask for reference unless the person is not ready to send any information or a deposit and my gut feeling is okay ).

 

[Rosie Sparkles]

Clients are afraid for their reputation.
Providers are afraid for their lives.

 

[hob12]

I understand the SPs need for safety, but there is no way I'm giving my real name, especially not right away. Too much at stakes here. Some of us have sensitive jobs and professions.

I also feel like knowing someone's name would mostly give you a false feeling of security.

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

Maybe there is a thread where we should discuss further about this but here is my opinion:
Who knows if they are other people doing the same thing but no one actually reported it because the girls were maybe without a family or friends checking on them etc. That man was a well known regular client and he even asked the girl to come meet him at a restaurant before going to the room just to reassure her ( most clients ask to meet in a public place instead of screening). You say that he was banned from the salon. But did the salon told everyone why they blacklisted him? I worked in a salon where they will blacklist a client for only you but will let him see other girls. In this case the girl was aware of the blacklist ; she was even trying to not see him again. But she didn’t find him so dangerous to be scared for her life. Sometimes we tend to accept a few things without realizing that they are not okay and we cooperate with some people just because we think they are not bad people. Red flags can be orange for some people. I personally needed at multiple times tell myself to not meet a regular again because he was a little too pushy in bed and trying to cross boundaries but no physically aggressive on the point I needed to be scared of my life. I didn’t wanted to loose one of the first clients I had when I started in the industry and I tolerated his behaviour until one day I was so angry that I couldn’t finish the meeting. I then stopped seeing him. He still text me to book and proposing me to tip and everything even though I told him I wasn’t interested to meet him but I try really hard not to fell for it because it is ALWAYS like that with him. I ended up blocking him. So I’m lucky I wasn’t in front of a mentally unstable man that was mad enough to stab me or beat me up or I was smart enough to refuse all his new inquiries. In your opinion we escorts should not meet a regular as soon as we sense a weird vibe even if he is not directly threatening our lives? Unfortunately we are human beings and we tends to give second chances to people. She was maybe thinking it’s just a one time thing to get some money to pay my bills and after I will be more strict. Unfortunately it was her last moment. Even a good client can turn bad and we can’t prevent it. You say it yourself “it was a passionate crime” “it’s not a random Joe” so you know it’s important to be safe when we have to meet someone. If you don’t want to provide ID with blurred information okay but I need at least your real name and maybe some information to identify you. Don’t use the excuse “sp use fake numbers and fake names so I can do the same”. It can’t be the same and you know that. Wanting to be completely anonymous is just as dangerous for me and you ( more for me because I know nothing about the person coming to me). The risk are not zero but I think the minimum you can do is to make us a certain way to feel safe meeting you. Unfortunately I realized that only merb handles to screen people is not totally good for the safety part ( it’s still just a fake virtual persona and some of the members are not so good clients even though they been members for a few years now. Not every one can become well known members ).
Disclaimer: I use “you” to refer to clients in general.

Sorry for the typos in my comment but I think people will get my point who is : don’t accuse the poor girl that wasn’t thinking it will be her last day because she ignore the reg flags; because of her need for money. It’s like saying she knew she was going to be in trouble because she was wearing a short skirt. It’s all the fault of the client. We all take some risks but we are still alive and healthy. No one needs to be stab 30 times. The most important is that you both feel safe meeting and seek for mental help on a daily basis just for your own well being. For the rest put it in the hand of whatever you trust to keep you safe.

I understand the SPs need for safety, but there is no way I'm giving my real name, especially not right away. Too much at stakes here. Some of us have sensitive jobs and professions.

I also feel like knowing someone's name would mostly give you a false feeling of security.

