While browsing through some ads on the forums I noticed some of the ladies ask for your MERB handle or references from SP's. I fully understand why they would ask for references and it's a smart thing to do but I was just curious if any of my fellow MERB members would feel weird asking an SP for a reference? Personally I would feel a bit awkward asking for one.
Question about References.
- Thread starter johnybird
- Start date
L
Lily from Montreal
Not at all,think of it as the flip side of the review you would write,if it positive of course,as a sp our references are the reviews ...
If the lady had a nice meeting with you most will be happy to obliged...
last year I even spoke on the phone with a Florida lady to give reference for a favorite who was over there for the winter...Only problem was getting her to understand my accent and vice versa,alhought I am quite bilingual, on the phone with a Florida lady with an accent thick as molasse it was a challenge lol,I did manage to tell her he was a gentleman and enjoy...
If the lady had a nice meeting with you most will be happy to obliged...
last year I even spoke on the phone with a Florida lady to give reference for a favorite who was over there for the winter...Only problem was getting her to understand my accent and vice versa,alhought I am quite bilingual, on the phone with a Florida lady with an accent thick as molasse it was a challenge lol,I did manage to tell her he was a gentleman and enjoy...
How about for someone whose hobby budget is limited or just prefers not to repeat.
I remember I saw someone, I had seen her a few months earlier. She had absolutely no memory of me. 2 hour visit also. Which I suppose is a good thing in that it indicates nothing bad. However it would lead me to believe that if I were to ask any of the 7 girls I've seen would not remember me a month down the road.
Although oddly enough this stipper who I've seen only once [she usually gets off before I show up] remembered me the second time I saw her, even came over to say hi even though her shift was ending even though I am guessing I only had 4 or 5 dances with her and other strippers seem to recognize me on a second visit after a few months. So maybe it was just an abnormality.
However it was be really awkward to call someone I've seen a few months ago and have her have no clue who I am. Also how am I supposed to get her to remember me over the phone or via e-mail. Unless you use a freakish name, are freakish looking or into freakish things, without a visual I think one would be hard to recal some client you have seen once or twice.
Also the whole calling someone up and in effect asking her to help you move your business somewhere else just seems balsy unless you are a hard core regular.
As for the merb handle, isn't the first rule of merb club to not talk about merb club?
Granted I've broken that rule here by setting something up via PM, however I don't follow the man and his rules. By gosh it is swell to be a gangster.
Actually on my TDL there is someone who filters via merb handle and I am a bit worried that with the TMI and some views I have I'll be filtered out even though I am quite harmless.
I remember I saw someone, I had seen her a few months earlier. She had absolutely no memory of me. 2 hour visit also. Which I suppose is a good thing in that it indicates nothing bad. However it would lead me to believe that if I were to ask any of the 7 girls I've seen would not remember me a month down the road.
Although oddly enough this stipper who I've seen only once [she usually gets off before I show up] remembered me the second time I saw her, even came over to say hi even though her shift was ending even though I am guessing I only had 4 or 5 dances with her and other strippers seem to recognize me on a second visit after a few months. So maybe it was just an abnormality.
However it was be really awkward to call someone I've seen a few months ago and have her have no clue who I am. Also how am I supposed to get her to remember me over the phone or via e-mail. Unless you use a freakish name, are freakish looking or into freakish things, without a visual I think one would be hard to recal some client you have seen once or twice.
Also the whole calling someone up and in effect asking her to help you move your business somewhere else just seems balsy unless you are a hard core regular.
As for the merb handle, isn't the first rule of merb club to not talk about merb club?
Granted I've broken that rule here by setting something up via PM, however I don't follow the man and his rules. By gosh it is swell to be a gangster.
Actually on my TDL there is someone who filters via merb handle and I am a bit worried that with the TMI and some views I have I'll be filtered out even though I am quite harmless.
Yes, like Tina mentioned, most clients don't contact me to ask for a reference. I get contacted by another provider looking for information on the client. If I don't remember them by name, but have their email, I can go back to our email exchange to jog my memory.
This screening process is commonplace in the US and both clients and providers expect to give and receive references. It's not a bad idea and we may find it becoming more popular here as well.
This screening process is commonplace in the US and both clients and providers expect to give and receive references. It's not a bad idea and we may find it becoming more popular here as well.
