SP drops the L bomb
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I'm a bit over 30. You may have a point. I have to remember birthday, Vday, anniversary which requires gifts and dining out.
Thanks for the advice. I'm already in love but trying to get myself out of that feeling. How long did you two made it as a couple? Did you support her financially?
If you are asking such a question,the answer is very obvious but love alone isn't always what is needed to be happy.
Love is hardly ever understood anyways,its very complicated and why complicate a great thing.
If you both enjoy eachother....Happiness is key....Just be happy,enjoy life to the fullest and take it for what it is.
Taking money doesn't really have anything to do with love,she may be doing it out of habit or even out of need....Who knows.
Taking money may also be a type of barrier between you,where as she for the first time may be confused and not ready to change this habit without knowing how you feel towards her.This has happened to me a few times,by she not taking any money will ultimately give her feelings away,lets just say its like making it too easy for you and she playing hard to get.
If you don't wish too lose her,if you love her yourself,just let her know.Be honest and all else will fall into place.
I guess this has always been my major screw up with the one I let getaway,I just didn't have the balls to tell her how I truly felt.
Love is hardly ever understood anyways,its very complicated and why complicate a great thing.
If you both enjoy eachother....Happiness is key....Just be happy,enjoy life to the fullest and take it for what it is.
Taking money doesn't really have anything to do with love,she may be doing it out of habit or even out of need....Who knows.
Taking money may also be a type of barrier between you,where as she for the first time may be confused and not ready to change this habit without knowing how you feel towards her.This has happened to me a few times,by she not taking any money will ultimately give her feelings away,lets just say its like making it too easy for you and she playing hard to get.
If you don't wish too lose her,if you love her yourself,just let her know.Be honest and all else will fall into place.
I guess this has always been my major screw up with the one I let getaway,I just didn't have the balls to tell her how I truly felt.
Been through this scenario a multitude of times. I’ve learned through the years that the word “love” is used way too loosely in all aspects of our dating/relationships/encounters...etc.
One way to get a hint if the word really means anything is to determine if you genuinely have concerns for your partner’s well being. In other words, if he/she were to get ill say with the flu, would you visit your partner while he/she is sick in bed? If the answer is no, then you can say the word over and over again till the cows come home, because it means nothing.
One way to get a hint if the word really means anything is to determine if you genuinely have concerns for your partner’s well being. In other words, if he/she were to get ill say with the flu, would you visit your partner while he/she is sick in bed? If the answer is no, then you can say the word over and over again till the cows come home, because it means nothing.
Hi Jalimon,
I don't know. There is always money, or almost always money and power in any relationship.
One joke that is too true is that wives get paid far more per SOG than SPs.
Men (almost always) give their wives lots of money, directly or indirectly.
And there are so many kinds of love. Tolstoy said every unhappy marriage is different. QED.
BUT...I think most people in a conventional love (BF/GF/spouse) relationship would say that you do not pay the girl directly for each SOG, or each hour of sex. So, for conventional people... but we are unconventional...or so I thought!
[Note: Careful, some of you. Don't assume about me. But you can ask, of course. (BTW, I think men can be jerks too. Well, "me too"...as one example, ...there is, I think sadly, too much truth in all that. And also some lies.)]
I agree with someone else here. A higher form of love, probably a more eduring form of love, is where you care about the well-being of the other person. You would visit them, or they would visit you, in the hospital, for example.
(Note: "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." Or so cynics have said.)
When we say BF/GF/spouse, most of us want commitment. Someone who will be there for us. Someone who cares deeply. Someone who really tries to get to know us over time.
But I think (you can disagree) that real love is more about giving than receiving. More about action than feelings. And has no relation to time. BUT, once you have found a person or God or that mountain top, you typically do not want to leave.
THEN...inevitably, you must leave. You must work, usually somewhere else. You become distracted by the million things of life. You do the responsible thing, and earn money or do work. "I come and I go"...this coming and going is rough on lots of relationships, probably all.
Be careful what you wish for. Treat her well; she's a real soul, just like you. (Even if, in a way, she is "playing" you.) Try to spend more time with those you care about the most. (We all love many people...and all those different types of love are more similar than they are different.)
