sex-worker and the customer

[volvo2006]

hi, i have a particular questions for the merbers.

has anyone known of any story where a client to a masseuse or striper or whatever manages eventually to become friend with or date the masseuse etc. in question? can you share the story, or direct poor me to it?

thanks.

 

[Techman]

There are many posters here who have dated, or had serious relationships with dancers. Some of us have posted about this in various threads on the board. I have dancers as friends and have dated a number of ladies in the business. Is there any particular reason you are interested in this?

 

[Carla]

I suppose massage or stripping or 'whatever' is the way to meet people. It gives you a chance to be introduced to a woman up close. From then on it is not different from meeting the person elsewhere like at a bar, at school or work. So sex work acts like a catalyst to a regular encounter.

As for myself I meet 90% of my friends and dates at work (stripping). But of course it doesn't mean I will become friends with everybody. For something special to happen I have to be either 'on the same page' as the client or if not he has to make an interesting offer such as to go out dancing or to see a show/movie, etc..

Carla

 

[Carla]

P.S.: If you want stories I can refer you to my Love Stories that I posted last summer.

 

[HonestAbe]

Thanks for that honest 1st hand perspective Carla

I suppose massage or stripping or 'whatever' is the way to meet people. It gives you a chance to be introduced to a woman up close. From then on it is not different from meeting the person elsewhere like at a bar, at school or work. So sex work acts like a catalyst to a regular encounter.

As for myself I meet 90% of my friends and dates at work (stripping). But of course it doesn't mean I will become friends with everybody. For something special to happen I have to be either 'on the same page' as the client or if not he has to make an interesting offer such as to go out dancing or to see a show/movie, etc..

Carla

Strippers/SP's are people just like everyone else. They meet you in a unique set of circumstances to be sure but they have personalities, likes and dislikes, just like everyone else. If something about you strikes them as interesting/attractive then it is quite possible that they will ask you out or will accept an offer to go out if you ask them just like any other woman or man would.

Not naming anyone in particular here, but I have noticed a strong negative outlook towards relationships with SP's/strippers amongst more than a few Merb members and it makes me wonder why. Bad personal experiences? Thats certainly possible but then again its just as likely you'll have a bad experience with a "regular" person. As much as it may pain some people to believe it there ARE SP's/strippers who meet people at work who they develop relationships with and sometimes fall in love. What percentage? I don't know but its beside the point, the point is that it shouldn't be viewed as "taboo" nor should anyone treat SP's/strippers any different than any other person.

Be tactful, respectful, and polite and if you sense an attraction, there is nothing wrong with asking someone if they would be interested in seeing you outside of work. If they decline, accept it with the same grace as you would from any other person and move on. If they accept however, treat them the same way you would treat any other person you liked enough to ask out. Strippers are sometimes held up on a pedestal like they are Gods and some people tend to "worship" them. While it can be flattering it can also be creepy and/or irritating.

Most of all they want to be treated like normal people, unless you have the misfortune of meeting one who has let the job go to their head who actually desires to be worshipped. Avoid these kinds as they are totally into themselves and no one else, a one way street as far as relationships go. There are however some extremely sweet ladies out there in the "Adult industry" and they feel emotions like love and sadness the same as the rest of us. If you meet one of them, enjoy whatever time they offer to spend with you and be good to them, such treatment may get you places many people never dreamed was possible. But you'll know better.

 

[Carla]

Not naming anyone in particular here, but I have noticed a strong negative outlook towards relationships with SP's/strippers amongst more than a few Merb members and it makes me wonder why. Bad personal experiences? Thats certainly possible but then again its just as likely you'll have a bad experience with a "regular" person...[...]

Most of all they want to be treated like normal people, unless you have the misfortune of meeting one who has let the job go to their head who actually desires to be worshipped. Avoid these kinds as they are totally into themselves and no one else, a one way street as far as relationships go.

I totally understand the negative attitude towards personal relationships with sex workers. I often hear people thinking that strippers only date rich guys.. but if you think about it why would a rich guy date a stripper? First of all it would be criticized by his elite circle, second if he is truly rich he could support his lady so she doesn't need to sell her body.. Anyway I'm getting off subject. This isn't my perspective.

I agree that it is kind of odd for some people to date a sex worker because of all the other people she sees. This is not for everyone. Only pure relationships can survive this kind of quest. Pure of jealousy and prejudice..