I really don't get this reference deal that providers are asking for since C-36 has passed. Shouldn't the customers be asking for references if you never met the provider? The customer is taking all of the risk here. No?
Is there another reason for providers are asking for references?
Is there another reason for providers are asking for references?
Your references on providers are basically the reviews here, it's not like they have a client review board (now wouldn't that be a trip).
I've seen providers asking for references before C-36. They are seeing people they have never seen before and they are potentially walking into a dangerous situation, they are taking all of the risk. Our risk is if we're not satisfied with the service or not, which really isn't that big of a risk.
Also i've only seen it on very few providers so it doesn't seem to be the norm yet.
We have new risks now that purchasing sex is illegal - of a sting, and blackmail to be reported to the police.
We had some risks before C-36 (which still exist) besides only lousy service - being robbed or being blackmailed if, for example, our personal lives would be affected by the exposure of our activities.
Like Johny mentions, there is an inherent risk when meeting a new client for the first time. Especially if I am inviting you into my private residence or visiting yours. There are various ways of screening clients to establish a comfort level before that first meeting, and sometimes this includes asking for references. Some girls may ask for them always, other just when they aren't sure about someone.
What I really like is the verification sites such as P411 and Date-Check. Providers and clients are both screened and then clients receive provider references through the site. Even TER has a whitelist option where a provider can vouch for a client. I do hope these options become more popular in Canada.
What I really like is the verification sites such as P411 and Date-Check. Providers and clients are both screened and then clients receive provider references through the site. Even TER has a whitelist option where a provider can vouch for a client. I do hope these options become more popular in Canada.
Thats a hard one for guys that never seen any indies or never met anybody all together. I mean, f you seen only agency ladies, can you give the name of the agency? Will the agency be willing to help you on that one? I guess due to our local market actually the GTs may be your best bet to make "a name for yourself" but as they say, a guy gotta start somewhere, so you better hope not ALL providers ask for references 
As for Merb, if you got nothing to hide, you should give it to indies. They can check it up a bit and see what type of guy you are. Actually i never hidden my merb handle to anybody, cause i feel i got nothing to be ashamed of by it... my reviews where always respectfull, and i was always honest. Maybe sometimes i lean a bit on the lady side, because i understand how hard a job it can be, and looking back at my reviews i sometimes tell myself maybe i should had mention "that" a bit more or something, but oh well...
I will admit since last year i changed my view a bit on this hobby, i used to be john number 16 and had only my view of this business, now i got a whole new side of it... and it ain't always pink if i can say.
As for Merb, if you got nothing to hide, you should give it to indies. They can check it up a bit and see what type of guy you are. Actually i never hidden my merb handle to anybody, cause i feel i got nothing to be ashamed of by it... my reviews where always respectfull, and i was always honest. Maybe sometimes i lean a bit on the lady side, because i understand how hard a job it can be, and looking back at my reviews i sometimes tell myself maybe i should had mention "that" a bit more or something, but oh well...
I will admit since last year i changed my view a bit on this hobby, i used to be john number 16 and had only my view of this business, now i got a whole new side of it... and it ain't always pink if i can say.
I've read IIRC on terb complaints from escorts who get calls for references from other escorts with no warning and they don't seem to like not getting the heads up.
It would seem if you are going to use someone for a reference you should let them know but much like getting a reference from someone you are currently employed with, getting one from someone you are doing business with is also uncomfortable. Also having the escort do the contacting doesn't remove the fact that you are basically using one escort to help you do business with other escorts and unless they are friends... awkward.
As mentioned above there is also the first timer issue. In effect those who insist on asking for references are free riding on those who don't in order to gain new clients into the client pool. If I were an escort who didn't ask for references I would not be too enthused to take all the risk of meeting unknowns just to pass off the information to someone else for free, double plus so when it means potentially less time with a current regular.
Also when it comes down to it. Why as a client even bother with it. There are so many independents and agency girls who don't ask you to go through a process. Someone would have to be offering something unique for me to even consider getting a reference [if that was an option as I don't hobby enough to have a regular].
Merb handle is another story. Although what does a posting history really tell you about someone either way. A true pyschopath can come across as charming and next thing you know he is chasing you down the hallway with a chainsaw. [ug I hate when that happens] Then you get misunderstandings, add to that the nature of the internet and sometimes forums can bring out the worst in people. I know I get misjudged. I am also givin to understand that I have vastly misjudged others.
