The Joe.T Memorial Yankees Suck Thread for 2007

[rumpleforeskiin]

It seems both the Yankees and Red Sox have problems with their starting rotations.

The Yankees are wondering who their fourth and fifth starter are going to be. They are just so thrilled that Carl Pavano managed to pitch two innings on Sunday without getting hurt that they scarcely noticed that less than half his pitches were strikes. Yesterday, Kei Igawa made his first spring appearance and made Pavano's appearance on Sunday look pretty good, getting yanked without getting anyone out in the second inning. He looked like anything but a major league pitcher. Let's hope, for Joe.T's sake (and I mean Joe Torre, not the moron who keeps dribbling in this forum) that Andy Pettitte doesn't blow his troublesome elbow out too soon.

Meanwhile, over in Ft. Myers, Tito Francona has a problem of his own. What's he gonna do with all the fricking starters. Five potential aces (Matsuzaka, Schilling, Beckett, Papelbon, Lester) and the ageless Wakefield. All six of these guys are looking pretty fabulous so far, including Lester, who looks nothing at all like a cancer patient. Poor Tito. Such problems.

 

[Joe.t]

It looks like the Yankee bats are right on que, they came through when needed as Igawa had a "off day" as all pitchers do, pathetic performance by the Red Sox bats to offset a great pitching performance by thier pitchers, looks like last years fantastic pickup the great Coco Crisp is off to a fabulous start, 2 bits says that he is traded before seasons end.

 

[Special K]

Daisuke vs an MLB team...

Just for you EagerBeaver!

An impressive debut!

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

The Yankees just signed John Belushi and Janis Joplin, who will be the first dead woman to pitch in the American League. Belushi and Joplin project as the Yankees 4 and 5 starters.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

The Yankees just signed John Belushi and Janis Joplin, who will be the first dead woman to pitch in the American League. Belushi and Joplin project as the Yankees 4 and 5 starters.

Cut Belushi and Joplin some slack! Either one has the potential to move in front of Pavano.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Cut Belushi and Joplin some slack! Either one has the potential to move in front of Pavano.

Wow. This guy who admittedly knows nothing about the Grand Old Game already knows more than Joe.T!!

Y'know, thinking about Clemens. If he decides to pitch, the Yankees do have the inside line on him. One of the things that will determine where he's going to pitch is his perception of which team has the greatest need of his services. With the collection of nobodies, has-beens, never-weres, bum elbows, and Wang that the Yankees are running out, it won't be too difficult for Rocket to see who needs him the most.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

You should cut Pavano some slack. He's a really bright guy. Who else can get $10 million a year for injuring his shoulder?

Highest paid crash test dummy, I'll give him that.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

News Flash

Rumour has it that Carl Pavano is back on the disabled list. Reports indicate that the New Britain pitcher only told the Yankees this morning of an impetigo outbreak that he contracted in 1998, while playing for the Expos.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Rumour has it that Carl Pavano is back on the disabled list. Reports indicate that the New Britain pitcher only told the Yankees this morning of an impetigo outbreak that he contracted in 1998, while playing for the Expos.

How'd you know he played for the Expos? You've heard of the Expos, Ziggy? They were the only team in baseball history to be named after a temporary exposition and to retain that name for nearly 40 years all the while playing their home games in one of the architectural blunders of the 20th century.

So far, 6 years into the new century, the main architectural blunder is the Yankee's roster.

 

[z/m(Ret)]

How'd you know he played for the Expos?

He was acquired from your dear Red Sox for ... sigh ... Pedro Martinez! Speaking of "blunder"!

(...) all the while playing their home games in one of the architectural blunders of the 20th century.

Not exactly. Up to 1977, the Expos played at Jarry Park.

p.s. You think the Yankees could use Bill Stoneman as their 5th starter?

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Not exactly. Up to 1977, the Expos played at Jarry Park.

p.s. You think the Yankees could use Bill Stoneman as their 5th starter?

To this day, my favorite bit of public address announcing remains, "La receveur, John Bocca-Bell-a"
Bill Stoneman? Hell, the Yankees could use Steve Rogers, Dennis Martinez, Dennis Boucher...

He was acquired from your dear Red Sox for ... sigh ... Pedro Martinez! Speaking of "blunder"!

There's a difference between a blunder and a salary dump. The Martinez deal was the latter.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Yes, it's only spring training, and quite early, but it is nice to note that Schilling and Wakefield are the only Red Sox starters to have allowed runs so far. They've each allowed one.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Well, with another year of misery for Joe.T on the horizon and just yesterday Yankee devotee EagerBeaver sending me a link to SI's prediction of another year of Yankee failure, I thought this a good time to revive this thread with a little bit of Spring Training trivia.

The prize for the correct answer is one hour with Joe.T himself, who, if you recall, went gay after the Yankees miserable exit at the hands of the Detroit Tigers this past fall.

The question: Who has allowed more bases on balls this Spring, overpaid and undertalented Yankee wildman, Kei Igawa, or the entire Red Sox starting rotation?

 

[Joe.t]

"Perhaps it was the wind that whipped around the stadium, redirecting some of the cuts on his fastball".

-Scouting report from D-Mats performance yesterday, lets not forget this Important factor on D-Mats aided performance yesterday that made him look better then he actually was.

-Meanwhile this years comeback player of the year award winner Carl Pavano(my prediction) pitches against the Reds today, i just might take the day off work to watch him pitch the lights out.

 

[Joe.t]

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb

Poll on how many games D-Mat will win this year, i guess not too many people are impressed.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

"Perhaps it was the wind that whipped around the stadium, redirecting some of the cuts on his fastball".

-Scouting report from D-Mats performance yesterday, lets not forget this Important factor on D-Mats aided performance yesterday that made him look better then he actually was.

