What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

[General Gonad]

From romancestuck.com:

Have you ever wondered "what is the secret to a long and happy marriage?" Our collection of tried and true marriage advice tips will help you answer that very question! These secrets to a happy marriage come straight from the horse's mouth -- those who are happily married!

1. Never assume.
2. Compliment more than you criticize.
3. For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
4. Remember that it is ok to do things differently (e.g. there is more than one way to peel a potato or fold the laundry).
5. Always make time for the two of you.
6. Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
7. Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns.
8. Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their mother/father.
9. Be fair! Split the housework, spending money, etc evenly. This way you are never resentful of your partners contributions (or lack of) or expenditures.
10. Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
11. Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
12. Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it.
13. Fight naked.
14. Agree to disagree.
15. Never, ever mention the "D" word (divorce).
16. Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
17. Respect each other's privacy.
18. Remember that "love is like childhood. You need to learn to share."
19. Marriage is not 50/50, it's two people giving 100/100 all of the time.
20. Surprise each other now and then.
21. The secret to a happy marriage is two TV's!
22. Have date night!
23. Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".
24. Hold hands.
25. Hug & kiss every day (several times a day actually!).
26. Always believe that you got better than you deserved.
27. Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
28. Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.
29. Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
30. Love isn't always a feeling, it's a decision.
31. Hang in there. It's worth it.
32. Play nice, play often, love much.
33. Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public.
34. Never keep secrets from each other.
35. Be each other's champion. No matter what, take your husband or wife's side first!
36. Communication is the key!
37. Always respect each other.
38. Never underestimate the power of a good belly-laugh and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
39. It's the little things that matter most.
40. Never use the words 'Always' and 'Never' in a fight.
41. It's ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger.
42. Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside.
43. Don't make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!

 

[JustBob]

44. Seing SP's regularly.

 

[niceguy1]

45. Always deny when asked if you saw SP's, even when it's obvious, NEVER admit

 

[General Gonad]

Question... do you married folks regret that you walk down the aisle in the first place?

Short answer: no. I cannot explain it to you or other single guys but marriage is definetely worth it, as long as you're both on the same wavelength. It is all about compromise and supporting each other during the good and bad times.

So is the guilt ripping me apart? Yes, it often does. Other times, I think that seeing an SP can restore equilibrium to my life. We are socially conditioned to feel guilty if we cheat. But l realize that life is not that black & white. Life is an continuously evolving process of self-discovery.

I do not regret a single decision. Not my decision to get married, not my decision to see SPs and MPs. I enjoy this process of self-discovery but I would never accept hurting my soul mate for my selfish needs. This is where I sober up and ask myself some tough questions on hobbying. Is it really worth risking it all? No, it isn't.

GG

 

[General Gonad]

Well then GG... I hope you know where your ultimate is because once you reach it, you better have an exit because knowing how to end in such situations such as hobbying is very important to your well being.

I am close...very close. It's tough to quit everything all at once but I thought I reached my 'ultimate' a month ago when I was waking up in cold sweats. If the guilt makes you physically ill and if you simply do not enjoy it anymore, you've pretty much reached the point of no return. The same goes for SPs - if they are struggling with themselves to work, it is a sign that the end is near.

GG

 

[General Gonad]

Top 10 marriage zappers

General, I'm a big believer that if you want advice, in any area of life, you should seek it from those who've had success in that area. So....why are you asking this question on this of all boards?

btyger,

Good point but I am having trouble finding many people who are "succesful" at their relationship.Most of my friends are bitching about their relatioships. I keep my private life to myself, except on these boards!

I am posting articles that I find interesting and that others might also find interesting. Surely I am not the only one on this board who desperately wants to salvage his relationship. I am asking myself tough questions but I can also honestly say that I enjoyed almost all of my encounters. I think that is why it is tougher to quit.

Today, I saw this article on Canadianliving.com:


Top 10 marriage zappers


Learn how to stop sabotaging your relationship.


By Dr. Marion Goertz, RMFT

As a child, I used to wonder what happened to the couple after they walked off into the sunset at the end of a Hollywood movie. As an adult, I know that sunset strolls and happy endings take lots of hard work and planning. Here are 10 life situations couples may face...post credit roll...and some ideas about how to keep the music playing!