I guess being on the shitty end of the stick, this topic elicits certain passions within me.
I personally do not like the reference thing. First off we are just meeting for a certain amount of time and we are not applying for a job. What's next we will have to give a CV on who we have met in the past. I understand where the SP's come from, because they may have been screwed in the past, but I think when you get an email or a call it can be hard to figure out if that person is for real or just trying to pull a fast one the ladies should just go with the gut feeling, if you don't feel right don't meet with that person. Just my opinion, and no offence to any Sp's because of of them do an amzing job and this is not an easy jon for the sSP's or Hobby for the guys to have. We just need to look out for each other and all with respect. Because all we all want is a HAPPY ENDING!!!
Like Tina, I usually don't require references for meetings, but I have occasionally checked them in the past, and am always grateful to the lovely ladies who give them to me.
I don't really get how some of you can't understand why references are so necessary. I also don't know why anyone would find it uncomfortable. We aren't in competition with each other, almost all the SP's I've met have been extremely supportive and respectful to each other, so they are in no way going to be upset to learn you want to see another lady. It's not a secret, we know you see other SP's, we know we aren't the only one, so we aren't going to be hurt if you politely ask if they wouldn't mind giving a reference to another lady.
We are putting ourselves more at risk than the men every time we go to meet them, and so usually a reference is a nice way to smooth the anxiety, and it let's the lady know that the client she's going to see is a respectful gentlemen, and probably won't murder her.
As for newbies who have never seen anyone before, there's a pretty simple answer to that. Most SP's that require references will have another option for men who have never seen anyone before, some will ask for a deposit, others may have different options in place.
I'm not sure about you guys, but I find communication online, by email, or by text, doesn't always showcase who you are in person; tone and words can be misinterpreted or you can just be bad at writing, but be an otherwise lovely person. So sometimes it's hard to tell what a person is going to be like when you meet then, and if you're unsure, a reference can be a good way to be reassured that they are a great client in person, but just really bad at communication.
All-in-all, while I don't always require them, references can be very useful.
I don't really get how some of you can't understand why references are so necessary. I also don't know why anyone would find it uncomfortable. We aren't in competition with each other, almost all the SP's I've met have been extremely supportive and respectful to each other, so they are in no way going to be upset to learn you want to see another lady. It's not a secret, we know you see other SP's, we know we aren't the only one, so we aren't going to be hurt if you politely ask if they wouldn't mind giving a reference to another lady.
We are putting ourselves more at risk than the men every time we go to meet them, and so usually a reference is a nice way to smooth the anxiety, and it let's the lady know that the client she's going to see is a respectful gentlemen, and probably won't murder her.
As for newbies who have never seen anyone before, there's a pretty simple answer to that. Most SP's that require references will have another option for men who have never seen anyone before, some will ask for a deposit, others may have different options in place.
I'm not sure about you guys, but I find communication online, by email, or by text, doesn't always showcase who you are in person; tone and words can be misinterpreted or you can just be bad at writing, but be an otherwise lovely person. So sometimes it's hard to tell what a person is going to be like when you meet then, and if you're unsure, a reference can be a good way to be reassured that they are a great client in person, but just really bad at communication.
All-in-all, while I don't always require them, references can be very useful.
Some of ye can get a bit catty. 2 of the escorts I've seen. The second one I saw I was talking about the first and although she was subtle she kinda stabbed the first one in the back and let me in on a bit of information I didn't know. Last one I saw, I mentioned someone who was in her demographic and again, she didn't go bat shit crazy on her but if you read between the lines you got the impression that there was some compitition there. These from people I've only seen once.
Don't get me started on strippers.
If they were necessary then almost everyone would require them. Almost nobody does. Thus they can't be necessary, helpful, comforting whatever sure.
The simple answer to that is to not bother and go with the 90% who don't use them or agencies. Even if I did hobby enough have the references and their previous ethusastic permission to use them, why bother going through the process where most won't require it. Unless again someone is offering something unique and you crave. As for leaving a deposit... not on this planet, at least not in this country. Praise Chuck Norris may peace be upon his name that this isn't the expectation.
I am sure guys do submit to the process but I don't really understand why when they don't have to.