-Meanwhile this years comeback player of the year award winner Carl Pavano(my prediction) pitches against the Reds today, i just might take the day off work to watch him pitch the lights out.

Matsuzaka was pretty awful yesterday. He gave up a hit AND a walk. You wanna share some of those straws you're grasping at, Joe.

I watched him pitch yesterday. The only word that would be appropriate is magnificent. Orel Hershiser was in the broadcast booth. He wasn't terribly impressed with him during the first inning; by the fifth, Hershiser was gushing about how brilliant he is. For the record, Varitek said after the game that Dice-K didn't have his best stuff.

By the way, the link you provided just takes us to Foxsports home page; perhaps this is the link you were looking for:
http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/6524166 Apparently, the wind caused him some difficulty.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

[-Meanwhile this years comeback player of the year award winner Carl Pavano(my prediction) pitches against the Reds today, i just might take the day off work to watch him pitch the lights out.

This is fabulous, Joe. Most predictions I've seen set the over/under on Pavano at 8 starts, with the smart money on the under.

 

[Joe.t]

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb

Poll on how many games D-Mat will win this year, i guess not too many people are impressed.

Scroll to the bottom on the right hand side to see the poll results.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

The Artist at Work

Here's the results of another poll, Joe. This poll was taken of two guys who tried to hit Matsuzaka yesterday, as recounted by Jayson Stark.

"About 45 minutes after Matsuzaka walked off the mound at quaint little McKechnie Field, to a standing ovation, in a frigging spring-training game, Pirates center fielder Chris Duffy and shortstop Don Kelly huddled around a laptop computer.

Over and over, they watched replays of themselves facing Matsuzaka in the first inning -- with one almost hilarious purpose:

To try to figure out what the heck they'd just seen.

A Japanese reporter asked Kelly, with a laugh, if he'd seen any gyroballs. It was kind of the baseball equivalent of: Have you ever seen the Loch Ness Monster?

Amazingly, considering that neither the gyroball nor the Loch Ness Monster actually exist, Kelly became just the latest confused victim to perpetuate the myth.

"I don't know what it even looks like," he said. "But I think he might have thrown me one my first at-bat. I have no clue [what it was]. I just know the second pitch was something different than I'd ever seen before.

"I don't know if it was a curveball. I don't know if it was a changeup. I don't know if he tried to throw a curve and hung it a little bit. I really don't know what it was."

"Hold on," I said. "You just watched that pitch something like 50 times on the computer, and you still don't know what it was?"

"No," he laughed. "So if you talk to him, ask him. Ask him what that was."

It almost sounded like a pedestrian who had just been flattened in a hit-and-run, staggering to his feet and asking: Did anybody get the license plate on that pitch?

Unfortunately, it was too late by then. Dice-K had talked and left the premises. So Don Kelly tried to describe why this pitch looked about as mysterious as Stonehenge.

"It [the spin] wasn't tight," Kelly said. "It was kind of like a changeup-type movement, but kind of like a curveball. A curveball would be tight. But this wasn't tight. Kind of like a split-finger."

So there you have it. It was kind of like a changeup. And kind of like a curveball. And kind of like a split-finger. It just wasn't like any pitch ever thrown by, say, Boof Bonser.

Of course, you might think that maybe Kelly -- who is trying to make the Pirates as a non-roster utility man -- had simply never seen this sort of repertoire in his minor-league travels. But Duffy, who owns 440 career big-league at-bats, was just as bamboozled.

He tried to stay out of the line of fire as three media types stood nearby, debating whether the last pitch Dice-K had thrown him (resulting in a fly ball to center) was a change, a screwball, a splitter or a shuto.

Finally, unable to settle this, we asked him.

"I'm not really sure exactly what that was," he laughed. "I'm just glad I hit it."

In his previous at-bat, Duffy got buried in the count, 1 and 2, and knew he was in trouble. He barely fouled off a fastball and a slider, got to 2 and 2, and thought maybe he'd survived.

Whoops. Matsuzaka then broke off a changeup that he missed by about eight feet. Even the man who took that ugly hack was impressed.

"I think I yelled, 'Wow,' as I was swinging," Duffy chuckled.

For the Pirates -- who came in leading the Grapefruit League in team batting average, by the way -- it was that kind of day.

Matsuzaka faced 20 hitters. The only hit was a hanger that Adam LaRoche muscled into right field for a first-inning single. Only three other balls left the infield.

Out of 92 pitches, I counted one good swing -- a fifth-inning rocket down the first-base line by Mike Ryan that first baseman Eric Hinske turned into a Web Gem-vintage out.

But I counted 19 swings that could be described as certifiable ugliness. And those unsightly hacks came on all varieties of pitches -- on fastballs that ranged from 91-96 mph, on sliders from 81-85 and a bunch of even slower stuff (whatever it was) in the low-to-mid-70s.

It all resulted in one of those eye-popping 5 2/3-1-1-1-1-7 box-score lines. And the Pirates will be really thrilled to hear this was a day when Matsuzaka said he'd been "struggling a little." Oh, great."

 

[joelcairo]

"Perhaps it was the wind that whipped around the stadium, redirecting some of the cuts on his fastball".

-Scouting report from D-Mats performance yesterday, lets not forget this Important factor on D-Mats aided performance yesterday that made him look better then he actually was.

-Meanwhile this years comeback player of the year award winner Carl Pavano(my prediction) pitches against the Reds today, i just might take the day off work to watch him pitch the lights out.

Thanks a lot Joe T. I was having a bad day but your post really cheered me up! It's true: whenever I read one of your amazing predictions I can't control the laughter for hours afterwards. As a baseball "expert" you suck but as a comedian you're the best there is.