I don’t think we will ever find a just in the middle solution where everybody actually say yes to a safe method for both clients and SP.
The important jobs and profession is always the best argument when a client don’t want to actually make the SP feel safe meeting. It automatically sends the message to the brain (my brain) that SP safety ( human beings like you) isn’t that important compared to a job. I understand privacy is important but anonymity is not okay. Clients have full picture of us with fake information or not doesn’t matter; they know more about our persona then we know about them. And all we got is a text from a random guy who wants to book us without any further information. Had a lot of people inquiring saying « I have a big job i require privacy » but don’t want to give anything: no reference; no deposit; no screening. And what hurts the most is that those same people tells you they follow you on social media and see your reviews or are even a board member but doesn’t want to give you even the member handle so you can double check. It’s not like a salon where there is a lot of girls and cameras when you are in the reception. Even with all that clients tend to be awful/worse in salons/agencies because they know we have no way to actually identify them and even if we have cameras the owner won’t want to do a big deal for something he judges not a big deal. And most of the time they don’t care if the girl in the room was abused or not; they got their room money and that’s it.
So let’s say you give only references that means the ever first SP (Indy) you met kind of close her eyes and cross her fingers hoping that you are a good client. That’s a big risk she is taking for her life. If it turns out good the client will always think it’s normal to not give no information to the girl he is meeting and the girl will be falsely feeling safe meeting random people with no information until she meets à not good one. If it turns out bad and she get killed or beaten up or assaulted we will have the same person wanting to be anonymous saying that she shouldn’t have met the client without any information or without a way of protecting herself. It’s everytime someone else issue until it happens to you also.
I’m not the perfect Indy who perfectly screens ALL her clients and automatically block the clients that try to cross the smallest boundaries. I’m an Indy who is trying her best to feel safe when I’m meeting a new client ; when I’m meeting a regular. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking a lot more risks and sometimes I feel so safe that I can fall asleep by the side of the client and know that I’m going to wake up the next morning.
Knowing a client real name give a good feeling of safety not a false one because someone that has bad intentions his first reflex will be to not give you any information on himself. At least a bad person won’t attempt anything dumb on the first meeting because he knows he can easily be identity. He will come to you; get to know you; put you at your ease until you don’t even think of him being a potential danger. Then he shows you how bad he really is. People doesn’t end in bad relationship while seeing the bad side of the person: they see the good side of the person and fell for it but now they are stuck there trying to go back to the good side. Now you are Always on mode defence with every body even with friendly clients because you never know when the switch is going to happen.

 

[Halloween Mike]

I don’t think we will ever find a just in the middle solution where everybody actually say yes to a safe method for both clients and SP.
The important jobs and profession is always the best argument when a client don’t want to actually make the SP feel safe meeting. It automatically sends the message to the brain (my brain) that SP safety ( human beings like you) isn’t that important compared to a job. I understand privacy is important but anonymity is not okay. Clients have full picture of us with fake information or not doesn’t matter; they know more about our persona then we know about them. And all we got is a text from a random guy who wants to book us without any further information. Had a lot of people inquiring saying « I have a big job i require privacy » but don’t want to give anything: no reference; no deposit; no screening. And what hurts the most is that those same people tells you they follow you on social media and see your reviews or are even a board member but doesn’t want to give you even the member handle so you can double check.

I may repeat myself but i am a bit lazy to go reread all the previous pages (its a conversation that has been expending to multiple months). I know its just MY opinion and opinions are personal but i just can't see how any type of "conventional screening" can really make any providers that safer. Maybe for "thiefs" and/or clients refusing to pay for services to a degree, but beside that? Technology has advanced so much that there is cameras everywhere, including in streets, appartement buildings, halls and so on. The truth is there is a a ton of ways for providers to have our "picture" in SOME way and feel protected. Our faces are more than enough for the police to identify the person if he does something very bad. But if all goes well, its just a face on a porch or in a corridor, Its not incriminating per say and i don't feel anyone would really bother wasting their time to watch security footage to do screencaps and share them. When an SP has the litteral governement issued IDs of someone, it looks suspicious. Some says its ok to blur the "infos" but you still get a name attached to a face.

The real safety IMO does not come from gathering a lot of sensitive infos about someone but rather everything related to how you actually meet. For instance choosing incall only until you feel safe with someone (or even always incall), equiping your incall with the proper equipement or staff or host in a classy hotel (or visit there can be an option).

In the very rare cases of SPs being murdered or severly injured, when you analyze the situation just a little bit you see that there was a lot of issues regarding security of the environement where it happened. I think this is the key step to take before anything else. And if some psychopath just wake up and decide "today im murdering a sex worker" well i don't think he is gonna pick the high end indies at big prices and inquire by email or whatever. Likely these peoples have lost control with reality and/or are desperate and they know they will end up in jail (or dead). You can't really be safe anywhere no matter what. Look at these random attacks with "ram vehicules". Totally random, just some nutjob who wanted to murder peoples, knew he was gotta be caught, didn't care.

What im trying to say is you could do all the screening in the world and still get that guy that decided "today is the day" and know he is gotta be caught and just don't care. Unless you have an acces to police database and said person has registered offense, you won't even know he could be dangerous.

You mention we have your pictures etc. Lots of SPs advertise with blurred faces and we don't have real names either.

To quote Rosie,

Clients are afraid for their reputation.
Providers are afraid for their lives.