References are required more often than not in the USA. This is mostly to protect the provider from LE. I was a member of P411 for 6 months and during this time period it wasn't enough (they still wanted two references) or they didn't care about 411 and had their own way to verify you that did not include 411. It was kind of funny because I kept mentioning 411 and no one seemed to care but they still wanted something. Maybe it was just my luck?
Yes, with C36 it diminishes the LE portion of the reference. I would bet that girls would still want some back ground info on you for their protection. They may want understand your reliability and if there are any show stoppers such hygiene issues.
When required, I have given out SP cell numbers and/or e-mails for reference requests. The SPs understand the game. Most comply. I don't tip them off beforehand. Half of the agencies I use are willing to serve as references. Some won't do this.
Yes, with C36 it diminishes the LE portion of the reference. I would bet that girls would still want some back ground info on you for their protection. They may want understand your reliability and if there are any show stoppers such hygiene issues.
When required, I have given out SP cell numbers and/or e-mails for reference requests. The SPs understand the game. Most comply. I don't tip them off beforehand. Half of the agencies I use are willing to serve as references. Some won't do this.
Pour ce qui es de mon point de vue sur la question des références...je dois penché sur le coté des SP sur ce point.Le pourquoi pour moi es fort simple.Je vais parlé pour MOI...malgré que je suis sure que certains hommes pourraient vivement m'appuyé sur ce coté...Ces pas une question d'allé porté ton CV a un emploi et qu'il vérifie ton background,ces plus surtout une question de feeling,de sécurité,de voir comment le client se comporte ou ces comporté durant ces rencontres,et aussi même sur merb de voir et de lire peut être les post ou les expériences précédente que sois le merbiste a eu de bon ou de mauvais vis a vis une SP.
Je suis complètement d'accord avec ce post de AMBER..et aussi de TinaMTL et les autres gentes dames qui on la même opinion... Car ça prouve ce que je voulais démontré..du moins en français loll
Alors sans être méchant si un homme a rien a se reproché pour les rencontres qu'il a fait dans le passé,bien alors il ne devais pas y avoir de soucis voila tout,Mais si tu a vécu une mauvais expérience avec UNE sp...Alors la future fille pourra grandement faire la part des choses et constaté que la plus grande majorité du temps...TU es un bon gars,respectueux et galant vis a vis la dame.Comme je dis souvent le karma es toujours la pour revenir contre nous,alors sois toi même et agis comme tel et tout sera merveilleux dans ce domaine et que de plaisir ROCK ON :thumb:
P.S. Sans surtout oublié que NOUS même le fesons avant de rencontré une SP ou autres domaine! Et aussi j'ai rie car ouff les textos,les emails,la mal interprétation des fois de ceux ci peut représenté un doute vis a vis la rencontre futur...alors j'aime mieux que la gente dame se renseigne et vois que je suis un bon gars,ou qu'elle le constate d'elle même.
Je suis complètement d'accord avec ce post de AMBER..et aussi de TinaMTL et les autres gentes dames qui on la même opinion... Car ça prouve ce que je voulais démontré..du moins en français loll
Alors sans être méchant si un homme a rien a se reproché pour les rencontres qu'il a fait dans le passé,bien alors il ne devais pas y avoir de soucis voila tout,Mais si tu a vécu une mauvais expérience avec UNE sp...Alors la future fille pourra grandement faire la part des choses et constaté que la plus grande majorité du temps...TU es un bon gars,respectueux et galant vis a vis la dame.Comme je dis souvent le karma es toujours la pour revenir contre nous,alors sois toi même et agis comme tel et tout sera merveilleux dans ce domaine et que de plaisir ROCK ON :thumb:
P.S. Sans surtout oublié que NOUS même le fesons avant de rencontré une SP ou autres domaine! Et aussi j'ai rie car ouff les textos,les emails,la mal interprétation des fois de ceux ci peut représenté un doute vis a vis la rencontre futur...alors j'aime mieux que la gente dame se renseigne et vois que je suis un bon gars,ou qu'elle le constate d'elle même.
It is very uncomfortable on our end. In most instances we have met you for only an hour or so. It's very difficult to judge what reaction the SP will have if contacted by another provider or if an honest feedback will be given back to them.
Again I fully understand and not against why some providers do require references just giving my point of view as a client why it would be a bit awkward.
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