...Sigh.
Do. You. Speak. About. Yourself?
I. Am. Over. 40. Feel. Same. Way!!!
*Drops purple crayon...
Random thoughts (*rises from the dead*)
- Thread starter ChloeCoeur
- Start date
I. Am. Over. 40. Feel. Same. Way!!!
*Drops purple crayon...
I am not 18, 19 or 20.
I am not someone above 25 wanting to be with someone 18, 19 or 20.
I do not accept clients below 25.
I don’t care if a client is twice my age, I have been an adult for a few years already.
Us as SPs. Being over 25 wanting to be with 18 19, 20.
As an SP, its not about wanting to, for us it's more about willing to. I want, to meet adult men, who appreciate me, desire me, and pay to spend time with me, activities happen. I'm not wanting any set age, except good expieriences that won't cause me more trauma, to recede into myself to avoid the outside world more than I already do.
I was groomed as a child. I am able to realize the difference that my situation is not one that comes from me grooming a young adult, they are autonomous beings themselves reaching to me as an adult. Business is business.
I'm trying, and about to fail, to keep a roof over my 3 kids and my head, I have more than myself to think of. And there are more expieriences I would worry about me not surviving the mental effect of the visit, and removing myself from all problems permanently as a result. Then to judge myself for seeing a legal adult who wants to see someone older willing to see him. Screening for good visits only isn't to just get good visits, it's for mental survival. I wouldn't care about give up on myself I already did, but I have to keep going for now for them.
The young adults around me in my personal life, are seen as children to me. They aren't reaching out to me in text asking to pay for services, or seeing me as a sexual option. To them I am a safe adult to be around because I have made it a point that my home is a safe place for them to get away from what they have had to deal with in their own homes.
I am, which is why I feel needing to justify recent comments I have made about MILF situations. I get worried about being misunderstood and judged for it.
I think I worry, often a young woman has her youth taken from her when being with an older man, because he wants her to speed up threw life, to match him at his slow down state. Wife and mother her up, so she doesn't even get the chance to be and expierience youth and discovering who she is in the world before being told who to be for his desires.
With my kids I warned about relationships at young ages, because rather then discover who you are, you try to be what this other person wants you to be, sometimes its the opposite of who you actually are.
We all need time to creat our own selves and boxes, before letting someone else create a box to shove us in even if we don't fit.
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There is much to unpact and reflect here.
I'll start by saying thank you for the explanations to both of you.
Although my original question was asked on a human perspective. I understand the separation between woman, sp and men, clients.
I'm sorry about the traumas you had to live threw! If it is any consolation; I do take those stories to heart, mine as well; trying to be a better human, helping where and how I can.
As a single middle aged man. I still want kids. Maybe naïvely, and women my age can be intimidating.That being said; I wouldn't want a younger woman to rush threw in order to breach the gap you mentioned. It's the opposite actually, in my case. Although, as we discussed in the past, it is a communication and values issues in the end, that either makes it or not.
And yes, it is terryfing for me to meet a 20 year old and realise, she could be my daughter. The attraction must come from her, and if i'm half the gentleman I think I can be. To also realise if said attraction is from genuine sentiments or only the need for securities.
...And yes the society frowned upon age gap, you try to mute. And men get the cutes nicknames: Silver foxes... women gets to be seen as cougars, milfs etc...
That is also a disparity, we could adress.
P.s. That's why I try to be brief... So I dont write novels or overshare. Eff it!
It was worth it. Thank you.
My random thought...
How much I hate having and AuDHD brain with timeblindness, that means at any given time at any given day, because of some trigger I don't know of, I can be flipped back to a moment of the past as if I am in it presently. Only for a moment, not enough to make it uncomfortable for others, just long enough to remind me I will never get to forget the things I have gotten to build myself up out from.
How much I hate having and AuDHD brain with timeblindness, that means at any given time at any given day, because of some trigger I don't know of, I can be flipped back to a moment of the past as if I am in it presently. Only for a moment, not enough to make it uncomfortable for others, just long enough to remind me I will never get to forget the things I have gotten to build myself up out from.
Sometimes, a raised voice, is seen as a grenade being unpinned. A lil dig, a sass, perceived as past humiliations. A person rapidly raising their hands, in order to express themsemselves; met with a defensive flinch backward leaving everyone sitting around awckwardly confused.
It takes forever, a village, a truck load of empathy... Cats reflexes and attitude to dodge judgements and rejections.
Then, in one of your multiple quests to better yourself, one meets a woman his age, dressed in all pink and purple stars suit, rocking a hello kitty back pack, speaking in a child's voice.
( Arrested developpement.)
And although trauma is trauma!
Upon seeing her, one might think to himself:
《Get a fucking grip boy, and make a man of yourself!》
You never forget, but the main quest is, to let go.
I apologies if the subject I sometimes bring are heavy, or hit too close to home for a readers comfort. Do know that I deal with the anxiety of miss appropriating a review board. The urges to press delete. But I know, I'm not alone. So I pick the pocket change of courage I have, and write, for those that maybe, cannot.
It's a great day outside. I'll go, let go, with sun in my face.
*(... ... ... Post reply.)
It takes forever, a village, a truck load of empathy... Cats reflexes and attitude to dodge judgements and rejections.
Then, in one of your multiple quests to better yourself, one meets a woman his age, dressed in all pink and purple stars suit, rocking a hello kitty back pack, speaking in a child's voice.
( Arrested developpement.)
And although trauma is trauma!
Upon seeing her, one might think to himself:
《Get a fucking grip boy, and make a man of yourself!》
You never forget, but the main quest is, to let go.
I apologies if the subject I sometimes bring are heavy, or hit too close to home for a readers comfort. Do know that I deal with the anxiety of miss appropriating a review board. The urges to press delete. But I know, I'm not alone. So I pick the pocket change of courage I have, and write, for those that maybe, cannot.
It's a great day outside. I'll go, let go, with sun in my face.
*(... ... ... Post reply.)
Even innocent questions, can lead to explosive answers, if asked to someone who has an explosive answer.
And I am always struggling with the desire to go back and hit delete. But sometimes I know reguardless of the outcome, I need to be heard, preferably understood. And without context you could be heard, but without understanding.
I only answer things I have an oppinion on to share, or try to, because if I don't have an oppinion or a share I wouldn't have anything to say at all.
My struggle with communication is it's a lot, or nothing at all. I don't get smalltalk. It's either big discussions I'm interested in with lots to share, or I'm tuned out entirly and silent. And when I try to edit, often it leads to more, not less.