First clients also risk their litteral physical lives. How many stories of clients getting threaten with weapons or by multiple big guys. Secondly, its not my case, but for someone their career is their litteral life. As long as prostitution will be illegal and seen as "bad" in society, if someone get exposed, he will loose it all and for him that could mean his life is ruined. I said it in the past, i don't condone seeing escorts when you married or have a girlfriend. I know guys have all their reasons that they feel are valid to them and again, opinions...personal, so im not really refering to this specific side, but their lives could be impacted so hard... And sure in general for an SP to "expose" a client, he need to do something bad, but look at what happened not that long ago with a specific SPs that doxxed a client just because he didn't understand what she wanted and she lost patience. Sure she got called on all side (both clients and SPs) and likely had to rebrand to get clients again, but just to say these can happen.

Im not as old as some other members, i only meet since 2009, but internet (and this board) been around since the start of the 2000s (i seen some members with 2003 registering dates) and really this extensive screening at least to my knowledge only been a thing since a few years. At least in Canada. I imagine it was borrowed from the neighbor in the south. I remember a few "things" like reference or board handles or only 4 stars hotel meeting, but ID screening was NOT a thing and deposit either. I get its likely as technology became more present (easier to take a cellphone pic, and everybody has them pretty much now, than needing a scanner at home to scan an ID to send by email)

But when it comes to deposit i understand more, because i know there is a ton of time wasters, trolls and such. This make more sense to me. BUT i feel if deposit has to be done, it should be allowed to be done in an anonymous way, like an Amazon gift card or something. Unless im just not aware of it, it seem internet transfers do include names.

Anyway this is an endless debate and i don't think any side will change their POV on it, no matter how much we debate. I do agree tough that giving a board handle (if you been around for a while and have been active, so your handle actually mean something) should be fine for any clients that want to book an indy. Personally this is the alternative i can offer. If they want to verify its really me, we can exchange DM and that way they will know they are safe with me. I know im far from being perfect, i do have my opinions and sometimes i express them badly, too directly, (i never been someone with lots of social skills) but when it comes to actual meetings you can't be safer than with me .

I honestly just want this business to be fair, safe and enjoyable for both providers and clients. And i DO care about providers a lot. Im very thankfull for all the good times i had since i started and i could never had without them.

 

[hob12]

I agree with basically most of what you're saying. My position is kinda selfish, but it is what it is.

edit : meant to be a reply to Alisha

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

I may repeat myself but i am a bit lazy to go reread all the previous pages (its a conversation that has been expending to multiple months). I know its just MY opinion and opinions are personal but i just can't see how any type of "conventional screening" can really make any providers that safer. Maybe for "thiefs" and/or clients refusing to pay for services to a degree, but beside that? Technology has advanced so much that there is cameras everywhere, including in streets, appartement buildings, halls and so on. The truth is there is a a ton of ways for providers to have our "picture" in SOME way and feel protected. Our faces are more than enough for the police to identify the person if he does something very bad. But if all goes well, its just a face on a porch or in a corridor, Its not incriminating per say and i don't feel anyone would really bother wasting their time to watch security footage to do screencaps and share them. When an SP has the litteral governement issued IDs of someone, it looks suspicious. Some says its ok to blur the "infos" but you still get a name attached to a face.

The real safety IMO does not come from gathering a lot of sensitive infos about someone but rather everything related to how you actually meet. For instance choosing incall only until you feel safe with someone (or even always incall), equiping your incall with the proper equipement or staff or host in a classy hotel (or visit there can be an option).

In the very rare cases of SPs being murdered or severly injured, when you analyze the situation just a little bit you see that there was a lot of issues regarding security of the environement where it happened. I think this is the key step to take before anything else. And if some psychopath just wake up and decide "today im murdering a sex worker" well i don't think he is gonna pick the high end indies at big prices and inquire by email or whatever. Likely these peoples have lost control with reality and/or are desperate and they know they will end up in jail (or dead). You can't really be safe anywhere no matter what. Look at these random attacks with "ram vehicules". Totally random, just some nutjob who wanted to murder peoples, knew he was gotta be caught, didn't care.

What im trying to say is you could do all the screening in the world and still get that guy that decided "today is the day" and know he is gotta be caught and just don't care. Unless you have an acces to police database and said person has registered offense, you won't even know he could be dangerous.

You mention we have your pictures etc. Lots of SPs advertise with blurred faces and we don't have real names either.

To quote Rosie,



First clients also risk their litteral physical lives. How many stories of clients getting threaten with weapons or by multiple big guys. Secondly, its not my case, but for someone their career is their litteral life. As long as prostitution will be illegal and seen as "bad" in society, if someone get exposed, he will loose it all and for him that could mean his life is ruined. I said it in the past, i don't condone seeing escorts when you married or have a girlfriend. I know guys have all their reasons that they feel are valid to them and again, opinions...personal, so im not really refering to this specific side, but their lives could be impacted so hard... And sure in general for an SP to "expose" a client, he need to do something bad, but look at what happened not that long ago with a specific SPs that doxxed a client just because he didn't understand what she wanted and she lost patience. Sure she got called on all side (both clients and SPs) and likely had to rebrand to get clients again, but just to say these can happen.