As for us loving being worshiped.. ummm.. who doesn't? This is why me and a lot of other people enjoy our work. Being sexually worshiped is a natural desire of many women and men.. Now tell me you wouldn't like to be worshiped by a crowd of beautiful women eating you alive with their eyes, wanting to pay their last cash just to get a feel of your skin.. ready to fulfil your deepest fantasies at any time of day or night..? Or maybe one gorgeous woman serving you breakfast in bed and adoring you in every way?

I think worshiping is one of the most amazing human instincts. Ideally it should let both parties achieve ecstasy..

Carla ..drifting away...

 

[500miles]

Remember Thomas Hayden Church's character in Sideways? He said something to the effect that I get checked all the time by girls of all ages. Dudes, too! Just goes to show you that it is nice to get checked out. I had a couple of moments like that on the Montreal metro. Luckily, one of them was with an attractive young woman. The other one was by some dude. Frankly, both occasions were enjoyable boosts to the ego. BTW, are the gay dudes of Montreal that out and about?

 

[StripperLover]

Oli,

Let's get something straight right here & NOW, I've watched you in action & you aren't in the least bit a shy person or was that the line that you gave her ?

 

[StripperLover]

Oli,

Are you actually telling me, how you are ?

But you're not shy

 

[EagerBeaver]

ok
if we go back to 1983
i was walking through thursdays and ran face to face with a cheap looking blond with hudge tits-i said im in love she said me too

Oliver

When I started reading this post, I was positive that it was going to end with you saying "fellas, this is how I met my ex-wife". I guess that's another story.

 

[HonestAbe]

As for us loving being worshiped.. ummm.. who doesn't? This is why me and a lot of other people enjoy our work. Being sexually worshiped is a natural desire of many women and men.. Now tell me you wouldn't like to be worshiped by a crowd of beautiful women eating you alive with their eyes, wanting to pay their last cash just to get a feel of your skin.. ready to fulfil your deepest fantasies at any time of day or night..? Or maybe one gorgeous woman serving you breakfast in bed and adoring you in every way?

I think worshiping is one of the most amazing human instincts. Ideally it should let both parties achieve ecstasy..

There is a good kind of "worship" and a bad one, no? I was referring to those who are obsessed with themselves and treat others around them like less than human in addition to those poor souls who willingly allow themselves to be used and treated in a degrading fashion because they are so infatuated with someone with so little respect for other human beings. You'll know it when you see it.

I agree with you that half of the allure of stripping(the money being the other half) is the idea of being "wanted" or "desired" by so many people and having them all dropping at your feet. Its a paradox though, since it is a similar condition to what rich people suffer from, that being, not knowing who likes you for who you are as a person rather than your money/body.

I think most Adult industry workers interested in a relationship will go for the people they see as being sincere and having good intentions. In some cases extreme opposites will attract and a stripper will end up with a rather reserved person, comparably speaking of course. Its fun to be lavished upon but it also carries the notion of implied debt in the minds of those who do the lavishing and that is a situation to be avoided because eventually they will be looking for a payout. Dating those involved in the adult industry is not for everyone as you point out, but it does happen and it can develop into a serious, loving relationship.

There are some people who understand that love and sex are independent of each other and therefore rather than get jealous or upset at the thought of their loved one being with someone else sexually they actually can enjoy watching or even participate in such activity. This is commonly referred to as an "open" marriage/relationship. There are a number of examples of this within the adult industry, and the divorce rate is about the same as outside the industry. It couldn't be much worse when you consider that half of all first marriages end in divorce. Besides, whether or not a marriage ends in divorce doesn't necessarily mean it was devoid of love. Some people get divorced but never stop loving each other for the times they shared and what they mean to each other.

Attitudes towards such relationships are purely opinions based on individual personalities. To claim it is a good or bad idea in general, is an assumption better left to the judgement of those who are personally involved.

 

[Techman]

BigDaddyCool, I also fall into the #2 category but I have to this date limited my adventures to dancers. I also tend to encounter dancers who would fit into the #1 category which I would extend to include girls who lead clients to believe that a more personal relationship is possible. Although this may be more likely with dancers than SP's.

I understand your situation and it's not an easy one. Sometimes it's good to step away for awhile and give both parties a chance to evaluate things to see if they want to take things to the next level. It isn't an easy thing to do but it can save a lot of heartbreak in the long run. If you choose to do this, explain it to her first so that she doesn't think you just haven't had the time to see her or that you have decided to never come back.
Good luck!

 

[Techman]

I totally understand the negative attitude towards personal relationships with sex workers. I often hear people thinking that strippers only date rich guys.. but if you think about it why would a rich guy date a stripper? First of all it would be criticized by his elite circle, second if he is truly rich he could support his lady so she doesn't need to sell her body.. Anyway I'm getting off subject. This isn't my perspective.