And.... I love sex. (Wherever it may have started and wherever it may end.) Man, whoa! And I do love (at least for some time) a girl who enjoys sex with me. And maybe even, like I, loves me for that time. Sex, love and rock-n-roll. (OK, it was "Sex, drugs, and....")
Final note: We ask sometimes "Is she playing me?" .... and usually to be played is a bad thing. It often means: "She is lying to get more money from me." But remember, this is a customer service business. Don't you "make nice" with your customers? Don't you sometimes find yourself liking your customers a LOT? (Not always, but sometimes.) And don't you also say "Well, work is over, I'm going back home to 'real life'? Saying "Je t'aime" can mean so many things.
So, it is a good thing to "play out a fantasy" sometimes. If you do not want that (there is a degree in which I do NOT want that)... to be fair, you have to tell her and explain what you want. Of course, she may or may not want to "play that game"... go along with that. Reality is my fantasy.
Woman are NOT perfect. But everything considered, I really like most women. They are weird and different (but so are most men in another way), but it's usually fun to talk to them. And they are usually nicer to us (men) tha we deserve. (OK, sometimes a woman can be a PITA. And certainly misunderstandings can drive you crazy.) Go listen to Patsy Cline.
I don't know. There is always money, or almost always money and power in any relationship.
One joke that is too true is that wives get paid far more per SOG than SPs.
Men (almost always) give their wives lots of money, directly or indirectly.
And there are so many kinds of love. Tolstoy said every unhappy marriage is different. QED.
BUT...I think most people in a conventional love (BF/GF/spouse) relationship would say that you do not pay the girl directly for each SOG, or each hour of sex. So, for conventional people... but we are unconventional...or so I thought!
[Note: Careful, some of you. Don't assume about me. But you can ask, of course. (BTW, I think men can be jerks too. Well, "me too"...as one example, ...there is, I think sadly, too much truth in all that. And also some lies.)]
I agree with someone else here. A higher form of love, probably a more eduring form of love, is where you care about the well-being of the other person. You would visit them, or they would visit you, in the hospital, for example.
(Note: "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." Or so cynics have said.)
When we say BF/GF/spouse, most of us want commitment. Someone who will be there for us. Someone who cares deeply. Someone who really tries to get to know us over time.
But I think (you can disagree) that real love is more about giving than receiving. More about action than feelings. And has no relation to time. BUT, once you have found a person or God or that mountain top, you typically do not want to leave.
THEN...inevitably, you must leave. You must work, usually somewhere else. You become distracted by the million things of life. You do the responsible thing, and earn money or do work. "I come and I go"...this coming and going is rough on lots of relationships, probably all.
Be careful what you wish for. Treat her well; she's a real soul, just like you. (Even if, in a way, she is "playing" you.) Try to spend more time with those you care about the most. (We all love many people...and all those different types of love are more similar than they are different.)
And.... I love sex. (Wherever it may have started and wherever it may end.) Man, whoa! And I do love (at least for some time) a girl who enjoys sex with me. And maybe even, like I, loves me for that time. Sex, love and rock-n-roll. (OK, it was "Sex, drugs, and....")
Final note: We ask sometimes "Is she playing me?" .... and usually to be played is a bad thing. It often means: "She is lying to get more money from me." But remember, this is a customer service business. Don't you "make nice" with your customers? Don't you sometimes find yourself liking your customers a LOT? (Not always, but sometimes.) And don't you also say "Well, work is over, I'm going back home to 'real life'? Saying "Je t'aime" can mean so many things.
So, it is a good thing to "play out a fantasy" sometimes. If you do not want that (there is a degree in which I do NOT want that)... to be fair, you have to tell her and explain what you want. Of course, she may or may not want to "play that game"... go along with that. Reality is my fantasy.
Woman are NOT perfect. But everything considered, I really like most women. They are weird and different (but so are most men in another way), but it's usually fun to talk to them. And they are usually nicer to us (men) tha we deserve. (OK, sometimes a woman can be a PITA. And certainly misunderstandings can drive you crazy.) Go listen to Patsy Cline.
Sorry: One more thing.
She may have trouble being honest.
By this I mean: we all have trouble being honest, to some degree or another. We want to believe the best of ourselves. We want to fulfill other peoples' expectations (if at low cost). Etc etc.
For some, more honesty is very easy. Others, at least as I experience life, say all kinds of things that are untrue and expect to be (kind of) believed. Or at least not busted. And there are lots of variations in-between.