Im not as old as some other members, i only meet since 2009, but internet (and this board) been around since the start of the 2000s (i seen some members with 2003 registering dates) and really this extensive screening at least to my knowledge only been a thing since a few years. At least in Canada. I imagine it was borrowed from the neighbor in the south. I remember a few "things" like reference or board handles or only 4 stars hotel meeting, but ID screening was NOT a thing and deposit either. I get its likely as technology became more present (easier to take a cellphone pic, and everybody has them pretty much now, than needing a scanner at home to scan an ID to send by email)

But when it comes to deposit i understand more, because i know there is a ton of time wasters, trolls and such. This make more sense to me. BUT i feel if deposit has to be done, it should be allowed to be done in an anonymous way, like an Amazon gift card or something. Unless im just not aware of it, it seem internet transfers do include names.

Anyway this is an endless debate and i don't think any side will change their POV on it, no matter how much we debate. I do agree tough that giving a board handle (if you been around for a while and have been active, so your handle actually mean something) should be fine for any clients that want to book an indy. Personally this is the alternative i can offer. If they want to verify its really me, we can exchange DM and that way they will know they are safe with me. I know im far from being perfect, i do have my opinions and sometimes i express them badly, too directly, (i never been someone with lots of social skills) but when it comes to actual meetings you can't be safer than with me .

I honestly just want this business to be fair, safe and enjoyable for both providers and clients. And i DO care about providers a lot. Im very thankfull for all the good times i had since i started and i could never had without them.

Same way to think here. Maybe my words were not placed at the right places in some sentences especially because English is not my first language but we both have the same point of view. Thank you for your input. I really try to give multiple ways for people to book a date with me. It’s just the total anonymity thing that bother me. For me anonymity is not just if the person doesn’t want to give his real name. For sure having a real name reassure me more. But anonymity for me is when someone wants to meet without any work done from him : no ID; no deposit; no reference; no board handle; no real phone number; no meeting in public etc etc. Just a complete ghost. I do accept to a certain point to let you keep your privacy only if I feel okay to meet you with the small information that you gave me. Also Even if there are cameras in the building or in the streets we don’t have access to those pictures but clients do have some pictures of us with blurred face or not. Clients have some sense of knowing what they are going to see when they open the door at least for the body and it’s kind of reassuring. Most of the time I don’t know who I’m going to see; I can imagine something with the name of the person or the ethnicity if he gives me that information but it’s purely hypothetical and most of the times my thoughts are not accurate . We just do our best!

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

I agree with basically most of what you're saying. My position is kinda selfish, but it is what it is.

edit : meant to be a reply to Alisha

Fair enough. No hate; thank you for your input

 

[Gabars]

For this I will suggest as LC18 said to ask your sp via text or email if she is okay to be the reference if somebody reach out. If she is okay with that you can thank her with a small gift for the reference ( it’s not require but just for sympathy ). Most of us know that our clients are someone else client even if he says we are the only one he sees. At the end of the day as long as you are respectful and you don’t use the same SP for different references over and over it should be okay. I will suggest max 2 or also try to see her once in a while if you don’t want her to tell you one day she is no longer interested to be your reference or to see you again. Even though we know it’s business we are humans and we exchange energy so for sure it will feel weird if you ask for references and then stop seeing her. But you know we are not attached so you can like a bee. Just be mindful and respectful.
Or ask the other SP if she have other way to screen her client. She may propose to you something else ( I personally don’t ask for reference unless the person is not ready to send any information or a deposit and my gut feeling is okay ).

I think you misunderstood my post. I would prefer giving my ID and avoid the awkwardness of asking for references. I don't have much to hide and anyone you could tell that I reached out to a SW wouldn't care. I'm asking if references make you feel safer than IDs. I also understand that saying that I have seen other SWs and prefer not to ask for references could make it sound like I don't expect positive ones.

 

[Alisha Cantaloupe]

I think you misunderstood my post. I would prefer giving my ID and avoid the awkwardness of asking for references. I don't have much to hide and anyone you could tell that I reached out to a SW wouldn't care. I'm asking if references make you feel safer than IDs. I also understand that saying that I have seen other SWs and prefer not to ask for references could make it sound like I don't expect positive ones.

Okay I understand better now your point. For me as an SP I personally prefer ID for sure.