Carla ..drifting away...

Actually I've met many dancers who are looking for this exact thing and pass up the opportunity to be with someone who really cares about them because of this. Most of these kind of guy will eagerly take a dancer to bed or keep her on the side but will never have a serious relationship with her. I actually had a dancer who I had known for years tell me that she would never consider a relationship with a man who wasn't a successful, well off professional. I watched her have a succession of affairs with married men who promised to leave their wives for her and others who just treated her like a piece of meat. We lost touch and I never found out where she ended up in life. Over the years I've met many girls who have their idea of the perfect life but have met very few who want to build it together with someone. They want to find someone who already has what they want so that they can slip into it like putting on a new pair of shoes.

 

[eastender]

they can have high expectations-i mean if your shopping at the butcher and you have the choice of a hamburger or filet milon steak i think the choice is obvious--
oliver

Actually it comes down to how well you and the lady in question can cook

 

[Kasp_ar]

Best quip of 2006!

Actually it comes down to how well you and the lady in question can cook

That`s a great line - it made my New Year`s day.

Kasp_ar

 

[mack]

carla
how many people who actually have serious money come into a place like cleos--you could probably count on one hand

Probably true, but I do know of several very afluent people who consider Cleopatra's to be a regular club of theirs. There then must be others.

 

[John Legend]

Oliver:

We all go to Cleo's for milage not looks.

 

[mack]

Many people that I know go to Cleopatra's for the friendly vibes and overall fun atmosphere. Looks do definitely vary here but I have seen a number of beautiful women that I would rate at least an 8.

 

[Carla]

Techman && Oliver,

I agree. I was wrong.

It is true, I never really hung out with truly beautiful women or strippers so I can't make a judgement.

I would imagine women who are 10 can easily get rich off their beauty. Once they are at that level they want the right match.

By the way Oliver you should check out Fanny. I think she is at least an 8 (although she's not my type). But I agree she is a rare thing for Cleos..

Carla

 

[HonestAbe]

They want to find someone who already has what they want so that they can slip into it like putting on a new pair of shoes.

Generally speaking I would agree with this sentiment but I think these girls sometimes get knocked a bit too hard for the desire to find a man who is "well off." As I was once told by an SP, "I've been poor, I'm not going back there." I totally agree with her that she deserves to be taken care of if she were to give up Sp'ing. They can make a very nice living at the HDH level and if they spend and invest wisely they can set themselves up in life so they never have to "depend" on anyone again. This is a highly motivating factor for some of them.

Not that they don't take other factors into account when dating, for instance looks, and personality. They like good looking men as much as we like good looking women and they love to have a good time with someone who is on the same wavelength as they are. Its like Kanye West says "I ain't sayin shes a gold digger, but she ain't dealin with no broke!" and there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to feel financially secure. It really becomes a matter of how much money is enough for the person in question. Some people are happy with a beautiful house, cars, insurance, and a couple million in investments to live off, easily attainable for those who work hard and spend wisely.

For others thats not nearly enough and only Donald Trump types will do. I think thats where some ladies make a terrible error. Not all of them will land that "big catch." As Techman points out many of the girls who go after these types end up getting used and thrown away like so much trash with nothing to show for it. Then when age catches up with them they are no longer able to catch the eyes of these men because there are newer, younger girls to compete with. So these "goldiggers of all goldiggers" have wasted their youth and now must settle quickly with anyone who will take them or face being in the unenviable position of an aging Sex worker with rapidly shrinking prospects.

I've seen too many women who were once beautiful and sought after by all who knew them, waste their youth on frivolous pursuits while passing up on good men (who were well off to boot) because they didn't live "the Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous". Its always a shame when you see them walking around still trying to act 25 even though wrinkles, cellulite, and sun damage shows they are SO 40-something. Then there are others who end up with men 30 years older than them who are obese and hack their lungs up every other cigarrette (in between beers). I can only imagine the horror of waking up next to that every morning and having it roll over on top of you ash tray breath, beer farts and all, and not being able to scream in horror because you need him for money.

I guess the lesson is don't be too greedy. Money is not the only thing and you don't need a 100 million dollars to live a very comfortable/exciting life. Part of the happiness a lasting relationship brings does not come from money, it comes from the person themselves. Would anyone rather marry a disgusting boorish person for an extra ten million versus a good looking, sweetheart of a man who "only" had a couple million? If so you are a goldigger with little chance of getting what you want in the long run, if not there is a bright, happy, fulfilling future for you. Open your eyes and look for it.