Anyway, as you talk to her, have sympathy with how hard it is for her (and you) to know the truth. And then how hard it is to say it.
Part of the problem is that the truth about feelings (esp) is...feelings are always changing.
Ask her to talk to you more. And be sympathetic, not accusatory. She's human, just like you. And she does not come from the same place as you. Probably does not value things just the way you do.
So, if she does not quickly tell "the truth" as you see it, do not quickly assume "she will say anything just to get my money".... it's just not that simple. Or, it probably is not.
{Did I say all that usefully?**
She may have trouble being honest.
By this I mean: we all have trouble being honest, to some degree or another. We want to believe the best of ourselves. We want to fulfill other peoples' expectations (if at low cost). Etc etc.
For some, more honesty is very easy. Others, at least as I experience life, say all kinds of things that are untrue and expect to be (kind of) believed. Or at least not busted. And there are lots of variations in-between.
Anyway, as you talk to her, have sympathy with how hard it is for her (and you) to know the truth. And then how hard it is to say it.
Part of the problem is that the truth about feelings (esp) is...feelings are always changing.
Ask her to talk to you more. And be sympathetic, not accusatory. She's human, just like you. And she does not come from the same place as you. Probably does not value things just the way you do.
So, if she does not quickly tell "the truth" as you see it, do not quickly assume "she will say anything just to get my money".... it's just not that simple. Or, it probably is not.
{Did I say all that usefully?**
Unless she is willing to take a bullet for you or wipe your ass when you are bed ridden I say you two have reached the ultimate. Where does this all go from here? No where but down. What should you do? For your sanity and respect for yourself and her you have to ghost her. No need to explain yourself. You move on. She tries to contact you? In email? You delete the email. By phone? You block the number. Be happy and glad of the moments you two have run into each other yet you have to move forward.
tonyw: thanks for the response. P4P complicates things. If I were 100% sure, I would not be here! Sometimes my feelings about her would flip one way and then another. One day I would feel that her feelings towards me are genuine. Another day, I would have doubts.
I thought about that. It's hard to bring myself to push that button. She told me once she wants to know if I decide not to see her anymore.
Not sure I'm totally following this saga. If this is really just about her feelings for you then it should be more like her issue and not yours. She loves you, she loves you not - why exactly do you even care if its just about her feelings for you?
So I suspect that you have feelings for her and this is really about you. If so all I can say to you is that falling for an SP is one of the occupational hazards of hobbying. It can be very tough. I've been in love with one of my SPs for years. Its best if you never go there but you dont always get to chose who you fall for. As for the SPs some of them are fucked up in some way so not suitable for a serious relationship and the one's that have their feet firmly on the ground keep their emotional distance because thats the first and foremost job requirement. So you just need to suck it up and roll with the punches.
So I suspect that you have feelings for her and this is really about you. If so all I can say to you is that falling for an SP is one of the occupational hazards of hobbying. It can be very tough. I've been in love with one of my SPs for years. Its best if you never go there but you dont always get to chose who you fall for. As for the SPs some of them are fucked up in some way so not suitable for a serious relationship and the one's that have their feet firmly on the ground keep their emotional distance because thats the first and foremost job requirement. So you just need to suck it up and roll with the punches.
We've spent 400-500 hours together, including in and out of the bedroom, dining, traveling.
We spent 5 hours together yesterday. I talked to her about marriage and having children together. She is excited about having children, but the devil is in the details.
400-500 hours. And yet. Zero reviews? Is she the only girl you’ve seen. To spend that much time and money. You are obviously in love with her. You should speak to a therapist. Not a bunch of horny guys who for 99% of us. Can’t give you an answer. Only an opinion.
I agree with Flyingby. That's a significant amount of time to spend with someone. A therapist might be the best route. It might cost a few $$$ but nobody can put a dollar figure on how important one's mental health is worth.
I empathize with you, jhooo.
It's a difficult situation to deal with. Your constantly going back in forth in your mind trying to decide what to say to her, how to say it, when to say it etc etc. A therapist can help with that.
Good luck man
I empathize with you, jhooo.
It's a difficult situation to deal with. Your constantly going back in forth in your mind trying to decide what to say to her, how to say it, when to say it etc etc. A therapist can help with that.
Good luck man
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