1. Fighting fatigue… careers, children, caring for aging parents and on it goes. Life's responsibilities take every ounce of creative energy that we have, often short-changing our couple time. Five fatigue busters: Good nutrition, proper rest, adequate exercise, recharging social times as a couple and grounding spiritual practices.

2. The battle of the budget…Stretching finances, unforeseen expenses, different perspectives on money and power differentials can all cause feelings of hurt and insecurity. Be responsible and be fair. If necessary, involve an objective third party to help establish and monitor a mutually workable budget. (Try our couples financial personality quiz to get you started.)

3. Failure to honour…Our primary relationships are about as healthy as we are. Shaky self esteem, poor physical fitness, depression, untreated illness and unrealistic expectations can sometimes lead to poor coping mechanisms like addictions and even affairs. We have the right and the responsibility to take good care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. As needed, seek the best medical and emotional care that is available.

4. Friendly invasions… As an adult, your new, chosen family needs to be your first priority and demands your strongest loyalty. Does your spouse take second place to other people in your life? Who gets your time, your energy and therefore your respect? A healthy and undivided home, surrounded by appropriate boundaries, allows for the greatest enjoyment of friends and extended family members.

5. Words that wound…While differing opinions are necessary in healthy relationships, criticism, hostile humor, avoidance and dismissal will surely poison even the most committed unions. As you talk to or about your spouse are you building strong connections through your words, your facial expressions and your body language or demolishing your own happiness? Do yourself a favour, love your spouse!

6. Sexual feeling…or erogenous error messages…Unrealistic expectations, previous abuse and lack of creativity can stifle even the most ardent of lovers, causing distress, disappointment and disconnect. Good sex happens when two people discover ways of being intimate that feel mutually satisfying and safe. Great sex is assured, over a lifetime together, when we are open to really knowing and being known by our partner. Talk and listen more about what both of you are feeling, thinking and wanting in this important area of your relationship…the “doing” will follow.

7. Right on time…Like clockwork, life brings change…kids, careers, mortgages and menopause. You're in this together. Do your homework, make healthy choices and maximize couple time to draw on the resources you both bring.

8. Losses and grief…loved ones, job or home. Often there are people and things in our lives that we weren't quite ready to let go of, leaving us bereft, confused and in pain. Give the gift of unhurried listening to your partner. Help him hold his questions and his pain. Don't try to fix him, just love him with your gentle, healing presence.

9. Mediocrity and more of the same…forgetting to invest, to be playful and spontaneous. Take turns being creative. Celebrate every chance you get! Meet at unusual times and places, an afternoon matinee or an unscheduled coffee break. Go to bed earlier as often as possible. Bring home a balloon, a card, a flower, a bag of your buddy's favorite candy. Give coupons for backrubs and special intimacies.

10. Blast from the past… previous wounding, unresolved conflict, unforgiveneness. Time seldom heals all wounds. Sometimes our best, most intimate selves are held hostage by fear, sadness and anger over old bruises. Minister to your wounds, expose them to the light of truth, talk them through, accept what can't be changed, change what can. Soothe your soul and be free to invest new love and joy in yourself and your partner.

Finally, here are two basic couple check-in questions: “How are we doing? “What do you need from me right now?” Ask them regularly and respond sincerely. We both have primal needs to feel connected, accepted and loved. Times of playfulness and spontaneity are just as important as times spent together for stillness and healing. Above all, make regular deposits of good will in your relationship account through kind and affirming words and actions. You'll need the accumulated collateral when life threatens to drain your relationship resources/assets!

 

[General Gonad]

my dad told me
-son marriage is an institution
for people who belong in an instution
oliver

Lol, I like your dad's sense of humor!

-ya i need to hear this from a 78 yr old man--he knows nothing about my hobbing or he probably kill me with his own 2 hands-
-i know hed never pay for it--many lonely woman out there.
oliver

He's probably right - why pay for it? The old school value money too much to squander it on SPs. They lived through the Depression.

GG